


Piano Days and Other Malec One-Shots

by ganseys_mint_plant



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Angst, Complete, Fluff, M/M, One Shot, One Shot Collection, Rain, Shadowhunters - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-04
Updated: 2016-07-03
Packaged: 2018-04-13 01:04:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 54
Words: 152,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4501863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ganseys_mint_plant/pseuds/ganseys_mint_plant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>{The Many Adventures of Magnus Bane and Alec Lightwood}</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Piano Days

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Italiano available: [Piano Days e altre One Shot Malec](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6544219) by [Katerina_Hummel_Di_Angelo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katerina_Hummel_Di_Angelo/pseuds/Katerina_Hummel_Di_Angelo)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rainy days call for music, as performed by Alec.

Rain has an odd way of pushing us inside. It is difficult to pinpoint exactly what we fear about water and being wet, but we do.

Inside, however, the world can be much less exciting. We have to make do what lies within our grasp because the outside world has been put off-limits, by forces still unknown.

Staring out the window is a favorite past time of those held hostage by rain, especially if the window has a view like the apartment of Magnus Bane's. You could see most of Brooklyn out his massive window which was covered with speckles of raindrops. The sun was just beginning to set when the men finally made it into the shelter of their apartment.

They took off their soaked outer clothes and left them carelessly by the door. Chairman Meow walked, carefully balanced, along the back of the couch until Alec collapsed onto the cushions. Then the cat had no choice but to jump onto Alec's stomach to take a nap.

Alec stared out the window and Magnus fumbled around the kitchen, busying himself with another one of his projects.

"I hate rain," Magnus grumbled.

"That's only because your hair is 'ruined,'" Alec called into the kitchen.

There was a silent pause.

"Is it really?"

Alec laughed at his genuine concern, which disturbed the Chairman's peaceful slumber.

"No," Alec called. But Magnus' hair had lost some of it's volume.

Alec watched as the sun continued to fall in the distance. More and more of Brooklyn's lights began to illuminate, making the skyline much bolder and flashier.

Alec heard the rattling of glass against an unstable tray. He sat up. Had Magnus really attempted to make something?

"It's tea," Magnus explained, setting the tray on the coffee table. He sat where Alec's head had been just seconds ago.

Magnus wasn't much of a cook, but his time in England had taught him a few things: 1) the Herondale family history, 2) never trust a blind, drunken faerie in a game of poker, and 3) how to make good tea. And for the record, Magnus was a firm believer in "tea first- milk second." Only the uncultured steeped their tea in milky water.

Alec took a sip before setting the cup back on the tray and laying his head on Magnus' thigh. He turned his head so he could watch the city.

"Tell me a secret, Alexander."

"Secret?" Alec laughed. "You are, perhaps, my only secret."

"No," Magnus sighed. "I feel like I don't know enough about you."

"I don't understand," Alec said, looking up at Magnus. "What more is there to know?"

"Before me," Magnus said, idly running his fingers through Alec's hair, "what did you do?"

Alec started to laugh, trying to think of something.

"I'm serious!" Magnus said. "Tell me something."

"I can shoot an arrow-"

"Nope, try again."

"I can play piano," Alec admitted.

"Great," Magnus said. The coffee table was replaced with a grand piano. "Play me something."

"I'm hopeless, really," Alec insisted. Magnus pushed Alec off of him.

"Go do something great," Magnus said, as Alec got on his feet. He pulled the piano bench out.

Alec pressed down the D until the idea for a song came to his head.

There was nothing symbolic about it and he mentally begged Magnus not to read into the lyrics, as they were completely irrelevant.

He played the chord for D major until it formed the rhythm he wanted.

"This is gospel for the fallen ones.

Locked away in permanent slumber,

Assembling their philosophies,

From pieces of broken memories.

Oh, this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart,

Oh, this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart,

The gnashing teeth and criminal tongues conspire against the odds,

But they haven't seen the best of us yet."

There was a dramatic pause.

"If you love me let me go,

If you love me let me go,

'Cause these words are knives that often leave scars,

The fear of falling apart,

And truth be told, I never was yours,

The fear, the fear of falling apart."

He ended on the same D minor.

Magnus was oddly silent.

"That was absolutely beautiful," Magnus finally said. Alec shut the lid of the piano. "You do realize how beautiful that was, right?"

"It wasn't-"

"Don't deny yourself that," Magnus said. "It is okay to brag occasionally and this is one of those occasions."

Alec could feel himself blushing.

Then Magnus was beside him on the piano bench, kissing him as tenderly as Alec had played the keys.

**Author's Note: This song is obviously "This is Gospel" by Panic! At the Disco. In my headcanon, Alec is quite capable of pulling off Brendon Urie's vocals and piano-ing. My other Alec headcanon is that he is really into mundane music. But only the good stuff.**


	2. The Ultimate Illusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nightmares can be very real.

"Alexander?"

The voice spoke through the darkness, almost singing the name.

Alec couldn't see a thing.

He couldn't move.

Instinct caused him to kick, struggle, get free but reason smacked him into realizing it was hopeless.

Energy was better saved on rational thoughts.

A match was lit in the corner of the room, light splashing against peeling wallpaper.

The match moved, lighting a large candle. The flame grew and the match moved onto the next candle.

The process was repeated over and over again until the person holding the match finally came into view.

Alec didn't focus on him. He focused on the chair he was tied to.

His ankles were bound to the front legs of the chair and his wrists to the armrests. The chair was heavy- too heavy for Alec to stand and swing the back legs around to incapacitate his captor, who still hadn't shown his face.

He and Jace had practiced the technique at home in the New York Institute one boring summer day. They had gone through five wooden chairs, slamming them against the wooden beams of the training room until their mom had come up with all the rage of a Ravener demon and banned them from the training room for a week.

Life had gotten significantly more boring after the punishment began.

Alec almost smiled but something on his captor's shirt had caught his eye. A speck of- glitter.

Alec found his voice. "Oh-"

Magnus had been caught. Magnus was- did he dare think it?

"No," Alec mumbled.

His captor's head turned, just enough for his yellow eyes catching the light.

"Wait- Magnus?" The cat eyes flicked up to look at Alec.

"You're up, dear," Magnus said as if it was just any regular morning. And that was exactly what Magnus said.

But it wasn't him. It couldn't be him.

The way he talked, the way he carried himself- it was almost exactly like Magnus but every part of Alec screamed that it wasn't really him.

"No." Alec shook his head and then he was kicking and struggling again.

"Don't fight," Magnus said. He walked over to Alec, his shoes- Magnus' shoes; the ones with the faux tap heel- clicked against the wooden floor.

"Who are you?" Alec demanded.

"I'm offended," Magnus laughed.

"Who are you?" Alec said, trying to sound more aggressive. Magnus' face only softened and a little smile appeared.

He knelt in front of Alec so he was at eye-level.

Magnus put a single finger on Alec's cheek, sliding it along his jaw bone, gently.

"Don't do that," Alec said, turning away. All of his mannerisms all too familar- all too real. "What do you want?"

"Where are your friends, Alexander?" Magnus asked casually.

"I'm not telling you," Alec said. He had to protect them. Jace. Izzy. Clary.

Magnus looked down and his smile melted.

"I'm hurt," Magnus said. "What did I do?"

"No! You're not Magnus-"

"Test me," Magnus said. "Anything and I'll know the answer."

"I won't-"

"Are you scared you're wrong? Are you scared that you don't know the real me when you see me?"

"I'm not- I know my Magnus and you're not him-"

"And if I am? You're being awfully rude right now. I mean, it's as if you don't really know me. I'm your Magnus."

"Untie me-"

Magnus leaned close, his lips right up against Alec's ear.

"It's too late for any of that, my dear Alexander."

A sharp pain slashed across his face.

He had been cu-- Magnus had cut him!

Alec screamed, and not because of the physical pain; he could handle that. But then he was falling- through the floor, through time, through-

His eyes flew open.

It was dark again. He wrestled away from whatever was holding him down, sitting up.

Something red glowed across the room.

4:25

"No," Alec mumbled, still in a state of confusion.

"Alexander-"

Alec jumped, trying to brace himself.

"Alec!"

He blinked and his eyes started to adjust to the light.

"Alec, calm down," Magnus said. He was pushing himself up to a sitting position.

"No-"

"You're safe," Magnus said.

Alec felt Magnus' cautious touch on his hand.

"You tried to kill me," Alec muttered. Magnus' hand covered Alec's.

"I would never try to kill you," Magnus said. "You know that. It was nightmare-"

"You were possessed or-"

"I'm right here," Magnus said. Alec looked around the room, looking for a sign that this wasn't reality. "Alexander, look at me."

Alec looked back.

Magnus' eyes, the same eyes that had been the mark of a devil just minutes before, were concerned now.

This was reality.

He was safe.

He was fine.

Alec took a deep breath and his head fell against Magnus.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Magnus whispered.

Alec was silent, squeezing his eyes shut.

Magnus wrapped his arms around Alec, holding him tight for awhile.

Exhaustion had filled them both and Magnus laid back down, bringing Alec down with him. He didn't dare let go of his Alexander.

His arms were the only thing holding him together, and they both knew it.


	3. Puppies in the Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No one can say no to corgis.

Magnus Bane could remember the days when New York was even filthier than it was now.

He thought about that as he kicked a smashed beer can out of his way and into an alley.

Brooklyn was oddly quiet tonight. There was probably some big event on TV. Was it the Superbowl?

He reminded himself that he didn't care. The mundanes could do as they liked.

A drop of water landed on Magnus' leather jacket.

Rain.

Exactly what he didn't need.

He put the hood of his sweatshirt, which was under his jacket, over his head, trying to protect himself from the harmless rain. He started walking faster. His apartment was too close to get a taxi.

The rain had gone from drops to a downpour.

That's when he noticed, through the sheets of water, a little ball of fuzz, waddling towards some form of shelter.

Magnus stepped closer carefully.

A puppy.

It seemed to be in a daze until it saw Magnus. It's little tail wagged back and forth.

"Oh no," Magnus said. "I am not-"

The tiny puppy jumped up, his front paws landing on Magnus' shoes.

Magnus pressed his lips together.

"One night," Magnus said. "Then I'm taking you to the shelter."

The dog just wagged it's tail.

Magnus scooped him up; he couldn't have weighed more than five pounds.

Now he was running for the apartment building, carefully watching his step so he didn't trip.

A few minutes later, Magnus set the puppy in a large shoe box lined with towels as he tried to dry the creature off.

It yipped in delight every time Magnus rubbed the towel against him.

"You like this?" Magnus scoffed.

It barked in response.

"What the hell?"

Magnus looked up. Alec was standing on the welcome mat, dripping wet.

"Did you just bark?" Alec asked.

The puppy, with no sense of his terrible timing, jumped up, his front legs dangling over the edge of the box.

"It's only for a night-" Magnus said, trying to stifle his laugh. The dog was wagging his tail so hard, that he was successfully making his way over the edge of the box, melting down the side in a wave of fur and fat.

"Yeah, sure," Alec said. He started to take off his coat as Magnus put the puppy back inside the box.

"I'm serious," Magnus said. "I haven't even named him yet so there's no attachment."

"I heard you talking to 'him,'" Alec said, complete with air quotes. He walked over to the kitchen counter where the nameless dog was finally starting to settle down.

"It's a Welsh corgi," Magnus said.

"You Googled it," Alec realized.

"Yes," Magnus said.

"Where did you find it?"

"It's a boy, Alec," Magnus said.

"I'm not getting attached to it," Alec said. "One night."

"Of course," Magnus said. "One night. And I found him on the street. He was very confused. He probably would have died if I hadn't saved him."

"The rain's only going to last a couple more hours," Alec said.

"He's only three weeks old," Magnus said.

"How do you know that-"

"I Googled it," Magnus said. "So sue me for being curious."

The puppy had rolled onto his side and was fast asleep, his little belly moving up and down with his snores.

"That's adorable," Alec whispered.

"What?"

"Nothing," Alec said. "I'm going to shower."

Magnus stood at counter, watching the puppy sleep.

..........

Magnus woke up to the sound of the door creaking open. A little strip of light stretched across the room as a figure entered the room.

He instinctively reached for Alec but he was gone.

The person climbed into bed.

"Alexander," Magnus mumbled.

"Yes, Magnus?"

"Don't scare me like that," Magnus murmured.

That's when he felt the strange jumping on the bed.

Alec was whispering something so quietly not even Magnus could hear it.

"What are you doing?" Magnus asked.

Something furry brushed by his hand.

Magnus started laughing.

"Don't form any attachments," Magnus said.

"I'm not attached," Alec said. "He just shouldn't be left alone. You know, in case he got out, he could jump off the counter-"

"He's not that stupid."

"Well, he's still just a puppy."

"He's going to the shelter tomorrow morning," Magnus said.

The puppy had settled down in the space between Alec and Magnus.

It was silent as everyone fell back asleep.

.........

Alec was gone when Magnus woke up the next morning. The puppy was back in his box but the box had been moved to the floor. A piece of sausage sat half eaten in the bottom of the box.

Magnus got ready at an incredibly slow pace for no reason other than to delay the inevitable.

The dog had to go whether he or Alec liked it or not.

Magnus picked up the box as he headed out the door. The puppy got excited again, wagging his tail and bouncing around.

For the first time since the puppy had arrived, Magnus saw Chairman Meow, lounging on the sofa. He obviously didn't care about the presence of another animal in the house. He didn't seem to care about much.

Magnus was silent as the elevator slid down. Even the puppy seemed to realize that something was off.

On the street he hailed a taxi.

Someone got out first though, nearly running into him and the puppy.

"Magnus, you can't give away the dog," Alec said, as he stumbled out of the taxi.

"Hello, to you too," Magnus said.

"Okay, so maybe I formed an attachment, and maybe I like the dog more than I should-"

"We can keep the dog," Magnus said.

The cabbie rolled down the window.

"Are you getting in or not?" he shouted out.

"No; I apologize," Magnus said. The cabbie drove away.

Alec reached inside the box, pulling out the puppy, holding the sleeping thing close to his body.

"Oh, that's adorable," Magnus said.

"We should probably take him to the vet," Alec said.

"I know a guy," Magnus said.

They went back inside the building.

It wasn't until they were back in the elevator that Alec looked up, taking his eyes off the corgi.

"He's really cute, Magnus," Alec said.

"You know what else is really cute?" Magnus said. "You."

Alec blushed.

The puppy was awake now, wriggling around in Alec's arms.

"We have to give him a name," Alec said. The puppy barked.

The doors opened.

"Chairman Bark," Magnus said when he saw Chairman Meow.

"Absolutely not," Alec said.

"Lassie-"

"It's a boy, Magnus."

Alec set the dog down and he ran circles around Alec and Magnus.

"He needs a good British name," Magnus said.

"Technically it is a Welsh corgi-"

"Welsh, smelsh- actually I knew a kid from Wales once," Magnus said. "He was the most arrogant son of a-"

"I thought Jace was the most arrogant person you knew," Alec said.

"Actually, Jace and Will are incredibly similar people."

"I like the name Will," Alec said.

"Magnus," Alec said, gently. Magnus was lost in a moment of reverie. He did that a lot, disappearing from reality for a minute or two.

Magnus snapped out of it.

"Will. That was Will Herondale," Alec said. "Jace's great-great-great grandfather."

Magnus smiled a little but it was painful.

"We don't have to name him Will-"

"Will is a great name," Magnus said.

Will barked in agreement.

........

Will was asleep on the floor and everyone was exhausted after an afternoon at the vet and pet store.

"There's not a dog in Brooklyn more spoiled than this one," Magnus said as he and Alec lay on the couch. Dog toys were scattered throughout the apartment. Most of them were bigger than Will. He also had three dog beds because Magnus couldn't pick just one. He'd also spent a good twenty minutes debating Purina v. Blue Buffalo. He went with the latter, simply because the name was cooler.

The mundane TV show Supernatural was on TV. Alec enjoyed watching it and pointing out the flaws in the characters demon-killing techniques.

Alec ignored Magnus' comment and mumbled something about stabbing.

The show went to commercial and Alec muted the commercials. Magnus couldn't stand them.

They had picked up the little things that annoyed one another.

Magnus' hand found Alec's and their fingers intertwined.

"Will you tell me about Will Herondale?" Alec asked.

"What do you want to know?" Magnus asked.

"You said he was like Jace," Alec said. "But how?"

"You can't picture anyone being like Jace," Magnus realized. Magnus gently touched Alec's parabatai rune.

Somewhere across town, Jace felt it too.

Alec was quiet.

"You'd be surprised," Magnus said. "They're both incredibly snarky. Will preferred poetry-"

"Jace likes fiction," Alec said.

"Does Jace like ducks?" Magnus asked.

"Absolutely not," Alec said.

"Will, with the help of Jem, once tried to breed cannibalistic ducks--" Alec started laughing. "Actually, it became a serious problem."

"No," Alec said.

"It did," Magnus said. "They didn't stick around to see the disaster they had created with the Hyde Park ducks. They were stealing people's lunches, looking for the meat of their brethren-"

"You're lying."

"Exaggerating," Magnus said. "There's a difference."

Alec leaned in closer to Magnus.

"What else?"

"Why are you so interested in stories today?" Magnus asked.

"I just like hearing you talk sometimes."

"You tell me to shut up a lot," Magnus pointed out.

"That's when you're just talking."

"Fine," Magnus said. "Will lived in Wales as a kid and he thought Shadowhunters were bad. Then he accidentally released a demon who killed his older sister Ella and cursed Will. Anyone Will fell in love with was doomed to die. So he ran to the London Institute where he was brought up by Charlotte and Henry Branwell."

"That's where he met Brother Zachariah-"

"Jem," Magnus said. "You know all about Jem. Anyways, they became parabatai. Then Tessa showed up and the world went to hell."

"That's when you met him."

"Yes," Magnus said. "I tried looking for cures for Jem. There wasn't any. Will was a train-wreck. I don't know how many times I picked him up from drug dens. It was more than I let the Institute in on. When we finally figured out that the curse never existed, something clicked in him. He finally felt safe- safe to love. Then Jem died and Will broke again- Alec?"

Alec had tensed up.

"I just- I- Some day I'll break Jace or I'll break and-"

"Alexander," Magnus said, firmly. "The only lesson you need to learn in life is to live in the moment. Worrying about the future will only cause you grief."

"It's the truth," Alec said. Magnus turned Alec's face towards him.

"You worry me," Magnus said. "God, I worry about you so much. It kills me to see you like this. You worry-"

"I have to," Alec said.

"No," Magnus said. He put a gentle hand on Alec's face. "I hate the fact that you're a Shadowhunter; hate it with every fiber of my being. I know it's a part of you, Alec, but it causes you so much pain."

"And I don't like the idea of you going on without me someday," Alec said. "But I live with it."

"And so we beat on," Magnus whispered.

"Are you quoting someone?" Alec asked.

"Fitzgerald, F. Scott," Magnus said.

Alec closed the distance between him and Magnus, pressing his lips against Magnus'.

"How do our fights always end in this?" Magnus whispered in a daze.

"Shhh, Magnus, shut up," Alec said, kissing him again, with more force. Magnus fell back against couch, with Alec on top of him.

"You told me to shut up again," Magnus said as Alec traced kisses down his neck.

Their hearts beat in rapid time.

Together.


	4. Sick Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even Shadowhunters can get sick.

"You should get your flu shot."

"Why are you sitting in a chair on the counter?" Alec asked, staring up at Magnus. He had placed one of the chairs from the formal dining room on the middle of the kitchen island. He sat up there, reading the newspaper, a cup of coffee balanced precariously on the arm of the chair.

"Better lighting," Magnus said.

"Speaking of lighting, why are you reading the mundie paper?" Alec asked.

"'Flu outbreak reaches new levels; CDC experts warn of possible epidemic,'" Magnus said. "I think I'll go get mine today. Will you join me?"

"I don't do needles," Alec said.

"Neither do I," Magnus said, snapping the newspaper shut. "Which is why I'll need your full moral support."

"Why? You want me to hold your hand?"

"I'll buy you Twizzlers," Magnus sang.

Alec smirked.

"I know you like Twizzlers," Magnus said.

"Get off the counter, Magnus Bane."

..........

"I hate this place," Alec said. "Can you even get the flu?"

"Just because I haven't, doesn't mean I won't. You can never be too careful," Magnus said.

They sat in the mini-clinic at the local CVS, waiting for the nurse to come in.

"Have you ever actually been to a doctor?" Magnus asked.

"I don't get sick," Alec said. "So no. Besides, we have the Silent Brothers for that."

There was a knock at the door and Alec jumped.

He almost fainted when he saw the needle not even intended for him.

..........

A half-eaten pack of Twizzlers sat in Alec's lap on the ride home.

"That Hello Kitty band-aid is really cute," Alec said, leaning his head against Magnus' shoulder. He bit into another Twizzler.

"I like it," Magnus said. "I didn't realize you were so scared of needles."

"I'm not," Alec said, squirming slightly.

"That's why you didn't get a flu shot," Magnus realized.

"I don't get sick," Alec insisted. "Get over yourself."

"Gah! Absolutely not!"

Alec hit Magnus on the arm, right where he had gotten the vaccine.

"Ow! Alexander!" Magnus hit Alec back.

"I'm sorry!" Alec said, quickly. Magnus grabbed his arm, protecting it from Alec.

"And stop eating all those Twizzlers!" Magnus snapped. "You're gonna get sick."

One day later...

"Alexander!" Magnus called as he opened the front door. "I brought takeout."

There was no response.

Magnus had gotten a text from Alec, saying he was home.

"Alexander?" Magnus set the bags down on the counter.

Chairman Meow meandered into kitchen.

"Where's Alec?" he demanded of the cat. The Chairman looked up with expecting eyes.

"No," Magnus said, "that's my Chinese food. So leave it alone. I'm going to go find Alec."

Magnus turned out of the kitchen, heading down the hallway.

The light was on in Alec's bedroom, which he rarely used.

"Alec?" Magnus poked his head in. The room was empty but the door to the attached bathroom was cracked open.

Magnus walked carefully through the room, pushing open the door to the bathroom.

"Alec?"

Alec was curled up on the bathroom floor looked more green than pale.

"Oh, Alec," Magnus said.

Alec rolled over.

"You look miserable," Magnus said.

"Please don't tell me you told me so," Alec begged. His expression was pained.

"Only because you're in enough pain," Magnus said.

"I need an iratze," Alec moaned.

"Iratzes don't treat the flu, Alexander. You need ibuprofen."

"What?"

"It's medication for your fever, dear."

Magnus left the bathroom to collect some supplies.

When he returned, Alec was shivering.

Magnus sat down, his back against the wall. He helped Alec sit up.

He handed Alec the two tablets of ibuprofen and glass of water.

"Swallow," he commanded.

Alec obeyed and seconds later, his head was resting on Magnus' leg.

"My head hurts," Alec moaned.

"You have a headache," Magnus said, draping a blanket over Alec.

Alec was quiet.

Magnus put a cold cloth on Alec's head and pushed his unruly hair away from his face which was already damp from sweat.

For the first few minutes, the bathroom was quiet with the exception of Alec's occasional whimpering.

"How long does this last?" Alec asked.

"The fever will probably die down in a couple minutes," Magnus said. "You'll be sick for a few days though."

"I'm going to be sick," Alec mumbled.

"No, dear, you're already sick-"

Alec sat up, bending over the toilet and throwing up.

He let out a pitiful whimper. Magnus rubbed Alec's back, leaning towards him to place his lips on the small bit of skin exposed between his hairline and the collar of his shirt.

"I knew I shouldn't have gone," Alec said.

"I'm sorry I took you, dear," Magnus said.

Alec moaned again.

"If you promise not to throw up on my Egyptian cotton sheets, you can go to bed," Magnus said.

Alec nodded and Magnus carefully reached up, flushing the toilet, carefully averting his eyes from the mess inside.

He had seen some bad things but vomit was one thing he couldn't do.

He helped Alec back to his bed.

Alec curled into a ball and Magnus piled blankets on top of him.

"I have to lay here all day?" Alec asked.

"That is a part of being sick," Magnus said. "You're very lucky I don't have anything scheduled today. Or tomorrow. Or-"

"Magnus, this is boring," Alec said.

"We could marathon Project Runway."

"I don't like Project Runway."

"I'll forgive you because I know you're not in your right mind. Are you sure this isn't some brain-devouring bacteria?"

"Is that a real thing?" Alec asked, obviously concerned.

"Sometimes Shadowhunters get so caught up in their little world that they forget that the mundane world does, in fact, affect them."

"Blasphemy," Alec mumbled.

"Take a nap, dear," Magnus said. "I'll be here when you wake up."

..........

"Magnus?"

"You're up," Magnus said. "How are you feeling?"

"Hot," Alec said.

"Well, I can agree with that," Magnus said, winking. Alec smiled sleepily.

"Is that shrimp lo mein?"

"Your sense of smell is amazing," Magnus said. "But alas, it's not for you. If you want the egg drop soup, you can have that."

"You're teasing," Alec mumbled. He was in the process of kicking the piles of blankets off.

Magnus set the takeout box aside and helped Alec.

"It's okay to ask for help, my dearest Alexander. I know it's such a foreign concept-"

"I ask for help," Alec said.

"You should be drinking water," Magnus said.

"How do you know all this?" Alec asked.

"Do you really want to know?" Magnus asked.

Alec yawned.

"Yes."

"Will you drink some water and have some soup?"

"I- Fine."

"Then I will return in just a moment."

Magnus went to go grab Alec's meal.

Alec reached over, grabbing the takeout box off the nightstand. He reached inside and grabbed a little shrimp, popping it in his mouth before Magnus returned.

Shrimp seemed to taste better when he didn't feel clogged with mucus.

Magnus was back. Alec sat up, focusing on the water first.

"It was 1992," Magnus began. "You would have been three."

"Don't say it like that," Alec mumbled.

"Why not?"

"It makes you sound old," Alec said.

"I am old."

Alec took another sip of water.

"Anyways," Magnus said, "I was bored so I asked Catarina if I could do an internship at the local hospital. I forged some medical certification-"

"Magnus!"

"Shh, you shouldn't be talking, dear. It's bad for the throat," Magnus said. "Catarina wasn't thrilled at the idea. But I mean, I was bored so she allowed me to go to work with her for a week." Magnus laughed. "'Bring Your Warlock to Work Week.'"

Alec wasn't amused.

"So I spent a week working the night shift at Beth Israel Hospital. Catarina didn't let me do much besides sit back and watch. But I did learn a few things besides basic first aid and proper flu home care."

"Like what?" Alec asked.

"People are annoying when they're sick."

"Am I annoying?" Alec asked.

Magnus could hear the sleepiness behind his voice. Alec reminded Magnus of a small child when he was tired. He found it adorable.

"Of course not," Magnus said.

"What else?"

"Being a nurse is a messy business. I gained an appreciation for Catarina that week."

"I like her," Alec sighed.

"If you're sick any longer, you'll be seeing her," Magnus said. "Now go to sleep."

.........

"Why didn't you heal him?" Catarina asked quietly. She and Magnus were watching Alec sleep peacefully.

"A little lesson never hurt anyone," Magnus said. "And you know how Shadowhunters get sometimes."

"I can't believe you didn't heal him," Catarina said. "Honestly. I thought you'd take some sort of pity on him."

"He ignored the CDC's warnings about a flu outbreak. I warned him but he ignored me. It serves him right for ignoring public health warnings."

"Magnus-"

"You know, he puts more than just himself at risk. He puts all unvaccinated people at risk. He puts me and all of his family at risk," Magnus continued. "I'm sure you got your flu shot."

"We can't get the flu, Magnus," Catarina said. "I only get the shot for appearances' sake."

"You can never be too safe," Magnus said. "The flu shot is an integral part of maintaining community-"

"I'm leaving," Catarina said, "and I'm also healing your poor boyfriend." She snapped her fingers and Alec rolled over in his sleep. Catarina stalked out of the apartment.

Alec woke up to the sound of Catarina slamming the door.

The first thing he saw was Magnus.

"How are you feeling, my dearest Alexander?"

They both smiled.


	5. The Morning of the Wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One should never be late to a wedding.

Alec's alarm clock went off around 5 am, piercing the silence of the Institute.

There was a knock on his door immediately.

"Alec?"

Alec slammed the clock off.

"Jace, I just woke up. Can't I have one minute-"

Jace flopped onto Alec's bed anyways, burying his face in Alec's comforter.

The room was still dark but as the sun was rising, it was casting oranges and reds across the room.

"What's wrong?" Alec asked. "Don't tell me you're second-guessing yourself-"

"I'm not," Jace said. "No, of course I'm not."

"Then why are you in my room at 5 in the morning?"

"Because- I guess I'm panicking," Jace admitted, "just a little though."

Alec sat up, rubbing his eyes.

"You have no reason to panic," he said.

"I know," Jace said, rolling over onto his back. "But I want everything to be perfect, for her, you know? And I mean, what if I screw something up?"

"You're being irrational," Alec said. "You're panicking about something that's not even worth panicking over."

"Okay, I'm totally allowed to panic at my wedding, Alec," Jace snapped. "Why are you being so snippy?"

"It's five in the morning! I was expecting a few moments of quiet before-"

An alarm started blaring somewhere.

"That's the fire alarm," Jace muttered.

"-chaos," Alec sighed.

Jace and Alec sprinted out of the room, through the maze of hallways until they found the source of the alarm.

Simon was standing on the counter in the kitchen, trying to disarm the fire alarm.

The toaster was smoking and a piece of toast was lying in the sink, still glowing from having recently been on fire.

"Between you and Isabelle," Jace said, "your children will starve."

"Kids?" Simon asked. "Who said anything about kids?" His new runes were still incredibly black against his pale skin.

"You can't even make toast?" Jace asked.

"This toaster is ancient," Simon said. "It set itself on fire."

"It didn't spontaneously combust," Alec said.

"Why were you making toast?" Jace asked.

"Because you need to eat something," Simon said.

"I'm not hungry," Jace said.

Simon kicked a book off the edge of the counter and Jace caught it before it hit the floor.

"'How to be a Good Groomsman?'" he read. "Seriously, Simon?"

"It was a joke," Simon said. "Sort of."

"Clary," Jace laughed. "Okay, look, I'm calling Taki's. I'll order something and go pick it up."

"No, I've got it," Alec said. "Simon, make sure Jace takes a shower."

"And how would you like him to make sure I do that?" Jace asked.

"Some days," Alec said, as he headed out, "I really want to kill you."

"It's my wedding day," Jace shouted after him. "You can't hurt me!"

.........

"Where's Magnus?" Simon whispered.

"Late," Alec mumbled.

Jace was pacing up on the alter. The ceremony was set to start in five minutes and he was a nervous wreck.

"Maybe slapping him would help," Simon observed. He was squirming in his suit.

Alec couldn't help but feel anxious as well. Anxious for Jace.

"Jace," Alec snapped. Jace stopped, turning towards his groomsmen. "Stop pacing. You're going to send me over the edge."

Jace opened his mouth to protest but Alec stopped him with a single look.

Magnus was still missing.

Now wasn't the appropriate time to send him a text though. Alec felt around his pocket for his phone. Holding onto it made him feel a little better. Jace was taking deep breaths.

The string quartet they had hired for the outdoor wedding began playing, and Alec and Simon straightened up as the crowd stood.

Jace watched nervously as Maryse and Jocelyn came down the aisle followed by Maia then Isabelle.

Then came Clary, dressed in a beautiful flowing gold gown that took away everyone's breaths.

Alec glanced behind at Jace. He was on the verge of tears.

Alec couldn't help but feel the overwhelming happiness that Jace was in that moment.

The rest of the ceremony was a blur.

Everyone was crying and clapping by the end.

Alec had almost forgotten about Magnus until his phone started buzzing on his way back up the aisle.

As soon as he was free of the procession, he answered.

"Magnus, where the hell are you?" Alec hissed as quietly as he could.

"Good. You answered."

"Magnus-"

"316 N. Briar Road," Magnus said. "Don't worry, it's near the wedding, I just- I've gotten myself into some trouble, and I could really use your help-"

"Magnus!"

"Goodbye, my dear-"

Then the line went dead.

..........

One hours earlier...

"I need to be out of here in thirty minutes," Magnus said as they approached the empty barn.

"Absolutely," Malcolm Fade said.

"It's that important?" Magnus asked. "That you came all the way from LA?"

"The girl's grandmother was an old friend," Malcolm said.

"Old as in-"

"Magnus, your questions already have answers," Malcolm said. "I bit off more than I could chew so if you could just--"

He slid open the door to the barn.

A massive beast roared from within a pentagram.

"-help me fix this."

"You summoned a Greater Demon?"

"I didn't!" Malcolm said. "I'm not stupid-"

"I-"

"Don't."

"Okay," Magnus said. "Which one is this?"

"Magnus? Is that you?"

The creature turned around, making a growling noise as it went.

"Don't look," Malcolm whispered, turning around. Magnus did the same, both of their backs to the demon.

"I'm assuming this is Agramon," Magnus said.

"I was hoping just to cast him back," Malcolm said.

"You need the Shadowhunters, Malcolm," Magnus said.

"I don't want to get them involved. Things happen when they get involved."

"Who are you trying so desperately to protect?" Magnus asked.

"I told you. She's a just a girl. She got involved in the wrong crowd. She called me for help and I thought I could handle it. A minor demon, I could do-"

"You're telling me mundanes managed to do this?" Magnus asked, pointing behind them.

"Magnus, it's rude to turn your back on your elders," Agramon said.

"I really don't like him," Magnus said. "Really don't. We need whoever summoned him."

"Dead," Malcolm said.

"Dead? Gah!" Magnus shouted. "What do you expect me to do that you can't?"

"I found a spell," Malcolm said. "It should work. It just takes two people."

"I have a wedding to be at," Magnus said.

"Everything's prepared," Malcolm said. "Just a few words."

"Why do I feel like you're leaving something out?" Magnus asked. Alec was going to kill him.

"Well, we have to face him of course," Malcolm said.

"He can only appear to one of us," Magnus said. "Who's stronger?"

Malcolm smiled, devilishly.

Magnus had always hated that smile.

.........

"Turning around now?" Agramon taunted.

"Actually yes," Magnus said, turning around.

He began reading the words off of the page Malcolm had gave him.

He focus on the page, instead of Agramon.

"Oh, come on now," Agramon laughed. "Someone's got to look up. Don't you want to know what you're truly afraid of?"

Suddenly, Malcolm was screaming.

Magnus looked over.

"You idiot," Magnus shouted. He dropped the paper and ran towards Malcolm.

"No- Please-" He grabbed Malcolm around the waist and started pulling him towards the door.

That's when he looked up.

Agramon was gone.

Alec stood in the middle of the pentagram still in his tux from the wedding.

Magnus dropped Malcolm. Malcolm crumpled to the ground.

"Alec- did you get rid of Agramon?"

Alec looked on the verge of tears.

"Alec!"

"He's gone," Alec mumbled.

"What's wrong, my dear?" Magnus asked. Something red started blooming on his dress shirt.

Magnus was stunned into silent.

Alec was dying.

Dying was the end.

He fell to the ground.

"No!" Magnus screamed.

He started running towards the pentagram. He had to save Alec.

But someone caught him.

"Magnus, close your eyes-"

"Alec!"

"It's not real-"

Reality came back.

Agramon was screaming in the middle of the pentagram.

He was weakened but he was still there.

Magnus couldn't breathe as Malcolm pulled him back out of the barn.

"Call your Shadowhunter friends," Malcolm said.

Magnus slumped against the side of the barn.

"Magnus!"

"Malcolm, give me a minute!" Magnus snapped.

These weren't the thoughts he wanted to be having.

He pulled out his phone.

"Magnus, where the hell are you?" Alec asked. He sounded agitated.

"Good. You answered," Magnus sighed.

"Magnus-"

"316 N. Briar Road," Magnus said. "Don't worry, it's near the wedding, I just- I've gotten myself into some trouble, and I could really use your help-"

"Magnus!"

"Goodbye, my dear."

He hung up.

There was a long moment of silence.

"What time is it?" Magnus asked.

"Close to 1:30," Malcolm said.

"I missed the wedding," Magnus realized.

"We have to try again," Malcolm said.

"No," Magnus said. "We're not going back in there."

"What did you see?" Malcolm asked.

"What do you think?" Magnus snapped. "Why did you bring me here?"

"I didn't mean anything by it," Malcolm said.

Magnus' head fell against his chest.

Agramon started screaming inside.

But it a scream of pain.

Magnus scrambled to his feet, running back inside.

The demon was lying on the ground. A dozen arrows were protruding through Agramon's lifeless body.

Alec, the real Alec, was standing at the back door to the barn, his bow hanging by his side.

"Magnus. You could have at least tried to be on time," Alec heaved.

Magnus ran across the barn, stopping just in front of Alec.

"Do you know how much I love you, Alexander?"

Alec's face softened.

"I can't miss the reception," Alec said.

"Because I do love you a lot actually," Magnus said.

"We're leaving now," Alec said, grabbing Magnus hand.

"How'd you get here?"

"Portal," Alec said.

"I took a car," Magnus said. "Let's take the car."

"Magnus, you're seriously pushing it," Alec said.

Magnus pulled Alec towards him.

"Magnus-"

"That was pulling," Magnus said. "Not pushing."

"I'm missing my best friend's wedding."

"To spend time with me," Magnus said. "Killing demons- just like the good ole' days."

"Magnus, we killed a demon like two days ago," Alec said.

"You're cranky."

"Jace woke me up too early."

"That explains it," Magnus said. "Doesn't he know to respect your morning time?"

Alec was silent.

"Can we go now?"

Magnus glanced behind him. Malcolm was inspecting the body of Agramon.

Magnus pulled Alec out of the barn but he stumbled just as soon as they were outside.

"Are you okay?" Alec asked, catching Magnus as he fell.

"Maybe you should drive," Magnus said, handing Alec the keys.

So Alec was the one behind the wheel, and Magnus was passed out in the back seat, sleeping off exhaustion.

Alec had never driven a car before.

Getting out of the country was relatively uneventful since the streets were deserted. He had only run one stop sign and that's because he couldn't see it as he rounded a bend.

The car was eerily quiet. Alec didn't like the silence, mostly because he was concerned about Magnus.

It wasn't uncommon for him to be tired after a long fight but he had never just passed out.

Five minutes away from the barn, Alec heard movement in the back seat.

When he turned around, the car swerved, making Alec's attention snap back to the road.

"Magnus-"

"Alec! Eyes on the road, please."

"Are you okay?" Alec glanced behind him quickly.

Magnus was struggling to sit up.

"I'm fine," Magnus said. He still sounded tired though. "Where are we?"

"10 miles out of Scarsdale," Alec said.

"Why are we in a car?"

"You suggested it," Alec said, carefully. He looked back at Magnus.

"You need to have your headlights on," Magnus said, finally watching the road.

Alec smiled. Magnus was fine.

"No, Alec, seriously!" Magnus pointed at the oncoming car that they were headed straight for. Alec brought the car back into their lane.

The car was quiet with the exception of their shaky breaths.

Alec fumbled around for the lights until they finally flickered on.

"Do you even have a license?" Magnus asked.

"No. There was no need-"

"No, you need to learn how to drive," Magnus said.

"I can drive just fine," Alec said, tersely.

"I beg to differ," Magnus muttered.

They crossed over a little bridge. Alec was distracted by a piece of trash floating down stream when Magnus started shouting again.

"Stop light," Magnus pointed out. Alec didn't start to slow. "Yellow light. Yellow light! RED LIGHT, ALEC!"

Alec didn't stop, and rushed through the intersection.

They were both silent for a moment.

"Red light means stop-"

"I know what the red light means," Alec said.

"Then why didn't you stop?"

"Why don't you go back to sleep?" Alec suggested.

"Your poor driving skills would just wake me up," Magnus said. Alec turned around, furious.

"Do you want to drive?"

"Just get us to the wedding safely please," Magnus begged.

"Then be quiet," Alec said.

A car beside them honked and Alec jumped, slamming on the brakes. Magnus flew forward almost hitting the center console.

"Alec!"

"Why was he honking?"

"Just drive," Magnus said. Alec pressed the accelerator a little too firmly and the car rocketed forward almost hitting the taxi in front of them.

"I'm going to die tonight," Magnus said. "I didn't think it'd be like this-"

"Magnus!"

Someone jumped out into the street, sprinting across.

This time, Alec didn't brake; he just kept going.

"Brake!"

They narrowly missed the pedestrian.

"He was jay-walking!" Alec shouted.

"So you were going to hit him?"

"'The Law is hard but it is the Law-'"

"No!" Magnus said, shaking his head. "Not in the State of New York! Vehicular manslaughter can be a felony-"

"Jay-walking should be a felony-"

"No; that's not how it works," Magnus said. "You would have gotten in a lot of trouble."

"Mundanes are idiots," Alec muttered. He came to a stop at a red light.

"Finally," Magnus breathed, "you did something right."

"I told you I'm not a bad driver," Alec boasted.

The light turned green and they kept going. For awhile, everything was okay. Alec was getting the hang of driving and Magnus was able to sit back in his seat.

"Where do I park?" Alec asked, as they approached Luke's house. The reception was being held in the backyard.

"Just on the street," Magnus said. Alec pulled up along side the road. There was an open parking spot, just in front of a street light.

As Alec pulled in, Magnus started applauding.

"That was a very good parking job," Magnus said. "A+ for the day."

Suddenly, the car shot forward, the front end ramming into the street light.

The front end of the car burst into flames.

Alec's instincts kicked in and he jumped into the backseat, grabbing Magnus and dragging him out of the car, as the flames spread throughout the car.

"What- What- Alec!"

"I accidentally hit the accelerator," Alec whispered as the car cracked and popped.

"You- Oh my gosh," Magnus said. With a snap of his fingers, the car wasn't burning any more but it was still charred beyond repair.

Magnus wrapped his arms around Alec, who was in a state of shock.

"I wasn't expecting that," Alec said.

"Neither was I, my dear," Magnus said.

They silently apologized; Alec for his driving and Magnus for his comments.

"Where did you find that car?" Alec asked as they headed into the reception

Magnus smiled guilty and tried to find an answer.

"Forget it," Alec said, as they rounded the corner of the house. "I don't even want to know."

............

"Where did you go?" Jace asked, grabbing Alec by the arm.

Everyone was taking their seats for dinner.

"I got a flat tire," Magnus said, as he passed by the two. "I'm sorry."

Jace rolled his eyes and let go of Alec.

"Your speech better be amazing," Jace said.

"Jace, if it was amazing, you'd probably regret it," Alec said.

"I'm an open book," Jace said. "There's nothing you can say-"

..........

"When Jace first showed up at our doorstep when he was ten, he wasn't like most kids," Alec started. "He was incredibly weird. He would pour syrup on spaghetti, just because he had never had sugar in excess like that before. One night, Isabelle had gotten some bubble bath and she left a mostly full bottle on the ledge of the bathtub. And Jace, being the curious, obnoxious little brat that he was, took the entire thing and put it in his bath water."

"Then he found me and demanded that I fix it, because there were bubbles all over the bathroom. I was too busy laughing at Jace trying to wade through a sea of bubbles to fix anything though. He gained some street smarts though. That only made him more obnoxious because he learned that a lot of girls found him attractive. So he continued to get into trouble. Until he met Clary. That's when he changed; for the better of course. Clary and I had our differences at first. But now I've grown to see her as the only person worthy of Jace. Even with all his faults and imperfections, he's still the best man I've ever met."

Alec stepped away from the microphone just glad to be free of the responsibilities of best man.

Jace stood up and embraced Alec.

"Don't forget about me," Alec whispered.

"Never," Jace whispered back. "Parabatai til death do us part."

"Then focus on staying alive," Alec said.

Jace stepped back.

"Bubble bath story? Really?"

"Jace, you should be thankful I didn't talk about Budapest-"

"What happened in Budapest?" The boys turned around guiltily. Clary was standing there with a hand on her hip.

"A great story was born," Alec said. He stepped up and hugged Clary. "Congratulations."

"Do I want to know?" she asked.

"Not if you value your sanity or your opinion of Jace," Alec said. "I'm leaving."

"Lame," Jace commented.

"Don't wake me up at 5 am then," Alec snapped.

"Old man-"

Alec stalked off, a smile on his face.

Magnus was talking to Catarina in the corner.

"Are you ready?" Alec asked.

"I certainly can be," Magnus said.

"I hate to steal him away, Catarina-"

"Don't," she said, raising a hand. "He was beginning to piss me off."

Alec smiled and grabbed Magnus, pulling him towards the Portal that had been installed for easy access to the reception.

A minute later, they were back home.

Alec collapsed onto Magnus' bed and started untying his bowtie.

"I hate these things," Alec said, struggling.

"Clip-on," Magnus advised. In a second, he had his own purple bowtie off.

"I'm exhausted," Alec said. Magnus took over the process of untying Alec's bowtie.

"Sit up," Magnus ordered. Alec did and started taking off the rest of the suit.

"Magnus?"

"Yes, dear?"

"When are we going to get married?"

"Whenever you want," Magnus said.

"What about tonight?"

"Okay," Magnus said, tossing the untied bowtie across the room. Alec laid back down, his bare feet just dangling over the edge.

"Seriously though," Alec said. Magnus curled up beside him.

"Seriously," Magnus said. "Set a date."

"That's a horrible proposal, Magnus."

"Well, fine," Magnus said. "When you want to get married, you propose to me."

"That's a lot of pressure," Alec said, quietly.

"I like gold," Magnus said. "Size 7."

Magnus placed a hand on Alec's bare chest.

"I saw you die today," Magnus whispered.

But Alec was already asleep.


	6. Warlocks, Shadowhunters, and Dragons-- Oh My!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus goes missing with a dragon on the loose.

Magnus and Alec had a rule.

One could go missing for 24 hours without warning, before the other would start panicking.

Magnus had been gone 22 hours, 15 minutes, and 17 seconds when Jace called Alec.

"A werewolf just called saying he saw a Dragon on the Empire State Building. He's trying to eat a gargoyle."

"I'm busy," Alec said.

"Doing what?"

"Not panicking," Alec sighed. "Okay, I'll meet you there."

"What are you not panicking about?" Jace asked.

"Magnus is missing."

"Magnus can handle himself."

"I'm not so sure."

"Well, I am," Jace said. "Get to the Building."

..........

There was a scarlet dragon flying over a nearby warehouse, tied down to the roof by a thick chain.

Jace, Clary, Isabelle, and Alec stood on the sidewalk, watching in horror and awe.

"I've never seen a dragon before," Jace said, "but that is the coolest thing ever."

"You said Empire State Building," Alec said. They were near the building but the Dragon was definitely not on the building. But everyone ignored him, as they usually did when he was in a bad mood.

"How are we going to kill that?" Clary asked.

"I personally think that we should ride it first," Jace said.

"I agree," Isabelle said.

"Can we please just hurry up and kill this thing?" Alec begged.

"Why? What do you have to do that's more important?" Isabelle asked.

Alec was silent.

"His boyfriend is missing," Jace said.

"Has it been 24 hours?"

"No-" Alec started.

"Then calm down," Isabelle said.

.........

"Alec!" Jace screamed. "Any time now!"

The Dragon roared in fury and Jace almost slipped off.

"Jace!" Clary shouted. Alec was still climbing the chain up to the Dragon's neck. There was a chink in it's armour right underneath it's front left arm.

That was the only way to take it out was to stab it right there.

Jace was clinging desperately to it's tail, distracting it. Clary was on the ground as back-up and Isabelle was trying to stab it in the eye.

Alec pulled the seraph blade from his belt, and reached up.

He focused on his balance.

His hands let go of the chain and stabbed up into the small, soft space.

The Dragon cried out, this time in pain.

"Get down from there," Clary shouted.

Alec slid down the chain. He saw Jace jumping down beside him.

Alec fell into a roll as his feet hit the ground.

The Dragon was falling, and falling fast.

He felt Jace pull him just barely out of the way of the Dragon's body, which landed with a thud.

"You killed my Dragon!"

Everyone turned around to see a grey man standing at the ladder to the fire escape.

He looked truly upset.

"Well," Jace said, "you know you can't really have Dragons."

The grey man laughed.

"Silly Shadowhunters," he said, with a sigh. "You'll regret killing my Dragon."

Gold sparks exploded from his outstretched fingertips.

Alec fired an arrow at the warlock in an instant. His body fell back over the edge, back down onto the streets below.

"You killed him," Isabelle realized.

"He was probably the same warlock that summoned the Raveners last month," Alec said.

"The Clave will be pissed," Jace said. Alec shrugged.

"Only if Magnus reports it," Alec said.

"Which he won't," Jace said. "Because you're f-"

"Don't you find it odd though?" Clary asked. "Dragons are rare and powerful. It's one thing to summon some Raveners but a Dragon?"

"What are you saying?" Jace asked.

"I'm saying, I don't think he summoned this Dragon. Someone else did," Clary said.

"Magnus," Alec said, with horrified realization.

"He's probably somewhere around here," Isabelle said.

"We'll search the warehouse," Jace said. "Clary, take care of the body. Isabelle, take the back entrance in."

Everyone nodded.

A minute later, Jace and Alec were preparing to go in.

Jace kicked in the weak wood door.

Then something pulled him back.

"What- Tessa?"

Alec turned around, seraph blade glowing.

"Put your weapons away please," she said. Jace was the only one who noticed that she was always wearing grey. Today it was a grey pantsuit.

The boys listened.

"I understand you're looking for Magnus," Tessa said.

"Do you know where he is?" Alec asked.

"Yes," she said. "He's in that building. But he's not himself."

"What do you mean?" Jace asked.

"He's under the influence of a spell," Tessa said.

"Could you elaborate, Tessa?" Alec asked, hurriedly.

"Calm down, Alexander. He's fine," Tessa said. "He's just not in the right state of mind. He's more- powerful and he's doing the bidding of the warlock that's dead on the sidewalk."

"Clary is cleaning that up," Jace said.

"Good," Tessa said. "There's a counterspell. I don't know it. I was in the process of looking for it when I found out Magnus had summoned a Dragon."

"You knew he was missing?" Alec asked.

"I was hoping to keep it quiet and get him back to you without any trouble," Tessa said. "But yes, I did know."

"So how do we stop him?" Jace asked.

"He's probably going to summon something else," Tessa said. "I'm assuming that's what Kelfur wanted; a demon army."

"Kelfur? That was his name?" Jace asked.

"His name is irrelevant," Tessa said. "What's important is distracting Magnus."

Jace smirked and looked over at Alec.

"He's not physically violent," Tessa said. "That's not what he's programmed to do so I doubt he'll harm you. But, he is vulnerable to his more human desires."

Jace held back a laugh.

"He's in the basement," Tessa said. "Jace, you can assist me in finding the counter spell. And call off Isabelle; we'll need everyone's help."

"Good luck," Jace laughed, clapping Alec on the back.

"Be careful," Tessa said. "Stop him from performing any spells."

They started off down the street.

Alec took a deep breath and started searching for the entrance to the basement.

It didn't take long; the warehouse wasn't big.

He descended the stairs as quietly as possible.

He wasn't sure what to expect.

The basement was dark, lit by a few candles, just enough to see the blood-red pentagram on the floor.

The whole room smelled like fire and smoke.

"Magnus," Alec called. His voice was shaking.

He looked at the rest of the room.

There was a desk, littered with ingredients he had seen laying around the apartment before.

Alec heard a door open.

Red eyes glittered in the open doorway, reflecting the candle light.

"Magnus-"

"Alexander. What are you doing down here?"

"Looking for you," Alec said.

"At least you're telling the truth," Magnus said.

"Your eyes are red," Alec said. Magnus still hadn't moved out of the doorway.

"You're very observant today," Magnus said. "Do you like it?"

"It's different."

"Different isn't an opinion," Magnus said. "I did ask for you opinion."

"I like the gold better," Alec said.

In an instant, Magnus was standing right in front of Alec.

Magnus' face wrinkled.

"Where's Kelfur?" Magnus asked. It was as if he could sense the other warlock's disappearance.

"He's dead," Alec said.

"You killed him?" Magnus asked; this time it was more like a statement.

Alec was silent.

Magnus raised his hand and Alec turned away instinctively, bracing himself for a slap.

"I'd never hit you, Alexander."

Alec felt Magnus' gentle hand on his cheek.

"Your hands are cold," Alec said.

"Did Tessa send you?" Magnus asked, quietly. Alec looked back up.

"Yes," Alec said, breathlessly.

How would he react?

Magnus just smiled.

"Stop," Alec said. "Whatever you're doing. Just stop."

"I can't, my dear."

"Yes, you can," Alec urged.

"Are you going to tell me I'm not thinking straight?"

"You're not. This isn't you," Alec said. "You're being possessed."

Magnus stepped even closer to Alec.

When Alec tried to step back, he found himself pressed up against a wall, without an escape.

"Is it really possession?" Magnus whispered into Alec's ear. It sent shivers down his spine.

"Yes," Alec said, taking in a sharp breath of air.

"Hmm," Magnus said. "And are you supposed to distract me?"

"Yes," Alec said. Magnus kissed Alec's cheek, softly.

"It feels like I'm distracting myself," Magnus said. "And you just happen to be here."

"Wouldn't it just be easier to come home with me?" Alec asked.

"Little bold there, Alexander-"

"He's dead. Your cause is over," Alec said. "There will be no demon army or whatever this guy wanted."

"There certainly will be if Tessa doesn't find a counter-spell," Magnus said.

"She'll find it," Alec said.

Magnus stepped back. The red in his eyes was furious now.

"I'm going back to work. Try and stop me if you must," Magnus said. "But I doubt you will."

He turned away.

Alec was frozen up against the wall as Magnus started mixing things at the table.

How long would it take for Tessa to find a counter spell?

Alec stormed towards the table.

"Stop," he demanded. "Magnus, I know you're in there."

He just said it because that was what he had heard people say in the movies.

Magnus looked up and smiled in a way that was so unlike him.

"This is me," Magnus said. He sprinkled a powder in a silver bowl and a mushroom cloud of pink smoke emerged from the bowl.

Alec's phone buzzed in his pocket.

He pulled it out. Magnus obviously didn't care.

Jace: Tessa called Cat who remembered a counter spell. We'll be there in ten minutes.

The phone buzzed again.

Jace: There's traffic.

Alec: HURRY

"Did they find a counter spell?" Magnus asked. He was smirking.

"No," Alec said, tucking his phone away.

"Well, only two more ingredients and I will have a Portal to the demon home world."

"You- what?"

Magnus paused.

"Tessa didn't tell you that? The Dragon was only the beginning. The Dragon was what got out in our first attempt. The second attempt will be more fruitful."

Alec stepped in between Magnus and the table.

"Now you're going to try and stop me?" Magnus asked.

"This isn't you," Alec said. "Your eyes are red and if that doesn't say evil, then I don't know what does."

"Green smoke," Magnus said. "Green smoke is almost always an indication of evil."

Alec shook his head in disbelief.

Magnus gave a sad smile.

Alec put his hands on Magnus' cheeks and kissed him with everything he had.

Magnus jumped slightly in shock but leaned back into the kiss.

When Alec stopped, Magnus' eyes opened and they looked more gold than red.

"Magnus-" His eyes widened quickly before falling shut again.

Magnus went limp and Alec scrambled to catch him.

He heard footsteps descending as he laid Magnus down on the floor.

Alec looked up. Tessa was walking towards him.

"What did you do?" Alec asked.

"Counter-spell," Tessa said, without hesitation. "Check for a pulse."

"Pulse?"

"Alexander!" Tessa snapped.

Alec put two fingers against Magnus' neck.

Every second that ticked by killed Alec.

"Nothing," Alec murmured.

Dead.

"Give it a minute," Tessa said.

"He's dead!" Alec shouted. Tessa was beginning to doubt herself as well and Alec screaming at her didn't help her confidence.

"Check again," she insisted.

Alec looked back at Magnus' still body. His chest wasn't rising and falling and there was still no pulse.

Tessa knelt beside Magnus, taking his wrist.

"You killed him!" Alec shouted. "He was fine! I- His eyes were normal again! I almost had him!"

Tessa was at a loss for words.

There was a thundering of footsteps coming down the stairs.

Jace, Isabelle, and Clary rushed in.

They stopped, not daring to enter the space any more.

"Tessa! Fix him," Alec begged.

"I don't know what happened," Tessa said. "It should have worked. He should be fine."

"But he's not!"

"I don't know," Tessa said.

"Magnus," Alec whimpered, shaking Magnus. "Come on. Please."

The candles in the room flickered before going out.

"Don't move," Tessa's voice commanded through the darkness. "Jace, do you have witch light?"

"Yes," Jace said.

"Turn it on please," Tessa said.

The room lit up and Magnus' eyes were open.

"That was hot," Magnus said, blinking a couple of times.

"What?" Alec asked.

"That ki- Tessa, why are you holding my hand? And why the hell am I on the ground?" Magnus sat up, looking around.

"I killed you," Tessa said.

"Oh, thank you for that, Tessa," Magnus said, shaking his head. He looked over at Alec. "You're paler than usual."

"You died," Alec growled.

"Well, now I'm not dead," Magnus said, as if it was nothing. "But Tessa is still holding my hand."

Tessa tossed Magnus' hand back and rolled her eyes.

"We'll give you two a minute," Tessa said. She stood up and Jace, Isabelle, and Clary followed her out.

"Are you okay?" Magnus asked.

"No," Alec said.

"You're shaking."

"Stop pointing out my problems," Alec snapped.

"Come here," Magnus said. Alec fell into Magnus' arms. He put his head against Magnus' shoulder and started crying.

"I thought that was it," Alec sobbed.

"Goodness no," Magnus said. "I wouldn't leave you hanging like that. That would have been a very anti-climatic death."

Alec just cried.

"Alexander, I'm fine," Magnus said. It was killing him to see Alec upset over him. It was supposed to be the other way around.

They had always planned on Alec's death.

Never Magnus'.


	7. Things That Change and Remain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The world moves on, despite death.

There was only place left in New York City to get decent Chinese takeout. It just so happened to be the same place Magnus had been going to for exactly a hundred years.

The faces and the menu had changed, but not by much.

Tao's Diner prided itself on keeping the business strictly in the family. Magnus could respect that. But he was still very open to the changing times.

It was a world without borders.

Hover cars could have you anywhere within an hour, as long as you knew which buttons to press and which traffic guards to tip off.

Buildings grew taller and taller. Most of them even had parking floors right in the middle, separating the top and bottom. Magnus kept his apartment far above such floors. They were noisy and loud.

The world was in the sky now; only the dead remained on the ground.

The dead and the poor.

Even Tao's had moved twenty floors up from it's original restaurant.

So Magnus moved up with them.

But he still had his roots in the ground.

When he did go down to the street-level, it was once a week, a black leather jacket on, a white takeout bag from Tao's in hand, and sunglasses on, no matter what the weather.

And no matter what the weather, he was in Battery Park, one of the last remaining green spaces in the city, from noon to one on Fridays.

There was a oak tree in the park. It was the only oak remaining in the state and it was protected under a bundle of state laws with lengthy titles.

Under the tree was a little bronze plaque and a bench.

Magnus would sit on the bench, the bag by his side and one by one, he'd pull the takeout boxes out, eating it's contents, and conversing with the oak.

It had been a particularly hard week. It was the first week of summer and the oak was regaining it's life and strength. It was the first time Magnus had ever been to the bench and not have to wipe off snow, rain, or dew.

"Good afternoon," Magnus said, setting the bag down beside him.

There was a slight breeze. The bag trembled.

"You would not believe the week I've had," Magnus said. "I-- uh-- I had to testify against Cat. You'd just tell me that the Law is the Law and it's hard and--" Magnus opened the container of shrimp lo mein and started pulling apart his chopsticks, shaking his mind free of Nephilim doctrine. "She was in the wrong. She shouldn't have killed the werewolf. And I know that. But she was also my best friend."

Magnus took a shaky breath and started eating.

He was silent for awhile.

"Isabelle called today," Magnus said. "She wasn't doing so well. She's not doing so well-- I shouldn't speak in the past tense when telling you about the elderly. Eventually, the nursing staff shut down the communication link. Clary sent me a message, telling me that she was going to go check on her tomorrow. They can cure cancer but they can't cure Alzheimer's," Magnus sighed. "What a screwed up world we live in."

Magnus picked out all of the shrimp and ate those.

"They burned the noodles," Magnus murmured. "I hate it when they burn the noodles."

The wind picked up, blowing a stray napkin away.

It was biodegradable so Magnus didn't chase after it.

Everything was biodegradable.

The next container was the rice. He put the leftover noodles in the bag. Chairman Meow the Second (or Sekh, as Mangus had started calling him) would love it. That cat ate almost everything.

"I also discussed creating a family tree with Clary," Magnus said. "As a sort of project. We'd include Jace in the Lightwood family, just so we could follow he and Clary's kids. Speaking of their kids, Gabriel married Emma Blackthorn's girl, and they're already expecting. Gabriel's calling tomorrow. He said he wanted to ask me something. I'm not quite sure what he wants."

The rice was slightly salted, so eating it plain wasn't a complete bore.

But there was something monotonous and mundane about chewing though.

"Clary suggested that maybe he wants to name the baby after you," Magnus said. "Alexander."

Magnus still loved the way the name rolled across his tongue.

"I guess the kid would be your grand-nephew. Our grand-nephew," Magnus said. "I can't forget about myself."

Magnus glanced behind him at the oak.

"My mother loved oak," Magnus noted.

The tree itself had been imported from Charleston, South Carolina. A tree scientist estimated it to be at least 1,500 years old. Which was older than Magnus.

His eyes looked down to the plaque; it and the dedication of the tree had been the real struggle.

But through a bit of persuasion, Magnus was able to convince the City Commissioner to dedicate the tree to the person of Magnus' choosing.

To Alexander.

That was it.

"I miss you," Magnus breathed.

His eyes closed.

He was out of tears. Enough had been cried in the year following Alec's death.

This was him moving on.

Something warm was kissing his cheek.

Magnus' eyes flew open and his head turned.

"Alec--"

There was no one there.

A phantom kiss.

Magnus' heart raced.

His eyes scanned the park. It was deserted, as usual.

The mundanes in the sky had given up on natural beauty.

"I'm going insane," Magnus whispered.

There was no one left to hear him.

Isabelle was fading and Clary would be close after.

Catarina was set to receive her punishment for killing another Downworlder tomorrow in Idris.

The Shadowhunter race was fading. The next generation was disinterested; they had lost their sense of duty and the Clave had never reformed enough to purge themselves of their corruptness. Alec and Jace had tried desperately to change that but it was too late. Soon there would be no one left to protect this dimension.

Magnus didn't want to be around when the Downworld rose up.

Up to the sky.


	8. Last Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One death doesn't just kill one person.

It's a terribly harsh reality.

And it's hard to stomach the idea that someday, we will cease to exist on this plane of existence.

All of us.

No one is spared from death.

Not even the immortal.

Everyone must go in the end. But "the end" is defined by how long you manage to escape Death's hand.

Some described Death as being kind and gentle, bringing a solace life never could. Others said he was rude, taking what wasn't his to take; coming before his time.

Your opinions are irrelevant, no matter what you believe.

Because as Magnus Bane stood high above New York, staring out at the millions of lights shining back at him, he knew the truth: Death was indifferent.

..........

36 hours earlier. . .

Alec sniffed the drink that had been placed in front of him by the bartender.

Magnus picked it up and placed it in his hand.

"Trying drinking it, dear," Magnus said. Alec rolled his eyes.

"I don't enjoy alcohol," Alec said. "It dulls my senses."

"Then don't drink it," Magnus said. He was busy looking around the room.

"You know, we should probably be trying to act natural," Alec advised.

"Natural?" Magnus raised an eyebrow. "Dear, you're the only one in the room with your original hair color."

It was only a slight exaggeration. Most of the hair in the room was dyed some shade of neon.

"Not to mention the piercings," Magnus said.

"Do you have-"

"No," Magnus said quickly.

"I'd know," Alec said quietly with a smirk.

"Fine," Magnus said, tersely. "Let's go act natural."

He pulled Alec over to a table and picked up the little cardboard bulletin, listing the club's events for the night.

Alec looked around. The dance floor was across the room but he could still hear the music loud enough.

"'Dance contest,'" Magnus read.

"No."

"Karaoke?" Magnus glanced up with a smile.

"No," Alec said again. He leaned across the table. "Where is this guy, Magnus?"

"I wish I knew," Magnus said, moving closer as well. His face was only inches from Alec's. "I don't particularly like these types of clubs. Too loud."

"Your parties aren't much quieter-"

"My parties have class," Magnus said, with disdain for the idea that his parties were anything like this place.

Alec crossed the small distance and kissed Magnus.

Magnus stopped him before they got carried away.

"We're here for business," Magnus said, but his mind was still heavy with serotonin.

"Sure," Alec said, suggestively.

Before Magnus could respond, a brawl broke out across the club.

Jace and Isabelle came out of the shadows as the group made their way towards the rogue demon.

They had to push through the crowd a little to get there and Jace and Isabelle were there first.

The demon was electric yellow and as he fought, his glamour was slipping, shocking the crowd.

The hope was to keep it discreet but as soon as the demon saw Jace, and more importantly, his runes, he began to panic. Then, from out of the crowd, a new threat emerged.

Dozens of demons, all the same species as the first, and far more than what they could handle.

It seemed like almost the entire club was infested.

Then it all became a blur. Demons were beheaded, stabbed, and maimed.

The mundanes screamed and ran, and a few demons did as well.

But the Shadowhunters and Magnus kept fighting against the horde.

Then it was over.

Demon blood mixed among the spilled drinks on the dirty floor.

Isabelle slumped against the counter, catching her breath.

"That was unexpected," she said, with a little laugh.

Alec's cell phone started ringing. He was out of breath, just like the rest of them when he answered.

"Hello?" There was a pause. Everyone was watching him. "Yeah- Okay- Yeah, we'll be back in like twenty minutes- bye."

Alec tucked the phone back in his pocket and took a deep breath.

"Dad's in town," Alec said, looking at Isabelle. "Surprise."

"I'd rather take on more demons than face him," Isabelle said. She pushed herself off the ground.

Alec looked to Magnus.

"I'll be back." Then he hesitated. "Hopefully."

Magnus nodded once, understandingly.

"So you're leaving us to clean up the mess?" Jace shouted as the siblings left.

At this point, they couldn't even see the floor.

"I hate cleaning up," Jace muttered. He was still catching his breath though so it came out in little gasps.

"Let's just set the place on fire," Magnus said. "Less clean-up."

"The Clave won't like that."

"I'll assume responsibility," Magnus said, waving Jace's concerns away.

"I'll start setting runes then," Jace said, pulling out his stele. He immediately got to work inscribing the angelic symbols on any surface he could find.

Magnus dragged the bodies over to the center of the room.

Slowly but surely, the runes came into effect, starting small fires until half of the building was on fire.

Magnus was inspecting his pile of dead bodies.

"Jace, we should probably go."

There was no response.

Magnus looked up.

Jace was on his knees, only a foot from the closest flame.

"Jace!" Magnus shouted, starting towards him. Jace didn't move or respond and with his back towards Magnus, his face was unreadable.

The fire was inching closer to Jace when Magnus pulled him up, back to his feet.

Then he felt it too; whatever Jace was feeling.

It was a sort of emptiness, like happiness had been sucked out of the room. It made Magnus wanted to freeze too, but in reality, all of the oxygen was being sucked out of the room.

Magnus turned Jace towards him, and slapped him, hard and without regret.

Jace's emotionless face immediately morphed into anger.

"Let's go," Magnus said, pulling Jace towards the exit. The fire was getting closer to them, threatening to block off their only path out.

But they made it, stumbling into a back alley. They coughed the smoke out of their system until they were left breathing heavily for a second time that day.

It was dark out-- they had been in the club longer than Magnus had remembered.

As he looked around, Jace slumped against the brick wall.

"I wouldn't do that," Magnus advised.

The alleys behind clubs weren't the cleanest ones New York had to offer.

But again, Jace was in a state of indifference.

"What's the matter with you?" Magnus snapped. He hated playing doctor to the Nephilim. Well, most of them, that was.

Jace's breathing was shaky, almost on the verge of sobbing.

"Jace- what's wrong?" Magnus asked, crouching down in front of Jace.

In a panic, Jace unzipped his black jacket.

His parabatai rune was glowing gold.

"It hurts," Jace said, grabbing at the skin.

"Has it ever done this before?" Magnus asked. Jace shook his head, looking up at Magnus with his pitiful gold eyes.

"Magnus- call Alec," Jace said. He squeezed his eyes shut, holding off the pain.

Magnus pulled out his phone, pressing speed dial.

The dial tone was an unbearable sound.

"He's not picking up," Magnus muttered. "I'm going to call Tessa and have her get Jem."

He dialed Tessa's number. She picked up on the first ring.

"Theresa Grey-"

"Tessa-"

"Magnus? How lovely-"

19th century manners weren't something that was easily forgotten.

"Where's Jem?" Magnus asked. Jace's face was contorted with pain.

"He's right here-"

"Put him on the phone, Tessa!" Magnus felt Jace's forehead. He was burning up.

Magnus could smell the burning club behind them.

He pulled Jace to his feet and walked him farther down the alley until they were a safer distance from the inferno.

A second later, Jem's voice broke through.

"Magnus? What's the matter?"

"I've got Jace here. His parabatai rune- it's glowing, I don't know."

Jem was silent for a moment. Then he was whispering to Tessa.

"Where are you?" Jem asked.

Magnus rattled off the name of the club.

"We'll be there in a moment," Jem said. The line went dead. Magnus dialed Alec's number again.

No response.

As he hung up, Tessa and Jem rounded the corner.

Tessa pulled Magnus away as Jem took his place at Jace's side on the floor of the alley.

"Oh," Jem breathed after only a second.

"What?" Magnus asked. Jem looked up at Magnus.

"I'm terribly sorry, Magnus," Jem said.

But Jace was in too much pain to hear. And he was finally letting that pain show.

He screamed but it was restrained.

"What?" Magnus asked. He looked back at Tessa, who looked just as sad as Jem. "What the hell is it, Tessa?"

She managed to look Magnus in the eyes.

"If it's glowing like that, it can only mean that the rune is fading."

"And if the rune is fading-" Magnus' voice trailed off. "No. No. No."

Magnus teleported, first to the Institute where he screamed Alec's name multiple times (to no avail), then to various city blocks, looking into cabs for a familiar face.

It was draining, but he had to find Alec.

Then he was on a corner, staring into an intersection frozen in time.

Multiple cars were twisted and piled on top of one another and they were all focused around a single semi-truck that had probably run a light or stop sign.

The carelessness of mundanes-

Emergency vehicles were just starting to arrive but NYC traffic made it almost impossible.

Magnus willed a glamour onto himself and pushed through the developing crowd into the gory scene.

Flames were already coming from the hood of the semi. The rest of the cars were likely to do the same.

But he was looking for a taxi.

There were two.

In the first one was a little old lady, crying out. Two people were already attempting to pull her out. She'd be fine with the exception of a few new scars.

In the second taxi, which was on it's passenger side, was the driver, dangling freely. Just feet from the taxi was Isabelle Lightwood, lying on the asphalt. Alec was in a daze, kneeling beside her.

Magnus didn't hesitate.

He went to Isabelle, forcing what little energy he had into her. It wouldn't be enough to wake her but it would be enough to put her into a coma the Silent Brothers could bring her out of later.

"Runes, Alec," Magnus ordered. Alec listened, pulling out his stele and started drawing iratzes on his skin.

"Are you okay?" Magnus asked. Alec didn't seem to hear him. He was running on auto-pilot. But why?

Magnus' phone started ringing.

He answered to Tessa's voice.

"Get back here," she said.

Magnus started to protest but Tessa cut him off.

"Now Magnus!"

The line went dead.

Magnus grabbed Isabelle's and Alec's wrist and brought them to the alley.

Tessa was standing right beside Magnus and Jem was still hunched over Jace.

"Why did you bring Alec?" she asked, furiously.

Magnus didn't have an answer.

Alec was looking around until he saw Jace.

His face dropped.

"It wasn't Alec," Tessa mumbled. "It was Jace."

Magnus looked back at Alec. Usually he could see the black parabatai rune through Alec's white t-shirts.

It was gone.

Jem looked back at Tessa with sorrowful eyes.

Alec and Magnus realized everything at the same time.

Magnus was frozen as Alec crawled for Jace's lifeless body.

"It must have been demon poison and he didn't realize," Tessa said.

Jem and Alec, with their backs to everyone else, knelt beside Jace.

The alley was silent. A slight breeze blew through it. The fire was out but Magnus wasn't quite sure how.

Alec didn't cry or make a sound.

And as much as Magnus wanted to be by Alec's side, he just couldn't bring himself to.

In the space of just a few minutes, Jace was gone.

Tessa moved to attend to Isabelle.

Magnus just stood there.

"I'll start making phone calls," Tessa said, pushing Isabelle's hair out of her face. She stood and rounded the corner.

The next hour was a horrible blur.

Alec was frozen at Jace's side. Magnus just watched in frozen horror.

Alec's sanity was slipping away from him. What could Magnus do to stop that?

Nothing.

Alec didn't speak until the Silent Brothers came for Jace's body.

Then he was screaming.

Magnus left.

..........

Two months later. . .

The apartment was empty of any sort of real life.

Magnus still lived there and Alec came and went, spending more time at the Institute now than ever.

On the off chance that Alec was in the apartment, he was quiet and reserved, only speaking when necessary.

On the inside, Magnus was dying with every passing second that Alec wasn't himself.

But it had gone on long enough.

Magnus hadn't planned the confrontation but Alec was laying in bed, looking more broken than usual.

Magnus moved quietly and slowly until he was laying right behind Alec, their shoulders just barely touching.

"Alec?"

There was a mumbled "yes" in response.

"I miss you," Magnus said.

He could feel Alec get tense.

"I miss you," Magnus repeated, pleading with Alec's subconscious to get the message.

Alec didn't speak.

"I know you're not okay," Magnus said. "I'm not asking you to be okay. I just want to know that you're trying. You can't be miserable for the rest of your life. That may seem like the easy way out but it's not. It's much easier to be happy. Trust me on that."

Magnus kissed Alec's bare shoulder.

Alec turned around, lightning-fast, shocking Magnus.

"When you see me, you see yourself," Alec guessed. "You see yourself when I'm gone."

A bullet straight through Magnus' heart.

"I-" Magnus couldn't respond to that. Alec's eyes demanded an answer.

But Magnus still couldn't say anything and looking at Alec made it harder to think straight.

"I'm sorry," Alec said, backpedaling. He noticeably relaxed. "Magnus, I'm really sorry."

It wasn't an apology for his hypothesis though. That part was true and you couldn't apologize for telling the truth.

"It's like there's a hole in me," Alec said. "It's inexplainable."

"It's okay," Magnus said.

"I'm sorry," Alec said, again. "Two months, it's a long time, I know-"

Magnus put a hand on Alec's cheek and smiled.

"This is a start," Magnus said. It took everything he had not to break out into a full-on grin.

Alec smiled, timidly.

In an instant, everything could go right- back to normal.

But more often than not, things went wrong.

That was life.

That was Death.

A single instant.


	9. Accidentally Childish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus gets turned into a child when a spell goes wrong.

Alec was in the middle of a high-stakes poker game when his phone rang.

"Don't answer it," Jace warned him. "Answer it and you forfeit."

Alec hesitated.

"I fold," he said, putting his cards down.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket, not bothering to look at the face on the screen.

"Hello?"

"I need your help," a distressed little boy said, on the other end.

"Um, what?" Alec pulled the phone away and it lit up with Magnus smiling cheekily while sitting on the top of the Eiffel tower. The very top. "How did you get Magnus' phone?"

"No, Alec, it's me and I need your help," the little boy insisted.

Jace was looking at Alec suspiciously. Alec shrugged.

"Look, put the phone back where you found it," Alec said. "And don't call me again."

"I need help!" the little boy cried.

Jace reached across the table, snatching the phone out of Alec's hand.

"I'm sorry but Alec is in the middle of a poker game for his life. He'll have to call you back," Jace said. He hung up and dropped the phone to the floor, twenty feet below them. "Back to the game, Lightwood."

"I folded," Alec said, gesturing to the table that was balanced on the beam. His phone was probably shattered after it's fall.

"Fine," Jace said, showing his cards. Alec would have won if he hadn't folded. "Who was that anyways?"

Alec started dealing a new hand.

"Some little kid," Alec said. "I have no idea."

"A little kid called you?"

"From Magnus' phone," Alec added.

"Heh, weird," Jace said, snatching up the cards. "Alright I'll bet 40."

Alec rolled his eyes and his focus slipped. He almost slipped.

Jace held his "tree" pose with ease. This beam was the widest in the training room but it wasn't enough to stop you if you fell.

Balance poker consisted of holding a position that tested your balance while playing poker.

The one who lasted the longest kept the entire pot.

"Careful there," Jace said.

Alec glared at him.

His phone, somehow still intact down below, started ringing again.

Alec looked down.

"Does this mean I win?" Jace asked.

"I should figure out why a little boy is calling me," Alec said.

"Whatever, man," Jace said. "But—-" He looked down at that table. There was an awful lot of quarters, "—-it's up to you."

Alec looked back at his cards.

"100," Alec said.

"You're bluffing," Jace said.

"Test me," Alec dared.

"Fine," Jace said. Sliding his quarters into the center. Alec did the same.

They laid out their cards.

Alec had won, his three kings beating Jace's three queens.

Jace was out of money.

"Jump," Alec ordered with a smirk on his face. Jace wasn't a sore loser; he was an extravagant one.

He managed to get a few flips in before landing on the ground.

Alec followed, with less grandeur.

The first thing he did was answer the phone.

"Hello?"

"Alec! I can't reach anything! Come home immediately," the little boy demanded.

"Alright," Alec said. "I'll be there soon."

.........

It took Alec longer than expected to get back. When he did, he could hear slamming cabinets in the kitchen which was unusual, considering they really didn't keep much in the cabinets since neither Magnus or Alec could cook.

"Magnus?"

The slamming stopped as Alec entered the kitchen, cautiously.

With his back to Alec, a little boy in white tunic and navy blue breeches stood on the countertop, barefoot.

When he turned around, the first thing Alec noticed were the familiar amber eyes contrasting the blue-to-the-point-of-black hair.

"Alec? What happened to the damn mac & cheese?"

Alec couldn't respond. He was in shock. Then he was laughing.

"By the Angel, Magnus, what did you do?" Alec asked, crossing the kitchen.

7 year old Magnus frowned, his tiny eyebrows crinkling together.

"A spell went wrong. I mispronounced natura for natus," Magnus said. "I should have used something other than Latin. I hate Latin."

Alec almost expected him to stamp his foot right there.

"Well, how do you get back to normal?" Alec asked.

"It'll wear off," Magnus said, turning back to the cabinet. "Do we have any mac & cheese?"

"No," Alec said. "Do you want mac & cheese?"

"Of course, I want mac & cheese," Magnus snapped. His voice had to be at least three octaves higher. 

It reminded Alec of the time they had played with helium after a very long night of partying.

"Alright, well we need to go to the grocery store then," Alec said. "Should I find you tiny tennis shoes?"

"Shut up," Magnus said, sitting down on the counter so he could slid off.

"Is that what you wore when you were 7?" Alec asked as tiny Magnus passed.

When Magnus looked up, his eyes were a fiery red. 

"I killed a man when I was 7," Magnus said.

"No, you didn't," Alec said.

"Fine," Magnus said, heading for the door. "Maybe I didn't. But I was still dangerous."

"You're not dangerous," Alec said, following him. He snatched up his keys and wallet as they headed out the door.

Magnus was still barefoot.

........

"So should I put you in the cart or—?"

Magnus glared at Alec for the thirtieth time since Alec had discovered him.

They were standing in the closest grocery store to the apartment.

"Just get a basket and be done with it," Magnus said.

"You're kind chubby—"

"It's baby fat," Magnus snapped. "I was a little pudgy, okay?"

"It's adorable," Alec pointed out.

People stared at them as they passed.

"Do you want to hold my hand?" Alec asked. That wasn't a sarcastic offer.

Magnus reached up and wrapped his tiny fist around three of Alec's fingers.

Alec smiled as they searched for the pasta aisle.

"So, how long does it last?" Alec asked as he glanced down aisle after aisle.

"24 hours," Magnus said. "Why didn't you pick up when I called?"

"Okay, you should have explained a little bit more—"

"I couldn't reach anything!" Magnus said. It was more like a shout than anything else.

"Shh," Alec said. They didn't need to draw more attention.

"What kind of poker were you playing?"

"Balance Poker," Alec said. Magnus didn't ask for further explanation; mainly because they had just stumbled upon the boxes of mac & cheese.

Alec reached and grabbed for the closest box when Magnus cried out.

"Not that one! The other one one!"

Alec looked down at Magnus.

"There's like twenty other options, Magnus; which one?"

"Spongebob mac and cheese."

"You don't even like Spongebob," Alec said. Magnus glared at him.

His eyes looked much more pure than usual. There was an innocence in his big eyes.

"How would you know?"

"Because I know you," Alec said. He put the original box of mac and cheese in basket.

Magnus reached in and grabbed the box out with his tiny hands, reading the instructions.

"I can't read," Magnus said, starting to panic. "Al— I can't read!"

"Calm down," Alec said. He knelt down in front of Magnus, taking the box from his hands. "What do you want to know?"

"The other ingredients," Magnus said.

"Milk and butter," Alec said. "We should probably get that too."

Alec smiled and brushed Magnus' long hair out of his face.

"Little you was really cute," Alec said.

Magnus smiled a little.

In half a second, Alec had pulled out his phone and captured the smile with a picture.

"Delete that," Magnus said with a frown.

"Absolutely not," Alec said. He grabbed Magnus' hand and they started walking towards the dairy area.

"Can we get Oreos, too?" Magnus asked as they passed them.

"Yeah, sure," Alec said. Magnus grabbed the family-sized package off the shelf, dropping it into the basket.

"Ooh! And Goldfish," Magnus said. This time he wasn't asking for permission. By the time they had milk and butter, the basket was full.

As they stood in line, Magnus snuck candy into the basket when Alec wasn't looking.

..........

Alec managed to successfully make mac & cheese while Magnus sat on the counter, swinging his feet back and forth against the cabinets, as he ate M&Ms.

It was annoying and obnoxious. It took everything Alec had not to snap at him.

They ate dinner on the couch as Spongebob flipped burgers on the screen.

Alec was beginning to feel the strain he put on himself by playing Balance Poker. He was dozing off halfway through the second episode.

Magnus was on his second bowl of mac & cheese and halfway through a row of Oreos. Not to mention the M&Ms, chocolate chip cookies, and chocolate milk.

Alec woke up to the screams of Chairman Meow and "chocolate!"

He jumped to his feet instinctively.

Magnus was running in circles around the apartment with the Chairman in his arms.

"Magnus!" Alec snapped.

"Chocolate!" Magnus responded. He tossed the Chairman up into the air. The cat promptly let out a terrified scream before landing on the couch Alec had been asleep on.

"Magnus, stop," Alec ordered. It had always worked with Max. But how did you tell your centuries-old boyfriend who had the mindset of a seven year old, to act his age?

So he kept going and Alec resorted to chasing him.

It actually took awhile since it turned into a game for Magnus, one that he was determined to succeed at.

But Alec had the endurance sugar couldn't give Magnus.

Eventually, he started to slow and that's when Alec got him, swooping little, giggling Magnus up into his arms.

"Bed," Alec said. Magnus squirmed and struggled but he didn't stop laughing.

"I'm not tired."

"I have a new-found sympathy for your mother," Alec said as he carried Magnus to his room.

"I never had chocolate as a kid," Magnus said.

"It's a good thing, too," Alec said, dropping Magnus onto his bed. "You will not get out of this bed, do you understand?"

"Aren't you staying?" Magnus asked.

"No," Alec said. "I'm going to my room—"

"But—"

"No. I'm sorry; I can't—" Alec shook his head. "Go to sleep, Magnus. And I swear by the Angel that if you don't go to sleep—"

"What'll you do?" Magnus asked, smiling. The smirk on his face was so characteristically him—

"I'll see you in the morning," Alec said, backing out of the room. Magnus sat up, watching Alec go.

Even though Alec knew it was just a guilt-trip to make him stay, he still felt kind of bad leaving little Magnus alone in the dark.

.......

When Magnus woke up the next morning, he felt big.

He remembered everything and was reminded by a headache that he had a sugar hangover.

When he got around to opening his eyes, Alec was sitting beside him.

"Watching me sleep now, Lightwood?" Magnus said, with a sleepy smirk.

"I was watching you morph from an awkward teenager into your current stunning self," Alec said.

"So I'm finally back to normal?" Magnus asked.

"Sorta," Alec said.

"What does that mean?" Magnus asked.

"Your eyes," Alec said.

"What about them?"

"They're brighter than usual," Alec said.

It was an odd remark to make but it was true.

The real Magnus' eyes were more dull and less prominent, for someone with amber eyes.

"Is it a problem?" Magnus asked.

"No," Alec said, quietly.

Magnus reached for Alec's hand, kissing the top of it.

"I didn't know you were into poker," Magnus said, playing with Alec's hand.

"I'm not in particular," Alec said.

"I know a fun version of poker," Magnus said.

Somehow his eyes got even brighter with the idea.

"You're going to suggest—"

"—strip poker," Magnus finished.

"You'd rig the game," Alec said.

Magnus mocked offense.

"Why I never—"

"Come on. You'd bet everything on a bad hand," Alec said. "You know you would."

"Why would anyone do something as awful as that?" Magnus asked. "I mean, me? Rigging a game of strip poker? What would make you think I would do something like that?"

"Because you're impatient," Alec said.

"Fine," Magnus said. "We can skip the cards altogether."


	10. Spaghetti on the Walls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cooking isn't in the Lightwood's genetic code.

The apartment was incredibly loud when the doorman's voice broke through, crackling over the speaker.

"Uh, Mr. Bane?"

The fire alarm continued beeping.

"Yes?"

"Did you know your fire alarm has been going off for twenty minutes now?"

"Um, yes," Alec said, dropping a lid onto the boiling pot of water. It made a loud crashing sound and for a second, Alec thought the glass had cracked.

"Should I call the fire department?"

"No, no, everything's fine," Alec shouted.

In reality, there was boiling water, burning sauce, and bread sticks on the brink of being charred.

"Well, the other residents are complaining, Mr. Bane—"

"It's Alec!" Alec screamed, exhausted.

"Oh— well, Mr.— Alec— I'm going to shut it off, okay?"

"Thank you!"

A few seconds later, the apartment was just a little bit quieter.

Then the spaghetti sauce popped, sending flecks of red flying.

"Damn it." Alec reached for a dish towel and started cleaning up.

Chairman Meow made his first appearance of the day by hopping up onto the counter.

Alec threw the towel over his shoulder and pulled the lid off the boiling water.

Why did it smell more like burning oil?

He dumped a box of cavatappi into the water. The water turned cloudy.

Was it supposed to do that as well?

The phone started ringing.

Alec hurried to grab the phone.

As he accepted the call, he pushed the Chairman, hoping the cat would get off the counter. He didn't budge.

"Hello?"

"Are you busy?" Isabelle asked. She had gotten into the habit of not saying "hello" when she answered the phone.

"Um—" Alec glanced around the kitchen. It looked like a war zone. But if he didn't say yes, he'd risk Isabelle's wrath. "No."

"I think Clary is mad at me."

"Okay, why?" Alec asked. He stirred the pot of pasta and put a lid on the sauce.

Isabelle started telling a story that Alec only half-listened to as he whirled around the room, cleaning, stirring, setting out plates, and panicking about everything that had to be done.

Isabelle finally finished a few minutes later.

"—so what should I do?"

"Apologize," Alec said.

"Apologize? That's all you have to say?"

"Isabelle, you're making a big deal out of nothing—"

Alec turned around. The spaghetti sauce was burning again, smoking billowing out of the pot.

"Damn it!" Alec shouted.

"Alec—?"

"Isabelle, I've got to go—"

"Oh my gosh, it's—"

"Yes, it is," Alec said, through clenched teeth.

"And you're trying to make dinner?"

"Goodbye, Isabelle," Alec said. He could hear her laughs as he hung up the phone and reached for the Chairman, dropping him back on the floor.

"Stay down," Alec threatened.

He started his attempts to rescue the spaghetti sauce.

But it was clear that it was beyond rescuing.

Alec screamed in frustration.

But then he froze.

He heard the front door unlock.

"No," Alec mumbled.

He could hear Magnus' voice even before he stepped into the apartment.

He was humming something, quite loudly, until he must have stumbled across the fat cat.

"Chairman Meow, how is the company today?"

The damn cat hissed and the fire alarm started going off.

Alec scrambled for the burning sauce.

"Alexander—"

Alec couldn't respond.

"Alexander, where are you?"

Alec started stuttering. He turned all of the burners off, including the oven, which was supposed to be cooking the bread sticks.

When he looked up, Magnus' head was peeking into the kitchen.

He only looked slightly horrified.

Alec let out a defeated cry.

"I'm sorry," he said.

Magnus was still assessing the situation.

"I was trying to cook and—"

Magnus stepped into the kitchen, glancing up at the fire alarm. It immediately silenced.

The apartment was dead silent.

Then Alec started crying, burying his face in his hands.

Magnus was at his side in an instant, hugging him.

"Alexander, why are you crying?"

"It's a freaking disaster," Alec mumbled.

"Only slightly," Magnus said. As Alec buried his face in Magnus' shirt, Magnus cleaned up the mess.

"Why were you trying to cook?" Magnus asked.

"It's your birthday," Alec said. Magnus tensed slightly.

"How did you know that?"

"I asked Cat."

"She's betrayed me," Magnus said. He had intended for it to be a joke.

But Alec was silent.

Magnus was just thankful he was done crying.

It was just dinner, after all.

Magnus stepped away from Alec, who looked up at him.

Sometimes he was so terribly small and it was hard to remember that Alec hadn't seen quite as much as Magnus.

"You're kind hot when your eyes are red."

Then Alec was glaring.

Magnus kissed Alec's forehead, lingering there for a minute. Their fingers intertwined in the moment.

"It's the thought that counts," Magnus promised Alec. "But I'm hungry so you better have a Plan B."

"Whatever you want," Alec said.

The Chairman entered the kitchen again.

"He certainly didn't mean you," Magnus said, watching the cat lumber across the room.

Alec smiled.

"I don't feel like going out," Magnus said. "Will you just order takeout?"

"You don't get tired of that?" Alec asked. Magnus held out Alec's hand and smiled.

"The day I hate takeout will be a terrible day."

Magnus disappeared from the kitchen, leaving Alec to execute Plan B.

..........

Dinner was done; takeout boxes were overflowing out of the trash can.

In another part of the house, Magnus' body was parallel to Alec's as their lips met.

Alec's fingers easily undid the buttons of Magnus' shirt.

Magnus' fingers trailed through Alec's hair, until his index finger brushed just behind Alec's ear, hitting something wet.

It didn't take him long to figure out what it was.

By then, he was laughing.

"What—"

Magnus rolled off Alec.

"Magnus, what—"

Magnus pointed his finger up in the sky and in the dim light of the room they could both see red spaghetti sauce.

Magnus tried to suppress his laughter as he tasted the sauce.

"More oregano, next time," he advised. "And maybe a little less burned-in-the-flames-of-hell kind of taste."

"You're an ass," Alec said, wiping away what little was left behind his ear and onto Magnus.

"Hey, it's my birthday," Magnus said, poking Alec's side.

Alec rolled over onto his stomach. He put a hand on Magnus' chest, and rested his chin on Magnus' shoulder.

"Why didn't you tell me about your birthday?" Alec asked, simply.

"Because I don't like birthdays," Magnus said.

"That's not true. You planned the Chairman's birthday party for months."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize two months quantified as 'months,'" Magnus countered.

"Your cat," Alec reminded.

"I don't know," Magnus said. "I find my birthday to be just another day."

"So was today just another day, then?"

"It's not everyday someone burns boiling water," Magnus said. "So congratulations on that one." He smiled sarcastically.

"Well, happy birthday, anyways," Alec said.

"Yes," Magnus said, mindlessly. "Happy birthday to me."

Alec quickly brought him out of his thoughts though and back to reality.

And reality was much better place than his thoughts this time.


	11. A Pistachio Farm in the Desert

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Telling stories.

Silence.

None of us have heard it. There's always something to be heard. A radiator running. A breeze rustling even just a single leaf. Not to mention the blood constantly coursing through your head, past your ears.

There's no sound in space.

But the second you took of your helmet to experience that one, tiny, fracture of a second, you'd be dead.

Tragic.

Silence really is deadly.

So quiet is the correct word.

Quiet is the world Alec would have chosen to describe the night.

Just the blood rushing up to his brain.

There wasn't a leaf in sight, but there was a slight breeze.

And Alec wasn't quite sure he could tell you what a radiator was, much less how it made any noise.

The trees above them were beginning to earn back their green for the season and so for now it was producing little buds.

How they ended up in the middle of a pistachio farm in the New Mexican desert was beyond Alec. Some things just happened when you were accompanying Magnus Bane around the world. And midnight pistachio trips was just one of things that Alec described as accidental.

They were there now and that was all that mattered. Living in the moment was a key objective on this trip for Alec. For Magnus, it was his constant mantra.

Quiet was good but conversation was better tonight.

"Tell me a story," Alec said. They were laying side by side on a picnic blanket, finger tips just barely touching.

"About what?" Magnus asked.

"You," Alec said.

"I have lots of stories," Magnus said. "Shall I just pick one at random?"

"Sure," Alec said. He stared up into the stars.

They had to be at least 50 miles from any sort of civilization so the fog of the city had no effect out here.

It was clear skies and the stars were responding beautifully, sending off more light than usual, in Alec's humble astronomical opinion.

Up there, it was silent.

Down here, it was quiet.

Difference.

"Have I told you about the time I was a mundane for a year?" Magnus asked.

"No," Alec said, slowly. "Sounds interesting."

"It wasn't at first," Magnus said. "Then I discovered something called a Bucket List."

"A what?"

"Bucket List. A list of things to do before you die."

"Why is it called a 'Bucket List?'"

"It's a reference to 'kicking the bucket,'" Magnus explained.

"What? What does that have to do with death?"

"I honestly have no idea," Magnus said.

"Kicking a bucket is in no way symbolic of death," Alec said.

"Can I just tell my story?"

Quiet.

Not silent.

...........

The year was 1946.

The city was loud. Parties were constant. The War had ended.

But it was too loud after years of turmoil. The rapid shift was too much for the old soul in Magnus.

The city had to be left behind for something a bit quieter.

The Chicago Museum of History was looking for someone to head up their early 19th century exhibit.

Magnus just so happened to be an expert at early 19th century history. It was easy when you had lived it.

He took the train out of Union Station and arrived in Chicago a day later.

It was New York with more violence and yet, more class. If you were on the right side of the city. The Museum just so happened to be on the right side.

Magnus' last spell before his hiatus from magic was manipulating the head curator into thinking Magnus had a PhD.

Then he was done, swearing an oath of abstinence over a solitary meal in an empty apartment.

For awhile, Chicago was lonely.

Then the project at the Museum started with the hiring of some of the brightest historical minds in the area. They knew the facts of the times. Magnus knew the aura. He was certain that together, they could put together something.

There were five interns working under Magnus. They worshiped him like an all-knowing historical god. He unabashedly accepted the title and embraced it.

But the completely professional relationship they all had got boring quick. The twenty-somethings had energy but they didn't have fun. They were as boring as the textbooks they poured themselves into.

"We're going drinking," Magnus decided one Friday as the day came to a close. The oldest of the group, Thomas, was sketching a rough layout for a display case.

He glanced up from the drafting board.

"I don't drink."

"Everyone drinks," Magnus said. If this had been New York, there wouldn't have been a second of hesitation.

Thomas looked at his peers who were curious at the idea of partying with the boss. The god.

Ruthie was Magnus' second-in-command. She was perhaps the most loyal.

"I'd love to join you," she said, batting her pretty eyelashes. She was an embodiment of perfection.

Magnus didn't like perfect. The broken were far more interesting.

.........

"Wait," Alec said, interrupting Magnus. "You think I'm broken?"

"No," Magnus said, wiping a smudge of pistachio soil off of Alec's chin. "I think you're perfectly whole. I'm saying that there was nothing interesting about Ruthie. She was that perfect housewife type. She never did anything wrong. She wasn't interesting."

Alec wasn't sure he understood.

..........

Then there was Beth, Ruthie's foil.

Beth was everything bad about Chicago, hidden beneath clothes that matched Ruthie's cute style.

Beth took risks. She put out ideas. She didn't mind not being in charge.

And she was far more interesting.

"Sounds fun, darlin'," Beth said. She called everyone that. Magnus didn't like that.

Mark and Robert were the other two. They were out on the museum floor, scoping out the space that was being reserved for the exhibit.

"Tell the boys," Magnus said, looking at Ruthie. She bounded off, her curls bouncing with her step.

"I still don't drink, Mr. Bane," Thomas said.

"Enough with the formalities," Magnus said. "It's Magnus."

..........

"You took a bunch of college kids drinking?" Alec asked.

"Yes," Magnus said.

"That was on your bucket list?"

"No," Magnus said. "But I'm getting to that."

........

The six of them were balancing on a dangerous edge between completely smashed and giggly drunk. It made for interesting conversation.

They had even gotten a gin and tonic in Thomas after he ordered a Shirley Temple. Then another. And another.

Then they lost count.

"List of things to do before you die," Beth said, staring Magnus right in the eyes. Her blue eyes contrasted her blonde hair more than most girls.

"Never thought about it," Magnus said, setting down his drink in triumph.

"Never thought about death?" Mark asked.

"Absolutely not," Magnus said. "Live in the present. Always; no exceptions."

"Fine," Beth said. "What would you rather be doing right now?"

"Nothing," Magnus said. He put an arm around Thomas who was chasing a cherry around in his drink. "I'm spending quality time with my five best friends."

"Awww," Ruthie said. She twisted back and forth on her stool, obviously trying for Robert's attention, batting those eyelashes yet again.

"I'm serious," Beth said.

"And I am dead serious," Magnus said.

Beth didn't like that answer. But she moved on.

They all moved on in the end.

Magnus didn't though. When he woke up the next morning, thankful for Saturday and the invention of aspirin, he spent the first hour laying on the cool tile floor of his bathroom, contemplating what he had to get done before he died.

In the end, he would die.

Life, both human and Downworld, would come to an end. It was just a matter of when.

Someday he would cease to exist. And maybe tomorrow, he wouldn't be able to visit the top of the Chrysler Building because it would be destroyed by an atomic bomb.

Maybe.

Who knew?

Living in the present, yes, he could do that. But he had to consider the things he wanted between now and the end of time.

And right now, he really wanted to try escargot.

He also wanted to ride in an airplane.

Maybe visit the infamous Berlin. Steamboat down the Mississippi.

Learn how to spell the word "Mississippi" first, he noted.

There was so much to be done. He was his own limit.

And he had a year to do it all through the eyes of a mundane while working on the museum project.

..........

"You don't know how to spell 'Mississippi?'" Alec asked. Magnus rolled his eyes.

"M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I," Magnus said. "Smart-ass."

"I prefer 'smart-Alec.'"

Magnus hit Alec on the arm for such a terrible pun (which he had used before, on multiple occasions) and continued.

..........

He spent the Saturday writing a bucket list.

In the end, it came down to twenty-five items, ranked from hardest to easiest.

He knocked #25 off that night by standing on the roof of his apartment building and kicking a bucket over the edge while humming the trumpet part of a particular Louis Armstrong song.

But it was back to work on Monday and the list was put on hold.

........

"So what did you do next?" Alec asked.

Magnus had stopped talking.

"I'm starting to regret starting this story," Magnus said.

"Now you have to tell me," Alec said, rolling onto his side.

Magnus closed his eyes and sighed.

........

#14.5 was added after another Friday at the bar, born out of a debate between Robert and Mark. A story had hit the headlines recently about men cross-dressing.

So who would be the more attractive woman: Robert or Mark?

There really was no contest. Mark had the softer features and fairer hair.

Then Beth chimed in with her two cents.

"I think Magnus, here, would be even better," she said. Magnus raised an eye brow. No one was as drunk as they had been a week ago. They learned their lesson.

"I agree," Magnus said. "But there's really no way to know without trying."

Robert and Mark laughed it off as a joke.

"You believe I'm joking," Magnus said. "I'm not."

Then, inspired, he pulled out the piece of paper he had been carrying around with him and found it's place in the ranks.

"What's that?" Ruthie asked. She hung awfully close to Robert.

"A list of things to do," Magnus said.

"You're adding cross-dressing—" Mark inspected the list more.

"It's his list of things to do before he dies," Mark said. "'#12: Fly on an airplane.'"

"I heard those are death traps," Ruthie said.

"Perfectly safe," Magnus corrected.

"I'll do it," Beth said. "Say, don't you think we're about the same size?"

"Absolutely," Magnus said. 

Beth pressed her lips together. "I'll do you up just fine."

"You're going through with this?" Thomas asked.

"We'll do it in the privacy of the office next Monday," Magnus said. He pointed at Mark. "As long as you keep your cameras out of there."

Mark saluted.

........

Alec was face down, laughing into the blanket.

"Stop laughing or you won't be able to— Alec!"

"You cross-dressed?"

"Are you honestly surprised?" Magnus asked. "It was the 40's. Weird stuff happened."

"Please tell me there's pictures," Alec said, putting his hands together in a desperate beg. "Please."

Magnus remained stone-faced.

"You wanted a story. So be quiet and listen."

.........

Beth and Ruthie had shown up an hour early to prepare a little table stocked full of makeup and a rack filled with bright dresses with full skirts.

That's when Magnus started to feel some form of regret for inspiring the girls.

But it was on the list now so he had to do it.

He sat for an hour that morning, avoiding all the work that needed to be done, as Beth painted his face and complimented his complexion and cheekbones.

It got weird very quickly.

They were stumped with his hair though, both with the shortness and how he managed to make it blue. He told them it was a secret but they didn't drop it. So Ruthie just clipped on a giant bow and they called it a day.

The boys were out running errands and conferencing with other museums about borrowing pieces.

But Robert returned as Magnus was debating between a red dress with white trim or a blue one with a sailor collar.

"New York just called. They're willing to give us their fashion collection on loan—" He stopped, finally seeing the makeup. "I'm sorry— I can't—"

He shook his head.

"They're on the phone for you," Robert said. Magnus handed the two hangers off to Beth and went to answer the phone.

Robert watched with a horrified amusement as Magnus carried on a very serious conversation about prices and loans all while looking more feminine than Ruthie herself.

When he hung up, Robert finally spoke.

"You look very attractive, Mr. Bane," Robert said. Then he left the office. Magnus returned to dressing up.

The phone rang again as Ruthie was zipping up Magnus' dress. Beth was laughing too hard to function.

"Hello?" Magnus said. Ruthie struggled to get it up the last inch.

"Mr. Bane, it's the New York Public Museum."

"Yes?" Magnus asked. The dress was awfully tight.

"We'd like to proceed with our transaction face to face. Can you be in New York by tomorrow?"

Magnus looked to Ruthie.

"When does the last train to New York leave?"

"Noon," she said. He wouldn't be able to make the train. But—

"Yes, I can," Magnus said.

They finished the conversation, making arrangements.

"Call the airport," Magnus said, triumphantly. "I'm going to ride on an airplane."

Mark came in the room and there was suddenly a bright flash.

"I apologize," Mark shouted, before running out of the room again.

Magnus was going to run after him, but Beth stopped him.

"Let's get this mess off you, darlin'," she said.

Taking off the make up turned out to be a longer process than putting it on.

........

"So there is a picture?" Alec asked.

"Yes," Magnus said. "There's one. All other copies were destroyed."

"Where is it?" Alec asked.

"Secret," Magnus said. "Now let me finish."

..........

The airplane ride was horrific and Magnus had made the mistake of bringing Ruthie and Robert.

They hit turbulence almost the entire way there. When she wasn't clutching the arm rest, she was squeezing the circulation out of Robert's hand. Her rapid breathing gave Magnus a headache and the service from the stewardesses was equally horrible.

But something was off the list and they were in New York. That was all that mattered.

Magnus had kept his apartment and paid the land lady a decent amount every month to keep it clean. So they stayed there. Magnus pretended that it was a coincidence that Robert and Ruthie's rooms were connected.

Young love. It was beautiful to watch.

"So what else is on your list?" Robert asked at dinner.

"Going to Antarctica is #3," Magnus said.

"And what's #1?" Ruthie asked.

"That's a secret," Magnus said.

"Fine; then #2?" Ruthie asked.

"Yet another secret," Magnus said.

........

"Tell me," Alec demanded.

Magnus put his hand in Alec's face and continued talking.

.........

"Trying escargot is #9," Magnus said. "And I see they have that on the menu."

"Two items in one day?" Robert asked. "This list must be pretty easy."

"I'm allergic to snails," Magnus said.

"Then you can't try it!" Ruthie shouted.

"He means allergic as in an aversion," Robert pointed out.

"I could be allergic to snails," Magnus said. "How would you know?"

"No one is allergic to snails," Robert said.

Magnus rolled his eyes, setting the menu aside.

When the waiter came back around, Magnus was able to check #9 off his list.

..........

Alec rested his head on Magnus' shoulder, staring up at him.

.........

A week later, they were back in Chicago with half of the artifacts they'd need for the exhibit. Magnus had also checked using a train horn off the list on the trip home. Granted, he had done that illegally. . .

The list was coming along and so was the exhibit. Being mundane was proving to be easy and more exciting than some days back in New York and London had been.

How the Institute in Chicago had gotten his number was beyond him, but they called Magnus late one night in the middle of the week.

The Head of the Institute introduced himself as one of the Blackthorns.

"Are you operating in the Chicago area?" he asked, after the formalities.

"Um, no," Magnus said, pacing his apartment as far as the cord of the phone would let him.

"Are you in the Chicago area?"

"Yes," Magnus said.

"Then you're operating in the Chicago area, aren't you, Mr. Bane?"

"Technically. But I'm not using magic and I'm not open for business so—"

"I'm not interested in your services, Mr. Bane. We've detected a demonic presence in your area."

"I have nothing to do with it," Magnus said.

"The Chicago Museum of History? You're working there, aren't you?"

"There's nothing demonic there."

"Our Sensors are picking up activity," he said. "You can either deal with the matter yourself and we can part was diplomatically or we can go in and deal with it."

"I'll see what it is," Magnus said. "But I have nothing to do with it."

Magnus hung up. But the phone rang again. He picked it up.

"Mr. Blackthorn, I'll deal with it in the—"

"Mr. Bane?" Ruthie's voice trembled.

"Ruthie? What's wrong?"

"Something's glowing— it's a locket— the locket piece; it's glowing red—"

"I'll be there soon," Magnus said.

And he was. Within twenty minutes, he was standing in front of the locket, which was, in fact, glowing red.

The interns were huddled around Magnus, but they still stood at a distance.

Whatever magic this was, Magnus didn't recognize it.

The door to the office opened and everyone turned to see who it was.

A boy dressed in Shadowhunter gear, namely a leather jacket, entered the room, striding with the confident grace that a lot of Shadowhunters seemed to have embedded in their genes.

"Good evening," he said.

"Blackthorn," Magnus responded. His voice matched the one on the phone. Granted, he had been expecting someone older. . .

"How are you?" he asked, still walking towards them.

"I'm just fine. How are you tonight?"

"Oh just great," the Blackthorn boy said. He reached the locket, bending down in front of it. "Yep. Just what I suspected. It's a portable Pyxis. Prototype, of course."

He picked up the locket gently.

"And it looks like this one happens to be occupied."

"Portable Pyxis aren't on the Clave's list of approved devices, as far as I know," Magnus said.

"They're not," he said. He stared at it with a fascinated curiosity. "Yet."

"Something tells me it's not working anymore," Magnus said.

"You'd be right," he said.

"Mr. Bane, do you know this man?" Mark asked.

"I—"

This was the end of his mundane time.

"I can't stop it," the Blackthorn boy said, cutting Magnus off. "The demon will break out."

"Demon?" Beth's voice squeaked.

"Do you know what's inside?" Magnus asked.

"Somewhere between major and minor," he guessed. "Not too weak that they'd waste something like this on it but not strong enough to be trapped by something so feeble."

"Maybe something new?" Magnus guessed.

"Nothing's new," the Blackthorn said. "The name's Jackson, by the way."

"Jackson Blackthorn. Are you running the Institute by yourself?" Magnus asked.

"Not usually. The family is in Idris."

"And you are—?"

"Saving your life, Mr. Bane," Jackson said. The locket started vibrating in Jackson's open palm. He set it back on the velvet pillow it had sat on for probably the last hundred years.

Then Jackson looked back to the interns.

"You might want to take a few steps back. Or better yet, leave," Jackson said. He pulled two seraph blades out and they started glowing when he muttered their names.

The interns jumped back at the glowing blades, then they scurried out of the room.

"You know, I was on vacation, Blackthorn," Magnus snapped. "I was on a break."

"I wish I cared," Jackson said. His eyes were still trained on the locket when it exploded seconds later. A red mist came pouring out of it, onto the floor, dancing around their feet. Jackson and Magnus stepped back, as it materialized into the shape of a person.

As the demon took it's form, it stretched it's neck, arms crossed.

"I do so hate Pyxis," it said.

"Who are you?" Jackson asked.

"My name is irrelevant," it said. "If you're going to kill me, do it now. This dimension is so dull. And I'd like some excit—"

Jackson stuck the seraph blade through it and it evaporated into the red smoke again.

"Easy," Jackson said, sheathing his blades.

"Oh yes," Magnus said. "Easy for you to say. I've got five mundanes to deal with now."

"Just set them straight with your voodoo."

"It's magic," Magnus snapped. "And I'm not supposed to be using it."

"The Clave gave you restrictions?" Jackson asked.

"Shadowhunters," Magnus muttered. "Not everything is about the Clave."

..........

"Voodoo?"

"I've never been a fan of the Blackthorns," Magnus said. "But granted, I never really liked the Lightwoods either."

"You knew Lightwoods? Before me?" Alec asked.

"Different story," Magnus said, "and I'm almost done with this one."

..........

It was over.

He had failed his quest to be mundane for a year.

Magnus had to rewrite parts of the intern's memory. He erased himself and placed Thomas in charge.

Then he packed up his things in Chicago and returned to New York City.

........

"That's it?"

"Pretty much," Magnus said. "The day after returning though, I did a summoning and I felt incredibly powerful."

"What about the list?" Alec asked.

"I keep it with me," Magnus said, shrugging against the ground.

"Let me see it," Alec said. "Where is it?"

Magnus sighed and begrudgingly pulled out his wallet. He really didn't keep much in there.

The bucket list was a worn out piece of paper, it's edges and creases no longer sharp.

Alec unfolded it carefully. A few items had been crossed out, more than what Magnus had described in the story. So he was still following the bucket list?

But Alec wanted to know #1 and #2.

#2 was crossed off.

2) Fall in love.

A little heart was drawn in the margins in purple ink.

"That was because of you," Magnus whispered, finally pulling his eyes away from the stars and at Alexander.

Alec smiled.

Then he looked at #1.

1) Die.

Alec looked over at Magnus. It was a morbid thought. But Alec knew Magnus was curious about death, no matter how much he played it off.

"You can hold off on #1 for awhile," Alec said. He scanned through the list one last time. "And we can make pizza when we get back."

"But I have to toss it up in the air, you know?" Magnus said. Alec knew exactly what he was picturing.

"We'll buy a lot of ingredients so you can get your practice in," Alec said.

Magnus closed his eyes.

After a few minutes of watching him, Alec did the same.

They fell asleep in the quiet early morning of a pistachio farm in the desert.


	12. Kites in the Sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A day out with the kids.

There was nothing quite like spring in Central Park. The trees were just starting to come back and the flowers were blooming.

Those were the best days.

The breeze wasn't too strong.

The tourists weren't overbearing.

The playground was the best spot in the park in the opinions of Axton and Paislee. But today they would forgo the playground for the large open green field.

Axton had gotten a kite as an Easter present from his Auntie Izzy and for the last week it had been sitting by the front door, waiting to be unpacked, dying to be flown.

A free Saturday morning was finally found though, and the family set out to the park, walking part of the way (taking the subway the other half) instead of taking the cab. It added to the experience.

As a general rule, Paislee was allowed to pick her own outfits. Today it was her yellow rainboots with the white polka dots, navy blue romper with white bow, and she had convinced Magnus into pulling her frizzy brown hair into pigtails. The yellow hair bows were of his own addition.

When they walked, she always walked in between Magnus and Alec, holding onto whatever fingers she could wrap her tiny fists around. She tended to skip and jump as she walked.

Axton walked in front of them, exploring the world around him with the energy instilled in every little boy.

Magnus usually dressed Axton. He was hopeless (similar to Alec) otherwise.

Today, Axton held the kite close to his chest as he ran ahead. Every once in awhile, he'd go too far and Alec would shout for him to come back. And he did, his black curls bouncing with him.

Magnus had spent more time than he cared to admit researching how to fly a kite. Today was the weather was just perfect for flying a kite. Magnus made sure. He was not about the let Axton down.

Alec, on the other hand, was looking forward to watching Magnus try. A secret bet had been made, one the kids didn't know about.

$20 (and something else later that night) if Magnus failed.

They were at the park by noon.

Alec took Paislee over to the playground as Magnus and Axton put the kite together.

Paislee only liked the swings. She also liked being quiet. She didn't speak much but she had the most expressive faces. You could also tell her moods by her choice of clothes.

Today, Alec guessed she was feeling conservative, a little pensive.

Paislee was a Shadowhunter, born at the Cairo Institute. Her parents died in a raid on a vampire nest and despite the Clave's reluctance to give her up to a gay couple, they did get her in the end and Paislee arrived at the young age of two in New York City. She was three and a half now.

Alec pushed Paislee on the swing. He enjoyed the silence too.

They both watched the other children. The more normal children. The children who didn't know about demons. The children whose parents couldn't summon those demons or kill them.

Paislee didn't envy them though. The only jealousy she knew was directed towards Axton and that emotion was wasted over toys; not normalcy.

Back in the clearing, Magnus and Axton had successfully put the kite together.

Axton was shaking with excitement.

"I'm so happy," he said, running circles around Magnus.

It made Magnus smile— his energy.

"Okay, Axie," Magnus said, stopping Axton by placing a hand on his shoulder. "You're going to hold the kite way up high in the air and when I say 'let go,' you're going to let go, okay?"

"When do I get to fly?"

"You run to me after you let go, okay?" Magnus said. Axton nodded.

"What about Daddy?" Axton asked.

"He'll come watch when he's done pushing Paislee on the swings, okay?" Axton nodded. "So stay here and I'm going to walk backwards."

Magnus' goal of the day was slipping away from making Axton happy to proving to Alec that he could do even the most mundane things; like flying a kite.

Alec started walking backwards until he was the perfect distance, according to www.flyingkites.com.

"Let go!" Magnus shouted and Axton did, immediately taking off towards Magnus as the kite climbed higher and higher into the sky.

It was working! It was actually working!

Magnus continued running and Axton followed after him.

When Magnus finally stopped, Axton jumped up into his arms and Magnus caught him, handing the kite string off to Axton, who held it like it was the most precious thing in the world.

Magnus watched Axton while pointing out all of the other kites in the sky. Every once in awhile, Magnus would readjust the string or walk back a few steps to keep the kite in line.

Axton couldn't stop smiling the entire time.

His smile grew even brighter when he saw Paislee running across the field towards him, Alec not far behind. Axton wiggled out of Magnus' arms but he didn't let go of the kite. With the authority of being her older brother, Axton explained the kite to little Paislee while Magnus watched the kite to make sure it stayed up in the air. He didn't see Alec walk up behind him, wrapping his arms around Magnus.

"Hi there," Alec whispered in his ear.

"Hi," Magnus said. Axton handed the kite to Paislee but he kept a steady hand on there too, to guide her.

Magnus leaned his head against Alec's.

"They're adorable," Alec said.

"Truly," Magnus agreed.

When they had gotten Paislee, they spent countless nights debating whether or not to adopt again. They decided to and less than a week later, Catarina called, telling them about a little blue boy with the black horns, whose mother had finally given up on hiding him. He would have to wear glamors whenever he went out in public because mundanes had a thing against different skin colors.

Soon, they'd both really learn about Downworld. Paislee would get runes and Axton would train to hone his magical powers. They were already seeing Paislee's lightning-fast reflexes and sometimes Axton's fingers would let out little white sparks when he got too excited or upset.

"Paislee's yawning," Magnus said. Alec had closed his eyes, taking in everything else.

Alec sighed, letting go of Magnus.

"You owe me $20," Magnus shouted after him as Alec walked away.

Alec discreetly flipped Magnus off as he convinced Paislee to give the kite back to Axton. Alec picked her up and carried her back to Magnus, who had the little bag of stuff they had brought along. The biggest item inside was a picnic blanket. Alec fished it out, laying it on the ground, as Magnus went to go check on Axton again.

So Alec laid down with Paislee, who was snuggled up right along side him. She was a good napper and Alec had gotten used to afternoon naps too.

Axton was content, which was all Magnus wanted for him.

Being content was hard to achieve and Magnus truly believed that the second a person realized the horrors of the world around them, was the second they stopped being content. You could never really be happy. Not in such a broken world.

They stayed in the park for another hour before Magnus saw the dark storm clouds coming on the horizon.

He woke Alec up immediately but Paislee was still stuck in a deep sleep.

Alec volunteered to carry her. Magnus took off the jacket he was wearing and wrapped it around Axton who was winding up the kite string. The winds had knocked it out of the sky without little thought for the boy devastated by it's fall.

They covered Paisley with the picnic blanket as they, and the rest of the families in the Park, started their journey home.

"Is it worth it to get a cab?" Alec asked. This time, Magnus held onto Axton's hand as they hurried through the park.

"Yes," Magnus said. He could already hear the thunder cracking and lightning popping.

Alec hailed a cab and the family of four crowded inside a little one. Axton's feet swung back and forth over the edge of the seat.

Paislee continued snoring.

The cab ride was silent as the first drops of rain began to hit the windows.

"I love rain," Alec mused to himself.

When they got back to the apartment, Magnus put Axton down for an afternoon nap and Alec laid Paislee down in her own room.

"Is she dead?" Magnus whispered as Alec retreated out of Paislee's room.

"No," Alec said, rolling his eyes as he shut the door.

Magnus smiled.

"I'm freezing," Alec said. The rain had pretty much soaked him as they retreated out of the taxi. It was coming down hard and fast.

Magnus was worse though, since he had given up his coat to Axton.

"We should probably change," Magnus said. A shower would have been preferable but the sound of the shower would wake up Axton. Getting him to nap again would be impossible.

Alec reached out for Magnus' hand, pulling him towards their room. The apartment was going to be too small once the kids were no longer under four feet tall. But they weren't ready to move out of the apartment just yet.

Magnus knew what Alec had on his mind and he was ready for it when Alec pulled him up close the second they were in the privacy of the room.

Alec's hand and caught the door as it prepared to slam shut. He slowly closed the door, probably a bit more carefully than necessary.

When Alec's eyes returned to Magnus, they were shy and hesitant, worried that the door had ruined the moment.

"Remember when slamming doors didn't matter?" Magnus asked, pulling Alec close again.

"Seems like forever ago," Alec said.

"Ah, well it wasn't," Magnus said. Alec put his arms around Magnus' neck lazily.

"Jeez, Alexander, you really are soaked," Magnus said. The front of Magnus' shirt was already getting wet.

Alec rolled his eyes, but stopped mid-roll as Magnus started taking off dripping layers. Alec closed his eyes and put his forehead against Magnus' shoulder.

He focused all his attention on sensing Magnus' every movement.

Off with the sweatshirt. It hit the floor with a slop.

Alec buried his face in the crook of Magnus' neck. He took a deep breath.

Magnus smelled like grass, the sharp scent of some overly-expensive cologne, and a little bit of sulfur. Occupational hazard, Alec guessed.

Magnus' fingers danced at the hem of Alec's shirt, sending warm, electric impulses through Alec.

Impatience. That's what he felt.

He just wanted Magnus. The rest of the world could be put on pause for just a moment.

But Magnus didn't take the shirt off himself.

"Take it off," Magnus ordered as he pressed Alec towards the bed. Alec listened, tossing the shirt aside.

"Let's go somewhere," Alec said, as he fell back against the bed.

"Where do you want to go?" Magnus asked, laying beside Alec, who rolled over so he was almost on top of Magnus.

Alec pressed his lips together as he thought.

His fingers danced along the neck line of Magnus' perfectly dry shirt. How he managed to avoid the rain was beyond Alec.

"Madrid," Alec said.

"Alright," Magnus said. "When do you want to go?"

"Right now," Alec said.

"Well, the kids—"

"I know," Alec said. A year ago, they would have just gone. Poof. No second thoughts.

"I'll take you Madrid one day," Magnus said.

"When I'm all old and wrinkly?" Alec asked, unconsciously scrunching up his face. His finger drew little swirls on Magnus' collarbone.

"Exactly then," Magnus said. "Maybe a little sooner. Clary and Jace would take the kids for a week. If not them, then Tessa and Jem. They'd love it. Or Cat—"

"Let's plan on it then," Alec said. "We'll go soon."

"I love you," Magnus said. He pulled Alec even closer to him.

"I know," Alec said, kissing the invisible spiral.

"Did you just quote 'Star Wars?'" Magnus asked. Alec started laughing. "I know you watched them, Alexander!"

Alec jumped up to his feet to go get a shirt.

"I'm going to kill Simon," Magnus muttered. "Defiling my poor, culturally-innocent Shadowhunter."

Alec started rummaging through his dresser drawer. Magnus sat up, watching Alec.

"Blue one," Magnus said.

"Does it matter?" Alec asked, glancing back.

"Absolutely," Magnus said.

"No one's going to see it."

"Paislee and Axton will see. I'll see," Magnus said.

Alec rolled his eyes and slipped into the blue shirt.

"You're a real pain," Alec said, coming back over to Magnus.

"You look better without a shirt on," Magnus commented.

"Tell me that when I'm all old and wrinkly," Alec retorted.

"I will," Magnus said.

And he smiled.

Paislee started crying and then their moment was over.


	13. Poison of Breakups

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a world where they never got back together...

One more sip.

Another shot.

Another drink.

Spiraling out of control.

Breakups weren't supposed to hurt this bad. He knew that much.

A glittering blue powder.

Do a line.

Do three.

Numb the pain a little.

His head was spinning.

A pinch in the arm was the sacrifice for warmth.

"Get out," he ordered. Feet shuffled. Lips murmured.

Lips.

Kisses.

Slowly falling into insanity. . .

..........

The halls were dark but the door to the kitchen was cracked open just slightly, allowing a sliver of light to be casted onto the wall.

There was quiet conversation going on inside, which was odd for multiple reasons.

1) It was three in the morning and. . .

Well, it was three in the morning and Alec couldn't think of anything else.

He opened the door, just looking for water, not expecting to find Isabelle sitting on the counter with Jace pacing around her.

They were just as shocked to see him.

"What are you two doing up?" Alec asked.

"The same could be asked of you," Isabelle said.

"I asked first," Alec said.

"We were planning an intervention," Jace said, "if we're being honest."

"Whose intervention?"

"Yours," Isabelle said.

Alec hesitated to ask why. Would that make him sound stupid? He knew the answer.

"I'm not--"

"You need to go make up with Magnus," Isabelle said.

"You're obviously depressed," Jace said. "I can feel it. We can both see it on you--"

"I'm fine," Alec insisted.

"No," Jace said. "You're not."

His voice was oddly harsh.

Everyone was on edge from interrupted sleep and a highly debatable topic.

"I'm going back to bed," Alec said.

"Fine," Jace said, grabbing Alec's arm. "You don't want to make up with him? That's fine. But at least go get your stuff back from his apartment. I'm tired of you borrowing my stuff."

That was the Jace Alec preferred; brutally honest.

"I'll go in the morning," Alec said. It was only sort of a lie.

"Why not now?" Isabelle asked.

"Because it's three in the morning," Alec said. "Or has no one noticed?"

"The last one," Isabelle said. "He's probably up anyways."

"Why? And how would you know?"

"I've heard rumors that he's been having killer parties at all hours of the night. And I would know because I actually have a social life. You should try it some time--"

Alec took a menacing step towards Isabelle but Jace stopped him.

"The morning sounds much better," Jace said. Alec turned and left the kitchen.

It was exactly 67 steps to his room.

He could probably do it in his sleep.

But there was no falling asleep now.

.........

Sleep was usually a nightmare.

Tonight was no exception.

The knock at the door tried to pull him out of it but it wasn't enough.

He was trapped, stuck, dying. . .

He needed help.

Another knock.

His eyes wouldn't respond to his brain's commands.

So how the hell was he supposed to answer a door?

........

The summer days had been unusually rainy.

Today was no exception.

Alec was only partially soaked when he knocked on Magnus' door. He figured he'd be polite first.There was no response.

What was the proper protocol here? Could Alec just walk in?

He knocked again.

No response.

Alec put his hand on the doorknob but froze there in hesitation.

It was now or never.

He turned the knob.

"Hello?" he called.

The apartment looked empty from here but there were a lot of rooms to go through if he wanted to find Magnus.

No.

He was here for his stuff and that was it.

That would all be in his old room, as long as none of it had been moved.

"Hello?" he shouted again. There was no use in startling anyone.

Alec glanced behind him.

Nothing but paranoia.

He moved through the rest of the house until he came to Magnus' room. His room would be the next one down. . .

But the door to Magnus' room was cracked open.

His hand went unconsciously to a hidden knife in his pocket. Fingers wrapped around the familiar hilt as he pushed open the door to find--

Magnus.

Face up. Palms up. Eyes closed.

.......

All he could see was a miraculous gold, hinted with tiny flecks of color occasionally.

He could feel each beat of his heart getting slower. And slower. And slower. . .

..........

"Magnus?"

Poking him would be wrong.

Alec looked around the room. It looked like a typical morning after a wild party.

Something metallic caught Alec's eye hidden amongst trash on the bedside table.

A tiny plastic syringe, depressor pushed all the way in, topped with a shining needle, lying on a tiny piece of gauze, flecked with blood.

Drugs, probably faerie, guessing by the glitter, sparkled against the wood.

Alec looked back down at Magnus, and he saw the little marks up and down Magnus' arms like little pink beads.

Magnus using?

Alec knelt down, searching for pulse.

..........

And slower. . . And slower. . .

.........

"Magnus, please," Alec mumbled. He couldn't find a pulse. Or maybe it was too weak to be found.

Magnus' chest was rising and falling shakily.

There would be no "sleeping it off." This was killing him. Whatever it was.

Could you do CPR on a warlock?

"Come on," Alec said. He pulled out his cell phone, searching through contacts for Cat or Tessa's number.

Both numbers went straight to voicemail. Tessa's voice mail box wasn't even set up, not to Alec's surprise.

Alec pulled out his stele.

There was one last option.

Alec drew his rune first, then the one on Magnus.

Alliance.

Maybe it would help.

Maybe it would just drag them both down.

.........

And. . .

Magnus felt colder as if something were pulling him away from the light.

Back to reality.

Damn it.

He was starting to like it here.

........

Alec could feel his energy draining fast.

But he hung on just long enough to break his fall onto the bed.

This was backfiring.

It was taking too much strength.

If only he could ruin the rune. . .

Alec thought in single words.

Stele.

Rune.

Warm.

Magnus.

Magnus.

Magnus.

........

Time wasn't a problem in the land of unconsciousness.

It could have been days.

Magnus wasn't really certain.

He was incredibly surprised to find Alec Lightwood lying next to him on his bed when he woke up though.

Happy? He wasn't sure. Angry? Depending on why Alec was there in the first place.

His arm hurt. His head hurt. His arm hurt some more.

But his head was unbelievable.

He lay there in silence and darkness, unmoving.

Was this just a continuation of another dream?

Alec wouldn't really be there. . . He was imagining it all, he decided.

Magnus reached out, his first movement of the day, and twisted a strand of Alec's hair around his fingers.

Definitely real. Definitely tangible.

Why was Alec here?

Magnus didn't want to ruin the moment, even if it was just a dream.

His fingers played with Alec's hair for awhile.

..........

Something was tugging at his hair.

Up until that point, Alec felt like he was floating.

The tugging wasn't violent. It was more playful than that.

It reminded him of--

Magnus.

Alec's eyes flew open. He was in Magnus' room. It had all happened. It was all real.

"Magnus--" Alec didn't turn around.

Looking would make it real.

.........

His fingers paused, then his arm recoiled.

What did one do in this situation?

As his arm snapped back, he saw the flash of fading black inscribed into his skin.

He took a second take: an Alliance rune.

"Why--"

Alec looked back at him; the first time he had seen his blue eyes in months and it was shattering.

Eyes as cold as ice-- there was very little love and affection in them.

Alec was obviously mad.

Magnus tried the question again.

"Why? Why are you here?"

"I came to get my stuff," Alec said.

"You could have done that four months ago," Magnus said.

On second thought, that was probably not the correct response.

..........

Alec sat up, remembering that he was still technically in the bed of his ex-boyfriend.

"I'm doing it now," Alec retorted.

Magnus' eyes looked around the room, for emphasis more than actual purpose.

"Stop," Alec said. "This isn't about me--"

"Well, you'd certainly like for it to be--"

"Magnus!"

"Need I remind you, Alexander, that you're in my house, in my bed," Magnus said.

"I saved your life!"

.........

That explained the rune.

Then Alec was crying. Not particularly hard. Just enough to get a point across and stab Magnus right in heart.

Magnus liked to classify that type of crying as "soap opera tears."

"Drugs, Magnus? Really?"

Magnus sat up, propping himself up against the headboard and pillows.

He didn't look away from Alec though.

He didn't have the right to look away from his accuser.

"You were dying!"

"I know," Magnus said. He had felt it and on some level of consciousness, known what it was.

"That doesn't scare you?"

"It didn't scare you when you were talking to Camille--"

Another wrong response.

.........

Alec sprung off the bed.

How could Magnus be so indifferent? So unkind?

"I made a mistake," Alec said.

"Yes, you did," Magnus said.

Alec shook his head.

This was too bizarre; beyond words.

"I'll just get my stuff then," Alec said.

"It's where you left it," Magnus said.

Alec could barely make it out of the room.

He stumbled into the room that had been his, not that he had actually slept in it much.

Alec found a duffle bag in the closet and stuffed what clothes hung in the closet and sat, dusty and folded, inside the drawers.

All the while, his breathing worsened, his vision became blurry with tears, and his sense of urgency increased.

He had to get out.

He had to move on.

Magnus didn't want him back; that much was obvious.

And you could only save someone so many times before you had to give up on them.

.........

It was back to square one.

To Magnus, Alec's reappearance felt more like a break-up within a break-up; like breaking a part of your arm that was already broken.

Now instead of being in two pieces, his heart was in three.

That would require more surgery, more superglue, more of whatever was going to put him back together.

The drugs had been like aspirin to a terminal illness-- soothing for awhile but pointless in solving the problem.

Alec was right: he had saved Magnus' life.

Alec was the only thing that could put Magnus right again.

Magnus scrambled out of the bed, getting tangled in sheets that hadn't been washed in months.

He flung open the door, looking up and down the hallway quick. The door to Alec's old room was shut again.

Magnus sprinted towards the front door.

Alec was just opening it.

"Alec!"

Magnus was certain he had never sounded so desperate in his life.

"I'm sorry!"

..........

Alec looked back.

Isn't Magnus what he really wanted? So what was the harm in going back?

He was still hesitant though. He pushed that emotion aside and turned around.

Alec shut the door and leaned back against it, dropping the bag down beside him.

"Were you trying to kill yourself?" Alec asked.

..........

"I wasn't intending on that, no," Magnus said.

"But you've been using for awhile now?"

This was becoming an interrogation.

"Yes," Magnus said. There was no way to defend that.

"You're clean," Alec said, "from this very moment on. I swear by the Angel, Magnus--"

"I won't," Magnus. "I won't mess up."

"Yes you will," Alec said. "We're both going to mess up. But I will not forgive you if you ever touch those drugs again."

A small part of Magnus, the part that was addicted and dependent on the faeries' mysterious substances, was screaming for Magnus to stop.

"Okay," Magnus said.

.........

Alec relaxed, almost to the point of collapsing.

His life was coming back together and it was a massive weight off his shoulders.

Magnus was walking towards him.

"I really missed you," Alec said.

Magnus smiled and took the last step into Alec's arms, which folded around Magnus' waist. Magnus buried his face in Alec's shirt.

"I'm sorry. I really am," Magnus said. "For everything." He looked up at Alec.

"You're forgiven," Alec said. "For everything."

"So we're starting over?" Magnus asked.

"Not completely," Alec said. "I think we can skip the awkward parts."

"Awkward? I think you mean adorable--"

"Atrociously awkward," Alec said. Magnus put his hands on Alec's neck, finger twisting around stray strands of hair.

Magnus memorized Alec's features, as if, the Angel forbid, he could slip away again, leaving Magnus in broken ruins again.

Then he rose up on his barefeet and pressed his lips against Alec's.

And while it was simple and gentle kiss, the Alliance rune grew brighter on their arms, as if there was a new-found power between them.

 

{Epilogue}

 

Isabelle knocked on the door to the library. Sometimes Jace got lost in his own mind and she had learned not to startle him.

She heard him mutter something so she entered.

"Alec is still gone," she said.

Jace was sitting on a ladder.

"That's 9 hours and counting," he said.

"Oh?"

"I heard the front door open and close about an hour after we talked to him," Jace said. He looked up from the book he was reading with a smirk. "I think we all know what he's up to."

"Filthy mind," Isabelle said, pacing down below.

"I'm just saying," Jace said. "No one goes to their ex's house for 9 hours--"

"Maybe he's trying to kill him," she offered. "Or maybe he was kidnapped."

At that second, their phones buzzed.

Jace, being the faster of the two, saw the text from Alec first:

1:39 pm- Alec: going to be out for awhile. Don't know when I'll be back. But I'm fine :)

"He's using smiley faces," Jace laughed. "Are you sure he's okay?"

"Probably beyond okay," Isabelle said, putting her phone back in her pocket. "But hey, on the bright side, I've won the bet--"

A twenty dollar bill floated down to the ground and Isabelle just barely caught it before it hit the floor.

"Twelve hours or less," Isabelle laughed. "You have so little faith in Malec."

"In what?" Jace called.

"Magnus and Alec," Isabelle said as she pushed open the door with her back. "Malec-- I don't know. Smashing names together-- it's a mundane thing Simon taught me."

"Weird."

"I agree."


	14. Afternoon Naps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "People Help the People," covered by Leroy Sanchez

A good nap was all Magnus needed.

He hadn't slept the night before and the morning had been more eventful than planned.

Naps— they could fix almost anything, if done properly.

Magnus had been studying napology his entire life and he would be damned if it wasn't an official field of study at Harvard before he died.

It couldn't be too short or too long. There couldn't be too much light in the room but, too dark and you wouldn't wake up in time. Too comfortable and you wouldn't get up when it was done and too uncomfortable and you wouldn't reach peak restfulness.

45 minutes was Magnus' magic number and if he had to set a timer, then he'd set a timer.

The timer went off around two in the afternoon.

45 minutes wasn't enough. The alarm kept screeching and no matter how much Magnus fumbled with the screen of his iPhone, he couldn't get it to shut off.

Flustered and tired, he chucked the phone against the wall and with one final cry, it shattered into a million made-in-China pieces.

In the relative silence, sleep was coming back to him.

Until he heard the plink-plinking of the piano.

So Alec was finally home?

Faced with the choice of dream-Alec or real-Alec, Magnus went with the latter, pulling all of the covers off the bed as he staggered out into the sun.

It was an unfortunate fact that his apartment had a lot of windows and reflective surfaces. He thought the shiny and bright interior was a great idea when he bought the place.

Now he wanted the privacy of a life behind blinds and a lot less sunlight.

Alec's back was to Magnus, who was covered from head to toe with piles of blankets.

Magnus collapsed onto the couch, laying on his side so he could watch Alec.

Alec was in a sort of trance.

He could get that way sometimes if something was bothering or if he simply wanted to be alone.

Magnus never minded the occasionally silent Alexander, as long as it didn't last longer than a few hours.

"What are you playing?" Magnus finally asked. He had been listening long enough to know it wasn't an actual piece, but rather a sloppy arrangement of chords that occasionally managed to sound harmonic.

"Nothing," Alec said, his hands flattening on the keys, creating dissonance.

"Is something wrong?"

Alec looked over at Magnus.

"What's wrong with you?" Alec asked, staring at the pile of blankets that resembled the shape of his boyfriend.

"I've decided to become a blanket burrito," Magnus said.

"You know, I actually made the bed this morning."

"Life is easier as a burrito," Magnus said.

"Until someone bites you," Alec said.

"Well, I certainly wouldn't mind if you—"

Alec put up a hand to stop Magnus.

"I'm really tired," Magnus said. "My nap wasn't enough."

"Then go back to sleep," Alec said.

"It's not that simple," Magnus sighed.

Alec raised an eyebrow and played an E minor.

"Napology," Magnus explained.

"The study of—?"

"Naps," Magnus finished.

"That's not a real thing," Alec said.

"And you would know?" Magnus scoffed. "You didn't even know what a selfie was up until a week ago."

"And I still think it's stupid," Alec said.

"Napology is a serious field," Magnus said. "Researchers—"

"You?"

"—have concluded that the perfect nap is no more than 45 minutes long. Anything more and you'll be too tired to function for the rest of the day."

"Magnus, we're not doing anything the rest of the day. If you're tired, go back to sleep," Alec said.

"Then I'll be up at three in the morning!"

"How is that different from usual?" Alec asked, running his fingers in a A minor scale— up and down, up and down, up and—

"I can't go back to sleep," Magnus said. "Besides, we've got a hot date with Chinese takeout and Netflix."

Alec smiled and looked back at the keys.

"I'll wake you up before then," Alec said, resuming playing.

"Well, I certainly can't sleep when you're playing," Magnus said.

"Does napology research support that claim?" Alec said.

"As the founding father of napology, yes," Magnus said.

"You are so full of it."

"If 'it' is awesome, classiness, and a dash of absolute swag, then yes, Alexander, I am full of 'it,'" Magnus said.

"Go to sleep."

"If you insist on playing, then play something I know," Magnus snapped.

Alec's fingers landed on F.

"God knows what is hiding in those weak and drunken hearts,

Guess he kissed the girls and made them cry,

Those hard-faced queens of misadventure,

God knows what is hiding in those weak and sunken lives,

Fiery throngs of muted angels,

Giving love but getting nothing back, oh,

People help the people,

And if you're homesick,

give me your hand and I'll hold it,

People help the people,

And nothing will drag you down,

Oh and if I had a brain,

Oh and if I had a brain,

I'd be cold as a stone and rich as a fool,

That turned all those good hearts away."

Alec's fingers explored the chord progressions, arpeggiating and growing in volume.

"God knows what is hiding in this world of little consequence,

Behind the tears, inside the lies,

A thousand slowly dying sunsets,

God knows what is hiding in those weak and drunken hearts,

Guess the loneliness came knocking,

No one needs to be alone, oh singin',

People help the people,

And if you're homesick,

give me your hand and I'll hold it,

People help the people,

Nothing will drag you down,

Oh and if I had a brain,

Oh and if I had a brain

I'd be cold as a stone and rich as a fool,

That turned all those good hearts away,

That turned all those good hearts away."

In Alec's little world of music, Magnus did not exist (unfortunately).

So he was surprised to come out of his reverie and find Magnus sitting right beside him on the piano bench, leaning on his shoulder.

A good number of blankets were still wrapped around Magnus, but some had been lost in the distance between the couch and the piano.

"Mag—"

"You're amazing, Alexander. Absolutely amazing," Magnus said, leaning a heavy head against Magnus. Alec could almost hear the melatonin pulling Magnus deep into the land of dreams.

"You should go to sleep," Alec said.

"Napology," Magnus said. "What sort of scientist doesn't heed his own advice?"

"You're not a scientist. You're a warlock. And you happen to be a sleep-deprived one."

Alec wrapped around an arm Magnus and shut the piano lid with his other.

"Don't make me carry you," Alec threatened. Magnus stood up, pulling the blankets tighter around him.

They shuffled into their room, Magnus collapsing on the bare bed.

"Stay," he whispered to Alec.

"Then stop hogging all of the blankets," Alec said, peeling off a few layers from his burrito of a boyfriend.

It wasn't their normal sleeping positions but it sure was comfortable and soon, Magnus' thoughts of napology were replaced with tree-frogs taking over the world using thermo-nuclear weaponry.

Alec was thinking about Magnus and how steady his chest rose and fell when he finally drifted off into his dreams.

His dreams weren't much different from reality.

And that was a very good sign.


	15. A Decade Later. . .

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In an alternate universe, Alec gets caught in a lie and stuck with a baby.

The newspaper on the doorstep was headlined with: Storm of the century takes on Manhattan.

In twenty minutes, the rain would wash out the ink, and the headline would be illegible along with the rest of the Times.

The sun was just starting to rise, not the New York sunrises were much to marvel.

Inside the Institute, a nightmare finally let go of Alec.

He was covered in a cold sweat and his head was still racing.

Flashes of the dream came back to him.

If today was going to be anything like the past month had been, he'd keep seeing the images throughout the day.

They'd pull him out of reality, slap him across the face, then toss him back to the real world.

He hated his mind for betraying him. He hated himself for keeping it locked up inside.

The door to his room flew open and Jace came in, barely dressed, obviously half-asleep. He'd spent the night after an exhausting raid on a rogue vampire nest.

"Alec-"

"I'm fine," Alec said. It was a default sentence, a default lie.

"Why'd you scream?"

"Nightmare," Alec said.

"Bull," Jace snapped. Jace leaned back against the wall, obviously relieved that Alec was okay, but not ready to stand down.

"What do you want, Jace?" Alec asked. He pulled the blankets a little tighter around him.

"I want to know what's happening," Jace said. "Don't lie to me, Alec. I know you better than you want to believe."

"It's just nightmares-"

"And when you zone out in the middle of the day?"

Alec couldn't answer that. He didn't think anyone noticed.

"Yeah, I know," Jace said. "So tell me the damn truth. Is it Addy?"

Alec nodded, his eyes thick with tears.

"He's there- he's always there," Alec said. Then Jace was sitting beside him on the bed, wrapping his arms around Alec, and pulling him close.

Only, Jace thought "he" was a demon.

"He" was a warlock.

...........

Sage was his rock.

She was the quietest baby the halls of the Institute had ever seen.

Charlie and Kody were born five summers earlier and between the two twins, one of them was screaming for the first year of their life. Isabelle and Simon had been on the brink of insanity. It was like magic on their first birthday when they finally slept through the night.

Clary and Jace had moved away as soon as they got married, so their two little ones weren't in the running for "Noisiest Baby."

But they were definitely obnoxious.

Sage cried but she was better at using her words to communicate her needs.

Addy had used some revolutionary new baby sign language with her.

She was only a year old (next month) but she only cried for attention. Once she had your attention, she stopped.

Alec was lucky in that respect. A crying baby was not was he needed.

Sage was the other thing in his nightmares. She was the hostage.

Every decision he made was for her, to save her.

When Sage was born, he'd switched from his childhood bedroom to one further down the hall. It had joined room so Sage was right next door.

He entered the room. The sheer purple curtains hanging in the window let a little bit of morning light through. Otherwise, the room was illuminated by a castle nightlight, plugged into the wall.

"Good morning, little miss," Alec said, pulling Sage out of the crib. She was already standing up, waiting for him.

He bounced her up and down as he opened up the room for the day, starting by flipping the lights on.

"What do you want for breakfast, little miss?"

She brought her fingers to her mouth at the sound of breakfast.

"Yes, we'll eat," Alec said. "But boring stuff first."

..........

In the kitchen, Isabelle was making french toast. She'd been trying to learn how to cook and they had been the test bunnies.

Alec set Sage up in her high chair and left her with an array of toys. She was a spoiled little girl; Alec made sure of that.

As he moved around the kitchen helping Isabelle with breakfast and getting a bottle, Sage watched Charlie and Kody run in circles around the room.

"Cut it out!" Isabelle shouted. There was no energy in her voice though- she was focused on the french toast that was on the verge of burning.

"Damn kids," she mumbled.

"Where's Simon?" Alec asked.

"Call to Idris this morning. Something about setting up the Accords," Isabelle grumbled. "I swear, these kids are going to the Academy. I don't know how Mom and Dad dealt with-"

"Dah!" Sage cried out.

"One second," Alec called.

"Your baby does freaking sign language," Isabelle said, "and mine run around like a bunch of- Kody! Get off your brother!"

Alec handed Sage a warm bottle. She took it greedily and Alec snatched a few pieces of French toast off Isabelle's completed pile.

As soon as Alec sat down, Charlie was in his lap, staring up at him.

"Good morning," Alec said, in amused shock.

"Will you teach Kody and I how to stab things?"

"I'm no good at stabbing things," Alec said. "Talk to Uncle Jace about that one."

"You still haven't taught us how to shoot a bow," Kody said, sitting down in front of a plate Isabelle had set on the table.

"That's your dad's job," Alec said.

"Then what do you get to teach us?" Charlie asked.

"The boring stuff," Alec said. "You start school in the fall."

"And if we don't want to go?" Kody countered.

"You're going to love the Academy," Isabelle said. It was a lecture she had given a thousand times before so her voice was deadpan.

"These are good," Alec said, in between bites.

"I don't know why you doubt me," Isabelle said, shaking her head.

"Maybe because you burn toast," Kody sang.

Isabelle turned around with fury.

"That was your father, not me!" Isabelle shouted over Alec's laughter. "And you two are banned from speaking to your uncles ever again!

Kody and Charlie laughed stupidly. They didn't really understand the words.

Sage joined in on the laughter.

"Excuse me," Alec said, plucking Charlie off his lap and setting him aside.

He stepped out into the hallway, leaning against the wall as he was snatched from reality.

"Pick one," he said. "Pick one or she dies."

Sage squirmed in his arms. She was uncomfortable. The panic that most babies would have screamed over was shown on her face alone.

"Alec, dear, please-"

He looked back at his options.

"I'm sorry," Alec cried.

"Your time is runnin' short, Lightwood."

The demon that held his baby girl started pacing around him.

"One versus all three," the demon said, peeking his head over Alec's shoulder.

He could feel an impression of Sage against his back as the demon pressed closer and closer-

"I'm calling the Silent Brothers."

Alec opened his eyes.

"I've had enough of this," Jace said. "I know you have too."

"Okay," Alec said, exhausted.

"I'll call them tomorrow morning," Jace said.

Alec nodded.

"I'm staying here tonight."

"No-"

"Clary can spend one more night alone," Jace said, cutting him off.

"I'll be fine," Alec said.

"Why are lying to each other, Alec? What did I do-"

"Nothing. It's not about you!" Alec shouted.

"Then who is about? You're blocking out everyone! Even Isabelle-"

"So now you're sneaking behind my back?"

"When I'm concerned about you, yes!"

"I'm just grieving-"

"It's been six months, Alec! Addy's been gone for six months and you cannot keep living like this. Sage needs you. I need you! You have to get help, Alec."

"I will-"

"Talk to me. Addy's gone. You never loved her, Alec. You're over her-"

"She's Sage's mother-!"

"But you never loved her," Jace said, softly. Alec hated the way Jace knew him. "Who are the nightmares about?"

..........

Alec sat on the floor of his bedroom, legs crossed. His head was thrown back against the side of the bed.

Life was indifferent to him? Well, he'd be indifferent to life.

There was a knock at the door.

Jace sauntered in.

"The Bluelarks are here," he said, sitting down beside Alec.

"Okay," Alec said.

"Your parents really want you to come down."

"Good for them," Alec said, looking over at his parabatai.

"Alec," Jace said, his voice warning.

Life had finally slowed down and Alec had realized how empty his life was without Magnus. He hadn't seen him in months.

"There's- there's a girl," Jace said. "And she's obviously not here for me."

"I'm not interested," Alec said, firmly.

"Give the poor thing a chance," Jace said. "Who knows, maybe she's good in bed and you can toss her along to me."

"Jace," Alec moaned. But it was the first time he had smiled in weeks. "You have a girlfriend."

"And don't let me forget it," Jace said, standing up. "So put on a shirt and brush your hair for once in your damn life."

"Thanks for the pep talk," Alec grumbled. But he accepted Jace's outstretched hand, standing up.

...........

"Alec!" Isabelle's voice screeched out into the hallway. Jace looked away.

"I'm calling them tomorrow," Jace said. He walked down the hallway, leaving Alec to go into the kitchen.

Sage was screaming in her high chair and Kody and Charlie were locked in a brawl. Isabelle was spraying down the griddle with a fire extinguisher.

Time to play superhero.

..........

Magnus had no set sleep schedule. He got up and worked when he wanted to. He slept when he wanted to. He partied when he wanted to.

He lived with a sort of reckless abandoned, enjoying life.

He'd just gotten back from a spontaneous trip to Amsterdam. He spent a few months there, seeing the sights, becoming an Amsterdamian.

He was back now because someone had tried to light the Empire State Building on fire and he was left to pick up the pieces.

The Empire State Building the mundanes saw today was not the original, but rather a replica, recreated by Magnus. No one had noticed a thing and he had to give himself some credit: he'd done it all in a few hours.

His doorbell pulled him out of his sleep. The alarm clock said it was nearly two in the morning. Lightning and thunder crashed outside.

The storm of the century? They obviously hadn't been in New York for the hurricane of 1938.

That was rain.

This was more like a comfortable shower.

He climbed out of bed, not bothering to check his appearance in the mirror.

That was another thing he had neglected in the last- was it a decade?

More than that.

Magnus unlocked the door with a swipe of his hand as he approached. It opened just as he stepped up to the doorframe.

"Good evening," he said, not bothering to cover up his snark.

He dropped the attitude when he saw Alexander Lightwood, drenched, standing on his front porch.

"This is unexpected," Magnus stuttered.

The rain seemed to be attracted to Magnus' apartment, drenching the floor closest to the door. Magnus got hit by some of that rain.

"Alec-"

The water dripping into a puddle at Alec's feet had been tainted red.

Magnus looked for the source: a tear in the sleeve of his black jacket seemed to be a like source.

"Get inside," Magnus hissed. Alec was obviously in some sort of trouble. He wouldn't have come to the apartment otherwise.

Alec didn't move.

Magnus leaned out the door pulling him inside by the collar of his jacket.

He slammed the door shut, locking it for good measure.

"Stay," Magnus ordered. His floor was wet enough as it was; he didn't need Alec tracking more water across the house.

Magnus found three neatly folded towels in the bathroom. He had invested in a maid. The poor old woman was probably horrified by some of the things she found, but she was a blessing.

He wrapped the towels around Alec, awkwardly. It finally hit him that this was his ex standing in his house, not some rogue Shadowhunter.

Magnus had his back to Alec, trying to regain his senses. When he finally turned back, the blood from the cut was seeping through the towel. Alec didn't seem to notice.

"Come here," Magnus said. He sat Alec down on the couch and pulled the injured arm out from under the towels.

It was a deep cut.

"Where'd you get this?" Magnus said. Alec's eyes were glazed over.

Magnus snapped his fingers in front of Alec's face until he came back to reality.

"Demon," Alec said.

"Do you have a stele?"

Alec shook his head. In fact, he didn't seem to have any weapons on him. . .

"What were you doing, Alec?"

"I had to kill him," Alec said.

"Who?"

"The demon that killed Addy."

"And who is Addy?"

Alec's face broke at that part. A tear fell from his eyes.

He looked guilty more than anything though.

"My wife."

..........

Magnus choked on Alec's response. But he forced himself to nod.

"We should get you back to the Institute," Magnus said.

"No," Alec said. He grabbed Magnus' arm. Magnus couldn't resist Alec's objection.

"Okay," Magnus said, slowly. "But since we don't have a stele, we have to fix up your arm before it gets infected."

Alec looked up at Magnus.

Nothing had changed about his eyes. They still made Magnus die a little on the inside, twisting him to meet Alec's will. They were still beautiful, even though Alec's face had grown older with age and maturity.

Magnus tell Alec hadn't shaven in awhile. Was the Alec he knew even capable of facial hair?

Magnus tried not to focus on age and the nagging at the back of his mind that kept repeating the word "decade," over and over again.

"Come on," Magnus said, helping Alec up.

They went into the bathroom. Alec sat on the toilet lid, placing his arm on the counter-top.

Magnus pulled a first aide kit out from under the cabinet, and got to work.

"Tell me what's going on and start from the beginning," Magnus ordered.

"I don't know the beginning," Alec whispered.

............

"Addison," the girl said.

It was no coincidence that he had been left alone with her in the foyer.

"Alec." He shook her hand.

"I know," she said, confidently. "Everyone has heard all about you."

"Yeah," Alec said, biting down on his lip.

"I'm sorry he broke up with you," she said. "I know that. It sucks."

"Well, it was my fault," Alec said.

"Blaming isn't going to help you," Addison said.

"I know," Alec said. "But I ruined everything."

"What did you do?" Addison asked.

"Isn't that a little personal?" Alec asked.

"I've got social communication issues," Addison said. "I don't know limits. My father calls it a problem, my mother said it's gift: to be honest and openly curious."

"It's quirky," Alec said.

"You like quirky, don't you?"

Alec smiled.

"Yeah," he sighed.

"I heard talking about your feelings helps. So let's talk. I'll be your therapist," Addison said. "I'm a great listener."

..........

"Let's start with this: you said you were fighting a demon?"

Alec nodded. Magnus swiped an antiseptic cloth across his arm, avoiding the wound.

"Then where are your weapons?"

"I didn't have any," Alec said.

"Did you plan on killing it?"

"Yes," Alec said. He said it with a cold and murderous tone.

What had made his heart go so empty?

"Then why wouldn't you bring weapons?"

Alec was silent until Magnus dribbled a little bit of alcohol into the wound.

He gasped, eyes squeezing shut.

Magnus pushed familiar images out of his mind. That wasn't relevant here.

Alec obviously wasn't here to rekindle their relationship. He was there for help.

Magnus would never have the old Alec back. That boy was gone replaced with a man with a wife. A dead wife, but a wife none the less.

"I wanted to do it on my own," Alec whispered.

"You're an idiot," Magnus said. "Now brace yourself. This is going to hurt."

He stuck the needle through Alec's skin and Alec gasped again.

"Could you be quiet?"

"You're sticking a needle through my skin!"

"I'm giving you stitches. There's a difference," Magnus said, as calmly as he could. "So this demon killed your wife?"

"Yes," Alec said. He squeezed his fist, tightening the muscles in his arm.

"Don't be so tense," Magnus said. Alec tried to relax his fist.

"How long ago was this?" Magnus asked.

"A couple months ago," Alec said.

"And you waited this long to get your revenge?"

"I was a mess. There were other things going on."

Magnus wanted to ask him if he loved her.

He wanted to know what she looked like.

He wanted to know what she whispered to him the middle of the night.

He wanted to know how she greeted him in the morning.

He wanted to know if her biggest fear was losing him.

He wanted to know what she thought of the Alexander he fell in love with.

He wanted to know if Alec was the last thing she thought about before she fell asleep and if he was the only thing she dreamed about.

But this Addison, whoever she was, was gone.

She could never answer his questions.

And Alec was in no place to answer them.

But perhaps that spoke volume.

Maybe he really did love her.

Maybe she was too pretty to resist.

Maybe she whispered "I love you" for hours on end, even after he had fallen asleep.

Maybe she didn't say anything to wake him up- she just kissed his forehead.

Maybe she was afraid of losing him more than anything in else in the world.

Maybe she met Alec in the wake of their breakup and put him back together.

Maybe they were in love and that was the best thing that had ever happened to her.

Magnus wanted to cry but he had a few more stitches to complete.

"Does Jace know you're here?" Magnus asked as he tied off the thread.

"No," Alec said. "But you can't tell him."

"Why not?" That concerned Magnus more than anything Alec had said all night.

"Because I'm going insane," Alec said.

"Alec, tell me what's going on," Magnus said, kneeling down in front of him.

"I'm having nightmares. The same one. Every night."

..........

Alec's phone rang at two in the morning. He answered. Addison was in hysterics, begging him to meet her at Taki's.

He agreed, worrying about her until he finally wrapped his arms her just outside the cafe.

"What's wrong?" Alec asked.

She rubbed her eyes and black mascara smudged down her face and onto her hand.

"I'm pregnant," she said.

Alec was quiet. He hadn't even know Addy was seeing someone.

Not that it really bothered him. He was still gay and Addy knew that.

"What can I do?" Alec asked.

"My parents don't know him," she said.

"Who is it?"

"A mundane, Alec, you wouldn't know him," she said.

"He's-"

"-not going to be in the picture."

"I'd kill him," Alec said.

"I'm going to ask you to do something and you can say no but I really, really need you to say yes," Addy said.

"Okay," Alec said, cautiously.

"Will you marry me?"

...........

"You should get some sleep," Magnus said.

"What part of nightmare don't you understand?" Alec snapped.

"You're tired," Magnus said. "You just need some sleep."

Alec shook his head.

"Fine," Magnus said. "Tell me about the nightmare."

"Give me a minute," Alec said, trying to calm his thoughts.

"You're worrying me," Magnus said. "You're sneaking around behind Jace's back, you're killing demons on your own- Alec!"

Alec was shaking his head.

"You know I'm right. You're not okay," Magnus said.

"When I go to sleep, I'm standing in Battery Park, holding a gun," Alec said. "And the demon, he's- Magnus, I've got a baby."

Magnus had been kneeling but he fell back, sitting directly on the floor.

He scrambled for the wall.

No. This was too much.

A kid? That was commitment.

That was something Addy could give Alec that Magnus never could.

"Her name is Sage. She's 11 months old," Alec said. Did he not see how much this was killing Magnus?

Alec hadn't been in the apartment for more than an hour and look at the mess he had created. . .

"I'm sorry this is-"

"You're just fine," Magnus said, scrambling for something to say. "The nightmare. Keeping going."

"The demon is holding Sage. I have to kill someone or he'll kill her and everyone else."

"Who is the 'someone?'" Magnus asked.

This is where Alec always froze.

..........

The conversations following Alec and Addy's engagement announcement had been difficult for Alec to swallow.

His dad had given him a "I Told You You Weren't Gay" lecture. His mother had congratulated him but given the new couple a long list of things to do before the wedding.

Jace and Isabelle had called the bluff.

But Alec deny the accusation. He stuck the story: he was in love with Addy.

No one knew she was pregnant. But she was tiny and she would show soon.

The wedding had happened within three months.

She had gone through an entire trimester without anyone knowing.

But they had to announce the pregnancy after a month of being married.

Again, Jace and Isabelle were suspicious. But Alec lied- lied for a girl he barely knew.

Then Sage was born. No one could suspect a thing because Sage looked just like Alec.

And Alec suddenly didn't regret lying for Addy.

...........

"Addy and you," Alec said.

Magnus closed his eyes. He hadn't been expecting it.

"I have to kill one of you to save Sage," Alec said. He broke down into tears. "I've never actually chosen until today, I fell asleep in the middle of the afternoon because I was exhausted and I actually picked and-"

His voice dropped off, giving way to sobs.

"I couldn't kill Addy- she's the mother of my kid- and I couldn't kill you because-"

Magnus was crying now too, just because this was all so overwhelming to be happening right now.

"Because I never stopped loving you, Magnus," Alec said. His body shook with sobs.

"But you killed her?" Magnus asked, even despite the fact that he could barely speak.

Alec covered his mouth with his hand.

Then he shook his head.

..........

Addy and Alec shared a bed to keep up their image. The awkwardness had faded a long time ago.

Jace had come in a minute early to tell Alec to gear up.

Addy had woken up as Jace shut the door a little too loudly. The first thing her eyes focused on was the diamond ring on her finger.

Beautiful. But not real.

"Where are you going?"

"Demon in a club," Alec said, as he stretched.

"I'll come too."

"Sage," Alec reminded her.

"I'm sure someone is staying behind," Addy said. "Besides, I haven't seen actual combat in months. I'm dying to hold a seraph blade again- Alec!"

"If someone else is staying behind," Alec said.

Addy smiled and tumbled out of bed.

"You're the best," she beamed.

.........

"You killed me?"

Alec nodded.

"To save Sage's mother though," Magnus said. "You weren't thinking about yourself, as usual. You were thinking about Sage."

Alec raised an eyebrow.

"I'm not mad," Magnus said, wiping the final tears away from his eyes. "You were thinking about the well-being of an 11 month old girl."

"Jace is calling the Silent Brothers," Alec murmured.

"You probably do need some help," Magnus said. "If you've had the same dream for months-"

His voice faded.

"How's your arm?"

"Fine," Alec said, staring at the stitches.

"You can stay here for the night," Magnus said. "Unfortunately, my room is the only room that looks half-decent, so you'll have to cope."

Alec nodded.

Magnus only turned on the lamp in the room. He didn't want to reveal the clutter.

Alec hesitated to sit on the bed.

His mind was clear of the confessions he had to make so now he could focus on other things.

Like the fact that he had run to his ex's house in his moment of insanity.

He barely remembered killing the demon, let alone making it to Magnus' apartment.

"Sit down," Magnus urged.

Alec sat, sinking into the mattress.

It felt familiar- and the good kind of familiar; the kind he needed.

"Are you going to be able to sleep?" Magnus asked, crouching in front of Alec. He rested on the balls of his feet.

"Probably not," Alec said. "But you should go to-"

"Not while you're still awake," Magnus said. "I'll sleep when I'm dead."

That made Alec smile a little.

"So do you have any pictures of your little girl?" Magnus asked, standing up. He moved to sit beside Alec.

"Phone's at the Institute," Alec said. "But I've been told she looks like me."

"Even though-"

"Even though," Alec confirmed.

"So there was no one else after me?" Magnus asked. Alec looked over at Magnus. He subconsciously sat up a little straighter.

"No one," Alec whispered. "What about you?"

"You ruined me for anyone else," Magnus said, matching Alec's hushed tone.

Magnus' hand drifted to Alec's knee, capturing his attention again.

"I wasted twelve years, Alec. Forgive me if I don't waste anymore."

He pressed his lips against Alec's.

It wasn't neat- anything but. Alec's lips were chapped and Magnus was out of practice.

But, by the Angel, it was the best thing that had happened to Alec in months and Magnus in twelve years.

Alec's fingers were wrapped up in the fabric of Magnus' shirt, pulling it tight against him.

"Are you okay?" Magnus asked. Alec was broken- Magnus didn't need to hurt him anymore than he already was.

"I'm fine, Magnus," Alec said.

But he closed his eyes and leaned in towards Magnus, put his head against Magnus' chest.

Alec rested there for a few moments before sliding his hands up to Magnus' shoulders.

Alec pushed him back against the bed.

"Slow down," Magnus said. Alec cut him off with a kiss that exceeding expectations.

"Twelve years," Alec said, "and you want to slow down?"

"I want to start over," Magnus said. Magnus' back arched as Alec kissed him just below his jaw. "Alexander-"

"I don't have time," Alec hissed, his face hovering right above Magnus'. "I'm thirty years old- it disgusts me but I am."

Alec looked different but Magnus refused to acknowledge that.

"It's been two hours," Magnus said. Alec's face tensed up.

Magnus flipped them, so Alec was pinned beneath him.

"Go to sleep," Magnus said.

"You're sitting on me," Alec countered.

He was already sounding like his old self.

"And is that a problem?" Magnus countered.

Alec just stared up at him.

Magnus rolled off Alec, laying down beside him.

"Wake me up if you need me," Magnus whispered.

"Are you falling asleep on me?"

"You're tired."

"How do you know?"

Magnus gazed at Alec, who looked right back.

"Some things don't change," Magnus said. "When you're tired your head starts to nod."

Alec had never noticed.

"Go to sleep. I'll be here in the morning."

..........

Alec was across the room, watching it happen from a distance.

Yet, when she fell, it felt like he was standing right next to her. It was real.

This was happening.

And Addy was dead.

.........

Magnus stayed up all night watch Alec sleep, making sure he wasn't trapped in a nightmare.

If Alec was in a panic, he wasn't showing any outward signs of it.

Eventually he was too tired though.

As Magnus entered a fabulous dream of vegetables dancing in a healthy version of Moulin Rouge.

So Alec woke up alone.

It was disorienting at first.

He couldn't remember the last time he had woken up with the weight of a head on his chest and his fingers intertwined with another's.

It had probably been in this very bed, years ago.

But he was mostly surprised that he hadn't had the dream.

He didn't move. He couldn't ruin this moment; not until he could savor it.

Sometime after "marrying" Addy, she caught him relapsing over Magnus, sobbing in their room.

He was in tears, trying to picture them reunited and back together.

That scene had looked nothing like this one.

It was still good though.

Addy had just hugged him, comforting him in her own way. She could never make up for Magnus; her platonic affection would never be enough.

But she tried.

Alec played with Magnus' hair.

It was best when it was like this: messy, his natural color, without any gel.

And Magnus was beautiful when he was asleep. There were no sarcastic remarks or darting eyes.

He was at peace.

The sun was starting to rise but it was hidden behind heavy clouds.

Magnus started to stir a few minutes later.

But when their door was kicked in, that really woke them both up.

Magnus let out a shout that sounded like "gah!"

Alec grabbed for the nightstand, instinctively believing there would be weapons there. There was none of course.

"Oh what fresh hell is this?"

Alec looked up at the door-demolish-er.

It was just Jace.

"You slept with him?" Jace asked.

"Slept being the optimal word," Magnus said. He rubbed his forehead.

"Well, good for you," Jace said. "It's nice to see you're moving on. But you can't just run off in the middle of the night-"

Alec nodded.

"How is Sage?" Alec asked.

"Clary's with her now," Jace said. "Isabelle and Simon were checking other places. But she's fine."

"Well, it's been lovely seeing you again, Jace," Magnus said. "And thank you for breaking the door down."

"Yeah," Jace said, awkwardly, which was new for him. "Enjoy your day."

He left the bedroom.

Alec put his hands on his cheeks. They were bright red with the fire of embarrassment.

"You should probably teach your buddy how to knock," Magnus said.

"He enjoys kicking things," Alec said.

"Yes; destroying doors is a great way to release pent up anger," Magnus said, climbing out of bed.

"Magnus-" Alec said.

Magnus looked back.

"This- this wasn't a one-night stand was it?"

"Of course not," Magnus said. "I need at two nights of you. I'm not a common whore, Alexander."

Alec rolled his eyes.

"Well, you could invite me to dinner," Magnus said. "That'd be a great start."

"So I'll text you," Alec said, standing up.

"My number hasn't changed," Magnus said, eyes shining.

............

Isabelle roped Alec into helping cook.

Magnus snuck off to wander through the halls.

He was on the second floor when he heard a crying from within a room.

Without knocking, he entered and found himself face-to-face with a nursery.

It was a smaller room, with a changing table, crib, rocking chair with matching ottoman, and dresser.

The walls weren't decorated but the windows were open, letting in a calming breeze.

Standing in the crib was a little girl in a onesie, not more than a year old.

Her blue eyes stared up at Magnus. She was silent, inspecting him

"Well, you must be the new one," Magnus said.

He looked over at the rocking chair. The seat and ottoman were padded and there was a headrest. It looked incredibly comfortable at the moment.

"Dah!"

"What do you want?"

"Dah!"

Her tiny fists hit the top of the guardrail.

"Dah!"

"Oh my gosh," Magnus said. He walked over to the crib, picking her up and out.

He held her close; she smelled like warm milk and sleep.

He walked back to the rocking chair, sitting down with her.

The baby wrapped her fists around various piece of Magnus' shirt.

"Are you gonna go to sleep, little one?" Magnus asked. She responded by pressing her cheek against his t-shirt, rubbing her face against it.

"I'm gonna take that as a yes," Magnus said. He closed his own eyes, putting one hand behind her head, and the other draped across her legs, securing her to him.

.........

Dinner had been ready for awhile but Magnus had disappeared and Kody hadn't returned with Sage.

Alec finally left the kitchen to go on a search mission for the three missing souls.

Kody was reading manga in his room.

To his shock but not surprise, Sage was asleep on Magnus' chest as Magnus napped in the rocking chair.

"Wow," Alec said.

It wasn't exactly how he had planned on introducing the two but this worked just fine.

Alec kissed Magnus' forehead.

He jumped back into consciousness.

"I see you met little miss," Alec said, running his hand along the back of her head.

"Is that what you call her?" Magnus asked, as he stood up.

"Yes," Alec said.

"That's adorable," Magnus said. "Like she's a princess."

"She is a princess," Alec said, matter-of-factually. "My princess."

"Our princess."


	16. The Ultimate Infomercial Haul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Long live the Home Shopping Network.

The Home Shopping Network is the best friend of anyone who finds themselves waiting for their boyfriends to come home at 1:27 am.

Or anyone who happens to be in the market for novelty items that have one incredibly specific purpose.

The apartment in Brooklyn was dark, lit only by the TV and Magnus' phone, as he scrolled through random news sites.

The Oxi-Clean commercial had ended a couple minutes ago and Magnus wasn't certain what was being sold to him now because he was distracted by a "Which Emoji Are You?" quiz.

When Magnus heard the key in the lock, fumbling in the dark, he shut off his phone, mid-quiz, and tilted his head to watch Alexander's entrance.

Alec didn't speak as he shrugged his coat off and onto the coat stand. He slipped his keys into the pocket. Then he saw Magnus.

"You're still up?"

"Of course," Magnus said. "You were still out."

"Sorry. Vampires," Alec said.

Magnus nodded.

"'Ronco Showtime Rotisserie?'"

"It cooks two chickens at once," Magnus explained, recalling the facts that had been instilled in his mind. "Or seven lobster tails. Or nine burgers. Seven lobster tails, Alec!"

"You don't cook," Alec said, walking over.

"But if I did. . ." Magnus craned his neck, awkwardly, to look at Alec.

"Well, I'm exhausted," Alec said.

"But the Roomba commercial is coming on in five minutes," Magnus said.

"That is something you could actually use," Alec said.

"I'll pretend you didn't insult my cleanliness," Magnus said. "Will you just stay here though?"

"This couch is not big enough for the two of us," Alec said.

Most of the space had been taken up by a massive blanket Magnus had wrapped around himself.

"I'll make room. Don't worry."

"I wanted to take a shower," Alec said.

Suddenly, Alec was drenched with a downpour of water.

"Ah—!"

Magnus winked.

"Good enough for me," he said.

"Well— that was cold!" Alec said, shaking the water off his now soaked clothes.

"I can warm you up," Magnus said, lifting up the blanket.

"I'm wet now," Alec said. Magnus' tricks were occasionally annoying.

"You're the one who wanted a shower," Magnus said. He wanted to laugh at Alec for looking at a wet puppy.

"I'm getting a towel and changing," Alec said, walking away.

"Are you coming back?"

"I suppose," he said with a sigh.

A few minutes later, Alec was back, in an old t-shirt and pajama pants.

Magnus found it incredibly attractive. And Alec knew it.

Magnus moved so that his back was pressed into the couch cushions. There was just enough room for Alec to lay in front of him. Magnus draped the blanket over Alec too.

"President Obama Chia pet," Magnus announced, catching Alec up with the current infomercial.

"Did I miss the Roomba?"

"Yes," Magnus said, kissing the top of Alec's head. "How do you feel about clap-activated lights?"

"It'd be a strobe light every time someone started clapping," Alec said.

"Adds to the effect."

"What if you were clapping at the end of a eulogy and the lights started going crazy?" Alec asked.

"Why would we be hosting a funeral in the apartment?" Magnus asked.

"There was that one time you killed the fish," Alec said.

"Okay, I didn't kill the fish— the fish died of old age," Magnus said, defensively.

It was a real argument. The fish had been won at a festival during one of their trips abroad but had only lived a few hours after arriving back in Brooklyn by Portal.

Alec blamed Magnus' care.

Magnus blamed old age.

The fish had been flushed in the spare bathroom. Magnus did hold a brief funeral but Alec had refused to speak.

"So that's a no for 'The Clapper?'"

"Definite no," Alec said.

They were up til three watching infomercials and talking until Alec finally drifted into unconsciousness. . .

Three weeks later. . .

The doorbell rang and Alec set aside his book to go answer it.

Standing there was the UPS guy, little tablet in hand.

"Sign here," he said. Alec did as instructed but didn't see any packages.

The UPS man sighed.

"I'm going to need your help," he said.

"We weren't really expecting anything," Alec said, following the man back to the truck.

"Well, I don't know how you couldn't plan on this," he said, throwing open the truck's back door.

A box, about six by four by four, sat in the back. The UPS guy hopped inside, pushing the box towards Alec.

A taxi pulled up on the road and Magnus got out.

"It's here!" he cried.

"Did you order this?" Alec asked.

"Oh— yes," Magnus said, awkwardly. He took the box from the UPS man, thanking him.

Together, Magnus and Alec carried it back upstairs. They sat around the box on the floor.

Magnus ripped the tape off the box and the flaps gently opened.

Inside were more boxes.

"Oh, hell," Alec groaned.

The first box was the Ronco Showtime Rotisserie.

"We'll have to go get some lobster from the fish market," Magnus said, as if it was obvious.

"You actually bought all of this," Alec said, shaking his head. He pulled one of the smaller boxes out. "What is a 'Snackeez?'"

"Drink and snack, two-in-one," Magnus said, inspecting his Chia Hippo. "This is gonna be so much fun."

"I'm so glad you invested in this," Alec sighed, running his fingers through his hair.

"Chairman!" Magnus shouted. The cat came lumbering out from under the dining room table, at the sound of his name.

Magnus tossed a box at the cat, who scrambled for shelter.

"What's that?" Alec asked.

"The Pet Cave," Magnus said.

"You know he's going to like the box better than the actual bed, right?"

Magnus ignored that.

Alec pulled the Roomba out of the large box.

Magnus looked up and noticing Alec's condescending expression said, "It's cheaper than a maid."

"You really shouldn't have access to expendable income," Alec said.

"Look! Snuggie!" Magnus said, tossing Alec a box.

"You— of course," Alec said.

"I've always wanted one of these," Magnus said, ripping open the box and pulling it out. "Oh my sweet apple pie, this is so soft." Magnus laid back on the floor (which was in desperate need of the Roomba's help) and covered himself with the Snuggie.

Alec rolled his eyes and stood up, stretching. It was time to go to the Institute.

"Thanks for the Snuggie," Alec said.

"It's black," Magnus said. "I thought that might add to the manliness."

"Oh totally," Alec said, wiggling his eyebrows purely for Magnus' enjoyment. "Have fun reading instructions all day."

"Psht, I don't need instructions," Magnus said.

"Try not to kill the Chia Hippo," Alec said.

"Why I never—" Magnus gasped, his voice high, imitating a Southern accent.

Magnus had emptied the box, save for one item: the best one of all.

He'd try it out later that night but it had to be installed first. He spent the rest of the day building and unpacking all of the other items from the Ultimate Infomercial Haul.

And it was all worth it when at the end of the night, he was able to clap the lights off, to the quiet groans of Alec.


	17. The Blondie and the Hot One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An AU where a lot didn't happen, so something else happens instead.
> 
> Part 1 of 2.

A/U

"Okay, so you fall in love with the person of your dreams," Magnus said, glancing up from his phone to examine Cat's face, "but your country's leader goes crazy and everyone goes into poverty and dies of. . . starvation? That's a little extreme."

"Press the button," Cat said. Her fingers found her water glass and she raised it to her lips, without ever breaking eye contact.

"Are you kidding me?" Magnus laughed. "You're going to send an entire country into chaos because you fall in love?"

Cat nodded, taking a sip.

"True love can overcome anything," Cat said.

"Your blatant disregard for human kind is disturbing," Magnus grumbled. The waiter passed by and Magnus waved him over, pointing to his glass.

Magnus pressed the "button" anyways.

"Congratulations on being a minority, Catarina," Magnus said as the quiz results came up. She shrugged.

"I'm already a minority; I'm a warlock."

Magnus smiled.

"Next one," he sang.

A different voice sang out from Cat's purse at the same time.

"'Who wants to live forever?'"

She scrambled for her phone.

"'Who dares to love forever?'"

"Oh, Cat. Queen? Really?" Magnus groaned. "Could you get any cheesier?"

She silenced him by putting a finger to her lips.

"Hello--? This is she-- Well, not really-- I suppose I can-- Yes, yes-- Of course-- I'll be there within the hour."

Magnus threw up his hands as she tucked her phone back away.

"Who dared to interrupt our lunch date?"

"Not a date," Cat said, gathering her things. "And Shadowhunters. I don't really get a choice."

"What do they want? Did they offer you lunch?"

"They offered me nothing, save for a favor," Catarina said. "Do you want to come?"

Magnus tucked his pout away.

"Well I'm certainly not eating lunch alone," he said. He tossed a fifty on the table and they went.

...........

Maryse Lightwood greeted them at the door, her black hair cascading down her shoulders.

"Catarina-- and Mr. Bane. How lovely to see you both." Her once beaming smile dropped when her eyes caught Magnus. "Please, come in."

Magnus stepped inside, grinning back at Cat as she rolled her eyes.

"So, as I told you on the phone, our Portal has been glitching--"

"Glitching as in--?" Magnus asked.

"You know, I called Miss Loss for a reason," Maryse said.

"That hurt," Magnus mumbled.

"Magnus is the High Warlock. I'm just a healer, Maryse," Cat said. "He's more experienced."

"Fine," Maryse sighed. "It's been sending people slightly off course. Robert was trying to go to the Gard yesterday and he ended up by the lake. Dangerously close to the lake. I was going to see a friend in San Francisco and I ended up in the slums of LA; do you see how this could be a problem?"

Magnus suppressed a grin, imagining horrific scenarios of Shadowhunters floating in the Pacific or stranded in the African savanna.

"So can you fix it?" Maryse asked.

"Yes, we can," Catarina said. "Simple re-calibration spell."

"Excellent--" Maryse threw open the doors to the library, "--I'll leave you to it then."

There was a triangle of awkwardly exchanged smiles and Maryse left them alone in the library.

"So you fix it and I'll go digging around," Magnus said, poking through the drawers of the grand desk. It seemed more like an arsenal, with the occasional stele or magical artifact.

"No," Cat ordered.

"How often are we invited here?" Magnus asked.

"Never--"

"Never! I just want to peek around," Magnus said. "Give me five minutes."

"Magnus--"

"Worse comes to worse, we do a little memory replacement."

"The Clave--"

"--can suck it," Magnus said, opening the door. He slipped out and started climbing the first staircase he saw.

He climbed it until there weren't any more stairs. He figured this would buy him the most time for exploring.

Magnus was a young and adventurous soul, trapped within an old soul, in the body of a sexy twenty-something. The youth in him never died; it's how he kept his sanity as time moved on, with little regard for how it might affect him.

And if he died today for offending the Shadowhunter's privacy, then he had to go knowing a few secrets.

The halls were lined with paintings and portraits of Shadowhunters who were long gone.

It was a haunting sight but the Shadowhunters as a whole were so commemorative of their ancestors, that it wasn't surprising.

There was a room at the end of the corridor and that was auspicious enough, so Magnus picked it as the first door he would open.

As he approached, sounds of metal against metal rang out from under the door.

Magnus put a hand on the knob gently, turning it until he was certain the bolt was out of the doorframe.

Then he pushed it open, the sounds within growing louder.

He slipped inside, shutting the door as quietly as he had come.

The sound was coming from above in the rafters.

"--weak."

"Then why haven't you caught me?" a second voice countered.

There was a feeble laugh and a blur of movement in Magnus' line of sight. Someone was jumping between the beams above.

The floor was covered in mats, worn with time and use, and one of the walls was a mirror.

Magnus checked his reflection (a habit when he passed a mirror) before sliding along the wall into a corner where a stool sat.

"Watch your feet," the second voice chided. Magnus searched for the source but the room was big and judging by the frequency of creaking wood, they were moving around fast.

"I can't watch my feet when you're trying to stab me!" the first voice laughed.

"Well, I could just go ahead and kill you--"

The voices stopped and the fighting spree continued.

Magnus couldn't catch a strong glimpse of either one until a blonde boy stopped, seraph blade glowing in his outstretched hand. There was a stupid grin on his face.

He slowly turned, obviously playing defense against Person No. 2, who had yet to reveal his face.

"Come on," the blondie taunted. "You can't play defense your entire life."

"Someone has to save your ugly ass."

Magnus smiled.

It-- he-- was hardly ugly. . . not Magnus' type, but not ugly.

"Fine," the unknown figure sighed.

There was a blur of movement and the blondie was falling backwards, only to be caught by the hand of someone who was definitely Magnus' type.

Black hair, blue eyes-- oh, it was a killer combination.

Blondie's feet were pressed against the beam the beautiful one was standing on. They created a sort of triangle, two bodies and outstretched hands, clasped together.

"I win."

Blondie scoffed and let go, flipping backwards, using the beam as a springboard.

He landed on the ground with cat-like grace.

Magnus wanted to applaud, and he would have, had the Shadowhunters known he was there.

Instead, he stayed in the corner, pressing his luck.

"Round two?" Blondie called up.

The hot one jumped down, giving Blondie only seconds to roll back and pull a second seraph blade from his pocket.

The hot one wielded his seraph blade in front of him, stepping carefully towards Blondie with a menacing grace.

Despite the fact that they were moving closer to Magnus, they seemed to growing more and more oblivious as their attention focused on striking and parrying.

It was a deadly dance that the hot one was obviously leading. When he stepped forward, Blondie stepped back, never getting the chance to strike.

Finally, having enough of the choreography, Blondie rolled to one side, changing things up. The hot one ducked as Blondie swiped at what would've been his neck.

As the hot one rose, he saw Magnus.

"Woah--!"

Blondie jumped up as the hot one pointed his seraph blade at Magnus.

Magnus put his hands up instinctively (granted, he had been watching a lot of CSI lately; life was so terribly boring occasionally and Netflix had become a welcomed friend).

"Let's not do anything rash," Magnus said, carefully. That always seemed to appease the hostage situations.

"Who are you?" Blondie asked. Now he was in charge? What a power shift.

"My name is Magnus Ba--"

The door opened and Cat came in, shutting it behind her.

"Magnus?" She saw him, but obviously not the Shadowhunter boys. "Magnus! Maryse is going to be looking for you--"

Blondie turned back, stepping towards Cat.

"Oh," Cat breathed.

"Look--" Magnus started.

"Shut up," the hot one snapped.

"Tell us who you are," Blondie demanded.

"My name is Magnus Bane and that's Catarina Loss."

The hot one looked back at Blondie and Magnus got a glimpse of the parabatai rune near his shoulder.

"And why is Maryse looking for you?" Blondie asked.

"Magnus," Catarina growled.

"We came to fix the Portal," Magnus said.

"The Portal is in the library," Blondie said. "So why are you up here?"

Magnus accidentally made eye-contact with the hot one.

It was an inconvenient moment to unconsciously smile.

"Hey!" the hot one snapped. Blondie looked back.

"Look, we're just going to go now," Magnus said, rising carefully. "No harm, no foul."

"You were watching us!" the hot one said, defensively.

"I admit: it was creepier than I meant it to be," Magnus said.

"Oh, gosh, Magnus!" Cat moaned.

Blondie relaxed and the hot one did the same, following his lead.

"Alright," Blondie said. "Pull something like this again, and things won't be so sweet."

"I'll show them out," the hot one said.

"We know our way," Cat said.

"Speak for yourself," Magnus said. He made sure to look back at the hot one so Cat caught onto his intention.

"Magnus," Cat warned.

"Go ahead," Magnus said. "I'll see you around, Cat."

She made a point of rolling her eyes before leaving.

"I'll clean up, Alec," Blondie said. "Just get him out of here."

Magnus put his hands down and followed "Alec" out.

"Magnus Bane," Magnus said, putting his hand out. The Shadowhunter ignored it.

They walked through the halls and for some reason, it was a little less scary with Alec by his side.

"I don't like silence," Magnus said.

"I love it," Alec said, without skipping a beat.

They passed the stairwell Magnus had come up in.

"You two were very impressive," Magnus offered. He could sense the boy's hesitation.

"Thank you," Alec said.

He was quiet again. Magnus observed his immaculate posture, probably saved for moments like this when he had to maintain the image that Shadowhunters were better than all other races. His boots seemed to click like high heels against the linoleum. He obviously had a passive fashion sense compared to Magnus but he was well-dressed, considering the lack of color.

Then there was the natural beauty, given to him by his heavenly blood. He did look like an angel. His black hair could've probably used a hair cut but it fell gorgeously over his blue eyes, as if it were hiding him away from the world. He kept his head high, pronouncing the runes on his neck.

Magnus had always had an admiration for the elegance of runes. They were like tattoos; each with their own story and meaning.

Maybe that's what Magnus needed: a tattoo.

"I asked you something."

"Sorry," Magnus said, returning to reality. "I zone out; hazard of being old. What were you saying?"

"Why were you watching us?" Alec repeated.

He really didn't know why he had stuck around to watch.

"I do have some appreciation for fighting technique," Magnus said. "Now, I personally can't fight but I can admire the work that goes into it."

"I'm sorry we overreacted," Alec said. "We don't generally take kindly to visitors roaming the halls."

"That makes you sound like you're trying to hide something," Magnus said.

Alec stopped at the top of the grand staircase. He clasped his hands in front of him.

"If we wanted to hide something, it wouldn't be kept in the training room, Mr. Bane."

"Magnus, please," he insisted.

"I prefer to stick with formalities."

"In that case, it's His Most Excellent and Great High Warlock Magnus Bane of Brooklyn," Magnus said. "But I do so hate formalities."

That got a smile out of Alec.

"Why are you flirting with me?" Alec asked, cocking his head to one side. His hair fell with his head, leaving a patch of pale skin exposed along the crook of his neck.

"Because I find it a waste of beauty to not flirt with those I find attractive," Magnus said.

Alec's eyes went wide and stayed there.

"You don't realize you're attractive?" Magnus asked. He took advantage of Alec's insecurity to take a step towards him.

"I-- Next to Jace--"

"Jace? The blonde one?"

"Yes," Alec said, his eye darting to side.

"Not my type," Magnus said, shaking his head. Noticing Alec's tension he added, "Relax."

"I can't," Alec said.

"Why not?" Magnus laughed.

"Because you're flirting with me," Alec snapped, but he spoke quietly. After all, they were overlooking the entry way to the Institute; anyone could hear them.

"And you don't know what to do?"

Alec nodded, once.

"You could always come over," Magnus said. Alec's eyes looked Magnus over.

Alec shook his head.

"I might not have your. . . experience, but I'm not easy," Alec said. A smirk of confidence grew across his face. "Try another time, Mr. Bane, maybe when I didn't just catch you stalking me."

"Magnus."

"Magnus," Alec echoed.

Alec's lips parted and this time he was the one trying to play Magnus.

Magnus took another step closer.

"I'll see you around," Alec said, spinning on his heels. He walked down the hallway, hands held behind his back. Only once did he looked back at Magnus.

And when he did, he couldn't stop smiling.


	18. Falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flirting gets serious.
> 
> Part 2 of 2.
> 
> Minor trigger warning: Panic attack.

He was falling.

It was sudden; he didn't remember a time before he started his freefall but he knew this falling was bad.

Time wasn't a factor; he couldn't count the seconds going by.

The feeling snapped when his eyes flew open.

He sat up in bed. 

He was safe.

He was--

"What are you doing in my room?" Alec snapped. Isabelle's brown eyes stared curiously into his.

Alec pulled the covers around himself. His room was freezing. It was the dead of summer and he'd taken on the habit of sleeping shirtless because the Institute's A/C wasn't working.

"I heard you had a visitor today," Isabelle said. Alec looked at the clock.

"Yesterday," he corrected. "It's 3 am. Why are you awake?"

"Never fell asleep," Isabelle said. "Magnus Bane came here?"

"Uh-- yes," Alec said. He was trying to forget the warlock's presence, not dwell on it.

"Damn it," Isabelle said. She crossed her arms over her chest.

"Were you out partying?"

"Are you my mother?" Isabelle snapped. "What did he say?"

"Nothing," Alec said. "I showed him out."

"And no words were exchanged?"

"He said his name was Magnus Bane-- Look, Izzy, I'm tired. What are you trying to get at?"

"Magnus Bane holds some killer parties," Isabelle said.

So she wanted an invite.

"Get out," Alec growled. 

He fell back onto the pillows as she left with a "hmph."

When the door shut and the room went back to silent, Alec's thoughts picked up where they had left off when he first fell asleep: Magnus Bane.

..........

"Weapon-free Wednesdays" were Jace's idea of merging alliteration with the one type of training everyone hated.

Alec always managed to end up with more bruises and cuts on Wednesdays than any other day of the week. 

Jace loved the hand-to-hand combat and excelled at it. Isabelle came in at second-best, leaving Alec in the dirt. 

"Late," Jace called from the balance beam as Alec walked in.

Sleep didn't come back to Alec for another hour after Isabelle had left his room. When he did, it was such a deep sleep, his alarm clock didn't make it through to his brain.

A knife flew by, inches away from Alec's face, landing with a twang in the wall.

The willpower of the sleep-deprived is a fragile, fragile thing.

Alec's took the blow.

"I know," Alec said, glaring at Isabelle who was already picking up another knife.

Jace jumped down.

"It's Wednesday," Jace said. "Isabelle, put the knife down."

She hurled the knife in her hand into the floor.

"What's your problem?" Jace asked her.

"Alec didn't get invited to Magnus Bane's party," Isabelle said. "You told me he was interested in Alec."

"He was," Jace said. 

Alec stuttered for words, his panicked eyes going back and forth between his siblings.

"He was not," Alec sputtered.

"He didn't give you his number?" Jace asked.

"No!" Alec shouted.

"We could always just crash the party," Isabelle offered.

"Or we could invite him over again," Jace said.

"Or we can just train like we're supposed to," Alec said, crossing his arms over his chest.

"On second though, I like your idea," Jace said, turning to Isabelle. "He broke into our training room, we'll break into his party."

"No!" Alec repeated.

"Tonight?" Jace asked. Isabelle nodded, a smile on her face. "And Alec, you have to come."

"I'm not going," Alec said. He didn't need a Magnus Bane in his life. 

"He won't let us stay if you're not there," Jace said. His golden eyes grew to three times their normal size, pleading with Alec. Isabelle nodded in eager agreement.

"I'm going to kill you," Alec said. "Both of you."

"If you can catch us," Jace said.

"Does this mean we're playing Murder Tag?" Isabelle cheered.

"Nose goes," Jace shouted, running for the ladder up to the beams. 

"Nose goes!" Isabelle seconded. 

Nine am and Alec was already done with the day.

..........

"No," Isabelle said automatically. It was the second time in twenty-four hours that she had come in his room without knocking. 

"What?" Alec snapped as he turned to face her. She had managed to squeeze into a scarlet strapless dress. Her hair was pulled out of her face and her lips matched the color of the dress.

"First of all, you're not wearing a sweater. By the Angel, Alec, why can't you dress yourself?" Isabelle said. She threw open the doors to his wardrobe, tossing unfavorable tops onto the floor like it was a bad teen movie.

"You're picking that up," Alec grumbled. 

"Take off the sweater," she said, pulling a shirt out.

"I like my sweater," Alec said.

He obliged anyways, stripping the top off; partially out of fear of his sister's wrath and also because he wanted tonight to be as painless as possible.

Isabelle tossed him a grey v-neck.

"Don't you have a belt?" Isabelle asked.

Alec crossed over to his dresser, pulling it out of a drawer.

"Okay, and your hair," Isabelle said, walking up to him. 

Alec tightened the belt buckle. 

"What's wrong with my hair?" he asked. She reached up, running her fingers through it, thoroughly ruining his "messy on accident" vibe. 

"Isabelle," Alec sighed. "Can't we just go?"

"Please try and have a good time," Isabelle said. She stalked out of the room, her heels clicking obnoxiously with every step.

The mirror on the wall caught his attention as he passed by.

He didn't even look like himself.

..........

The three walked into Magnus Bane's apartment together. 

But as soon as Alec could feel the thud of the bass in his chest and the temperature spiking a couple of degrees, they were gone, fading into the party.

He pushed through the crowd, trying to be invisible. Isabelle and Jace would expect him to be in the farthest corner of the party so that's where he'd be. 

Only, the room seemed to go on forever. He couldn't find an end to the sea of people.

The apartment was either very big or infinite. 

Neither would surprise him.

This was beginning to feel more like a maze than a party. 

The faces around him were unfamiliar and exotic. Most of the people seemed to be faeries or vampires.

They were definitely the only Shadowhunters in attendance. 

A hand fell on his shoulder as he tried to cut through the dance floor.

Alec turned around, prepared for Jace or Isabelle, not expecting a drunk werewolf with flirtatious eyes and wandering hands.

Her hand was halfway down his back when he pushed her away. 

Why did he hate parties?

This. This was why.

The music and smell alone were enough to give him a headache.

He felt slower and heavier than usual; his judgement impaired without having ever touched a drink.

The atmosphere was intoxicating.

He couldn't breathe now.

Someone was at his ear, asking for a dance.

He shook his head. 

Where was the door?

He'd show himself out, if he could ever make it.

Alec scanned for Isabelle and Jace as he retraced his steps.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket, sending the same text to his siblings.

You: I'm leaving. 

He was only a few steps away from the front door.

"Leaving so soon?" 

Alec looked up.

A vampire, with hair so blonde it was almost white, stood in front of him. 

Her eyes drifted away from his face and instantly caught sight of the runes.

"Sorry, Shadowhunter," she said, her voice humming. She stepped out of his way and flashed him a smile.

Her pointed canines made Alec want to shutter, but now wasn't the time to show weakness.

Alec made it out the door.

The air in the hallway was sweet but not enough.

He could still hear the music, some heavy remix of a song he supposed was popular, and the panic in him hadn't subsided.

He took the stairs, two at a time, trying to get outside as fast as possible.

There had been a park across the street. Jace made a comment about a duck he saw crossing the sidewalk; that's why Alec remembered it.

He stumbled out into the night, crossing the street with very little regard for traffic.

His feet, the only part of him working correctly, didn't stop until he was sitting on a bench, deep within the park.

Alec bent over, wrapping his arms around legs.

Blood rushed to his head as he focused on his breathing.

The panic attacks were nothing new but Alec hadn't had one in what seemed like an eternity.

His brain switched from internal pain to the external: it was freezing cold outside. 

His poor sweater, probably still slightly warm, was laying Isabelle's pile of rejection. 

"Are you okay?"

Alec sat up, head snapping to look at the figure, illuminated by the orange street lights, next to him.

Amber cat eyes, hidden slightly in the shadow of a fedora, glowed to his right, accented with glittery eye shadow and heavy eyeliner. 

"I'm fine," Alec breathed. 

"You didn't look fine," Magnus said.

"You followed me?" Alec realized.

Magnus was silent.

"Don't you have a party to get back to?" Alec asked.

"It goes on without me," Magnus said. 

Alec commanded his heart to slow down. They were just talking. They were fine. He was fine.

"I was surprised to see you," Magnus said.

"Well, we weren't really invited," Alec said.

"I tried," Magnus laughed. "You were--"

"--too socially awkward to realize? Yeah, I know," Alec snapped. Isabelle had reminded him with her early morning visit and passive-aggressive knife throwing.

"I'm sorry," Magnus said.

"What are you apologizing for?" Alec asked.

"Not inviting you," Magnus said. "Had I known you wanted to come--"

"I didn't," Alec said.

Confusion grew on his face.

"Then why--"

"My sister wanted to go and I had to go because apparently--" Alec stopped himself.

"Oh," Magnus said. Alec was sure he knew though.

"Tell your sister she's invited any time," Magnus said. "As long as she doesn't start any problems."

Alec nodded, biting the inside of his lip.

"Can I get you anything?" Magnus asked.

"No," Alec said. "You can go."

"I can do whatever I want," Magnus stated. "I, however, do not want to go."

"Why do you like me so much?" Alec asked. His voice was acidic. He was tired. He was mad. And he was sick of being told what to do.

Magnus was unphased by his tone.

"You're not like most Nephilim."

"I'm not Jace, you mean."

"Why do you always bring him up?" Magnus asked. "You're not him; stop trying to be him."

That was a slap to the face.

Alec wrapped his arms around himself.

"He's your parabatai, isn't he?" Magnus asked.

Alec was done answering his questions.

Magnus pressed his lips together, annoyed with Alec's silent treatment.

When the silence continued, Magnus stood up, stepping in front of Alec, demanding his attention with his stance.

And he got it.

"I heard your voice first," Magnus said. "I admired your sarcasm and the way you kept up with Jace's comebacks. I hadn't even seen you and I knew you were different. Then I saw you, and yes, I admit, I fell for your looks. We hadn't even spoken a word and I had a crush on you. Then it was how you caught Jace, saving him from falling, even though he let himself fall in the end. That's what makes you different in the end: you don't bask in the glory of winning, you stay in the shadows, making your stand and saving people. You don't need the recognition most Nephilim demand. You don't feel the need to attack. You have to protect. You instantly got defensive when you saw me, protecting your partner. There's something to be admired about that. You don't demand attention, Alec, but you obviously need it."

Alec didn't know what he was supposed to say to that. 

"If you don't want my attention, I understand," Magnus sighed. "But you need someone, Alec, if not me."

"I have family and a parabatai that love me," Alec said. "I can't ask for much more."

Magnus raised his hands up to the sky in a shrug. 

"The world could use a little more love if you ask me." Magnus tipped his hat. "Good night, Alexander."

..........

"Where'd you go?" Isabelle asked over breakfast the next morning.

"Back here," Alec said.

"You weren't in your room when I got home," Isabelle said.

"Stop it with the questions," Alec snapped, pushing scrambled eggs towards the edge of his plate.

"Were you with the mysterious Magnus Bane?" she asked, raising her eyebrows.

"I was in the greenhouse," Alec said. If greenhouse meant sitting in the park for hours, thinking.

"Likely story," Jace said, sitting down right next to Alec.

Alec looked at Jace. He really didn't need Jace against him on this.

"I'm not seeing Magnus Bane," Alec said, making his words very clear. "I do not like him."

"Well, he likes you," Isabelle sighed, setting her fork aside. "He told us."

Alec kept his face calm. Isabelle was lying; her lips were pressed together.

"Sure," he said, stabbing a strawberry slice. "Just give it up, Izzy."

"He invited us back," Jace said. "Tonight."

"I'm not going," Alec said.

"Party-pooper." Isabelle sighed. "We'll go without you."

............

The impulsive decision came as a result of his boredom a little after noon.

Training was done and lessons had been cancelled since Hodge wasn't feeling well. 

Alec had a free afternoon and no commitments or drive to do something productive.

He didn't usually take walks but the Institute was feeling particularly confining today.

He walked for awhile, watching the mundanes.

Being clueless probably wasn't a bad thing, he decided. Their lives were boring, sure, but they had far less to worry about than Shadowhunters.

He wasn't really thinking when he decided to get on the subway. 

It just felt like the right thing to do. 

In the back of his mind, he was picking the train to Brooklyn, but he told himself that it was just a coincidence.

Brooklyn would be a nice place to walk on a summer day.

When he ended up on the sidewalk across from Magnus' apartment, he felt like a child staring into a candy shop; what he wanted was inside, but he couldn't have it.

Just beyond a few inches of brick and dry wall was a warlock who claimed to care about him.

Nothing was stopping really him from going inside and up to the third floor and knocking on Magnus' door.

What was the worse thing that could happen?

A dozen scenarios played through his mind, each a little more concerning than the last.

But even worse: the regret of not trying.

Alec sprinted across the street, throwing open the front door. He took the stairs at a slower pace, memorizing every step.

This was going to be an amazing memory or the kind that would haunt him years from now.

Either way, he wanted to remember every second and aspect.

Then he was in front of the door and it was suddenly very, very real.

He raised his fist to knock but the door opened.

Magnus leaned against the door frame, his head tilted to one side.

"How did you--"

"Excellent security system," Magnus said. "Coffee?"

Alec nodded, following Magnus in.

The apartment wasn't infinite-- it was bigger on the inside than what was physically possible according to mundane physics. But the rules didn't apply to warlocks, Alec supposed.

The apartment was also clean; there were no traces that hundreds of people had been packed inside just hours earlier. 

"Cream, sugar?" Magnus asked as he led Alec into the kitchen which had an expansive view of the rest of apartment.

"Two sugar," Alec said, still looking around. Seconds later, Magnus was holding a mug in front of him. Alec took it, leaning against the sparkling counter.

He expected Magnus to speak.

But he just watched Alec, holding his own coffee.

"Why aren't you talking?" Alec asked, timidly.

"Do you want me to talk?" Magnus asked.

Alec nodded.

"Why are you here?"

"I got--" He wanted to say bored but that was a lie and an insult to Magnus' company. "--incomplacent."

"That's not a word," Magnus said, taking a sip of his own coffee. "I do know what you mean, though."

"Your speech was rather thought-provoking."

"I like to think everything I say is thought-provoking," Magnus said, smiling.

"That's a bold statement."

"I'm a bold man," Magnus said. 

"Well you did basically tell me I'm the weird one," Alec scoffed.

"I told you you were unique," Magnus said.

"Weird and unique-- aren't they the same thing?"

"Connotations, Alexander," Magnus chided.

"I'm a very literal person; I only see the denotation."

"So they are teaching you something at the Institute," Magnus joked.

"Not today," Alec said. "Lessons were cancelled."

"So you ditched school to come hang out with the bad boy?"

"You're the bad boy?" Alec laughed.

"Well, your parents certainly wouldn't approve," Magnus said. Alec set his mug on the counter beside him.

"They don't even know I'm gone," Alec said.

"Then you've successfully mastered the key to ditching," Magnus said. 

"Goody," Alec said, his voice trailing off. 

Magnus was making him feel incredibly small and incredibly vulnerable.

Could warlocks read minds?

Magnus could certainly read him; every gesture, every movement, every word-- it was all a code that only Magnus could seem to decipher.

Alec pushed himself off the counter and Magnus moved with him. 

They met in the middle of the kitchen, Magnus' hands at the base of Alec's jaw. His finger tips played with Alec's hair.

Alec wrapped his arms around Magnus' waist, kissing him because it was the only thing his mind could imagine doing.

His stomach was doing flips as he exhaled against Magnus' lips which tasted like bitter-sweet coffee.

He opened his eyes, staring into Magnus'.

"What now," Alec breathed.

"Now we do this again some other time," Magnus said, still regaining his breath.

"Are you kicking me out?" Alec asked.

"You can stay as long as you want. But I have to go to work."

Sensing Alec's confusion, he added, "Parties don't pay for themselves. I do the occasional summoning of dead ancestors, curses on obnoxious coworkers--"

"Should I be reporting you?" Alec asked.

"No," Magnus said, slowly, kissing Alec again.

In his mind, he was falling again.

But this kind was most definitely the good kind.


	19. It was 1906. . .

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus meets another Lightwood.

London, 1906

Magnus arrived fashionably late but the party was already in full-swing, so no one really cared about his entrance.

He wandered through the Institute, observing the crowd, staying in the shadows.

Magnus wasn't thrilled to be in London. This city had never suited him. But Tessa had invited him and so he felt compelled to attend.

He'd shocked himself by dressing in a casual manner: a navy blue waistcoat, with matching pants. Subconsciously, he didn't want to draw attention to himself. The sooner he saw Tessa, the sooner he could leave.

But she was nowhere to be found.

That's how he ended up in the library, reading Pride and Prejudice.

It was the quietest place in the house up until a boy stumbled into the large room, slamming the door shut.

When he saw Magnus, he fell back against the door in shock.

"Who are you?" the boy asked.

"Magnus Bane." Magnus set the book aside, to examine the boy a bit closer.

Boy was a bad term.

He had to be in his early twenties, at least. A pair of wire glasses balanced on the tip of his nose. He wore a white button-up but the collar wasn't creased and the top two buttons were undone. It was highly improper but he obviously didn't care. Runes snaked up his neck, black against pale white skin.

"And you are?" Magnus asked.

"Christopher— Christopher Lightwood."

"What are you running from, Christopher?"

"What are you hiding from, Mr. Bane?"

"Ah, touche."

Christopher pushed his fingers through his hair, staring at the ground dejectedly.

"If you must know," Magnus said, raising his voice to get the boy's attention, "I'm avoiding the hordes of people in the halls."

"Are you not supposed to be here?"

"I was invited. I just have a distaste for Shadowhunters."

Christopher raised an eyebrow.

"Who are you running from?"

"Myself," Christopher sighed. "I'm a horrible fool."

"Tell me about it. I could use a good laugh."

"What a horrible thing to say," Christopher retorted. "Laughing at other's misery?"

"I never claimed to be a good person," Magnus said with a shrug.

"If you must know, I've embarrassed myself."

"What did you do though?"

"I ruined Grace's dress."

"Grace?"

"She's—" He couldn't seem to describe her.

"I've heard the name before," Magnus said. He couldn't seem to connect a name to a face though.

"Grace Blackthorn."

"Oh, yes," Magnus said. "I, uh, know her."

There was a moment of terse silence.

Grace had most likely grown up from when they last met but Magnus wasn't thrilled with their history.

"So why did you ruin her dress?" Magnus asked.

"I didn't do it on purpose!" he snapped.

"I didn't say that you did," Magnus said, firmly.

"It was an accident— I was trying to get a drink for her and when I turned around—"

He threw up his hands.

"She's furious with me now."

"She'll get over it."

"Grace does not get over things," Christopher said.

Magnus found it curious the way he had said that— as if he really knew her.

Like he watched her movements. Like he found significance in everything she said.

"You love her," Magnus realized. He hadn't meant to say it out loud.

"Shh!" Christopher snapped.

"But tell me," Magnus said, rising from the couch. "Why is it a secret?"

"Because James— James loved her," Christopher said.

"James— that's your cousin—"

Christopher nodded, biting his lip.

"Your family and friends are more tangled than a ball of yarn," Magnus said, tugging on his suit. "But I'm going to give you some help."

Christopher laughed.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Bane, but you can't help me."

"I can't fix your problem with James Herondale but I can help you win back the good graces of—" Magnus paused, realizing his vocabulary error. "—Miss Grace."

"That sounds like a horrid idea," he said. But then he thought for a moment. "But I can't embarrass myself any more than I already have."

"Where is she now?"

"She and Lucie went back upstairs to change."

Magnus thought for a moment and Christopher watched with a concerned interest.

"You have to get her alone," Magnus said.

"That would be inappropriate—"

"You have to apologize earnestly. Then you have to make a grand gesture but it has to look like you're improvising."

"I'm confused," Christopher sighed.

Magnus looked around the library.

"Pretend you're Grace," Magnus said, walking towards a vase. It was filled with tall white flowers with cascading purple leaves. They were beautiful but not something you could find in the wild. He picked one stalk out and walked back to Christopher. "And I'll be you."

"We're acting?"

"Exactly," Magnus said. "So act feminine."

"I—"

"Miss Grace," Magnus said, bowing. He kept the flower tucked behind his back. "I'm terribly sorry for not apologizing sooner for ruining your dress; especially since you looked so lovely in it."

"I can't say that!" Christopher interjected. Magnus continued anyways.

"So my apologizes—" Magnus handed Christopher the flower.

"That's it," Magnus said, stepping out of character.

Christopher took the flower, holding it carefully.

"I'd faint before I ever got the first words out," Christopher said.

"Stop doubting yourself," Magnus said. "You are a Lightwood. You're supposed to be a charming and sharp-witted ass. You're handsome enough; you just have to have confidence."

"You want me to be my father?"

"I want you to be yourself," Magnus said, "with the confidence of your father. Do you understand?"

"I suppose," Christopher said.

"So now I am going to play Grace and you will play you."

Christopher was frozen, still in front of the door.

"Charm me," Magnus ordered.

"Miss Grace—"

"Look me in the eyes," Magnus said. Christopher looked up.

"—I am sorry for not apologizing sooner about ruining your dress."

Christopher awkwardly stuck the flower out in front of her.

"Compliment me— her," Magnus ordered.

"You looked beautiful in the dress."

Half way through, the door opened.

"Why thank you," Magnus said, grinning stupidly, despite the new arrival.

Christopher turned around in horror, finding himself face-to-face with none other than James Herondale.

"Mr. Bane," James said, tucking his hands in his pockets. "I did not realize you were interested in such fashion. Though, I can't say I'm surprised."

Then he looked at his cousin.

"And you too, Christopher."

"I—"

"No need to explain," James said. "I'd rather not know."

Christopher groaned.

"Grace is looking for you," James said.

"Why?"

"I'd like to know that as well," James said, pressing his lips together. "It was nice seeing you again, Mr. Bane. I'll tell Grace you're in here."

James turned on his heel and left.

"Now James hates me," Christopher grumbled.

"He'll get over himself," Magnus said, waving away Christopher's concerns. "You should be worried about the fact that Grace is about to come in here."

"Oh— By the Angel, I'm a mess," Christopher said, fumbling with his collar.

Magnus snapped his fingers and Christopher was suddenly in much cleaner, and appropriate, attire.

"Thank you, Mr. Bane," Christopher said.

"You're very welcome, Christopher. I'm a fool for romanticism," Magnus said, leaving the library.

Grace Blackthorn was coming down the hall with a fire in her eyes and a stunning elegance in her stride.

She passed Magnus and he stopped, watching her approach the library doors.

He just had to see how it played out.

The hallway was deserted. He turned invisible and caught up with Grace, slipping inside just before she shut the doors.

"—ruined my dress and did not apologize," Grace was saying, stalking towards Christopher, who looked terrified once again.

"I am sorry for not apologizing sooner," he said. "You know I'm a horrible blockhead."

Why was he beating himself up in front of her?

"You looked so beautiful in that dress. I was speechless. I couldn't find the words to express my apologies."

So he wasn't really hopeless.

Grace's fury had slipped away. Her face was expressionless but that was better than rage.

When she didn't say anything, he pulled the flower out from behind his back and offered it to her.

"Where did you get that?" she asked.

Magnus made the original bouquet disappear.

"It's a secret," Christopher said with a shy smile. She took the flower.

Then, she smiled, which shocked both of the men.

She looked even better smiling.

"I forgive you, Christopher," Grace said.

"Excellent."

Grace tucked the flower into her hair as Christopher offered her his arm and they left the library.

Magnus returned to being visible as another figure appeared in the room.

"Spying on my children, Magnus Bane?"

"Neither of them are yours, Tessa," Magnus said. In a way, he wasn't surprised to find her in there. "Why aren't you socializing?"

"It's not my party."

"But your husband is 45. Shouldn't you be at his side, celebrating and playing hostess?"

"When I heard that Grace was coming to speak to Christopher, I knew it was something I couldn't miss."

"For awhile, I thought she was going to kill him," Magnus said.

"I feared that as well."

"I never said I was afraid," Magnus said. "It would have been very entertaining to watch."

Tessa cocked her head in mild distaste.

"Thank you for coming, Magnus. I'm sure Will would like to see you as well."

"I will certainly find him in the crowd then."

Tessa smiled before leaving Magnus in the library alone again.

Magnus stood in the library for awhile, staring at the room. It was amazing how little it had changed. Then again, the Shadowhunters rarely changed.

New York was calling to Magnus.

It was time to go home.

He never did see William Herondale again.

.........

New York, 2011

"—and that is the story of how I met your great-great grandfather and hooked him up with your great-great grandmother."

Magnus smiled smugly at the completion of his story.

Alec kissed his stupid grin, sending Magnus into delirium.

"I should tell you stories more often," Magnus whispered with his exhale.

"Honestly, that was really weird," Alec laughed.

"You actually technically owe me your life," Magnus said. 

"I owe you a lot," Alec said.

"Wanna make it up to me?" Magnus growled, raising his eyebrows seductively.

Alec rolled his eyes.

Magnus would never change.


	20. Falling in Love with Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I think we all have a think for Coffeeshop!AUs. 
> 
> AH!AU

After only a week at the coffeeshop, Magnus knew the regulars.

There was Beth, who came in every morning with her knitting bag, staying well after Magnus' shift was over.

Charles came in every two days like clockwork, always at five am.

Sue came in for a small decaf, double sugar, Monday through Friday, before her shift at the diner down the street at 12:30 am.

Then there was Alexander, who never spoke. He made his appearance and Magnus rang him up and made his coffee, and left him to surf the web on his Macbook.

Magnus worked the night-shift, to pay the bills while he spent the rest of his time at university.

His sleep schedule was hellish, to say the least.

When he wasn't in class and not on shift, he was in his apartment, passed out on the couch or his bed (depending on how far he made it).

Besides his hectic schedule, Magnus worked the night-shift because the pay was substantially better.

And it was nice. It was almost always quiet in the 24/7 cafe and the smell of coffee and the occasional cup kept him awake. He could study behind the counter, writing essays on his laptop hidden behind the espresso machine.

Jazz played on the speakers overhead as Magnus scrubbed down the menu boards for the night. He'd chalk tomorrow's menu on as soon as the baker and chef came in around 5 am and decided what could be whipped together from the day's fresh produce.

He was only two hours into his ten hour shift, which made it a little after midnight.

Sue would be here any minute.

Magnus set aside his cloth, climbing down from his ladder. They were running low on decaf beans.

He pushed open the swinging door to the back, searching around dry storage for a sealed bag of coffee beans. He found it fast enough and returned to the front.

Alexander was standing in front of the register, leaning on it. He looked tireder than usual and he was in a suit, which was different from usual.

Then there was the fact that he was here far too early.

"Long day?" Magnus asked, pulling a large paper cup out. Alexander nodded, staying silent otherwise.

Magnus started pouring milk into the steam cup, but kept his focus on Alexander, rather than his job.

Alexander pushed his hand through his hair, making a mess of what would have otherwise been straight perfection.

Magnus put the paper cup under the espresso dispenser, watching the concentrated coffee pour, then drip into the cup.

"Still want two pumps of caramel?"

Alexander nodded.

"You know, it tastes even better if you add a shot of vanilla," Magnus said. Alexander looked up, shrugging with his hands.

"On the house," Magnus added. No one was going to miss an ounce of vanilla syrup.

He dumped everything together, adding the caramel and vanilla.

Then he slipped the Sharpie out of the pocket of his apron, scrawling Alexander and then, because it felt right, You look nice tonight.

He handed Alexander the cup, it's message barely visible under the sleeve. He took Alexander's $3.89 in the form of a $10 bill. The change was exchanged but Alexander dumped the $6.11 into the tip jar, as he always did.

It was a high price to pay for a cup of coffee and a compliment.

...........

Alexander had always enjoyed the coffee shop's atmosphere.

It was routine and his life needed routine. There was always a different show, every night. Some good, most bad. But if he didn't write his reviews within a few hours, he'd forget the show and the review would ultimately be a disaster.

His editor happened to agree.

He agreed so much that he paid for Alec's nightly excursion, adding $300 to his paycheck every month.

Otherwise, as a dramatic reviewer, he wouldn't be able to afford it.

His days consisted of a noon alarm clock. Then managing his work email, reading the comments on his article on the online edition of the New York Times, making breakfast (if he was feeling ambitious), and then going to the Times to spend a few hours sitting at a desk. Then he went to a play, taking notes in a black composition notebook in the darkness of the theater.

Then he took the subway to the only 24 hour coffee shop in Manhattan.

For the longest time, Melinda was the night barista but a week ago she was joined by Magnus then she was no more.

Alec didn't know why she left, and honestly he didn't care.

But she taught Magnus his routine, and that was what mattered to him.

He sat at his usual table, pulling his laptop and notes out.

He glanced up as his laptop powered on. Magnus was on a ladder, wiping the chalk off the specials board.

They were the only souls in the shop.

Alec's fingers idly twisted the sleeve on the cup. He'd yet to taste the new concoction.

But he had to give it to Magnus: he was brave to suggest a change in Alec's routine.

And Alec was. . . Well, he had accepted the change, surprising himself.

Was there really a word for that?

The door opened and a rush of cold hit Alec's back.

People did come in when Alec was in the coffee shop, but it was rare.

"Good morning, Sue," Magnus cheered. Hearing the barista's voice distracted Alec. He watched as the girl in a stereotypical waitress' uniform walked up towards the counter.

"Mornin', Magnus." Magnus punched a button on the espresso machine and it started vibrating, taking in beans.

They didn't speak until Magnus asked for her money and she obliged.

Then Sue was gone.

Alec watched her go then looked back to his work.

But his eyes didn't catch on the laptop. Instead he was making eye contact with Magnus.

He looked away, shyly.

Then he got to work.

The word document stayed blank for a long time, as Alec sipped his coffee and stared at his notes, scrawled in the dark of theater.

As he set the cup down, after a taste of super sweet caffeine, the sleeve slipped, revealing not only his name but a message.

Alec pulled the sleeve off.

You look nice tonight.

His breath caught in his throat and he looked up. Magnus' back was to him.

He watched Magnus clean behind the counter for a few moments, the time passing immeasurably.

When Magnus turned around, Alec's eyes flew to the screen.

You look nice tonight?

Well, he was wearing a suit, something he treated himself to every Saturday night. Magnus had only worked one other Saturday so he probably didn't notice.

Was that it? A suit?

This was horrid, Alec decided.

His work wasn't getting done here and he was certain Magnus' gaze was burning him alive.

.............

Flirting with Alexander had been risky.

He could cost the shop, which didn't get much business at night, a loyal customer.

A loyal customer that Magnus happened to like.

But he was back the next night, at his regular time.

"Vanilla?" Magnus asked. Alec nodded. There was less exhaustion in his eyes tonight and he was back in his regular slacks and polo.

"I'm glad you liked it," Magnus said.

A smile twinged at Alec's lips.

He was obviously shy; Magnus had never heard him speak.

As the milk steamed, Magnus wrote Alexander and a phone number onto the cup.

Magnus got his tip and a smile.

..........

Magnus had given him his number.

And Alec had no idea what compelled him to text the number while he was still in the coffee shop.

But if he waited, he knew he'd never text him.

You: Hi?

Alec watched the counter. A textbook was open in the space near the cash register. Magnus was following the text with a highlighter. Then his face lit up as he pulled out his phone.

Alec looked back at his laptop. He'd gone to see a musical tonight and it had been horrible. The lead was singing on a register far too high for his ability and the poor girl playing the love interest had had a costume malfunction paired with a poor makeup artist.

That was just the beginning of his review. The plot and orchestra were also going to be ripped apart.

His phone buzzed on the table top.

Magnus: Hi

You: How are you?

Alec set the phone aside and tried to write his first paragraph.

Yes, he would write his first paragraph before looking at Magnus' response.

Alec furiously typed a rough paragraph as his phone buzzed.

Was it good? Eh. Was it his best? No.

Magnus: Excellent. How are you?

You: I'm doing alright.

Magnus: What are you doing on that laptop?

You: Writing

Magnus was going to want more than just that.

He wanted a conversation.

He wanted the beginning of a commitment and Alec wasn't sure he wanted commitment.

That'd involve change.

Another paragraph, he decided.

His phone buzzed as he filled in his skeleton of a paragraph with vivid adjectives.

Magnus: What do you write?

You: Play reviews.

Magnus: That explains the suit. And the odd work hours.

You: And what are you studying?

Magnus: Econ 1200

You: Hard?

Magnus: Tedious.

You: I completely understand.

Magnus: Any plays I should see?

You: Not this one

Magnus: Bad?

You: Worse.

Alec picked up his notepad, hiding it from Magnus behind his laptop.

His thoughts didn't connect like usual.

The words that were so easily written were gone tonight.

All because of Magnus.

You: So what is your major?

Magnus: Major in business, minor in design.

You: Fashion or studio design?

Magnus: Fashion.

Alec looked up. He could see Magnus as being well-dressed outside of his work uniform.

You: So you're 22?

Magnus: 23. I took the gap year.

You: And did what?

Magnus: Long story

Work took priority.

Work had always taken priority.

Work would continue to take priority, despite his growing feelings for Magnus.

You: Tomorrow night?

Magnus: Are you leaving?

They looked up from their phones at the same time.

Alec nodded slightly, sending Magnus a farewell.

"Shame," Magnus called.

Alec tried to keep his face stoic.

"I'll see you tomorrow then," Magnus said.

Alec nodded, blinking understandingly.

It was goodbye for tonight.

...........

Magnus had reread his texts with Alexander before falling asleep on his couch.

When he woke up at one for his statistics class, there was a text waiting.

Alexander: Do you ever not work?

You: not really :(

Alexander: Oh.

You: Why?

Alexander: I wanted to take you to a show.

You: I could always ask for a night off. . . Or even a later shift.

Alexander: There's no pressure though.

You: I want to though.

Alexander: Just tell me what date works for you.

You: I'll talk to my boss.

Alexander: Excellent.

Magnus was ecstatic now. To see Alexander. To go see a play with him. To make something more of their relationship.

Statistics was about to be the hardest class he ever went to.

...........

Monday night went as usual as far as ordering and drink-making went.

Alec checked his phone as his laptop powered on.

But Magnus hadn't sent anything.

You: Story?

Magnus: About my gap year?

You: Yes. I need to know.

Magnus: I can't text it all

You: Then come here

The sudden bravery that texting had given him was incredible.

This was the most flirting Alec had ever done. And it had all been electronic.

But now Magnus was walking towards him to come sit across from him.

Alec shut his laptop, taking deep breaths.

"Ready?" Magnus asked. Alec took a sip of his coffee, raising his eyebrows in a move he only saw done in the movies.

"Well, I was a stupid high school senior and completely immature," Magnus said. "I didn't know what I wanted to study or where I wanted to go so I decided not to waste my money or time. I was going to see all of New York while living off my savings account."

Alec smirked, unconsciously.

"I avoided work for about a month and then I realized that I had no place to stay and no job. So I found a missions trip to Indonesia. And I went."

"And I guess that made me grow up very fast. I came back, applied to NYU, got in, got a job, and pulled myself together."

This was the part where Alec was supposed to say something.

.........

He didn't say anything.

Alec sat there, a curious expression on his face. But his lips stayed firmly pressed together.

A panic started growing in his eyes and Magnus was sensing his discomfort.

The door opened and Magnus jumped to his feet.

A business lady, with her head and heart in her phone, came walking in, passing Magnus.

He scrambled to catch up with her as she rattled off a complicated drink.

Magnus got to work on the drink but his eyes kept going back to Alec who was typing away furiously on his laptop.

"Excuse me," the woman snapped.

The milk steamer had shut off but Magnus was still staring off at the dining area.

Alec's big blue eyes watched him back.

"I apologize," Magnus said. Customer service had never really been his forte so he couldn't control the attitude in his voice.

Magnus focused on the lady (she also seemed like the type to leave an angry review, specifically mentioning Magnus' name).

When she finally left, Alexander was gone.

And he had never even said goodbye.

...........

Running out on Magnus was probably a bad idea but Alec panicked.

He also panicked on Tuesday night, standing outside on the sidewalk, staring at the place that had become his second home.

It was raining but Alec had a thing against umbrellas, so the rain fell onto him, sliding off his raincoat.

He stared at the cafe, wanting to go in but afraid to.

He and Magnus were moving too quickly.

He feared the changing relationship. He feared the change in routine.

So he changed his routine.

He walked by but he never went inside.

Not on Tuesday. Or Wednesday. Or Thursday (despite Magnus' pleading voicemail). Or Friday. Or Saturday.

By Sunday, he stopped walked by, going straight from the playhouses to his apartment.

On Monday, it had been a week and Magnus only sent one text.

Magnus: I have off on Friday/Saturday.

..........

Alexander had gone off the grid too fast for Magnus to handle.

He had pressured Alexander and for that, Magnus was remorseful.

Even if he and Alexander had become nothing, he still would've liked to see him every night.

The coffee shop was much more boring without Alexander.

But he had to move on.

So he stopped texting him.

Everything was boring for a long time. Magnus actually studied and wrote his essays.

It wasn't until 5:30 on Friday morning that Alexander appeared.

Magnus was writing the menu boards using different colors of chalk. It was fun to design a new piece of art every night, even if that art was "Spinach, Egg, and Cheese Souffle" and "Strawberry and Granola Yogurt To-Go."

Business was starting to pick up as early morning commuters made their stops.

The cafe was empty until Alexander walked in. Magnus was cleaning up a chocolate syrup mess on the counter.

When he looked up and saw Alexander, his phone buzzed.

Alexander: I'm sorry.

"That's okay," Magnus breathed. He was just relieved to see him alive. He looked back down at his phone.

Alexander: There's a special performance of The Lion King tonight.

Magnus read the text and nodded.

"Sounds great."

Alexander: I can meet you there or I can come to your place?

"Whichever is easiest," Magnus smiled.

Alexander: I kinda need a place to crash tonight.

"Well, I have a place," Magnus shrugged.

Alexander: Awesome

A sideways grin grew on Alexander's face.

Magnus was certain he had never had this big of a crush on anyone before.

But he loved it.

"I get off in thirty minutes," Magnus said. "Coffee?"

Alexander's shy eyes looked up at him.

But he didn't respond.

Magnus had his realization.

Alexander never spoke. Never once.

His trainer had told him Alexander's nightly drink; he'd never actually ordered it.

As his brain processed all of this, forming a hypothesis, his phone vibrated.

Alexander: I am mute, yes.

"Not a problem," Magnus said. "I've been told I talk enough for two people."

Alexander: I've been told I'm an excellent listener.

..........

A month later, Magnus would sign his first words, much to the surprise of Alec (it was "good morning"), after picking up an extra class at NYU.

Three months later, Magnus would inform Alexander's sister that, he did actually know sign language after she made a few comments to Alec about Magnus' "outlandish" outfit.

After two years of dating, Alexander proposed to Magnus with a message written in Sharpie on a Starbucks coffee cup.

The nine-month engagement resulted in a simple ceremony, officiated in both English and American Sign Language.

Magnus had never been happier with silence.


	21. Scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.
> 
> Mild trigger warning for depression/scars/body issues. Just read with caution and get help if you need it, fun friend. Because you are so spectacular at being you. I just know it. *encouragement* ~A

It's a basic lesson in values: beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

And so is ugliness. 

Scars to Alec were painful mementos of battles and fights. They marked the exact place where he had forgotten to dodge a flying claw or the slice of a blade. A stupid slip-up or mistake that came at a high price.

They became real-- so real and full of emotion that Alec had begun to see them as people. They held the faces of those he had failed to defend. They screamed at him, demanding obsessive attention, which Alec gave. 

Those were the thoughts that kept him up at night.

He was barely 18 and already struggling with them.

What scared him more was the idea that these weren't the first, nor would they be the last. He'd take more hits and blows. He'd lose more friends. He'd probably lose family.

It wasn't something he thought about all the time. It came and went, depending on his mood.

He'd just started seeing Magnus and he was purposely taking it slow. He couldn't handle his own body-- how could he expect to show it to someone else? 

The bedroom was empty when Alec woke up, Magnus' side of the bed unmade but obviously slept in. He'd already slept far too late into the morning and had to get ready. He climbed out of bed, his feet thudding heavily against the floor. He stripped his shirt off on the way to the bathroom. He needed a shower.

Hanging on the wall just before the bathroom was a full length mirror. 

It was the best place to find Magnus in the morning. This time, Alec was the one stopping and staring at his reflection.

He looked like sleep; disheveled hair, sweatpants loose around his hips, and chapped lips.

That was all fixable. His eyes were drawn to what couldn't be fixed.

His back looked the worst in his opinion. It was where he was most vulnerable during any fight, and as Jace and Isabelle frequently reminded him, he always forgot to defend it. Staring at them for too long sent him into a trance of violent reverie. 

The uneven intersection of lines was dizzying. Alec knew that there were five individual ones on that one plane of skin alone, both raised and sunk into his skin.

Why did they have to stand out?

He shook his head.

He had to take a shower.

That was the priority right now.

His right hand reached across his body, grabbing his left bicep, his hand grazing another scar.

They were everywhere.

They were inescapable.

He was trapped within such ugly skin. It made his heart racing and his mind spin.

Alec stumbled against the wall farthest from the mirror. 

A logical person would have stepped away from the mirror. Alec couldn't; his mind was checked out for the moment.

He was on a brink now. Eventually, he would be shirtless in front of Magnus and what would he think? Alec wanted him to hate the scars as much as he did. He wanted Magnus on his side of this unwinnable battle. But there was always the possibility that he found them too ugly. They could ruin everything.

It was either confess or call it quits with Magnus.

Both of those sounded horrible. 

Confess, and face an unpredictable future.

Break up with Magnus, and they'd be heartbroken.

Alec never got to decide.

"Alexander!" Magnus exclaimed as he suddenly appeared.

Magnus' hands were on Alec's shoulder and his energy radiated into Alec.

His golden eyes burned into Alec's eyes which were already full of tears.

"You'll never guess what--"

Magnus' eyes dropped down to his own hands on Alec's bare shoulders.

"I'm sorry-- I-- Why are you crying?" Magnus asked, sliding one hand up to wipe away Alec's tears.

But Alec shook away, scrubbing the tears away from his eyes. He crossed his arms over his chest.

"I'm fine," Alec said. It was the worst lie he had ever told.

"You don't have to lie to me," Magnus said. "Tell me what's going on."

Alec couldn't find the words. Magnus was staring at him, not his body but directly at him-- into him.

When Magnus didn't get an answer, he turned around, walking straight for his dresser and pulling out a t-shirt. He tossed it to Alec.

"Put it on," Magnus said. Sensing his hesitation he added, "I know you're uncomfortable."

Alec stared at him for a moment. 

His tone made him sound disappointed. Alec tried to steer away from those thoughts. 

Alec pulled the t-shirt over his head. He didn't read what was on the front; he knew he wouldn't like it.

"Come here," Magnus said. His outstretched hand pulled Alec back into the line of sight of the mirror but Magnus turned him away from it. "Tell me."

"I-- I hate the scars," Alec said.

"Your scars?"

Alec nodded.

The silence was unbearable as Magnus thought for a few moments.

"Why?" Magnus asked.

"They're painful-- not physically but they remind me of things I don't want to be reminded of."

"Fights?" Magnus pressed.

"Yes," Alec said, tears choking off any further response.

Magnus was shaking his head.

"I understand," Magnus said. "But I think that it is a horrible thing to hate oneself."

Alec tried his best to hold eye contact with Magnus.

"I don't hate them," Magnus said. "They are you. You are a Shadowhunter, Alexander. You can't escape that lifestyle anymore. Scars-- they are inevitable for all of us. Some intentional, most unintentional. But how we get our scars, add to the journey that defines us. You would not be the you you are today if you didn't have those scars, if you didn't have those memories."

"I'd be happier," Alec said.

"Would you?" Magnus said. "With demons running amok because you weren't there to keep them in check?"

Alec couldn't respond to that.

"Do you mind?" Magnus said, his fingers taking the bottom hem of Alec's (Magnus') shirt.

Alec shook his head and Magnus pulled the shirt up, off Alec.

"Look," Magnus said, turning Alec to face the mirror.

It was horrible, quite possibly worse, standing there with Magnus.

Magnus looked down Alec's back.

"They're not even that bad, Alec," Magnus said, softly. He looked at Alec through the mirror. 

"I want you to listen, Alec, because this is incredibly important," Magnus said. "The scars are apart of you. And I-- I love you. Which means I love them too. They don't bother me so they shouldn't bother you."

Alec looked down at his feet, his toes clenching and unclenching on their own accord.

Magnus left a feather-light kiss on the scar on his shoulder.

"You're still beautiful to me," Magnus said, wrapping his arms around Alec's stomach. He put his head on Alec's shoulder.

They were silent for a minute; Alec trying to comprehend everything and change, while Magnus watched Alec's inner conflict play out on his face.

"Do you need a minute?" Magnus asked. Alec shook his head, trying to loosen the depressing thoughts from his mind.

"What were you saying when you came in?"

"Oh!" Magnus' eyes lit up again. This time Alec was able to smile at his energy. "A fro-yo place opened up down the street."

"There's one on every block," Alec said.

"First of all, I've never had fro-yo and second of all, this place has black licorice flavor."

"That actually sounds disgusting," Alec said. 

"Well, you'll never know if we don't go try," Magnus said, handing Alec back the shirt.

Alec pulled it on again, this time reading the lettering on the front: My other car is a Portal.

"Where did you get this?" Alec asked as Magnus took his hand, guiding him through the apartment.

"Simon found some online custom design shop. There was a buy 20 get 1 free on custom t-shirts. We spent an afternoon customizing and I got the free one, in exchange for my design expertise."

"Fascinating," Alec said. Magnus stopped him outside the door. 

"I do love you, Alexander Lightwood," Magnus said. "Despite the fact that you think my t-shirts are cheesy."

"I love you too," Alec said, his voice almost like an echo; hollow but clear.

The healing and acceptance for his imperfect skin wouldn't happen over the course of their fro-yo lunch.

Because not even the most superficial of scars heals overnight.


	22. Christmas in July

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Originally published in July 2015 on Wattpad)
> 
> Christmas in an airport is usually the worst.
> 
> AH!AU

Maybe Seattle was a beautiful town.

Alexander wouldn't know because he was trapped inside Seattle-Tacoma International Airport as a blizzard teared it's way through the port city.

He, along with his fellow holiday travelers, was trying to find a taxi, a hotel room, a rental car, anything to get him out of the city and back to New York.

But his flight from Tokyo had been the last one before the FAA had grounded all flights in the Pacific Northwest. Thus, he was the last in the lines that stretched and snaked around the airport.

Everyone wanted to be home for Christmas but by three on Christmas Eve, they had all realized that wasn't a reality.

Well, most of them.

Some people were still screaming at helpless gate attendants, demanding their problems be fixed. 

Alec just found a corner near a power outlet, and watched the snow fall onto the runway.

As his phone recharged, he enjoyed grown adults throw temper tantrums over their ruined holiday plans.

He had accepted his fate: he would be spend Christmas with thousands of strangers in an airport.

The ban was set to be lifted at 5 pm on Christmas, when the massive storm system would be far enough away for the planes to thaw out and the skies to clear again. Alec was more worried about losing his comfy corner in those 26 hours more than anything.

A little before five, his phone was fully charged again and the noise in the airport had settled to a dull roar.

He had twenty missed calls and thirty texts from the five members of his family.

Most of them were from his mother.

He dialed her number, bracing himself for her inevitable lecture.

After the 12 hour flight, he hadn't been interested in calling her to tell her his flight to New York had been cancelled. He would pay for it now.

"Alexander!"

"Hey, Mom," Alec sighed.

"Where are you?"

"Seattle--"

"Seattle? Why didn't you tell us your flight was cancelled?! Jace drove all the way to LaGuardia to pick you up!"

"I was busy," Alec lied. "Trying to get a hotel room. I'm on a wait list."

"Oh," she said. There was a sudden crash. "Max and Isabelle! Out of the kitchen!"

He could hear his siblings laughing.

"I'm sorry, dear-- Are you going to be home by tomorrow morning?"

"Probably not," Alec said.

"Well, we'll TimeFace you."

"FaceTime, Mom," Alec corrected. "And sure."

"Alright, well, we're thinking of you."

Alec nodded.

"I love you, dear."

"Love you too," Alec said. As his phone hung up, a call came in. "Um, hello?"

"Mr. Lightwood? This is the Regency Hotel. A room has become available but we're afraid you'll have to share. Is that okay?"

Alec looked around. He couldn't sleep here tonight; it was too loud and crowded. Plus, the second he stood up to get something to eat or go to the bathroom, he'd lose his corner and outlet, stuck to find a place on the wall with the rest of the latecomers.

"Yes," Alec said, quickly. "I'll be right there."

.........

The Regency was inside the hotel so Alec never had to face the storm.

He got in line with about twenty other people, waiting for the rooms.

"It's like the Hunger Games in here," the man behind him said. Alec turned around to find a business man in the same grey suit as him. Only this man had on a bright blue tie; hardly professional.

"Nice suit," the man said with a smile.

Alec sighed. 

"Yeah, it's definitely interesting." He turned back around in line, content to wait alone.

It was bad enough that he'd be sharing a room with a stranger. He'd take silence while he had it.

The man took the hint though.

Alec got his room key and dragged his little carry on bag through the empty hall ways of the hotel. 

He paused outside the room. 

A mental image of obese man with breathing issues came to his mind.

He raised his hand to knock-- he didn't want to walk in on something he'd never unsee.

"No need to knock, love." Alec turned around-- the voice hadn't come from the room.

The business man with the blue tie was waltzing down the hallway. 

"I'm not there yet," he finished. He stopped beside Alec. 

"Well?" he asked. "Are you going to unlock the door or are we sleeping in the hallway? Because you know, I got this room so that I could sleep on something other than the floor."

Alec slipped his keycard in the door.

It was a typical hotel room, with the exception of the fact that there was only one bed, something Alec had never really seen before.

Alec was frozen in the middle of the room but he could feel his roommate's presence right behind him. 

"Problem?" 

"When they said I'd be sharing a room," Alec started, "I expected separate beds."

"Mm. Me as well," he sighed. The man stepped around Alec and into his line of sight. "Magnus Bane." He stuck out his hand. 

Alec didn't take it, eyes still frozen on the single queen-sized bed.

"You know, I make it a point to not sleep with someone if I don't know their name."

Magnus laughed at the panic spread across Alec's face.

"I'll take the floor--"

"No you won't," Magnus said. "We're both grown adults--"

And if Magnus knew he was gay, would it make a difference?

"I'm serious," Magnus said. "I think we can share a bed for one night, if you tell me your name."

Alec sucked in a deep breath.

"Alec Lightwood," he said on the exhale.

"Okay, Alec," Magnus smiled. "Right side or left?"

...........

Alec avoided the bed all night, sitting in the armchair in the corner.

Magnus had disappeared in attempt to find food for dinner.

When he finally came back, it was close to eleven and he opened the door with a fury. 

"Is that an iPhone charger?" Magnus shouted at Alec. 

Alec glanced down. His phone was plugged in and it was an iPhone charger.

"Um, yes," Alec said. 

"I need it," Magnus demanded.

"Why should I give it to you?"

"Because I have a WiFi hotspot on my phone and I'll give you the password if you let me use that."

Alec had spent the last hour trying to sign into the WiFi. It was too slow with so many people trying to get on.

"Uh, okay," Alec resigned, handing his phone charger to Magnus.

"Thank you, thank you," Magnus said. "I was stupid," he collapsed onto the bed, "and put my charger in my checked bag so I don't have it and my phone died while I was out--"

"Where's the food?"

"Food?"

"Food."

Magnus tore his eyes away from his phone.

"Food," he repeated, realizing his mistake. "I definitely forgot that."

Alec's stomach growled, as if on cue.

"I can go--"

"No, stay," Alec said, standing up. He had seen a vending machine at the end of the hall.

He walked through the deserted halls in bare feet.

It would be Christmas Day in an hour and he was having Cheetos and Pop Tarts for dinner.

Granted, it was all his fault. He volunteered to go on the trip to Japan, hoping to win his boss' favor, assuming that he'd magically make it home in time for the slicing of the ham on Christmas Eve.

Instead, here he was, armful of junk food, walking alone through the halls of a hotel. 

Yet, Alec was still trying to think of ways it could be worse.

The vending machine could have been empty.

No food was worse than junk food.

He could be stuck in the airport.

At least now he had a bed.

And Magnus Bane could be as weird as his name implied.

He seemed relatively normal despite his hyperactive behavior and clothing choices.

Alec managed to keep the food in his arms as he slipped the key card into the lock.

The first thing he saw was Magnus, struggling to take off his white t-shirt. His arms were above his head as he tried to fish it off. It was comical yet--

"Oh, hi," Magnus said, facing Alec. His facial expression was the epitome of a shrug. He was still frozen.

Alec's lips stumbled, attempting, and failing, to form coherent words.

"Are those Twizzlers?" Magnus asked. Alec nodded. "I love Twizzlers."

Alec still couldn't speak. Magnus was surprisingly well toned.

"Alec, did I manage to get you flustered again?"

"I'm fine," Alec said. "Are you stuck?"

"Are you going to help me?"

"No," Alec said, averting his eyes as he laid their midnight snack out across the bed.

"Then I suppose there's no use in saying I'm stuck," Magnus said. After two more seconds of struggle, he had the shirt off and he flopped onto the left side of the bed, the one he had claimed. 

Leaning just a little, Magnus snatched up the package of Twizzlers.

"You know, I bought those," Alec pointed out.

Magnus flicked his eyes up.

"You're right," Magnus said. "That was rude of me. Will you share? Or are you going to make me beg?"

"You still owe me for my charger," Alec pointed out.

"The password is 'slayer,'" Magnus said. His focus was now on opening the package of Twizzlers, something he was failing at miserably. Alec grabbed some Skittles and watched the scene unfold. It was slightly more entertaining than watching soccer moms argue over a chair back in the airport.

"So you can't take your shirt off and you can't open Twizzlers," Alec said, tossing a few Skittles into his mouth. "What can you do?"

Magnus looked up at him, glaring.

"If you must know, I'm a translator. And I'm very good at what I do," Magnus said.

"Estoy seguro," Alec muttered.

"Yeah, see I know what that means," Magnus said.

"Oh enserio?" Alec laughed.

"Realmente," Magnus muttered. "Will open this for me please?"

Alec sat on the front edge of the bed, taking the Twizzlers from Magnus.

With a single tear, the package was open. Alec stole a few before handing it back. He had a feeling he would never touch a single Twizzler the second he handed the package to Magnus.

For some reason, he exuded self-absorbence.

"Are you going to sleep?" Magnus asked.

"I probably should get some sleep. My family'll FaceTime me early tomorrow."

"Oh, yeah. It's Christmas," Magnus said. "Huh."

"You don't celebrate," Alec realized.

"Not that," Magnus said. "I just don't really have anyone to celebrate with. I have friends, of course, but they're busy with their families."

"That's sad," Alec said, frowning.

"Don't pity me," Magnus said. "People aren't attractive when they're pitying you."

"You-- you think I'm attractive?" Alec stuttered.

Magnus shrugged, falling back against the pillows.

"Why wouldn't you be?"

"Oh, Dios," Alec sighed, laying down. He ran his fingers through his hair, exhaling.

"I can still understand you," Magnus said. "I know eleven different languages."

Alec rolled onto his side, facing Magnus.

"List them," he challenged.

"English, Spanish, Dutch, Indonesian, Chinese, Japanese, German, International Sign Language, French, and Arabic."

"That's only ten," Alec said.

"I forgot Pig Latin," Magnus said, smiling.

"That doesn't count."

"Esyay itway oesday."

"That's more obnoxious than I expected it to be," Alec laughed.

"Je suis offensé!"

"French?" Alec guessed. Magnus nodded. "So why translating?"

"I already knew English, Dutch, and Indonesian from my home and I took Spanish in middle school. So I did that and French in high school. Languages just made sense. So I added Chinese and Japanese in college. I did a semester abroad in Germany but my host mother was deaf, so ISL. And the Arabic just kinda happened."

"What about the Pig Latin?"

"Too much time on YouTube as a teenager," Magnus smiled.

"Me too," Alec sighed.

"So what do you do?" Magnus asked.

"Very boring business stuff," Alec said, staring up at the ceiling.

"I translate boring business stuff," Magnus said. "So I get it. What did you want to be when you were a kid?"

"Firefighter," Alec said. "Saving lives, action, and feeling good about myself at the end of the day."

"It's not too late for that," Magnus said. Alec looked over at him.

The idea wasn't ridiculous but yet-- it sort of felt like it was.

"What?" Magnus asked. "You know I'm right." He put a Twizzler between his teeth and decapitated it.

"I can't just quit my job."

"No, you should probably apply to be a firefighter first and then quit. You know, job security."

As the realization grew over Alec's face, Magnus nodded faster and faster.

"See, I'm a genius," Magnus said. "Now how do you feel about holiday movies?"

.........

After a few minutes of channel flipping, they were watching the last half of "Last Holiday."

Magnus raved about Queen Latifah for a few minutes before actually shutting up and watching the movie.

The main character was crawling out onto the ledge of a hotel to talk the rich guy out of suicide when Alec finally spoke up.

"You know, I have no idea which one is Queen Latifah," Alec whispered. Magnus burst into a fit of laughter.

"Her!" He pointed a finger at the woman teetering on the edge of the ledge.

"Oh," Alec said. He slapped Magnus on the arm. "Stop laughing at me!"

"Queen Latifah is a. . . international symbol of fabulous," Magnus said.

"You mentioned that," Alec mumbled.

"And you still don't know who she was?" Magnus asked. "I mean look at her--" His hands gestured wildly to nothing in particular on the screen. "She's amazing!"

Alec leaned in front of Magnus' face, trying to see what he saw.

"Yeah, I'm not getting it," Alec said, shaking his head. He turned around, a smile still on his face from teasing Magnus.

It dropped when he realized that he was invading Magnus' personal space.

"Sorry," Alec mumbled, casting his eyes down.

He had forgotten Magnus was so casually shirtless.

And now he was staring-- gaping really.

"Uhh-- um," Alec stuttered for words.

"Alec, you're hopeless," Magnus mocked.

Alec looked up.

"And it's adorable," Magnus said, taking Alec's chin between his thumb and forefinger. 

A knot formed in Alec's throat. He so desperately wanted to pull away from Magnus, to deny any and all feelings he had for a stranger in a hotel room on Christmas.

It was Christmas now; 1:48 am, to be exact.

And maybe this Christmas wasn't ideal. But Alec deserved a slice of happiness tonight.

Magnus was hesitating though, trying to read Alec.

"You're not--"

"I am," Alec said. "Gay, that is."

"But you're not--"

"Interested? No, I most definitely am."

"Then the problem is--?"

"I don't sleep around," Alec said. 

"Remember how I said I don't sleep with people whose names I don't know?"

Alec nodded.

"I don't sleep with someone I haven't known for at least twelve hours. That's my second rule."

"It's been six," Alec laughed. Magnus nodded, dropping his fingers. 

"Exactly," Magnus said. "Does that make you feel any better?"

Alec sat back, his legs folded underneath him. 

"I trust you for some odd reason."

"I shared my hotspot with you. I don't know how else to prove myself more."

That made Alec laugh.

"Well, you haven't murdered me yet," Alec said.

"You thought-- Of course you did," Magnus said. "You know, this happens every Christmas at least one place in the world. And if someone had been murdered for sharing a hotel room with a stranger on Christmas, it would be all over the news."

Alec leaned back against the headboard.

"If you want to be all happy and smiling for your family tomorrow, you might want to get some sleep," Magnus said.

"I guess," Alec said. Magnus shut the TV off and it went dark.

There was the inevitable sound of rustling of blankets as they both tried to get comfortable.

"Magnus?"

"Yes?"

"What happens at the end of the movie?"

"She gets the rich guy off the ledge. She gets with the guys and they go back home and open a restaurant. It's a nice ending. Makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside."

"Mm."

Alec rolled over, facing Magnus.

His eyes had adjusted to the darkness and he could see Magnus' eyes staring back into his.

"I've never seen a Christmas movie with a sad ending," Magnus told the darkness.

"I think part of what makes Christmas so magical is the happiness."

"You're so innocent," Magnus said "Magic?"

"I believe in it," Alec smiled.

"To each his own."

Alec was regretting not kissing Magnus now.

It wasn't too late though.

He moved closer to Magnus, who remained silent with the exception of his airy breaths.

"Alec, you have to kiss me now," Magnus whispered.

"Oh?"

Magnus stole the kiss away from Alec with grandeur.

He took Alec's face in his gentle hands, kissing him with the same lips that could speak eleven languages. 

It was five seconds in reality, but a million in both of their heads. 

...........

Alec sat in the armchair. He had turned it so he could look out the window and watch the last of the snow fall.

"Good morning!" a chorus of voices sang out as soon as FaceTime connected.

"Good morning," Alec said softly. Magnus was still asleep but he'd proved to be a heavy sleeper so Alec wasn't worried about waking him up.

"Let's get started then," Isabelle said, rubbing her hands together greedily.

He watched the Christmas scene unfold from his place on the mantle. A fire was probably just warming up below. His father was in his recliner chair but watched the scene with a smile on his face. Christmas was the only day he managed to keep the smile on for longer than an hour.

Max was present distributor, only pausing every couple of minutes to open one of his own. He was the most selfless teenager Alec knew. And that was beautiful. 

Isabelle's long legs stretched across most of the couch, her feet dangling into Jace's lap. She piled her new clothes, accessories, and workout gear onto the floor beside her. Jace was getting mostly video games. Max was getting his Japanese stuff that Alec didn't even pretend to understand.

Max was gathering Alec's in his seat, an overstuffed, vintage chair right by the fireplace.

The present-opening managed to last for half an hour, the longest in a long time. Alec laughed along with his family, despite being thousands of miles away.

Then it was just Alec's presents left.

"Max, open mine, please," Alec said. Part of his request was the fact that he was still a child on the inside-- he needed to know what he got. But what he wanted more than anything was to be with them, and maybe this would help.

He needed to be a child again because being an adult had got him in this mess in the first place.

It was that line of thought that made him realize, a second before Max ripped off the wrapping paper on a massive box of sweaters, that he had to quit his boring job.

He had to go back to his childish dreams and make them a reality.

Stupid tears were forming in his eyes as he thought about this. But he was trying his best to focus on the gifts his family had given him.

Most of them were clothes but some were actually thought out-- like the little Hawkeye figurine Jace had bought him because the night they had seen the Avengers had been one of the best nights of Alec's life (and they had debate the effectiveness of bows and arrows versus hand-to-hand combat, thus the Hawkeye figurine). 

He didn't notice Magnus hovering behind him but his family must have. He didn't see the smile on his mother's face grow a little. He didn't see how his father was puzzled but not completely upset, like Alec might have guessed. Jace almost started applauding but Isabelle had kicked him in the stomach, but Alec missed the comical exchange.

And Max was still focused on the presents and so was Alec.

"Why are you crying?" Magnus whispered as the conversation settled with the last of Alec's presents being opened.

Alec whirled around, muting his end of the conversation.

"I'm not crying," Alec said.

Magnus wiped his thumb across Alec's cheek, brushing aside a single stream of teardrops. 

"You were right," Alec said.

"That's hardly surprising," Magnus said.

"Alec?" his mother's voice called through the phone. 

Alec turned around, unmuting the conversation.

"Yeah?"

"Who is that man?"

"Um--" Alec dragged Magnus into the view of the camera. "This is my roommate, Magnus Bane."

"Well Merry Christmas, Magnus," his mother said. She was echoed by the rest of the family.

And it even though it wasn't the end to a cheesy holiday movie, but it did make Magnus feel warm and fuzzy inside.


	23. Teaching Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec drinks. Magnus serves it to him.
> 
> High School!AU

Unpacking had reached a new point of frustration for Alec.

They hadn't been in the house for five hours and his parents were screaming about where to place the Turkish rug they had bought.

Then there was the fact that he had a year's worth of clothing, souvenirs, and trinkets to put away in a room that hadn't changed.

The point of the year-long sabbatical was to change— as a family unit. But Alec had come back feeling more changed himself than his family. His parents were still fighting over every little thing at any possible second. His sister was still aloof to everything. And his little brother more-so.

So he left his room with two full suitcases and a carry-on backpack on his bed.

No one noticed he disappeared or that he took the car keys and a fifty out of his dad's wallet.

While his family had always been problematic, he hadn't always felt the need to be rebellious because of it.

That had started when he realized that his life was boring. In Europe, it had been schoolwork in the morning and sight-seeing in the afternoon. The sights were beautiful but the cathedrals started to blend together and the monuments became symbolic of the unsymbolic. Sneaking out of hotels became an addiction that needed to be cured every night.

Maybe he was doing it for the attention. But he really needed a drink and his fake-ID had been burning a hole in his sock drawer.

The main road that ran by university in town was lined with bars, tattoo parlors, and fast food restaurants that were all open late due to the sleep schedules of their clientele.

Alec did his best attempt at parallel parking and found the least sketchiest bar and went inside.

"Manhattan," Alec ordered, sitting down at the bar. He kept his eyes down but the bartender's elbows came into his view so he looked up.

"ID please."

Alec sighed, reaching for his wallet. He handed the ID over and the bartender flipped it over a couple times before tossing it back to Alec.

"What brings you to a bar at 10 at night?" the bartender asked.

Alec wasn't really in the mood for conversation but hell— tonight he was Alec Williams. And maybe Alec Williams was a classy drinker with a knack for conversation and the finer things in life.

"I'm trying to unpack," Alec said.

"And how is that coming?"

"Well, I'm here instead of unpacking so. . ."

The bartender laughed a little and slid the glass across the counter to Alec.

"So what's so bad about unpacking?"

"Well, it's not the process as much as the place," Alec said, taking a careful sip.

Sweet.

"I get it," the bartender said. "Getting a good apartment around here is impossible. I finally just gave in and rented one of those expensive studios. It's gorgeous but I cannot afford it and the finer things in life."

Finer things? Was he a mind-reader?

Alec stuck his hand out.

"Alec."

"Magnus," the bartender said. "So what do you do, Alec?"

"Student." Not a complete lie. He was technically a student— just high school, not college.

"Do you work?"

"I was abroad last year," Alec said. "So I should get a job but I'm also lazy."

"Are you a senior?"

Alec nodded, taking another swallow.

Another partial lie.

His eyes were drawn away from the bartender and up to one of the flat-screens where a pre-season football game was coming to a close. The score wasn't even close: 47-7.

"Has it been busy tonight?" Alec asked, trying to make conversation again. The bar was pretty much deserted. The few remaining stragglers were grabbing their things and leaving.

"When it became obvious who was going to win, everyone left," Magnus said, running his fingers through his hair.

It was that one seemingly inconsequential action that sent a realization through Alec: Magnus was hot.

Alec rubbed his fingers on the stem of the martini glass to distract himself.

"Do you watch football?" Magnus asked.

"I played— freshman year," Alec said. Yet another partial lie. "Now, not so much. You?"

"Occupational hazard."

A corner of Alec's lip twisted up into a smile.

"What else comes with being a bartender?" Alec asked.

"Well, first the first week or so you're always drunk from trying stuff. But after that, you learn to pace yourself. At parties you always have to make the drinks," Magnus said. He paused, thinking. "You have to constantly listen and then you have to put in your two cents. Honestly, I could probably become a psychologist with the problems I've solved."

"I've never understood how people can just confess their lives to bartenders," Alec said. "Or any stranger for that fact."

"Well, a beer is cheaper than a psychologist," Magnus said. "Raises less questions, too."

Alec raised his glass and downed the last.

"Another?" Magnus asked.

The angel on his shoulder told him to stop and go home. The devil on the other side wanted one more glass and five more minutes of conversation.

The devil was winning.

"Something else," Alec said. "Whatever you think is best."

"There are an infinite number of drinks I could make you," Magnus said. "You can't just tell me to do whatever and expect to like it."

"I trust you," Alec said, with a shrug.

That was the whiskey, not the devil.

Two minutes later, he had another drink, and Magnus had the same one.

"To school and bartenders," Magnus said, raising his glass. Alec could toast to that one.

Their glasses clinked and Alec took a sip.

It wasn't bad but it wasn't good either.

"What is this?" Alec laughed.

"Pisco sour," Magnus said. "You don't like it?"

"Not for me," Alec said, sliding the drink towards Magnus to finish.

"Are you trying to get me drunk?"

"Well, maybe," Alec laughed. "But I think that'd be hard."

"Incredibly actually," Magnus said.

"What's in it?" Alec asked.

"Two shots of pisco, spoonful of sugar, lime juice, and egg white."

"Oh, ick," Alec said.

"So unrefined," Magnus huffed. "Started in Peru."

"Oh?"

Magnus didn't respond but started making another drink.

"Okay, I can't afford all these," Alec laughed. "No job, remember?"

"On the house," Magnus said. "No one is going to miss a few ounces of pisco." He raised a stupid eyebrow and smirked.

Alec ignored the urge to swoon. He was already falling head over heels for a guy who thought he was 22.

Four years made a big difference.

It was one night, the little devil whispered.

"Okay, mint julep," Magnus said, sliding Alec a brown liquid.

Alec took a careful sip.

"Much better."

He liked the way the minty flavor stayed in his mouth.

For awhile, they were silent, watching the game come to an end, sipping drinks they'd never pay for.

"Do you have to lock up?" Alec asked. "Because I can go—"

"You're fine," Magnus said. "The doors are fine." He waved a hand at the doors and smiled back at Alec. "They're not going anywhere."

"I don't want to keep you here all night," Alec said.

"I'm here for another hour at least cleaning," Magnus said. "What's another ten minutes so you can finish your drink?"

Alec stared into the glass of ice, dotted with alcohol-soaked mint leaves. There wasn't much left.

In Alec's muddled mind, he had to make a move if he wanted to enjoy the night.

"I'm running to the bathroom," Alec said, standing. He wasn't going to look like a mess if he was going to do anything stupid tonight.

He stared at himself in the mirror, debating whether to mess up his hair or flatten it down. It was somewhere in between the two right now and it just looked disastrous.

He was a disaster.

Sneaking out. Stealing money. Drinking. Flirting with guys much older than he was.

Alec closed his eyes, leaning against the edge of the counter.

Sometime in his moment of lost reverie, arms snaked around his waist, holding him from behind.

"I know a troubled soul when I see one."

Alec turned around, looking Magnus right in his amber eyes.

"I've got more problems than you've got drink combinations," Alec said.

"Nice metaphor," Magnus said. Alec couldn't stop thinking about the hands on the small of his back.

"Thank you," Alec said. He could breathe— he couldn't think.

He couldn't stop himself from kissing the bartender with the pisco-laced lips.

Then it was just reckless.

Magnus' fingers pulled at Alec's hair, begging him to come closer. But there was no space between them in the first place.

Magnus pushed Alec into the counter. The sink's sensor must have been triggered by a stray hand because it started spraying water.

Alec started laughing and Magnus laughed at him.

But they didn't separate until they were breathless.

Alec slipped the $50 out of his pocket and tucked it into the pocket of Magnus' jeans.

"Keep the change," Alec whispered.

Then he slipped out the bathroom door.

He could never come back here again.

.........

Alec had managed to fall asleep among the luggage on his bed. He considered it an achievement.

His mother disagree when she came in to wake him up.

So despite coming home past midnight, no one had noticed he had gone? It was too easy. . .

Between the three siblings there was only one bathroom and a schedule hadn't been set yet. Isabelle was brushing her teeth when Alec was trying to brush out his hair.

"You look hungover," she commented.

"Not; thanks," Alec said. He tossed the brush aside, knowing, today, it was pointless.

Max came in, climbing on top of the table to get a spot on the counter.

Isabelle watched Alec in the mirror.

"Is that a hickey?!"

Alec dropped his own toothbrush in the sink.

"If Mom and Dad see that. . ." Isabelle laughed, rinsing her toothbrush over the top of Alec's, reaching for the mouthwash.

"What's a hickey?" Max asked.

"It's a type of dog," Alec said, reciting the first lie that came to his mind. Isabelle looked at him.

"I want a hickey," Max mumbled.

Isabelle spewed the mouthwash everywhere, trying to stop her laughs.

"It's an ugly kind of dog," Alec said, grabbing his toothbrush out of the now blue sink.

Today was going to be fan-freaking-tastic.

..........

"Now why the hell did you not tell me you were back?"

Alec turned around to find Jace walking towards him.

"For the same reason you didn't tell me you had a serious girlfriend," Alec said, hugging Jace.

"Damn I missed you," Jace said, stepping back.

"Jace?"

Standing behind Jace was a red-headed girl.

"This is the serious one?" Alec asked.

Jace rolled his eyes, as if to tell Alec "behave," before turning to face her.

"Clary, this is Alec," Jace said. "Alec, this is Clary."

Alec leaned back against his locker.

"Hi," Clary said.

"Hey," Alec said.

"Where are you first hour?" Jace asked.

"History with Garfield," Alec said, reading the schedule he had stuffed in his pocket.

"Us too," Jace said.

Alec groaned. "Us"? Where was the sarcastic, flirtatious Jace he knew?

Why did a year have to be so long?

"It should be interesting," Clary said.

"Oh?" Alec asked. "Have you heard about him?"

"Yeah," she snapped. "He's not even here today."

"So if our teacher doesn't show up to the first day of school, does that mean we don't have to show up?" Jace asked.

"Probably not."

Isabelle waltzed up to them with a grin on her face.

"Wayland," Isabelle said, greeting Jace.

"So lovely to see you again, Isabelle," Jace said. She winked at Jace, to Clary's horror.

"I'll see you at lunch," Isabelle said. "Are you still at the same spot?"

"Nothing's changed, Isabelle," Jace said.

Lies, Alec thought.

The bell rang and Alec slammed his locker shut. He followed Clary and Jace through the sea of students towards the room. He and Jace could catch up later; he was more interested in Clary.

She seemed resentful of Alec. Why? Because he was going to come and take back Jace's attention?

People stared at Alec. Granted, he had disappeared last year without notice. His parents had even forgotten to unenroll him from school in the chaos of packing for Europe.

"So if the teacher isn't there," Jace started as they went inside, "who is?"

"Sub probably," Clary said. Alec resisted to urge hate her. He'd just harvest a strong disliking.

They sat down; Alec behind Jace, and Clary to his left.

The late bell rang but there was still no teacher in the room.

Jace turned back to talk to Alec.

They were debating Alec joining the football team when the door opened and the sub came in, a pile of papers covering his face.

"Good morning— so your teacher decided to have a heart attack last night—" most of the class' eyes widened in shock, "—completely irresponsible, I know, but some idiot decided to hire me."

He dropped the pile of papers on the desk, revealing his face.

"Oh, hell," Alec said, far too loudly.

Jace looked back, obviously concerned.

But Alec was more worried about the look on his teacher's face than his best friend's.

Alec hadn't mentioned he was in high school but Magnus had never mentioned he was a teacher either.

Magnus was trying to laugh it off, trying to deny the irony in it all.

"Alright," Magnus said. "My name is Mr. Bane. I don't know how long I'm going be here but, uh—"

Magnus could barely speak, let alone pull his eyes away from Alec.

"So, today is a free hour so I can settle in," Mr. Bane said, clapping his hands together.

"Do you know him?" Jace whispered.

"No, sorry," Alec said. "He just looked like someone I know."

"Someone you met?" Jace asked. Alec knew what "met" meant to Jace.

"No," Alec said. He pulled his schedule out of his pocket.

Mr. Bane was not the teacher listed on his schedule. So this really had been last minute.

He was going to have to switch classes. He couldn't focus on history knowing he had made-out with the teacher.

Then there was the other issue: Magnus had sold alcohol to a minor and he had drank it, in front of him.

At least there was room for blackmail in there.

Alec shook his thoughts free because Jace was calling his name.

"What is wrong with you?" Jace asked. "You look like you saw a ghost."

Alec looked at Clary. She obviously wanted to be included.

But he wanted her gone.

"I need to go down to the office," Alec said. "There's a problem with my schedule."

Alec grabbed his things and started walking towards the door when he realized the obvious fallacy in his plan.

He'd actually have to talk Magnus.

"Can I go to the office?" Alec asked, the words rushing out of his mouth so fast he could barely comprehend them himself.

"Yes," Magnus said, his eyes glued to a computer screen. But there was a glimmer of recognition in the way he flinched at Alec's voice.

Alec rushed out of the room towards the counseling office.

All the other English 4 classes were full, of course.

.........

Jace was right: lunch hadn't changed.

The food still sucked and they still sat at their old table in the corner.

Isabelle had always been in Alec's friend group. He had no idea why she And it had never bothered him.

Jace was right at his side though.

"Explain first hour," Jace demanded quietly. Isabelle and Clary were chatting on the other side of the table. "You knew that guy and I know because you were fine up until he came in."

It would be a horrible way to restart their friendship with a lie.

And there had been enough lies, Alec figured.

"You can't tell anyone," Alec said. "Especially not Isabelle, and especially not Clary."

"What's—"

"Jace, she's fine," Alec said, answering his question before he could finish. "I met him last night."

"Met him where?" Jace asked.

"I— A bar," Alec admitted. Jace slammed his hands against the table, jaw dropping.

"Holy sh—"

"What's the matter with your face?" Isabelle asked.

Alec kicked Jace, under the table.

Isabelle rolled her eyes and turned back to Clary.

"And?" Jace asked.

"And we made-out in the bathroom," Alec mumbled.

"Alec! What happened to you in Europe?" Jace laughed.

"I lost my frickin' mind," Alec said.

"So you almost-slept with our teacher?"

"Shut up!" Alec snapped.

Isabelle looked over.

"What is your problem, you two?"

"Inside joke," Jace said, waving her away. "Wait." Jace looked back at Alec. "Why were you in a bar?"

............

Alec had never gotten a detention.

Until 6th hour.

He was already on a dangerously violent edge with the "Mr. Bane" situation.

He didn't need some sly comment about his dad's notorious affair.

So he punched the kid in the face.

He didn't even know his name.

That got him a week of detention after school.

Alec: I've got detention. You're gonna have to ride the bus home

Izzy: :O WHAT DID YOU DO

Alec: Tell mom and dad and ill kill you. I punched a kid tho

Izzy: Excellent. Why?

Alec: defending the family honor

Izzy: okay. you're justified.

But karma wasn't done screwing with Alec.

The room number on the detention slip was Mr. Bane's.

And he was the teacher watching over detention.

Alec entered the room slowly.

"You're the only one with detention which leads me to two trains of thought."

Alec turned around. Mr. Bane was sitting on the back counter, watching Alec with a dead face.

"You're an impressive criminal for getting detention on the first day of school or you just really wanted to see me."

Alec stood silently at the front of the room.

"Are we going to talk?" Mr. Bane asked.

"They wouldn't let me transfer out of your class," Alec said.

"I let you go to the office for a reason," he countered. "Shut the door."

That sounded like a horrible idea to Alec but he did it anyways.

"You lied to me!" Mr. Bane shouted. "In more than one way!"

Alec couldn't come back to that. He was right.

"And, Alec, you're 18! You can't— you shouldn't be drinking."

"Don't lecture me," Alec groaned, rolling his eyes. "You didn't tell me you were a teacher!"

"Are you serious?" he laughed.

"I never technically lied, with the exception of the card," Alec said.

Mr. Bane ran his fingers through his hair. Again. It was the same move he had pulled at the bar.

"Don't do that," Alec mumbled.

Mr. Bane ignored him.

"Can't we just forget it happened?" Alec asked.

"I'd love to," Mr. Bane said, voice dripping with sarcasm. "But you broke multiple laws and so did I. Not to mention that—"

He stopped.

"I want the fake ID."

"I can get a new one," Alec retorted. Why was he doing this?

"I'll call your parents."

"You'll get in trouble for selling alcohol to a minor," Alec said.

"You're trying to blackmail me?"

"Not exactly," Alec said. Mr. Bane jumped off the counter and walked towards Alec.

"So what do you want from me then?"

"Just don't tell anyone," Alec said. "About anything from last night. I was being stupid. I've been—"

"Why are you in detention?"

"I punched someone," Alec said.

Mr. Bane stopped a couple feet from Alec.

"Why?"

"I shouldn't have done it," Alec said automatically.

"Well, yeah," Mr. Bane said. "Now you're in detention."

"And detention with you, no less," Alec said.

"I didn't sign up for this."

"Me either," Alec sighed.

"Last night," Mr. Bane said, a new calm to his tone, "you said you had 'more problems than I had drink combinations.'"

"You know, I don't think we're supposed to talk in detention," Alec said, sitting down at the first desk. He trained his eyes on the chalk board but Mr. Bane stepped in front of the desk, crouching down to Alec's eye-level.

"Come on. Free counseling. I'm an excellent psychologist remember?"

"No. Last night never happened," Alec insisted.

"Fine," Mr. Bane said, rising and grabbing the rolling chair from behind the desk. "But for the record, I do actually have a duel degree in psychology and teaching."

"And yet you're a bartender," Alec said.

"And a teacher," he added.

Alec stared at him, hoping to psych him out. But the man was infallible.

A stupid grin stayed on Mr. Bane's face.

"It's the first day of school! You don't even have homework to do," he laughed. "So just talk to me. Because this is so boring."

That managed to get a smile out of Alec.

"It's a long story," Alec said.

"You have—" He looked dramatically up at the clock. "—two more hours."

So he started. His dad's affair with his secretary. His parents' constant fighting. His siblings, one with serial dating issues and the other with friendship issues. The trip to Europe to get away from it all. Coming back to too many changes and not enough changes. Alec's growing sense rebellion, culminating in the previous night.

"So you've got some problems," Mr. Bane said, when Alec had finished.

"I've got more problems than I can deal with," Alec said.

"Well, first of all, alcohol is not a solution and nor is sleeping with—"

"We didn't sleep together," Alec said.

"Slip of the tongue."

"And second of all?" Alec asked.

"You're going to be out of here in a year," he said. "You can hold out with your family for a year. They're trying. But no one is perfect. You're not perfect. I'm not perfect. Accept that and your world's gonna get a little brighter. I can promise you that."

Alec put his elbow on the desk, brushing hair out of his face and wiping away the tears he was trying to hide.

"You okay?"

"No," Alec said, shaking his head. "I hate myself."

"Why?" Mr. Bane asked, rolling up to the desk. "Why? What do you have to hate about yourself?"

"I'm sad and pathetic—"

"Those don't go hand-in-hand," Mr. Bane said. "They don't."

"I feel worthless," Alec said.

"Most of us do," Mr. Bane said. "But you're not. You matter, Alec."

"Matter to who?"

"Your family, your friends, your—" He stopped, biting his lip. "And even though I probably shouldn't, I care about you."

"More than, less than, or equal to a teacher's care for their student?" Alec asked.

"That doesn't make any sense," Mr. Bane said, obviously frustrated.

"Do you care about me more than a teacher should care about their student?"

Mr. Bane looked back towards the door then back at Alec.

"I like broken things," he said.

"Well, it's a damn good thing I'm shattered then," Alec said.

"But I can't," he said, shrugging hopelessly. "I can't get involved with you. I need this job more than I need you."

Alec looked at the clock.

It was five and he was done with detention, with Mr. Bane, and karma.

"Then it's a good thing I'm leaving," Alec said, grabbing his things.

Magnus Bane didn't say anything to stop him.

.........

Their first official family dinner was going to be a disaster.

The school had called home about Alec's detention, but thankfully they didn't specify his transgression. Isabelle covered and said he didn't do his summer reading because he "hadn't known about it."

Max was going on and on about 8th grade and his voice was sending Alec over the edge.

Every little clink of silverware against plates, every breath, sip, and swallow annoyed him.

"Can I be excused?" Alec finally asked.

"No," his father said, carefully chewing a piece of steak while watching Alec intensely. "How was your day?"

"Amazing," Alec said. "I forgot how much fun regular high school is."

"Your sarcasm isn't appreciated."

"And neither was a trip to Europe," Alec said. Everyone stopped and Alec instantly regretted the words. Some emotions were better kept bottled up inside.

"Alexander—"

"I can't talk about this right now," Alec said, standing up, tossing the cloth napkin onto his plate.

"You brought it up," his dad said.

"Well, I wish I hadn't!"

"You're obviously upset so let's talk through our emotions," his mom chimed in.

"Oh, sounds like a lovely idea," Alec snapped. "I wish someone had thought of that a year ago."

"This conversation will be civil," his father demanded.

"Like your conversations?" Alec retorted, his eyes piercing through his parents.

"Alec," Isabelle pleaded quietly.

"We're not perfect," Alec said. "I get it now but can we stop acting like it?"

He watched his family, all of them avoiding his gaze.

"And how would you suggest we do that?" his father asked, voice too calm for the situation.

"I don't know," Alec said. "But running away to a different continent is not how normal people fix their problems. We got back here and nothing here changed but our lives outside the house went on without us and we missed all of it."

"I'm sorry you feel that way but we're all trying our hardest," his father said.

"I'm going out." He kicked his chair aside and stalked out the front door.

............

"Get out," Mr. Bane (or was he Magnus now?) said.

"You can't kick me out," Alec said, as he walked into the otherwise-empty bar. "I'm not here to drink."

"You still shouldn't be here," he said.

"You said beer is cheaper than a therapist?" Alec asked, fishing out his wallet. "Well, soda's cheaper than beer. Coke, no ice please."

Magnus shook his head, grabbing a glass with more force than necessary.

"You're not technically my teacher right now, are you?" Alec asked.

"No," Magnus said. "What's the matter?"

"I had an outburst at the family dinner," Alec said. "It was not appreciated or acknowledged. So here I am."

Alec smiled prettily.

"You're an idiot," Magnus said. "And I say that as your bartender and not as your teacher. But now, as your teacher, go home and sleep. You've got school tomorrow."

"I'm not ready to face my parents."

"You're never gonna be ready," Magnus said. "Trust me."

Alec sipped his Coke, watching Magnus with shifty eyes.

"We can't keep doing this," Magnus said.

"Yet we always end up here."

"Why?"

"It's because we have no other choice," Alec said. "Can I stay with you? One night?"

"No," Magnus said. "First of all, I can't close this place down for another two hours and second of all, you need to go home and make up with your parents."

"What do I say?"

"Start with 'Hey, Ma and Pa, I'm sorry for being an ungrateful little brat who sneaks behind your back and tries to sleep with my teacher.'"

Alec laughed.

"I could stay on the couch."

"The answer is no," Magnus said. "Go home, Alec."

And despite it all, he was right.

Alec slapped a five on the counter.

"On the house," Magnus said. "Just don't come back here."

"I'll try," Alec said, heading for the doors.

The five was still on the bar though, a sign of an already broken deal.

..........

All of the lights were off in the house.

Alec went upstairs without facing anyone.

.........

"Izzy said you—"

"I'm not talking about that," Alec snapped.

He and Jace were walking alone to first hour.

"I'm worried about you," Jace said.

"I'm going to be fine. I just need to adjust to life back here."

"BS," Jace countered. Alec opened the door for Jace. "You got a detention. You."

"What do you want me to say?" Alec said, walking to his seat backwards.

"I don't know," Jace said, throwing his hands up.

"I'll be fine," Alec said.

The bell rang and class began.

.........

"Again— no one in detention but you," Mr. Bane said, rolling around the room in his spinning chair.

Alec was attempting to do math homework but the sound of plastic wheels against cheap tile wasn't helping.

It was their last day of school for the week.

For the last three days, there had been other people in detention so they had to follow the rules: silence and homework.

"What do you want me to tell you?" Alec asked. "I didn't ask for an entire week in here."

"Got any weekend plans?"

Alec looked up.

"None," Alec said.

Mr. Bane sighed.

"I'll leave you to it then."

The next two hours were excruciating.

"You can go," Mr. Bane said, when the clock hit 5:00.

"Thank you," Alec said, packing up his stuff.

"I have off tonight," Mr. Bane said, standing up with Alec.

"I— What?"

"Dinner. Can I make you dinner?"

"I thought we weren't doing this," Alec said.

"Completely platonic," Mr. Bane said. "I'm inviting you to dinner as your mentor of sorts."

Alec smiled. It was a horrible lie.

"Okay," Alec said. "What are you making?"

..........

"Do I have to call you 'Mr. Bane?'" Alec asked as Magnus unlocked the door.

"I'd be horrified if you did." He pushed the door open with his shoulder and they went inside.

The apartment was almost one room, with the exception of the bathroom that was closed off. It had high ceilings and colored glass windows which casted reds and blues and yellows on the floor. 

Outside it was raining and the rain tapped violently on the glass.

"This is beautiful," Alec mused.

"Thank you," Magnus said. He went in the kitchen and started pulling ingredients out for a pasta primavera. Alec started pulling out a chair from the dining table but Magnus waved a knife.

"Get over here."

"You invited me," Alec laughed. But he put the chair away anyways and Magnus handed the knife off to him.

"Cut." Alec started chopping a carrot into little bits.

"Talk," Magnus ordered.

"What do you want me to say?" Alec said.

"Talk about yourself and tell the whole truth-- not half-lies."

"Could you ask me a question?" Alec asked. 

"Favorite color," Magnus said.

"Black."

"That's barely a color," Magnus commented, pulling pans and pots out.

"What about you?" 

The noise and clatter stopped.

"Um. . . blue?"

"Why are you unsure?" Alec asked, looking back. 

Magnus was crouched on the ground beside an open cabinet and staring at him.

"I-- I'm sorry," Magnus said, finally looking him in the eyes. He stood up, straightening his t-shirt. "Done with the carrot?"

Alec nodded.

"Don't look at me like that," Magnus said, putting a cucumber on the cutting board.

"Like how?" Alec asked, setting the knife aside.

"All wide-eyed and innocent," Magnus said, filling the pot with water. 

"Why not?"

Magnus shut off the water.

"Because it's attractive," Magnus said.

Alec continued chopping and Magnus put the pot of water on to boil and heated up oil.

They worked in silence for a long time.

Occasionally, Magnus would give Alec an order or ask him to pull a plate down. 

Half an hour later, they were sitting across from each other at the tiny dining room table, eating.

"This is amazing. How can you cook?"

"Don't question my glory," Magnus said. "Just eat."

They talked long after their plates were bare.

About life. Love. High school. College. The future.

It was nearly 9 when Alec picked up their dishes, bringing them over to the sink to clean them.

Magnus followed slowly, rinsing while Alec scrubbed. 

"Why don't you have a dishwasher?" Alec asked.

"It's an older building. It's not wired or plumbed or something for it," Magnus said, putting a plate aside and reaching for the bowl Alec was handing him.

But between slippery hands and attempts by both parties to avoid contact, the bowl dropped, hitting the edge of the sink. 

It shattered, the noise scaring them more than anything.

Alec's hands scrambled to pick up the shards in the sink.

"Careful," Magnus said as Alec reached into the water. "Alec-- just leave it."

Alec was lost though, focusing on not cutting up his hands so Magnus went ignored.

Magnus grabbed Alec's wrist.

"Leave. It."

He stepped closer to Alec, too close.

Alec shook Magnus' hand free and backed him up against the sink.

"How is it that we always end up here?" Magnus asked.

"Well, as I recall, I was the one against the counter last time," Alec said. "And now it's you."

"This time you better not leave," Magnus said, his voice close to a growl. 

Alec leaned forward, closing the gap between them.

"You're perfect," Magnus whispered, putting his arm around Alec's waist.

Alec tried to fight back the flush of red in his face. He tried to quiet his breaths.

He liked being loved. He liked the idea that he would be missed even after he went home for the night. He liked the possessive way Magnus held him.

Someone wanted him.

Maybe it wasn't his family but it was someone.

...........

Alec hadn't left Magnus' until late on Friday night. But he hadn't stopped thinking about the dinner.

For the first time in his life, he wanted Monday morning to come, and he wanted to go to school.

He wanted to see Magnus. He wanted to awkwardly avoid eye contact with him. He wanted to hear his voice lecturing about US History.

The halls seemed oddly quiet compared to usual and that should have been a sign something wasn't normal.

He walked to first hour alone for the first time. He was running late but he still managed to beat the bell and Jace.

"Where's Jace?" Alec asked Clary.

"Alec--" she started.

Jace came flying through the door as the bell rang.

"Hey, where were you?" Jace asked.

"When?" Alec asked.

"This morning! You weren't by your--It doesn't matter."

Alec was watching the room. Magnus wasn't here.

"Have you heard?" Jace asked.

"No," Alec said, pointedly. "What's going on?"

Jace looked at Clary.

The door to the room opened and an older man entered.

"Sit down please, Mr. Wayland."

Jace sat down but didn't stop looking at Alec with sympathetic eyes.

"I'm Mr. Charles, I've subbed here before. I'm filling in for a Mr. Bane, is it?"

The old man, a familiar sub, looked out over the room to nodding heads.

"Unfortunately, Mr. Bane was in a car accident last night with a drunk driver and didn't make it," Mr. Charles said. His voice was flat as Alec's heart flatlined.

Alec didn't comprehend the words until he saw Jace watching him, waiting for his reaction.

"What?" Alec whispered.

"I-- I was looking for you, Alec. I'm sorry," Jace said.

"Don't apologize," Alec snapped. He hated pointless apologies; words that were just words.

"So, obviously I don't have sub plans--"

Alec leaned forward, grabbing the front edge of the desk for support.

He couldn't breathe. What were the odds? This was impossible.

The timing was impossible.

They had known each other for a week-- a single week. It couldn't have been only seven days. 

Alec watched as his knuckles went from pale to stark white.

Magnus was gone.

Non-existent. 

Mr. Charles stopped talking and the room erupted into whispers.

Alec pushed himself out of the desk, leaving his stuff behind.

He just had to go. 

The sub and Jace were shouting after him, but he could barely hear them.

He stumbled into the hall. He just had to get to his car. He had to go home.

He had to--

Alec fell against the locker, slamming into it with open palms.

"Alec--" 

He threw a few hits against the locker, just for good measure. The splitting of skin and rusty smell of blood provided no relief though.

The echoing of fist against metal rang in Alec's ears.

"Hey." Jace's voice shook just as much as Alec's hands. 

Jace turned Alec around, hugging him.

"I meant what I said, Alec. I'm sorry he's gone. I'm sorry this happened to you."

Tears strangled Alec. 

"But you're strong. You're going to get through this," Jace said. 

"I slept with him," Alec admitted, in between a sob.

"I figured," Jace said. "Even I have to admit, he was hot."

Alec laughed a little but the tears kept coming.

"It's not fair," Alec whimpered. "Why-- I don't understand."

"I don't get it either," Jace said. "Life is too complicated."

"He uncomplicated it," Alec said. The tears stopped coming. 

He would stop crying. Magnus would tell him to suck it up. 

Life wanted Alec and death wanted Magnus.

And since they control everything, they'd get what they wanted, indifferent to Alec's feelings.


	24. Day 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 1 of Malec Week.

A Brief Description of the Ensuing Chaos:

These next seven one shots are a part of Malec Week 2015. A description of each day is below.

Day 1 (August 1) and it's your favorite book scene.

Day 2 is (August 2nd) "Into the Future" day which is anything taking place after City of Heavenly Fire.

Day 3 (August 3rd) is AU Settings day

Day 4 (August 4th) is cross-over day where you put our boys in a different book, movie, or TV-series.

Day 5 (August 5th) is Back to the Future day which is a different time period.

Day 6 (August 6th) is gender or body swap.

Day 7 (August 7th) is a scene you'd like to see in the TV show that isn't in the book.

Favorite Book Scene

"'It was hardly a choice at all. Alec took a deep breath, and jumped.

"All right," he said.

Magnus whipped toward him in the dark, all coiled energy now, all cheekbones and shimmering eyes. 'Really?'

'Really,' Alec said. He reached out a hand, and interlinked his fingers with Magnus's. There was a glow being woken in Alec's chest, where all had been dark. Magnus cupped his long fingers under Alec's jawline and kissed him, his touch light against Alec's skin: a slow and gentle kiss, a kiss that promised more later, when they were no longer on a roof and could be seen by anyone walking by.

'So I'm your first ever Shadowhunter, huh?' Alec said when they separated at last.

'You're my first of so many things, Alec Lightwood,' Magnus said."

~City of Heavenly Fire by Cassandra Clare, page 666-67


	25. Day 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 2 of Malec Week-- "Into the Future" Day
> 
> {Maxwell Joseph Lightwood II}

Max had a problem with wandering.

Both physically and mentally. Usually both at once and tonight was no exception.

His mom liked to tell him that it started when he first started crawling. He'd get lost in the Institute and be found hours later, asleep under a table or something.

Then again, she liked to tell stories. He liked to listen to them, especially the ones where she was saving the world alongside his uncles and Aunt Clary. She had a tendency to over-tell the stories about his dad though, so they were less interesting and overly romantic.

When Max came back to reality after an immeasurable amount of time trapped in his brain, he was on a subway to Brooklyn. Which was odd, considering he was a born-and-raised Manhattan kid.

He was escaping his life in Manhattan though. That much he had decided.

Fleeing to Brooklyn was like going to another world with thicker accents and more hipster chic.

That was basically Uncle Magnus, Max thought.

When he asked where Uncle Magnus was from, he got a 800 year history. It was incredibly boring and he lost track. He had an international accent, a blend of European bulkiness, American twang, and Asian speed. He probably spoke a thousand languages, including the demonic ones. That fascinated Max.

He wanted that for himself. He wanted the suaveness and sophistication of the great Magnus Bane.

But at the moment, he couldn't even handle being a teenager.

Max's secret life had driven into a brick wall tonight, and he'd survived with his body but not with his heart.

So at the moment, he only had one place to crash for the night.

Going home would mean facing his mother's questions about how his orchestra practice went and why he wasn't spending the night at Levi's and "why didn't you call ahead, young man?!"

She didn't know that orchestra was only one night a week, Wednesdays, not two. Fridays were Max's weekly lie to his parents. He went to whatever party he could get himself invited to, then spent the night at Levi's.

It wasn't his parents' fault. They weren't neglecting him. But it was hard to keep up with three kids as it was and a mundane orchestra wasn't their. . . priority.

But they didn't know a Shadowhunter who could play cello so they had to do some outsourcing.

His nights out in the city made him feel normal.

The Nephilim lifestyle wasn't bad. It just didn't manage to cover all of his interests.

He wanted to know the mundane world. He wanted to be able to say, "Yeah, I've tried it and I like being a Shadowhunter better." His father got that chance. Aunt Clary got that chance.

He wanted it for himself. He wanted their knowledge. He wanted normalcy.

Only, tonight wasn't normal.

Tonight had been chaotic from start to finish.

The subway came screeching to a stop and Max exited. He'd have some walking to do, but he'd make it to his uncles' townhouse before midnight.

Rain was coming down outside but there was an umbrella in Max's messenger bag. It unfolded itself, stretching over Max's head, as they ascended the subway stairs.

Levi was the source of all of his problems.

Levi was the face on his mind as he kicked an empty soda can along the sidewalk.

Levi was the one who had kissed him in the closet under the stairs of the violin's first chair's house.

Max didn't know her name (And why should he? She probably didn't know his) but she had a beautiful house that he spent most of the night exploring. None of the rooms were locked so none of the rooms were technically off-limits. Explorers had to embrace technicalities and push limits.

Before ten forty-eight pm, Levi had been his best friend, his constant competition for first chair, and the one who invited him to the parties.

Levi thought Max was home-schooled and that he had super cool parents because they had tattoos up and down their arms and snaking around their necks.

Max hated lying to Levi but such was the cost of mundane friendships. Before ten forty-eight pm, Max was considering telling Levi all about his world one day. Now the future was blurry again.

The tin can went skittering into the dirty gutter and Max looked up. He had almost passed the front door of the townhouse. He jogged up the steps, knocking on the door.

The sound of rain pattering against his umbrella steadied him as Uncle Alec opened the door.

Sleep and then surprise wore Alec's face.

"Max? It's nearly midnight-- what are you doing here?"

"First of all, you can't tell my parents," Max said. "If you do, I'll run away."

"Okay," Alec said, slowly.

"I need a place to stay."

"Where do they think you are?"

"A friend's house."

"Levi?"

"Don't--" Max sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "If it's too much trouble, I can go."

"No, come on in," Alec said, stepping aside. He opened the door wide, giving Max and his umbrella space.

Max held up the umbrella in question.

"You can put that away now," Alec said, uneasily. Max smiled, remembering the secret Alec had confessed to him in exchange for Max's admittance that he was afraid of the dark.

"Is the attic okay?" Alec asked, taking Max's wet coat from him.

Max nodded.

"I just need a bed," Max said. "Or a couch."

"Alexander--"

Magnus had appeared at the bottom of the stairs, his husband's name still on his lips.

"Max!"

Max gave a little wave.

"What are you doing here?" Magnus asked. Max searched for an answer.

"Sleepover," Alec said.

"Popcorn?" Magnus asked.

"It's close to midnight," Alec said. "Isabelle'll kill me if she knew he was here. We don't need to encourage this."

"One time thing, I promise," Max swore.

"See? He promised," Magnus said, running into the kitchen.

Alec looked down at his nephew, a disapproving look on his face.

"Max, you can't just run away from home," Alec said.

"I came here to avoid being lectured," Max said. "You can tell Uncle Mags I'm fine. I'm just going to go to sleep."

Alec nodded, guiding Max up the stairs.

They climbed up to the third floor, which was a finished attic space Magnus had transformed int a guest room. Every time Max stayed it was different.

Alec gave Max a large t-shirt to sleep in and a spare toothbrush, sending him down to the bathroom.

Max changed into the t-shirt but stood in front of the mirror, staring at his reflection.

He didn't know what Levi saw in him. But it, whatever it was, changed everything.

Friendship was no longer an option. Part of Max was okay with that. Levi was his best friend, a better half, and somehow, completely understanding of everything Max told him and oblivious of the fact that Max had a double life. But the other half was so terribly confused.

The kiss had been an atomic bomb, devastating, yet coming out of nowhere.

There was a knock at the door.

How long had he been thinking?

"Max."

It was Alec.

"Um, yeah, I'm coming."

But Alec opened the door.

"What's wrong?" he asked, shutting the door behind him.

Max diverted his eyes from his uncle.

"Since when are you shy?" Alec asked, stepping towards him.

"If I tell you, you can't tell Mom or Dad," Max said. "Not til I'm ready."

"Okay," Alec said.

"So I've kinda been sneaking out of the house--"

Alec didn't say anything. But anyone could read his disapproving body language.

"I know," Max said, hopping onto the counter. "It's not as bad as it sounds. I've been going with Levi, though, and I've been safe."

"You do realize that you are a Shadowhunter, right? There are demons and Angel knows what else that would just love to kill you. Max, you do realize that, right?"

"I know, and I've been carrying a seraph blade--"

"You're fifteen--"

"Uncle Alec, I didn't come here for a lecture!"

Alec took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry. Go on."

"So we were at this party, Levi and I, and he was like, 'We have to talk.' So I followed him into this closet and he kinda sorta kissed me."

Alec didn't say anything for a few seconds.

"And--?"

"And what? I don't know! I'm so confused," Max cried.

Magnus suddenly appeared in between the two.

"Excuse me, but I was already listening to the conversation outside the door, so I figured I might as well join," Magnus said. "What your Uncle Alec is trying to ask you is how you felt about it."

Max contemplated the question for a minute.

"It was fine, I guess."

"Do you like Levi?" Magnus asked.

"He's my best friend," Max said.

"Do you think Levi is cute?"

Tiffany blue eyes flashed in the back of his mind, paired with light blond hair. The plaid flannel shirt he had been wearing over a black t-shirt, and how it loosely hung off his thin frame.

"Oh," Max realized.

Magnus looked pointedly at Alec who was sitting on the edge of the bathtub, his hands tucked between his knees.

"But I'm not like completely gay," Max said, quickly. "Because I still think girls are cute. And I kissed Anna--"

"And that's okay," Magnus said. "But before you do anything rash, you should really think about this, kid."

"I just ran out on Levi," Max sighed. "I feel horrible now."

"Call him in the morning," Magnus said. "Leaving tired voicemails never ends well."

The three stared at each other.

"Time for bed," Alec ordered.

"I made popcorn!" Magnus protested.

"Yeah, it'd be a shame to let good popcorn go to waste," Max chimed in. "Otherwise we just killed some corn for nothing."

Magnus pointed at Max nodding fervently.

"I'm being bullied," Alec protested, standing up.

"No you're being persuaded," Magnus said, taking Alec's hand and pulling him out of the bathroom.

Max sat on the counter for a second, deciding in that very moment that what he wanted now was to be happy.

To eat popcorn at midnight with the one person you loved. To help other people with their problems and maybe save a few lives and kill a couple demons.

And whether that was with Levi, or a stranger he'd yet to meet, he just wanted pure happiness.


	26. Day 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 3 of Malec Week-- AU! Settings Day
> 
> {Opia}
> 
> AH!AU

Drama I was the worst class Alec had ever taken.

He was senior stuck in a freshmen class because he had neglected to fulfill his fine art credit until now. He wasn't the only one; his best friend had also ended up in the class (only slightly maybe on purpose). Then there was his overachieving sophomore sister, who purposely took the class because she was going through a Broadway phase. The next Idina Menzel, she was not.

All three of them in one class for an hour every day made for an eventful and competitive class, with Izzy trying to outshine Alec, who could do no fault in the eyes of Mr. Thomas.

He'd managed to survive the first three quarters with an A while barely skimming on the participation surface.

But Mr. Thomas was demanding more from Alec and Jace. They nailed the stage combat unit and that was keeping their A. But they failed the Shakespeare unit so the final unit was critical.

"I'd like you two to take lead roles," Mr. Thomas had not-so-subtly demanded. Jace immediately offered to lead the tech crew for their final production of the year, throwing Alec under the bus.

The day of auditions came around and Jace smugly took the tech kids into the scene shop to begin set production while Alec watched from the auditorium seats.

"This year we will be putting on a play written by one of our own: Isabelle Lightwood," Mr. Thomas announced. Isabelle stood up and bowed to her sarcastically applauding classmates.

She made sure to look down at Alec, who was sitting right beside her.

"When did you write a play?" Alec hissed as Mr. Thomas handed out audition packets.

"When you were busy dozing off into space," she grinned. Alec smacked her arm. "You know, you were my inspiration for the lead role. I made sure to let Mr. Thomas know that."

That was not what Alec wanted.

He could screw his audition up as much as he wanted but Mr. Thomas wouldn't be changing his mind. 

So Alec got on stage and read his monologue as best as he could.

Jace caught Alec's eye, laughing in the wings, as he read an emotional speech about loss and grief.

What the hell had Isabelle done?

.........

The cast list was read out loud the next day in class, starting with the smaller roles and ending with the leads.

"--and Alexander as our lead, Phillip, and Magnus as his love interest."

Alec repeated Mr. Thomas' words in his mind until he was certain he had said, "his love interest."

Then he turned to his sister.

"You wrote a gay play," Alec said, no question in his mind.

"Of course," Isabelle whispered.

"Did you cast Magnus as the love interest as well?" Alec asked quietly, fury rushing through him.

She giggled.

"Yes," Isabelle said. "This is gonna be so good."

Alec glanced behind him as best as he could to see Magnus, the class hipster, a few rows back, looking Alec directly in the eyes. Alec turned back around.

"I'm going to kill you," Alec seethed.

"Jace likes the play."

"Of course he does," Alec said, rubbing his forehead with his fingers. "Wait, he's read it?"

"Duh. I had to make sure I captured your essence--"

The bell was about to ring and everyone began gathering their things at their feet. Alec bent over to grab his back pack.

"You might want to practice your kissing," Isabelle said.

Alec raised his head too fast and thus began his physical and mental headache.

..........

"Stand closer together," Isabelle instructed, pushing two random extras together using only her words.

Alec must have zoned out when Mr. Thomas announced that she, not he, would be directing the show. It made sense; it was her play. But Alec hated the idea of his sister running everything.

"Alright, now Phillip enters," Isabelle said. Alec walked in from the curtains. "And-- action!"

The scene resumed but thankfully, Alec had no lines, so he just watched the play unfold around him.

.........

"So this is where you meet," Isabelle said, standing in front of Alec and Magnus.

This was her version of a pep talk.

"It should be an emotionally-charged scene with--"

Alec stole a glance at Magnus who was actually paying attention to Isabelle's words-- bless him.

He was actually dressed down a bit today, wearing black skinny jeans and a baggy blue and black plaid shirt.

Magnus was the kid that sat at the back of the class. He was smart, but not a genius. Well known, but not popular. Witty, but not the class clown. Fashionable but not a trendsetter. He was the middle ground. Alec could admire that.

Admire. Not date.

A difference his sister couldn't seem to grasp.

"Alec, are you listening?" Isabelle snapped.

After years of zoning out, he had learned to perfection his post-daze face.

"Of course. Emotionally charged," Alec said. Magnus snickered and Alec shot him a glare.

"Alright, let's run it," Isabelle said. She backed away, not leaving the stage or Alec's line of sight.

He looked down at his script, reviewing the lines until Isabelle called action.

"'Hi,'" Alec said, looking up at Magnus.

"'Hi,'" Magnus responded.

"'Did you, uh, lose your wallet?'" Alec asked. A grin was growing on Magnus' face and Alec couldn't hold back his laugh anymore.

The script was a mess and Alec couldn't read it without laughing. It didn't help that Magnus was laughing as well.

"Pull it together," Isabelle snapped.

"Izzy, what is 'breathlessly?'" Alec laughed. "'Phillip: (speaking breathlessly) Did you, uh, lose your wallet?'"

"It means stop breathing," Isabelle said. "Maybe permanently and do us all a favor."

Jace came waltzing on stage, tossing a measuring tape in his hand.

"Taking a break, Director Lightwood?"

"Tell Alec to stop being a jerk," Isabelle pouted.

"He's too far gone," Jace said. He stopped center stage. "I forgot why I'm here."

He turned and walked off stage.

"Again," Isabelle said. "And breathlessly."

Alec rolled his eyes, looking back at Magnus, who was obviously in character.

His eyes, the color of caramel, drew Alec into a sticky mess of attraction.

"Hi," Alec said, trying to remember his lines; he didn't want to break eye contact.

"Hi," Magnus said.

"Did you, uh, lose your wallet?" The stuttering came far too naturally.

"Yeah," Magnus said, adding a twinkle to his eyes. "Did you find my wallet?"

Alec nodded.

He didn't know the next line.

"Well, can I have it?" Magnus laughed.

Was this written or--?

Alec looked down at his script.

Huh. His silence was scripted.

"Oh, yeah," Alec said, handing the "wallet" over.

"Thanks," Magnus said. "I mean it."

Alec needed the script again.

"You're welcome."

"That was breathless," Isabelle said.

Then they were onto the next scene.

.........

Acts I and II had taken a week and a half to block and rehearse to Isabelle's liking-- not perfection.

But Act III was not only the longest act but the most complicated. And their show was in a week.

"Afternoon rehearsals," Isabelle announced to the class. Then she was passing around half sheets of paper with five days of three hour rehearsals after school everyday. "Mr. Thomas says you all have to attend or you fail."

She shrugged.

"Let's get to work."

There was flurry of moans and the shuffling of feet and Alec decided that his sister would never become popular among the students of third hour.

Unfortunately, Isabelle had forgotten about her dentist appointment on Tuesday.

Rather than cancel rehearsal, she left it up to the actors to direct themselves.

A lively game of Cards Against Humanity began in the costume loft, a circle of people on their phones set up in the scene shop, and that left those wanting to actually do work with the stage. It was mostly Isabelle's wanna-be-actor friends.

There were two scenes left: the finale and a scene between Phillip and his new boyfriend, Ezra.

Alec spent the first hour following Jace around and painting a rock gray.

Magnus found him adding details on his rock.

"We should practice that one scene," Magnus said.

Alec looked up at him.

He knew what that "one scene" was.

"Um, sure," Alec said hesitantly. He looked around desperately for Jace. Maybe he could communicate his distress by blinking Morse code. Or maybe he could run to the bathroom and never return.

"No one is using the prop room," Magnus said.

Oh, joy.

Alec set his paintbrush aside, trying to take his time standing up.

What was the point in delaying the inevitable?

The script was written and the lines were memorized.

"Do you need a script?" Magnus asked as they walked towards the room.

"My sister made sure I had the play memorized last week," Alec said. He hadn't meant it to be funny but Magnus laughed. Genuinely.

"She's something," Magnus said.

"Let's put it that way."

Magnus held the door open for Alec, who found the light switch, turning on the lights to the dusty room. They were surrounded by shelves of cheap odds and ends, donated or collected from weekend garage sales over the years. A baby doll head stuck out among a pile of stuffed animals, staring Alec down. Magnus' back was to him; he quickly stuffed it into the pile, hiding it's beady eyes.

"So where do you want to start?" Alec asked, sticking his hands in his pockets.

Magnus flipped open his script, which was folded and worn. He pointed out a line and they both got into character.

"'I'm sorry about your mom,'" Alec said, trying to sound sympathetic and failing. Magnus looked up from the script and Alec got lost in his amber eyes again.

Windows to soul was an accurate description of Magnus' eyes. Alec felt like he could see so much of Magnus in those stares. So much history, so much happiness, so much sadness that it overwhelmed him with emotion.

"'You didn't kill her,'" Magnus said, bitterly.

"'But I still feel responsible-- I mean, you were with me--'"

"'She'd still be gone even if I had been there,'" Magnus said. He took a step closer to Alec, making him jump. Magnus didn't hesitate though. "'I can't let you blame yourself.'"

"'And I can't let you blame yourself," Alec said.

"'You're too good,'" Magnus said, putting a hand on Alec's cheek. Alec flinched.

Magnus leaned in for the moment Alec had been dreading.

He closed his eyes, waiting, but the kiss never came.

"Alec, have you ever been kissed?" Magnus asked. He was still close to Alec, closer than "just friends."

Alec curled his lip in, biting it.

"No," Alec said.

"I can't steal your first kiss," Magnus said, as if it was his moral duty to protect Alec's lip virginity.

"It's not my first kiss; it's Phillip's," Alec said, trying to make a joke.

Magnus looked at him in pity.

"Look," Alec said. "We have to do it anyways. I won't have my first kiss be on a stage in front of an audience where I'll definitely screw something up."

"So you have four days to fall in love and have it properly stolen," Magnus said.

Alec rolled his eyes.

"Lots of people have their first kiss in plays," Alec said. Why wouldn't Magnus just kiss him?

It was infuriating for all the wrong reasons.

Magnus shrugged and the debate stopped.

"Your hand is still on my face," Alec mumbled. It was true. Magnus really hadn't moved.

But he backed away then.

"Are you even gay?" Magnus asked.

Alec's eyes widened.

"I'm not going to tell anyone," Magnus said. "But I figured your sister wouldn't have specified Phillip as 'black haired, with blue eyes' unless she meant you. In which case, she wouldn't have made this a straight love story because that would be awkward for you if you were gay, so you must be gay. Or, at least, that's what I think."

"Yeah," Alec said. "I am."

"Do you parents know?"

"I think it's sorta obvious," Alec said.

Magnus just nodded. What did that mean?

"What about you?" Alec asked.

"Bi," he said, biting the inside of his cheek.

Alec nodded.

"Okay," Magnus said. "I'll kiss you."

"I'm so glad," Alec said. Magnus could only notice the acrid tone in his voice.

"Don't be so rude," Magnus said. "I've been told I'm quite excellent."

Now Alec was going to embarrass himself.

"Can we just--"

Magnus nodded.

"'I'm sorry about your mom,'" Alec said, focusing on mastering the character. Focusing on anything but reality.

"'You didn't kill her,'" Magnus said.

"'But I still feel responsible-- I mean, you were with me--'"

"'She'd still be gone even if I had been there,'" Magnus said. He took that one step closer to Alec. "'I can't let you blame yourself.'"

"'And I can't let you blame yourself," Alec said.

"'You're too good to me,'" Magnus said, putting a hand on Alec's cheek. Alec didn't jump this time.

He just closed his eyes.

"Relax," Magnus whispered, his lips just centimeters from Alec. "Keep your eyes closed, okay?"

Alec focused on Magnus' voice. He found it impossible to breathe.

"Part your lips just a little," Magnus instructed, his voice still quiet. "And relax."

It took him a second too long to process it all; Magnus' lips were too soft and gentle against his to spark any panic in Alec.

It was calm and simple on the outside but Alec was a flurry of emotion on the inside.

Then Magnus' hand was falling away from his face and he was pulling away.

"Simple," Magnus said.

"Breathless" was the first word in Alec's mind. He was and he could hear Magnus searching for air as well.

Alec opened his eyes, avoiding Magnus' gaze.

"Okay, so the script--"

"Of course," Magnus said. There were no strings attached, Alec reminded himself.

This was for the show.

They finished the scene with less emotion than they had started it with.

"Again?" Alec offered when Magnus didn't. His thoughts were obviously not on the show now.

Alec was horrible kisser. That had to be the only explanation.

"Sure," Magnus said, shaking his arms and legs loose.

They started the scene further back with Phillip coming home early to find a distraught Ezra. It was harder to act but every movement got awkwarder as Alec's mind focused on the kiss thirty lines away.

Magnus didn't point out Alec's nervousness but he knew that Isabelle would call him out when she was back in charge.

It came around too quickly and Magnus' hand was on his cheek and his face was close again.

"Look at me," Magnus ordered. "Don't close your eyes until I tell you."

Alec nodded.

"Tilt your head to counter mine," Magnus said. Alec did as he was told. "Too much." He straightened a little more and Magnus came a little closer. "Now let your eyes flutter shut." Alec closed his eyes.

"Flut-ter," Magnus enunciated in manner that wasn't cruel yet demanded attention. Alec opened his eyes again and made sure to add a few small blinks as he closed his eyes again.

"You have to do something with your hands," Magnus said.

"What?" Alec breathed.

"Whatever feels right," Magnus said. "For Phillip, of course."

"Of course," Alec half-heartedly agreed. He just copied Magnus' gesture, putting his hand on Magnus' cheek.

"No copying," Magnus whispered.

What did he want then?

Alec peeked one eye open, dragging his fingers down Magnus' neck to his collar bone, resting his palm there while his fingers crept around Magnus' neck.

"Good," Magnus said. Alec closed his eyes. "Relax."

Alec dropped his shoulders, enjoy Magnus' kiss for himself this time.

When it was over, Alec looked at the ground, avoiding the awkwardness.

Alec waited for him to say the next lines but he never did.

"It's your li--" He looked up and his voice trailed off.

There was a word for what Alec felt when he stared at Magnus: opia.

It was the feeling of vulnerability when someone looked you directly in the eyes, a stupid word from his debate class when they had learned about psyching your opponent out.

And Alec felt completely exposed when Magnus' amber eyes examined him.

"Stop looking at me," Alec said.

"For your second time, you're quite good," Magnus said.

"Talking about it makes it awkward," Alec mumbled.

"Oh grow up," Magnus said. "We're both adults. And professional actors."

Alec let out a sarcastic laugh.

"It was completely platonic," Magnus said.

That wasn't what Alec wanted to hear.

"We should probably go help with the set," Magnus said.

............

Isabelle had been kind and allowed Alec and Magnus to forgo their kiss when they ran the scene but she wouldn't pull it out of the show.

Alec avoided Magnus like the plague off stage.

Alec wanted the kiss, in the moment, but not the before or the after.

............

The show was at seven on Saturday.

Isabelle forced him to arrive at four with her to set up the stage.

The rest of the class arrived around six.

Magnus was fashionably late (Alec was hyper-aware of Magnus' presence now, both avoiding him and curious to know what he was doing).

Isabelle caught him twenty minutes before curtain.

"You are going to kiss Magnus, right?" It was more of a statement than anything.

Alec nodded.

"Stop blushing," Isabelle said. "When you blush, your face is red for an hour."

"Not--"

"Alec!" someone else called. He whirled around. The makeup artist was coming towards him with eyeliner. She was yet another person Alec had so successfully managed to avoid for the last hour.

Isabelle caught his arm.

"If you don't kiss Magnus, this play is ruined."

"I know," he mumbled.

The makeup artist took Isabelle's place on his arm.

..........

"You've been avoiding me," Magnus whispered in his ear. Alec stood in the wings, waiting for his first time to go on stage.

"No--"

"Liar."

"Only maybe. I have to go on."

Alec stepped into the bright stage lights, escaping the darkness of backstage.

Only, Magnus was waiting for him when he stepped off.

"Can we talk?" Magnus asked.

"Is this really the best--"

"I have to tell you something," Magnus said. He took Alec's hand, dragging him towards the dressing room.

The lights inside were off and Magnus slowly shut the door.

"Alec--"

"You have two minutes," Alec said. He wouldn't dare miss a cue and risk Isabelle's hate.

"I didn't want to go onstage and act like-- act like I was acting. Because I'm not. . . acting. I've had a crush on you for the entire school year and to be honest, I hate pretending to be something I'm not. I've hated this class, I've hated this stupid show-- no offense to your sister--, and I've hated acting like the only connection you and I have isn't actually between you and I but two characters, no matter how oddly based on us they are. And I've spend the entire school year doing nothing and now we graduate in a few weeks and I'm finally confessing this stupid crush--"

"It's not stupid," Alec sighed, shaking his head.

"How much time do I have?"

Alec opened the door, listening carefully for where the actors on stage were at.

"One minute," Alec said.

"Okay," Magnus breathed.

They spent eight of their sixty seconds in silence.

"Tell me I'm not going crazy," Magnus begged.

"I'm sorry-- it's just that no one has really confessed anything like this to me," Alec said.

"Could you process faster?"

"So this is us," Alec said. He found Magnus in the dark, putting his hands in the same place Magnus' had taught him to, "not them."

He pressed his lips to Magnus'.

Magnus was looking for a connection, but Alec couldn't stick around to see if it had happened.

"I have to go," Alec whispered, breaking away.

He didn't hesitate about leaving this time.

Only two minutes later, they were both on stage, meeting for the first time as their alter egos.

It wasn't even hard to pretend to be awkward.

Alec had no idea what Magnus was thinking now.

Thirty minutes later, Alec was kissing Magnus for the fourth time in his life. And every time it got better.

He was more comfortable, more confident, and he swore he heard the audience's jaw drops, his homophobic father's hitting the floor first and foremost.

Then there was Isabelle, throwing herself into his arms as soon as he was off stage.

"Oh my gosh you did it!" she whisper-screamed.

"I--" He saw Magnus' eyes, flashing in the light of the stage.

He was watching him.

"Izzy, I have to go."

"No-- finale!"

"Iz--"

She turned him around, pushing him towards the stage again.

Magnus was going to have to wait again.

..........

After the finale, Magnus disappeared into the shadows of backstage.

Alec was ushered out into the lobby to be congratulated by strangers and his parents.

His father was obviously still not quite recovered from his stage kiss.

Alec's eyes searched wildly for Magnus as he tried to act normal in front of his parents.

Jace sprung onto Alec's back, cheering wildly. His parents drifted away as Isabelle sauntered up.

"We're done with Drama class!" Jace shouted. Alec threw Jace off his back, shoving Jace playfully. "And you don't have to kiss Bane anymore!"

"It was one time," Isabelle said, still clutching her director's clipboard to her chest. "That was the first time they ever kissed."

"No way," Jace said. "No one has that good of a first kiss."

"Wait-- Alec?" Isabelle stared at him with mad eyes.

"I have to go get my stuff," Alec said, hurrying away. Isabelle caught his hand.

"Did you-- Magnus and you-- Oh my gosh," Isabelle gushed. Alec jerked his arm away, heading towards the back again.

As he turned the corner, he noticed Magnus, leaning against the wall.

"Were you listening to that?"

Magnus nodded.

"Lovely."

"Mm," Magnus hummed.

Alec looked back around the corner.

Isabelle and Jace were watching from a distance.

"Come on," Magnus said, taking Alec's hand. He held it gently, as if Alec was delicate.

They didn't stop until they were back in the prop closet.

"You did a good job," Magnus said.

"Thanks," Alec said.

"And I was wondering if maybe you'd like to go on a date with me?"

"I'd love to," Alec said.

"And maybe we could forget about this play?"

"Absolutely," Alec said. Magnus put his arms around Alec, his hand resting on the small of Alec's back. Alec buried his face in the crook of Magnus' neck.

"Called it."

Magnus' arms dropped and he recoiled entirely.

Jace leaned against the doorway, Isabelle standing right beside him.

"Damn it," Isabelle sighed, casually handing a $5 bill to Jace.

The mortified look in Alec's eyes put a smile on everyone's face but his.


	27. Day 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 4 of Malec Week-- Cross-Over Day
> 
> {I was Drunk; It was VidCon}
> 
> Can I cross-over into the YouTube fandom? Is that a cross-over? I think so. . .

Alec's eyes avoided the camera for a moment, despite the fact that he was filming.

But he had no idea how to start.

"So basically I'm an socially-inept human who can't do much of anything," Alec finally said.

The green light flashed steadily in response.

"I am literally incapable of doing anything," he said. He rubbed his temples. He still wasn't quite over his embarrassing blunder. "So I was on my phone, trying to get to the subway station on 72nd. And I was checking my email and walking down the stairs. Now, the logical, clutzy person wouldn't be on their phone and walking, right?"

He fell silent again, looking for the words.

"I saw that I had this email from YouTube, and it looked all officially and stuff, which is a big deal because why would YouTube be emailing little ole' me? So I'm on the first landing and this email finally opens because Sprint is the worst cell phone provider in the world and their 4G sucks-- I'm rambling." He finally looked up into the camera.

"Okay, deleting that-- So I'm on the first landing and this email finally opens and it's an invitation to host a panel at VidCon."

A smile lit up his face.

"But before I celebrate-- back to the story, I freeze on this landing and I'm internally screaming and this person runs into the back of me. Both of our phones go flying and I'm flailing, trying catch my precious iPhone. But the guy behind me is doing the same thing, except his hands are slapping the back of my head, until I fall down the steps-- I'm literally falling on my stomach down the stairs, until I hit the feet of the person in front of me-- they fall-- and our phones are still flying through the air. And if I slid forward maybe another foot, I figure, I can actually catch them before they shatter on the ground."

Alec cringed.

"So I'm crawling over the top of this person, they're screaming, I'm screaming, the guy behind me is screaming and-- yeah, no, it wasn't another foot. They fell to the bottom of the steps."

Alec raised his shattered iPhone.

"I am physically incapable of telling you what happened after. So much yelling."

He rubbed his forehead again.

"I shouldn't be allowed out of my house."

The green light encouraged him to finish the video.

"But, anyways, I was still invited to speak at VidCon!" He threw up his hands, smiling like the stupid dork he was. "And so why wouldn't I go? I'm going to VidCon, guys! And I get to meet people--"

He hadn't thought about that.

"Shit," he swore. He glanced back up at the camera. "Yeah, maybe this wasn't a good idea."

"I guess I'm getting more details as soon as I accept but I'm assuming I'll be on stage--" Yet another realization hit him. "Wow, um, I really didn't think this through. Too late now though. Anyways, I'll be up there with other YouTubers and I'm really excited to see you guys and meet them and hopefully not die of social anxiety but hey! That's half my charm, right? Or at least I think so."

"So I'll see you guys next week, hopefully with more details!"

He jumped up from his chair, shutting the camera off.

Then, like the angsty teenager he was, he fell onto his bed, face buried in pillows, and screaming.

...........

"Good morning, my little biscuits. Or maybe it's afternoon."

Magnus didn't actually know what time it was. He pulled his phone out just to check the time.

"Oooh, email."

Gmail took it's sweet time opening. Magnus enjoyed the procrastination.

"YouTube," Magnus announced. Why he was speaking, he didn't really know. It'd all be edited out. His shoulders danced, matching the beat of the spinning loading circle. "Woah." He glanced up. "I've been invited back to VidCon! Yeah! Surprise! That wasn't planned."

He looked back down at his phone, rereading it out loud.

Mr. Bane,

On behalf of the staff at VidCon, we would like to invite you back for a second year of weird video creation awesomeness.

We would like you to do a random Q & A with a special guest, should you choose to accept.

Many thanks,

The VidCon staff

"VidCon, I accept your invitation because why wouldn't I," Magnus announced. He winked at the camera. "Going to dominate Anaheim yet again."

A smile was still plastered across his face.

Last year had been-- eventful.

"So back to our regularly schedule programming," Magnus said, with a new found smile. "I was asked how to do winged eyeliner. And to be honest, it's the one thing that I can't do. So we're going to experiment today, my little biscuits--"

Three months later...

Alec knew VidCon was a disaster waiting to happen.

Thousands of fans and he was going to have to be personable and not apparently terrified.

The camera gave him a new found confidence-- that's why he started YouTube anyways. He could be an idiot in front of his camera and be relatable. People would confess their own stories in the comments.

Alec was at over 3 million subscribers, which was apparently enough to get noticed by YouTube.

He took his fame with a dash of modesty. He made little to no money with YouTube, avoiding product placement because he sucked at casually slipping Cheerios into his quirky videos.

The camera's empowering presence was the reason why he decided to film his VidCon experience.

That and he knew what it was like to not be at VidCon, watching the panels and interviews live or after they had happened.

Three million subscribers had taken him four years to achieve.

The first year he had a thousand subscribers which was incredibly encouraging.

He hit a million at three and a half years.

And now he was standing in a hotel room in Anaheim, California, with a view of Disney, waiting for a taxi to arrive to take him to the convention center.

He had a tiny over the shoulder backpack, filled with charged batteries. Then he had his little vlog camera, strap tightened around his hand.

He clicked it on, turning the camera to himself.

"So I'm in Anaheim! And I'm waiting on a taxi. I'm incredibly nervous to meet everyone-- the fans, the YouTubers. But I'm totally excited. And hopefully I don't do anything stupid. It's eight now and I've got a panel at noon with a bunch of vloggers and then my big panel from six to seven tonight with the YouTuber Magnified, who I've never met before. I've watched a couple of his videos and he seems pretty cool--"

Cool as in stunningly gorgeous, incredibly funny, and personable on camera.

"--so I'm excited to meet him. And in the mean time I'm just going to mildly panic and hopefully manage to enjoy myself."

...........

It was already nine in the morning and Magnus' incognito costume had worked incredibly well.

He had manged to walk around to a few of the booths, drooling over video equipment he could never afford (but he could dream).

Then there was his stupid prank idea which was going to be his next video.

He had to do it now before VidCon got insane.

His latest tech splurge had resulted in a pen camera, which he had in the pocket of his suit (was wearing a suit at a convention weird?).

Otherwise, he was wearing a fedora and sunglasses, pretty much disguising every distinguishable feature of him.

There were a few cosplayers at VidCon but Magnus was in the mood to reward those who went the extra mile to dress up like extreme versions of their favorite YouTubers.

But he was looking for the ones of himself.

Generally, they were in this-season clothes with electric blue hair, and heavy makeup.

His first prank-victim was a girl and her boyfriend, the boyfriend obviously slightly weirded out by the convention goers.

"Hey," Magnus said, "are you cosplaying Magnified?"

The girl nodded eagerly, obviously excited that someone had noticed. The guy was suspicious of Magnus' obviously sketchy outfit.

"Can I take a picture with you?" Magnus asked, holding out his phone for a selfie. He slipped the sunglasses off and the hat as well, tossing it to her boyfriend.

As the camera switched to front facing, she realized it was really him.

"Holy--!"

Magnus took the picture, capturing her reaction.

"You're totally--"

Magnus put a finger to his lips.

"I'm in disguise," he said. "It's for a video. What's your name?"

"Elli," she said through tears. The boyfriend was just as shocked as she was.

"I'm Magnus--"

"I know," she said, nodding eagerly.

"Do you want a hug?" Magnus asked. She nodded again, wrapping her arms around him.

He loved this part-- making people's day with something so simple.

"Your cosplay looks amazing by the way," Magnus said.

"You're filming this?" the boyfriend asked.

"Pen camera," Magnus said, tapping the pen. "And I'd appreciate it if you guys didn't tell anyone. I plan on doing a couple of more surprises today."

She nodded.

They took a couple of more pictures and Magnus found himself signing the back of an ATM receipt.

Then he was off again, sunglasses on and hat resting on his neon blue hair.

He managed to meet a dozen fans before noon.

He had a lunch date with a couple of different YouTube friends, people he had met at VidCon last year and in and around New York City. They were his best friends, his muses, and basically, coworkers.

Then he was back on the convention floor for a few hours, continuing his surprise reveals to fans and admiring what there was to see.

His last obligation of the day was the panel with TheAwkwardAlec, an adorable little YouTuber who had just made it to the big time.

Magnus was in a tiny conference room two hours before hand, redoing his makeup.

It was quiet, for once. Just Magnus and a mirror, something he knew how to do for sure.

Most of his time in front of the camera was just improvising and hoping he was loved.

So far it had worked.

He barely heard the door open, with light indie music playing softly in the background.

"Um, hi--"

Magnus tossed his eyeliner pencil aside, glancing back at Alec.

"Hello," Magnus cheered.

Alec stepped up beside Magnus, leaning against the cheap plastic table that had been provided for him.

"How are you?" Magnus asked.

"I'm overwhelmed honestly," Alec said.

"You're just nervous. I was too last year."

"That doesn't make me feel any better," Alec shrugged.

"You'll be fine," Magnus said. "Your first twenty minutes you'll want to vomit and maybe run off stage but then you get used to it. You just have to relax."

"There's a reason my username is the way it is."

Magnus laughed.

"So let's talk," Magnus said.

"About what?" Alec pulled a chair up sitting beside Magnus.

"We've never met. We should act like we kinda sorta know each other."

"I've seen your videos--"

"--and I've seen yours," Magnus said, smiling at Alec.

"So don't we really know each other already?"

"Are we really completely honest on camera?"

"I try to be--"

"You're not just awkward," Magnus said. "You're Alexander Lightwood."

"Fine," Alec said, scrunching his face together in thought (Magnus was certain he was being so cute on purpose). "I am a massive geek. I'd love to travel. And I hate college."

"See, that's more than just awkward," Magnus said.

"And what about you?" Alec challenged.

"I love makeup more than I'm able to portray on camera, I have an obsession with cats, especially mine, and I love everything about New York City."

"Okay," Alec said, nodding once. "Um what's your cat's name?"

"Chairman Meow."

Alec didn't say anything.

"There's not really much we can do to prepare for a Q&A," Magnus sighed, picking up the mess he made with all his makeup products.

"Can I videotape you?" Alec asked, holding up a little camera.

"Of course," Magnus said.

More camera time never hurt.

...........

"So we're about an hour away from our show time," Alec told the camera. "This is the magnificent Magnified."

"Was that a pun on my name?" Magnus asked, looking up into the camera and waving. "Hello!"

"And so far, I know that I'm jealous of the fact that he's pretty much a flawless human being with a cat."

"Please, I am so much more than that," Magnus said, flipping his hair. With all the gel in it, it didn't really go anywhere. "I have a goldfish too."

"Yeah, sure," Alec said. "So Magnus, what have you been doing all day?"

"Um, I didn't realize this was an interview," Magnus said.

"I didn't realize you had to get ready for those."

"I don't." Magnus looked up into the camera, a serious look plastered on his face. "I have been surprising fans all day."

"How?"

Magnus explained his selfie prank, describing the success and fan reactions.

An official entered the room seconds after Magnus had finished, announcing that it was fifteen minutes to show.

The panic had subsided while Alec was talking to Magnus.

Now it had just renewed.

............

Standing backstage made everything worse.

Even holding his beloved video camera didn't help Alec.

An announcer was speaking but his words were muffled.

Magnus appeared at Alec's side, having just been mic-ed.

"You're shaking," Magnus said.

It was dark backstage.

"Thank you for the observation," Alec snapped.

Magnus snatched the camera out of Alec's hand, setting it on a table nearby.

"Give me your hands," Magnus ordered.

"I--"

"Trust me," Magnus said. "You have to."

Alec put his hands in Magnus'.

"Close your eyes," Magnus demanded. "Breathe in." Four seconds went by. "Hold it-- Now exhale."

"I can barely breathe--"

"Shut up," Magnus said. "In-- Hold it-- Exhale."

Alec's lungs were struggling to keep up. He was breathing in for four seconds, holding it for seven, and exhaling for eight.

It was on the verge of painful.

"Keep doing that," Magnus said. "You're depriving your brain of oxygen-- Don't stop though. It's calming your brain, making it focus on functioning, rather than panicking. And it's working."

It was.

"Calm down," Magnus whispered. "You'll be fine."

"Alright, let's go," an official shouted.

Magnus dropped Alec's hands.

"It's probably best to start breathing normally again," Magnus said. "You can't do that for too long. Now smile and be your shy, charismatic self."

Alec took a deep breath, stepping into the stage lights.

...........

"Hi," Magnus cheered, waving at the crowd.

There were two stools set up in the middle of the stage. He trusted that Alec was following right behind him.

"Good evening," Magnus said, as soon as he and Alec had sat down.

"Hi!" Alec's voice echoed.

"I'm Magnus, otherwise known as Magnified--"

"--and I'm Alec, or TheAwkwardAlec," Alec finished. He was a natural, despite his nervous breakdown.

"So you are going to ask the questions and we're going to attempt to answer them," Magnus said.

"This already sounds bad," Alec murmured, forgetting he was on a mic. The crowd burst into laughter, sending him blushing.

Someone's face appeared on the big screen, a microphone in their hand.

"Hi," the teenager girl cheered.

Magnus and Alec waved in unison.

"What's your name?" Magnus asked.

"Danielle," she said. "Um I follow both of you and I was wondering if you guys would ever do a collab and if so, what would it be?"

"Well, we literally just met," Magnus said. "So a collab is not currently in the works, but I'd love to put a little bit of glitter on his face."

That got another chorus of laughs.

"I'm betting we're neighbors though," Alec said.

"New York City is big," Magnus pointed out.

"Manhattan?"

"Brooklyn."

"There's subways," Alec said.

"We are basically neighbors," Magnus said, decisively.

"I vote yes on a collaboration," Alec said.

"Me as well."

"But no glitter."

"Uh, sure," Magnus lied. "Next!"

There was a whole round of introduction and then the boy asked his question.

"So I was wondering if Alec panicked--"

"Oh my gosh," Magnus laughed, throwing his hands over his mouth. "They know you--"

Alec smacked his forehead, groaning.

"Yes, I did," Alec said.

"And now?" the fan, David, asked.

"I'm fine," Alec said. "But you're awesome for asking. It's more like a family dinner with a thousand people. No pressure."

A girl named Sara had the microphone next.

"Hi, so I was wondering if you guys have ever read fanfic."

"About what, biscuit?" Magnus asked. "You're going to have to be very specific."

"About you two." The innocence in her voice was only one part of Alec's shock.

"That exists?" Magnus asked, leaning forward with joy.

"I have some-- do you want me to read it?"

"Yes!"

"No!" Alec shouted.

"Wait, I want to read it," Magnus laughed.

"Oh jeez," Alec sighed.

"Can you come up here?" Magnus asked.

The camera followed her as she left her seat, coming up the aisle.

"I do have another question," Sara said, "since you did ask for me to be specific. What other fanfics have you read?"

"I'm not answering that," Magnus said. He looked over at Alec. "Don't judge me. I know you secretly ship us."

Alec face lit up bright red. Magnus took Sara's phone from her.

"Eh-hem," Magnus said. He obviously read the first line because he was already dying laughing. "'It was a dark and dreary night but--' Alec, finish this."

He tossed the phone to Alec, who actually managed to catch it.

"Oh, gosh, what the hell is this?" Alec asked. "I'm sorry to whoever wrote this but this is-- okay. '--the night was still young. Alec was-- drunk?' First of all, I've never been drunk--"

"Five bucks says it was my fault," Magnus said.

"I can get drunk on my own--"

"Well you were probably angsty because I did something. So you got drunk. Are you going to put money on it or not?"

Alec pulled out his wallet, waving a five in the air. Magnus did the same.

"You know I saved this money for a Tyler Oakley bobblehead," Magnus announced. "So I better win."

"Okay, so 'Alec was drunk, verging on wasted as he stumbled through the streets of Brooklyn, looking for one flat in particular. Sure, he and Magnus had been a one night thing, but it had been the best night of his life--"

"Called it," Magnus shouted. "Money, please."

"I could be wasted because my dog died," Alec snapped. "Just a second. 'And he wanted more. Magnus had been the best thing that had ever happened to him--' Exaggerate much?"

"Highly accurate, I'd say," Magnus commented.

"'--and after the day he'd had, he need a repeat of last Saturday.' See, I win."

Magnus started to hand the five over to Alec.

"In the end, Magnus breaks up with Alec and Alec kills himself," Sara said.

"What the hell?!" Alec shouted. Magnus snatched his arm back, waving the bill victoriously. "Are you serious?"

Sara nodded.

"I would not--" Alec looked over at Magnus. "Is this seriously what you read?"

"I read one where we were actually siblings and still did it," Magnus said.

"So you do read Malec fic?" someone in the crowd shouted.

"Wow," Alec laughed. "You messed up."

"You have to find a good author," Magnus defended. "Then it's like reading poetry rather than really weird smut."

The entire hall was laughing.

"You know reading is a gateway to writing," Sara said. "That's how I got into it."

"Do you write Malec fic?" Alec asked Magnus, a smug smile on his face.

"No," Magnus said. "Not that I'd admit it."

"Wait, was this yours?" Alec asked, handing Sara's phone back to her.

"No," she said, quickly. But her pink face betrayed her.

"Okay, moving on from the topic of fanfic," Magnus said. "Next question."

As the camera shifted to another fan, Magnus' eyes were drawn away from the screen and to Alec.

They spoke and joked so easily together.

Maybe Malec wasn't such a horrible idea.

..........

The rest of the show went off without a hitch and with even more embarrassment.

Magnus ended up doing Alec's makeup on stage (just a little bit of blush, and secret dash of glitter) and Alec talked about meeting Dan Howell at a panel early in the day.

Then they went their separate ways for the night.

The next day Magnus spent at Disney with his fellow New York YouTubers, minus Alec.

However, that night was the panelist party, the highlight of VidCon for Magnus.

It was also his last chance to see Alec and get his number.

It was taking place inside the convention but was a private party.

To Magnus, it felt more like a club scene than anything else. And that was just his thing.

Alec was probably cowering in a corner, however, so Magnus left his clique, patrolling the perimeter, looking for the boy with blue eyes.

After a few rounds and a couple of conversations with other YouTubers, Magnus determined Alec was not here.

He was heading back towards the bar when he saw Alec enter, fashionably late.

Magnus pushed off the counter, heading straight for him.

"Alec," Magnus called.

"Hey," Alec said, obviously relieved.

"How was your day?"

"I snuck around the convention," Alec said. "Met more people, stuttered some more, and made a fool of myself. But you'd say it's adorable."

"Basically," Magnus said, smiling. Alec gave a shy smile back.

"So where are all of your friends?" Alec asked.

"Just look for a pack of hipsters. They don't really separate."

"Don't act like you're not one of them," Alec said.

"No, I most definitely am. I just prefer to break off every once in awhile," Magnus said. "The same crowd gets boring."

"Mm," Alec said.

"So can I still try to get you drunk?"

"I'm sorry--?"

"You basically said you'd never get drunk over me."

"You want to get me drunk?"

"It'd be hilarious."

"I'd regret it," Alec said.

"Probably."

"One drink. Then I'm going back to my hotel room before I can let you make a fool of me," Alec said.

"That's what they all say," Magnus said, dramatically marching towards the bar again.

One drink became two became five and the party was over and Magnus was attempting (albeit poorly) to hail a cab.

It was nearly two in the morning and the streets were devoid of most people.

Alec had an arm slung around Magnus' shoulders.

"Wait, what's the name of my hotel?" Magnus asked as a yellow cab pulled up.

Alec shrugged.

"Just stay at my place," Alec said.

"Why, Alexander, this is the beginning of a horrible fanfiction," Magnus scoffed.

"Maybe," Alec said, throwing open the cab door.

...........

The two giggled and laughed the entire ride to Alec's hotel. They stumbled through the lobby, up into an elevator, Alec still leaning on Magnus.

"Seriously though, how crazy is all of this," Magnus mused. "I mean, we live in the same fifty mile radius and we've never met and like you're amazing and I--" Magnus hugged Alec, as the elevator continued it's ascent. "--You're just so cool. Can we be best friends?"

"I think we totally are," Alec said as the doors open. Magnus released Alec from his embrace and the two walked down the hallway for Alec's room.

"Alec," Magnus whispered as Alec fumbled with the keycard. "Are you, like, gay?"

"Shh," Alec said, putting a finger against Magnus' lips. "It's a secret."

The door unlocked.

Alec struggled to find the light switch, and even then the room still remained dark as they fell side by side onto the bed.

"Alec, important question."

"Go ahead," Alec said.

"Why don't hotel rooms have overhead lights?"

"I actually know this," Alec said, sitting up. "Okay, okay-- so the ceiling is actually the floor of the room above us; there's no space for like electrical wiring or A/C. That's why!"

"Holy hell, Alec. That's life changing!" Magnus laughed, clapping his hands together.

"I know. I Googled it," Alec boasted.

"I'd just ask Siri," Magnus said, softly.

Alec fell back against the bed again.

"Magnus, are you gay?"

"Bi but--" Magnus shrugged.

"Okay," Alec said. "Do you think I'm cute?"

"So cute," Magnus said, booping his nose.

Alec smiled.

"Do you like me?"

"Of course."

"Like like like."

"I thought it was obvious," Magnus said, rolling onto his side.

"I can't read people," Alec shrugged. He wrinkled his nose.

"Do you like me?" Magnus asked.

"I like like you," Alec said.

They were quiet, Magnus staring at Alec, and Alec staring at the ceiling that was actually a floor and cost-saving measure used by hotels across the globe.

Magnus rolled over, putting his head on Alec's shoulder.

"If I kissed you, would it ruin everything?"

"I probably won't remember tonight," Alec said.

"Mm."

Alec looked down at Magnus, who was still resting his cheek on Alec's shoulder, staring up longingly at Alec.

"And what happens tomorrow?" Magnus asked.

"We go back to New York."

"And do I ever see you again?"

"I certainly hope so," Alec said. He took a chance, putting his hand on Magnus' face.

Magnus raised his head, moving up towards Alec.

Then he kissed him, once and quick.

But Alec pulled him in again for a longer one, that lingered.

And those lasted all night.

Two months later. . .

"...and so maybe I've been banned from family dinners," Alec said, shrugging. "Which wouldn't be the worst thing in the world--"

Someone tackled Alec, throwing him out of his chair.

Alec screamed.

"Hiiiiiii!" Magnus cheered, laying on top of Alec. He planted a kiss on Alec's cheek.

"I was filming-- What are you doing here?" Alec laughed. The pain hadn't quite hit him yet.

"Surprising you," Magnus said. "Collaboration, remember?"

"Yeah, well, I guess--"

Magnus jumped up, sitting in Alec's chair.

"Hello, little biscuits!"

Alec sat up.

"Oh, idea," Magnus said, pulling out his phone. "Alec, love, get another chair."

Alec rolled his eyes, leaving his room to find another chair.

As Alec reentered the room, Magnus tossed his phone at Alec, who caught it.

"I had an idea," Magnus said. Alec set his chair down beside Magnus, reading the tweet on his phone.

"Live question and answer?" Alec asked.

"Can you do live video?" Magnus asked.

"Yeah," Alec said.

"Let's do it!" The next ten minutes were them setting up for a live video stream and watching questions roll in on their Twitter tag.

In twenty minutes, the #AskTAAandM tag was trending world wide.

"Hi!" Alec and Magnus sang together when the green light of the camera came on.

"So in twenty minutes, our hashtag AskTAAandM was trending," Magnus said. "So this is the first of hopefully many collabs between me and this idiot."

"Offended," Alec muttered.

"First question!" Magnus announced. "This is from at A7d0c2-- you know, that's a pretty sucky username-- 'Is this the first time you've seen each other since VidCon?'"

"No," Alec answered with a smile. "But it is the first time he's broken into my apartment--"

"The front door was unlocked," Magnus defended.

"I can promise it won't be unlocked for a very long time," Alec said, his smile turning into a snarky grin.

He looked down at his own phone.

"'What is your opinion on tomatoes-- fruits or vegetables?' from at kayla34."

"They are vegetables," Magnus said.

"No; they're actually fruit," Alec said. "They are literally fruit."

"Google it!" Magnus sang out. "Are tomatoes fruit?"

"I don't need to Google what I already know," Alec countered. They stared at each other intently for a minute.

"You know someone's going to read too much into this," Magnus said, winking at Alec. "My turn!"

"'Magnus, can you do Alec's makeup--'"

"No--"

"Why of course I can," Magnus said, smiling like a late night shopping channel host. Or maybe it was a beauty queen.

Alec couldn't exactly name the unsettling creepiness of it.

"And do you honestly think I came here without any makeup?" Magnus asked, pulling his bag into his lap.

"I'm not seriously letting you do this," Alec said.

Magnus dumped the contents of his bag onto Alec's desk. Most of it was makeup, mixed with a wallet and the occasional receipt.

"So obviously I can't put my shade of foundation on him-- he's far too pale."

"Offended," Alec muttered. Magnus pinched his cheek.

"Pale isn't an insult," Magnus said, letting him go. "But we do have to try a more natural look otherwise he'll freak out."

"In the mean time," Magnus said, assembling his materials, "Alec, answer another question."

Alec looked at his phone.

"'Who's more likely to get arrested--"

"Obviously me," Magnus said.

"Well, arrested for what?" Alec asked. "I'd get arrested for accidentally murdering someone and Magnus would get arrested for public indecency."

"I'd disagree but yeah, you're right. Close your eyes."

Alec closed his eyes.

"So basically, we're going for different shades of brown. So we'll put down a light tan down first."

Magnus was rubbing something on his eyes.

"This is uncomfortable."

"I'm rubbing stuff on your eyes. It's not supposed to feel like the fur of kittens."

"Please don't make me look like a mess."

"Okay, this is like my job, Alec."

"And my job is being a student but I'm still getting a C+ in Calc."

"Ooh, I'm awesome at Calc."

"Wanna do my homework?"

"I'm pretty sure if your professor is watching--"

Alec started giggling at the idea of his stiff Calculus professor watching this madness.

"Okay, can I open my eyes yet?"

"No-- I want to add more. Okay so crazyeyes927 wants to know if you've ever done anything illegal."

"No," Alec said.

"I'll admit to nothing."

"So that's a yes, crazyeyes927," Alec pointed out.

"Another question--"

"You're supposed to be doing my makeup."

"Almost done. Okay so this is the most popular question so far-- 'Is Malec a thing yet?'"

Alec's eyes flew open. Magnus was staring at him, intently. His eyes were sparkling, and wasn't just the glitter.

"Magnus, I--"

A smile touched Magnus' lips, begging Alec to say yes.

"Oh, gosh." Alec ran his fingers through his hair.

Saying no would mean denying everything that happened between him and Magnus in the last two months. It'd be letting Magnus and himself down.

Saying yes would make this the ultimate coming out video.

Alec looked up into the camera.

He had always been honest to it. Why lie today?

"Um, yeah," Alec said, a blush creeping into his face.

"I'm sorry; what was that?" Magnus asked.

"I have a crush on you, you idiot," Alec said, glaring at Magnus.

Magnus wrapped an arm around Alec's shoulders, resting his head against Alec's.

Alec watched himself on the screen of his laptop. His cheeks were red and his eyes were a sort of golden brown.

Alec leaned in towards the camera.

"Oh, what did you do to me?"

"I made your eyes pop," Magnus said.

"Alright, that's enough live vlogging for one day. We'll see you all around," Alec said.

"Good bye, biscuits," Magnus said, waving to camera as Alec shut the livestream down.

Then they were sitting back in their chairs, staring at the video equipment and the city that lay outside the window.

Then a realization hit Alec.

"You know everyone's going to think that was a prank."


	28. Day 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 5 of Malec Week-- Back to the Future

"Gideon."

He rubbed his eyes, turning away from the brightness of the morning sun.

"Gideon, love. It is nearly eight. Gabriel's train will be here soon."

Gideon?

Gabriel?

Alec opened his eyes. A sweet face stared down at him, a scar running across her cheek drew his eyes in.

He looked away quickly, though.

"Gideon?"

She scrunched her face together in confusion.

"Are you ill?" Concern, with a twinge of offense, made her voice climb octaves.

"I must be," Alec mumbled. He sat up and she jumped back. "Who are you?"

"Sophie!" her voice squeaked.

"And you think I'm. . ."

"Gideon," she filled in. "But you are!"

Alec shook his head.

"My name is Alexander."

"I'm getting Will," Sophie said, fleeing from the room.

The room looked nothing like the one he had gone to sleep in the night before. This was formal-- entirely vintage.

Magnus' house was anything but. Unless he had redone the furniture again and hired a psychotic maid.

Neither would be a first. . .

Alec climbed out of the four-poster bed, walking towards the open window.

His eyes adjusted with every step.

He put his hands on the windowsill, leaning against it.

Wherever he was, it was most definitely not Brooklyn.

"Gideon?"

Alec turned around, his body instinctively responding to the name.

"Alec," Alec corrected to a man with black hair and shimmering blue eyes. Behind him stood a familiar face. "Tessa?"

Will put a protective arm out, blocking Tessa. It was obviously a reflex-- Alec did the same thing to Isabelle and Magnus.

"Do you know him?" Will asked, looking back at Tessa.

"No," she said, softly.

"My name is Alexander Lightwood--"

"Lightwood?" Sophie had appeared on the other side of Will.

Alec nodded, once.

"Where am I?" Alec asked.

"London," Will answered.

"London?" Alec looked back at the dense fog looming over the city. "And what year is it?"

"1880," Will said.

"That's not right," Alec said. "No, that can't be right."

Alec finally noticed the runes on Will's lower arms, his biceps covered with loose cotton shirt.

"You're a Shadowhunter," Alec said. "Okay. Um--"

"Gid-- Alexander, where are you from?"

"New York," Alec said, his voice unnaturally high-- and it wasn't just Gideon's voice. "And when I went to sleep last night it was 2014."

"You must have a fever," Sophie said, stepping in front of Will.

"I don't," Alec growled.

"I believe him," Tessa said. "I'll get Henry and Charlotte. Will, you should go get Gabriel and Cecily."

Will looked at Tessa. They seemed to be reading each other's minds.

He made a resigned sound.

"Keep him in here for now," Will said.

Alec looked back out the window.

London.

1880?

...........

The man with red hair had been pacing Alec for over a minute now, a overly-pleased look on his face.

"Henry, dear, please explain," the woman named Charlotte said.

"Time travel," Henry said.

"I got that myself," Alec snapped.

"No, but what did you say your name was?" Henry asked.

"Alexander Gideon Lightwood."

Alec's jaw dropped.

"Gideon--"

"He must be some distant relative," Henry said, excited once again. "What was your father's name?"

"Robert," Alec said. "His father was Andrew and his father was Isidore. After that I don't know."

"It's best you don't," Henry said. "We don't want to know too much about the future."

"Am I screwing up time?" Alec asked. Charlotte put a hand over her mouth to cover a gasp. Sophie looked up from where she was sitting, a concerned look on his face. Henry seemed unfazed.

"No," Henry said. "Time is like line. You can jump around all you want but you won't change anything. The universe is set into motion. You cannot bend it as you wish. You're one person. You shouldn't have the power. No, no. You were meant to come here."

"This is crazy," Alec said, shaking his head.

"But it worked!"

"Henry," Charlotte growled. "What did you do?"

"It was just an experiment," Henry said. "Harmless, or so I thought."

Charlotte let her head fall against one of banisters of the bed, defeated.

"Tell me you can fix this," Alec said.

"That, I do not know," Henry said. "I did not know it worked until this very moment."

"We will get you back to your rightful decade," Charlotte promised. "Henry is going to call in assistance and favors."

"Does that mean Gideon is in the future?" Sophie asked.

"Most likely," Henry said, a grin stretching across his face. "I do hope he is taking good notes."

Alec rubbed his forehead.

..........

"Morning, love."

Sleep clouded Gideon's mind, his reactions taking longer than they should have.

Sophie kissed his forehead, and he opened his eyes.

Only, it was Magnus Bane he was looking at, not Sophie.

"By the Angel--"

Gideon grasped for something, anything. He found only a pillow, and slammed it into Magnus' face, tossing him aside.

He jumped to his feet, expecting his mattress but found himself standing on an unnaturally orange couch.

His eyes went wide.

"Alec--" Magnus moaned from the floor. "What the hell?"

"Alec?" Gideon didn't recognize his own voice.

What was going on?

A panic spread through him.

He wasn't home.

The room was full of strange gadgets that looked like the deathtraps in Henry's lab.

"Yes, that is your name, isn't it?" Magnus asked, sitting up. He stared up at Gideon.

"My name is Gideon," he breathed. "Not Alec."

Magnus was silent for a second but then a cat-like smile stretched across his face.

Gideon took a step back, only to trip and fall back onto the couch.

"Oh," Magnus smiled.

............

Despite Will's order, Alec managed to convince Tessa to let him watch Henry work over a tiny sphere.

It was better than pacing around his room.

An hour went by and Henry had spent the entire time, screwing and unscrewing parts, replacing them with new ones, inspecting various pieces and screws.

Alec had no idea what was happening.

Sophie appeared at his side in the basement of the London Institute at some point.

"You should join us for lunch upstairs. Gabriel is curious," she said. "Also, I hate being around him alone."

"Gabriel is. . .?"

"Your-- his brother," Sophie said, pressing his lips together. "He's a little. . . overbearing. Please, Mister Alexander."

"Um, sure," Alec said, deserting his stool. He followed her upstairs.

He still wasn't used to the clothes or the manner of speaking.

He didn't like how unhappy this body swap was making Sophie, who was making a decent attempt to be kind to him.

Gabriel seemed to be a carbon-copy of his new self, with longer hair.

He held himself so formally, not unlike Will, who was standing off to the side.

They were all in the sitting room, a tray of tea and cakes sitting on a table, untouched.

Will had his arm around a girl with long black hair. He smiled down at her before noticed Alec.

Tessa was sitting in an armchair, watching Alec intently.

"So you are Alexander Lightwood?" Gabriel asked, stepping up to Alec.

"Yes," Alec said. There was a harshness to Gabriel's eyes. They reminded him so much of his father's.

"Hmm. You don't seem so horrible, Lightwood," Gabriel said.

"Lightworm," they both heard Will whisper.

"I'll have you know I'm a Lightwood now," the black-haired girl snapped. "I've always liked the name Alexander."

That made Alec smile.

"My name is Cecily, since no one is bothering to introduce me," she said. She lifted her chin, proudly. "I am Will's sister and Gabriel's wife."

Gabriel's eyes soften momentarily, as if he were coming out of, or going into, a trance.

A knocking sound echoed throughout the room.

"That would be Henry's assistant," Sophie said. She stepped away from Alec and disappeared out of the room.

Alec stared back at the group until he heard the doors open again.

"--constantly calling in favors. Yet, I come anyways--"

Alec looked back.

Magnus stood at Sophie's side, a grouchy look on his face.

"Another Lightwood family problem," Magnus grumbled, looking pointedly at Alec and Gabriel.

"Good morning, Mr. Bane," Gabriel said.

"Will your family ever not have problems?" Magnus continued, ignoring Gabriel.

Alec smiled.

But Magnus frowned, shaking his head. He saw Will and gave him a nod.

"William, always a pleasure," Magnus said.

Wait, Will?

The Will?

"You're Will Herondale?" Alec asked.

"So you have heard of me?" Will asked, looking over lazily at Alec.

Alec nodded, mesmerized.

The only other Shadowhunter Magnus had ever had feelings for.

And here he was.

They did look alike in a general sense, but there were obvious difference too, outside of the polar-opposite personalities.

Will was Jace.

"Yeah," Alec said. "I just-- wow. I'm sorry; ignore me."

"Where is Henry?" Magnus asked.

"Lab," Gabriel snapped, as if it was obvious.

"Gee, Gabriel," Magnus retorted. "I wonder why no one likes you."

"Magnus," multiple people chided.

He left with a flourish, his tailcoat trailing behind him.

..........

Magnus handed Gideon a cup of tea, his lame attempt at trying to help him acclimate.

Going to the past was one thing, Magnus figured, but the future was far more terrifying.

"What is it like out there?" Gideon asked.

"Everyone is fat, hates one another, and idolizes Kim Kardashian."

"What is that?"

"A Kim Kardashian?"

Gideon nodded.

"I wish I knew," Magnus said. He took a sip of his own tea.

"It's 2014, you said?"

"Yes."

"Over a hundred years," Gideon mused. "I should be dead."

"You are dead," Magnus said. "But your family lives on. There are plenty of Lightworms crawling around."

"Lovely joke, Mr. Bane," Gideon sighed.

"They run the New York Institute," Magnus said.

"Someone left London?"

"I don't know who so don't ask," Magnus said. "I spent my 20th century avoiding Shadowhunters."

"And now?"

"And now, they seem to live here," Magnus said. "But it's not so bad."

"We missed you in London."

Magnus laughed.

"I'm sure," Magnus said.

"Was that sarcasm?"

Magnus nodded.

"Can you send me back to my time?" Gideon asked.

"They're working on it right now, in 1880," Magnus said. "They get it, don't worry."

"And who is in my place?"

"Alec," Magnus said. "I'd forgotten all of this happened. Mainly, because I didn't care to write down what date Alec came from in 1880."

"I don't understand," Gideon said.

"I don't expect you to," Magnus said. "But Henry and I do. That's what matters."

"Poor Sophie," Gideon said. "She must be terrified."

"Worried, not terrified," Magnus said. "Everyone makes it out of this one alive, Gideon."

"But how long does it take?" Gideon asked.

"Another thing I failed to remember," Magnus said. "For now, just sit back and relax."

Gideon looked out the massive windows. His tea still remained untouched, and it was probably better that way.

...........

Alec had spent the day following Sophie around like a lost puppy, even watching her cook.

She told him it was better than him watching Henry and Magnus all day.

Though, he didn't mind seeing Magnus in his formal clothes. They were still brighter and more outlandish than what everyone else seemed to be wearing but Alec expected nothing less.

Charlotte, who seemed to be running everything, demanded everyone eat dinner, including the mad scientists.

But Henry and Magnus hurried their way through dinner, disappearing again within a few minutes.

Dinner was a loud and long affair, everyone catching up.

So Alec was left out of it. All he knew was the future and talking about that probably wasn't for the best.

When dinner was done, he cleaned up with Sophie and Cecily, with Gabriel pitching in every once in awhile.

Sophie showed him to a guest room but he was too restless to go back to sleep.

He didn't want to bother Magnus and Henry in the lab, so he wandered the Institute until he was on the rooftop.

He listened to London, which was a constant echo of hooves against cobblestone and the occasional shout.

As the moon continued the rise, the night got brighter and the sounds quieter.

He watched lamp after lamp go out in windows and curtains shut.

It was beautiful up here and he couldn't figure out why none of the London Shadowhunters were up here.

"I've spoken to Henry." Alec jumped to his feet, turning around.

It was just Magnus.

"We have decided that it's probably best if I wipe everyone's memories of this little fiasco," Magnus said.

"I suppose," Alec said.

"When Gideon returns, I'll explain everything to him; I'm sure he can keep a secret," Magnus said. Alec nodded.

"What about you?" Alec asked.

"I'll do some erasing here and there but I won't completely erase it," Magnus said.

"Alright," Alec said. He bit his lower lip. "Did you and Henry fix it?"

"No," Magnus said. "But I've done all I can. Henry has to work out the rest. He will though. I trust him."

"Okay," Alec said.

"Are you normally this shy?" Magnus asked.

"Depends on who I'm with," Alec said.

"I'd like to ask you a few questions," Magnus said. He was the one who sounded shy now. "I'll erase my memory of your answers but I'll write myself a vague note. The future is more daunting when you know you'll most likely live to see it."

"Uh, okay," Alec said.

"Do you know me, in the future?"

"Yes," Alec said, smiling.

"How?"

Alec hesitated.

"I shouldn't tell you," Alec said. "I don't want you to be influenced when you meet me. You like to make your own choices."

"I do," Magnus said, his eyes flashing as if he was remembering Alec. That was, of course, impossible, but Alec could of sworn there was recognition in his amber eyes. "You must know me well then. Am I happy?"

"I believe so, yes," Alec said.

"Do I get out of London?"

"Definitely."

"Do-- do I lose anyone else?"

"How do you mean?" Alec asked.

"My friends," Magnus said.

"You'd tell me that death is inevitable in life," Alec said. "And that you can't protect everyone."

"Who?"

"I don't know them all," Alec said. "You don't talk about the past like that. You live in the moment."

"You never ask me about my adventures?" The smile on Magnus' face was wavering.

"You told me about Will. And Peru. And Tessa Grey and Jem. I know about Marie Antoinette. I know you better than anyone else," Alec said. "Or so I think."

"Camille Belcourt?"

Alec winced, hearing her name again.

It was taboo between him and Magnus now.

"No," Alec said, softly. "It doesn't work out."

"Does it hurt to try?"

Alec looked up at him.

"I suppose the future is inescapable. Our destiny is already set."

"She's hard to escape," Magnus said with a daring grin.

"Maybe," Alec sighed.

"And one last question, Alec."

Alec nodded. He was suddenly tired.

"Do I love you?"

"Yes," Alec said, breaking his one rule.

"Then I look forward to the future." Alec watched Magnus leave. He stopped at the doorway, looking back at Alec. "Though, what I could see in a Lightworm is completely beyond me."

...........

"Television is not entertaining, Mr. Bane," Gideon said, decisively.

"Well, there's nothing good on," Magnus sighed. "National Treasure 2 isn't on. Dance Moms isn't on. Honestly, Duck Dynasty is the best thing I can find and that's not even good."

"Is that about the Chinese?" Gideon asked. "I heard they were having political troubles."

"Duck Dynasty is not about a Chinese dynasty, but good guess," Magnus said. He shut off the TV. "You should probably go to sleep. In all of the movies, you change back while you're asleep."

"Movies?"

"Oh dear, I miss Alec," Magnus sighed.

"I miss Sophie," Gideon said, absent-mindedly. "And proper clothing."

"Don't let Alec hear you insult his sweaters."

"Is that what this thing is?" Gideon scoffed, holding up his arm. The baggy sleeve slipped down. "Ridiculous."

"You just don't know comfort," Magnus said.

"I'm sinking into this couch. No wonder Americans have such bad posture," he said, gesturing to Magnus.

"I'm offended, Gideon. I truly am," Magnus said.

"How is it that you haven't changed over the years?" Gideon asked, crossing his arms.

"Strong sense of personality and self."

"Wait, is Tessa here?" Gideon asked.

"Tessa doesn't know this ever happened," Magnus said. "I erase everyone's memories as soon as you get back. I erase most of my own memory. You can't tell them that this happened. Henry wanted to make sure we didn't bring on the future too early."

"I suppose that's sensible," Gideon said.

"Of course it is," Magnus said. "I thought of it."

"I don't like you, Mr. Bane."

"Good night, Gideon," Magnus said, standing up. "I'm going to bed. You can crash wherever."

"Crash?"

"Sleep-- I meant sleep." Magnus rolled his eyes and scoffed, "Lightworms."

.............

Alec was trying to go back to his room when he was caught by Will.

"You are up late," Will said, accusation dripping in voice.

"I was on the roof," Alec admitted.

"Ooh, sneaking around, are we?"

"You remind me of my parabatai," Alec said, stepping towards Will.

"How so?"

"He's a Herondale," Alec said.

"Ahh, my progeny," Will smiled.

"Something like that," Alec sighed. "He's pretentious, annoying, arrogant, selfless to the point of putting himself in danger."

"Why, Alexander, that sounds nothing like me," Will responded.

"Sure," Alec said. "And I could never understand why I loved him so much."

Will smiled.

"My parabatai would say the same about me."

"Jem," Alec filled in.

"Who told you?" Will asked. He went pale, as if someone had just stabbed him.

"Jem, he's happy, in the future. It works out okay, Will. Tessa too."

Will took in a sharp breath.

"I needed to hear that, Alexander, but you can understand how it might be overwhelming."

Will fled the hallway.

"Thank you."

Alec turned around. Tessa's head was peeking out behind a door.

"He did need to hear that," she said. "I just hope it's true."

"It is," Alec said, still frozen to his spot.

"You are a good man, Alexander," Tessa said. "I look forward to meeting you in your true form."

"Thank you, Tessa."

"Though, I don't like the way you talk," Tessa said. "The future has no class."

"Formality doesn't mean class," Alec said.

"Ah, touche," she said, shutting the door.

Alec was alone again.

He began his journey through the halls again, looking for his room. He had forgotten where Sophie had shown him.

So when he came upon the library, filled with couches, he just laid down in there, hoping that he wouldn't wake up there.

.............

"Good morning, love."

Alec opened his eyes, relieved to see Magnus hovering above him.

Quite, literally, hovering, upside down, arms dangling down.

He poked Alec's nose.

"Did you know that yesterday, you-but-not-you smacked me with a pillow?"

Alec smiled at the thought.

"How was 1880?"

"Something," Alec sighed. "Everyone forgot that day?"

"I forgot most of it as well," Magnus said. "But yes, none of them remembered. They later described the day as being incredibly forgettable."

"What did you remember?"

"I knew that you and Gideon switched places for a day. Then it was the year 1880. You and I spoke on the roof. As to what about, I couldn't exactly tell you."

"It's weird having you hovering above me," Alec pointed out.

"Maybe," Magnus shrugged. "Gideon was very boring company. I'm making up for loss excitement."

"Don't insult my great-great-great-great-great grandfather."

"I think you over your 'greats' and you're wrong," Magnus said. "You ended up being Gabriel's descendant."

"I know how my dad got his personality then," Alec sighed.

"Mm," Magnus hummed. He snapped his fingers and he was freefalling, landing on top of Alec, leaning his head on his elbows which were on either side of Alec's head.

Alec let out a gasp. Magnus was far too heavy to be belly-flopping onto him.

"I missed you," Magnus said.

"I was gone for less than 24 hours," Alec said. "But I technically saw you so--"

"Ah, but could you do this?"

Magnus slipped his hands out from under his chin, putting them on Alec's cheeks, still warm with sleep. Magnus kissed him, softly.

"I suppose not," Alec whispered. "But I did get to see you in a tailcoat, which is something I won't be forgetting any time soon."

Magnus smiled, his lips brushing Alec's forehead.

"Yeah, I don't think there's any chance of you forgetting that."


	29. Day 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 7 of Malec Week-- Scene not in the book but in the TV show
> 
> {Turning Page}
> 
> Song by Sleeping at Last

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day 6 was never written. *shrug*

I've waited a hundred years  
But I'd wait a million more for you  
Nothing prepared me for  
What the privilege of being yours would do

Magnus fiddled with the tie. It was too loose and then suddenly it was too tight, strangling him, but always managed to be uncomfortable. He squeezed his eyes shut in a horrible effort to swallow his nerves and discomfort. His fingers still itched to tug at the tie though.

As he promised himself it was fine--he was fine-- they crept their way up the front of the suit only to find another pair already there.

"Alec--!" Magnus yelped. It was instinctual now.

"You're going to strangle yourself," Alec said, an relieving calm to his voice. Magnus took Alec's hands in his, trying to relax.

If I had only felt the warmth within your touch  
If I had only seen how you smile when you blush  
Or how you curl your lip when you concentrate enough  
Well I would have known  
What I was living for all along  
What I've been living for

"Unless, that was your intention--?"

"No!" Magnus said quickly. Alec stepped around to face Magnus, though his hands broke contact with Magnus. "You still shouldn't be in here."

"Contrary to your and Isabelle's beliefs, neither of us are brides and this isn't exactly a traditional ceremony, so that's a stupid superstition," Alec said, all of his attention on the tie. He pulled the tie, now untied, away from Magnus' collar.

"I didn't want to see you until--"

Alec leaned forward, cutting Magnus' complaint off.

Your love is my turning page  
Where only the sweetest words remain  
Every kiss is a cursive line  
Every touch is a redefining phrase

Magnus' entire body relaxed as the warmth of Alec's lips spread throughout him.

The tie fell from Alec's hands onto the ground, coiling like a silk snake. It was an involuntary reflex on his part, the result of a desperate need for his hands to do more than just dangle at his side, uselessly, holding the tie that was better suited for the floor anyways. They reached for the collar first, then slid along the planes of Magnus' shoulders. They glided effortlessly, feeling the expensive fabric underneath.

"This suit looks really good on you," Alec mumbled into Magnus' neck.

"I'd like to keep it on for now," Magnus whispered, stepping out of Alec's reach.

I surrender who I've been for who you are  
For nothing makes me stronger than your fragile heart  
If I had only felt how it feels to be yours  
Well I would have known  
What I've been living for all along  
What I've been living for

Defeat didn't wash over Alec's face like usual when Magnus cut him off. A smile played on his lips, one of his rare, truly genuine ones that could only be sparked by true happiness.

"Alexander," Magnus smiled. His lower lip caught in between his teeth in an attempt not to grin stupidly. "You are so incredibly beautiful."

Magnus knew any compliment would cause Alec to duck his head for a moment while he hid a smile, before he'd raise his head, a peach blush tinting his cheeks.

"And I am so incredibly happy right now," Magnus added.

Too long Magnus had been without this-- this happiness, this sense of being whole and complete. Alec was his missing half, and Magnus wasn't going to deny that. The fact that he had gone an entire month denying that filled his with an unforgettable regret.

How could he deny himself this?

How could he deny Alexander this?

He was obviously as in love with Magnus as Magnus was with him.

Years of emptiness and now he had Alec.

Though we're tethered to the story we must tell  
When I saw you, well I knew we'd tell it well  
With a whisper we will tame the vicious seas  
Like a feather bringing kingdoms to their knees

"I still have to put this tie on you," Alec said, beckoning Magnus back to him. He picked the gold tie up off the ground, shaking it free of whatever dirt and grime it might have picked up.

Alec's fingers worked on their own. What he was failing to tell Magnus was that he had no experience prior to today tying ties. Jace had sat with him for an hour that morning, Googling tutorials and trying to pick a knot out of dozens. But that hour had given him plenty of practice.

"Tell me you love me," Magnus said, softly.

"Telling you on command defeats the purpose," Alec responded, pulling the tie through.

"Requited love is better than unrequited, I've found."

Alex pulled the tie a little tighter.

"Don't touch this," Alec ordered. Then he looked up at Magnus, his eyes pure and honest. "I do love you."

"I'll see you at the altar?"

"I'll be there."

"Don't be late."

"That was you, remember?" Alec laughed.

Magnus left a kiss on Alec's cheek.

"Go before your sister finds you--"

"--lest I risk her wrath."

"--lest you risk her wrath," Magnus echoed.

Alec slipped out the door, winking as he shut it.

It was the last time he'd ever see Alexander Lightwood.

From now on, he was Bane-Lightwood.


	30. Explosions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't go to bed angry; until then is up to you.

Arguments could get explosive in the Bane-Lightwood household between unchecked magic and impulsive Shadowhunter reflexes.

Depending on the topic and the intensity, Magnus and Alec could make up in seconds or they could spend the rest of the day fuming. But never once had they gone to bed angry at each other, something relationship therapists preached like it were gospel.

Alec knew they wouldn't break that habit tonight; falling asleep angry was how relationships began the slippery descent down.

But the way Alec saw it, he had three hours til he would be forced to sleep, and Magnus would have to suffer his silent treatment for all 10,800 seconds.

It started off as a bickering session over evening coffee, after a spending the entire day laying around, but before they had caffeine in their system, so it quickly became violent.

Lies, disguised as insults, were hurled and they both came away hurt.

Alec retreated to the bathroom to shower, as he usually did after their fights.

Something about being trapped in a small space, enclosed on all four sides, made Alec feel sheltered. Time slipped away easily in the shower. It was easier to think when there weren't distractions.

When there wasn't Magnus.

That was the real reason, he supposed.

He was a walking distraction; from the gaudy outfits to his general aura that seemed to pull Alec in and wrap him around Magnus' finger.

So being mad at him was impossible when he was actually in the room. Part of physical attraction was this constant state of forgiveness. 

Even after the hot water ran out and Alec begrudgingly left the safety of the shower, he sat against the wall, wrapped in three or four fluffy towels, messing around on his phone.

If showers were a great way to pass the time, Netflix was even better.

One shower and two episodes of Lost later, Alec peeked his head out of the bathroom doorway.

Their-- his-- Magnus'-- the possessive was irrelevant-- bedroom was dark and empty. The sheer white curtains fluttered in the night breeze. Alec had opened the windows this morning, pre-fight.

It was getting close to 11.

Alec ditched the towel around his waist for grey sweatpants and a black sweater.

"Just one more episode," Alec reasoned as he fell onto the bed.

Staying mad wasn't one of his strong suits. Forgive and forget was better in his mind. Holding grudges took up to much energy. And despite the fact that they hadn't done anything productive all day, Alec was exhausted.

But Magnus loved the showiness of extending their fights for longer than necessary.

Tonight he'd let Magnus have his drama then he'd have to come crawling back to Alec.

Meanwhile, Alec would enjoy Netflix.

The idea of Magnus lost and alone in the apartment was weighing on his mind though. Enjoying the misery of Lost's characters wasn't his mind's priorities.

The episode finished and the credits rolled. It was nearly 11 and Alec had training in the morning, which required at least 6 hours of sleep. Magnus was still missing. Alec set his phone aside and tried to fall asleep. 

His mind replayed their fight over and over again.

Sleep wasn't going to come with Magnus being right next to him. 

The bed felt too big-- too lonely-- he was too cold, and sleep just wasn't going to come.

Just as cautiously as he had inspected the bedroom, Alec looked out into the hall before actually stepping inside.

It was empty and the rest of the house was silent.

Alec spent a few minutes wandering the living room and kitchen before checking Magnus' office, which was also empty. Something was bubbling and steaming while glowing an iridescent blue in the corner. Alec knew better than to ask or touch.

That only left the various and seldom-used rooms. Or Magnus had left the apartment entirely.

Alec didn't know which worried him more: the idea of Magnus wandering the streets of New York or him bunkering down in one of the rooms they never used. The ones the accumulated cobwebs and dirt faster than a hoarder accumulated trash.

One by one, he went down the main hallway, checking the rooms for signs of life.

Of these mostly deserted rooms, the green one at the very end was the one Alec liked the most. It had a large window that over looked the city and it was various shades of gray, rather than the rest of the apartment's bright, showy colors.

He felt a sudden rush of gratefulness to the room when he saw Magnus' figure laying in the bed.

Of course he would pick this room. 

Besides the dreariness of the colors (perfect for wallowing in self-pity), Alec had slept in this bed for at least a month when he first started seeing Magnus.

Fighting and egos aside, Alec crept into the room, climbing under the covers.

He didn't stop moving until he was right up against Magnus, wrapping his arms around him.

"I'm sorry," Alec whispered.

Magnus tilted his head in a feeble attempt to see Alec.

"Me too," he said, softly. His voice was hoarse.

Crying Magnus was traumatizing to Alec. Why did they waste time on stupid stuff like this? 

"I love you," Alec said, burying his face in the nape of Magnus' neck.

"And I you, Alexander," Magnus said, a gratefulness in his voice.

They fell asleep in the grey room that night, no longer angry at one another.


	31. True Bliss Equals Guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Alec's having an affair.
> 
> AH!AU

Alec didn't believe in fate.

He believed in coincidences, divided into two categories: fortunate coincidences and unfortunate coincidences.

Maybe it'd be different if he was less statistical and more philosophical.

But he'd excelled through all the stats classes Harvard had to offer and failed the one philosophy class he attempted to take.

Magnus Bane was a fortunate coincidence that made his life incredibly difficult.

Magnus was supposed to be just a business associate turned family friend after a few years of dealing with the great stock broker, Robert Lightwood.

They met during Magnus' first unofficial visit to the Lightwood house, an old mental institute turned regal manor.

"Give him a tour," Robert said, clapping his son on the back and pushing him only slightly towards Magnus.

He was hoping for some long-lasting business friendship between his eldest son and the CEO of one of the largest banks in New York City. Magnus was the only kind of friend his father would ever approve of.

So as dinner was being prepared and his parents socialized with their other dinner guests, Alec showed Magnus around the house.

Ending up in Alec's room when the power went out was the first of the night's fortunate coincidences.

The lights went out in an instant, plunging the room into darkness.

One of the downfalls to living in an old asylum was the lack of windows. That was the summer before his father spent a fortune putting them in. 

"Don't move," Alec and Magnus said together.

The light from Magnus' Blackberry was the first thing Alec saw.

Alec was frozen in the middle of the room while Magnus was still by the door.

Alec followed in suit, pulling out his own phone and shining the light at the floor.

A text popped up from his father.

Robert: Stay wherever you are. Entertain Mr. Bane please. Be personable!

It was the same reminder every time Alec ended up with a dignitary or business partner in his presence.

"We're supposed to stay in here," Alec said. 

"There are worse things," Magnus said, his words drawing out, looking around the room by light of the Blackberry.

Alec was suddenly conscious of the lack of decoration in his room-- the lack of excitement.

"So," Magnus sighed, walking towards Alec's bed.

"So?"

"We're stuck here until the lights come on. We might as well talk," Magnus said.

So they conversed awkwardly for awhile, Alec standing and Magnus sitting on the bed Alec had been sleeping in since he was too big for a little twin sized bed.

Magnus was a natural conversationalist; Alec was not, making the conversation entirely one-sided.

Question, yes.

Another question, no.

Another question, I guess.

Another question, yeah.

And Alec wasn't sure how he ended up sitting next to Magnus on his bed. He wasn't sure how the conversation turned to his personal life, or lack there of.

He definitely had no idea how Magnus ended up kissing him or even being attracted to him in the first place.

But it happened.

Once.

Twice.

Then it was one long, continuous, untraceable string of kisses that Alec was incredibly in love with.

When the lights came back on, so did reality. And then they were business partners and family friends again and leaving Alec's room with no acknowledgement of the bliss they had both just experienced.

Dinner was beyond awkward.

But they ended up at dinner party after dinner party together and they were stealing kisses from one another any time they could sneak away.

They didn't speak, they didn't really know each other.

And Magnus had no idea Alec was engaged until Lydia made an appearance at a party one night. 

She was the mysterious kind; staying hidden in her house so that when she did decide to go to a party or a club, she was noticed. But she wasn't an egomaniac; she was reserved and respectful, never demanding attention, only respect. Alec could give her that.

Lydia was gorgeous and powerful, everything his dad needed to approve the arranged marriage. Alec just had to act like he loved her. Her naturally shy manner made her easy to get along with and easy to interact with.

And Alec had gotten good at acting over the years; lying was just as easy as speaking now.

But he wasn't ready for Magnus when he walked in the door and saw Alec and Lydia holding hands.

The way his face dropped for just a second before regaining it's composure and smug grin. Even then it looked broken.

And Alec felt horrible. He hadn't necessarily lied but Lydia's existence and significance in his life wasn't something he should have kept from Magnus. 

They weren't really friends or really lovers-- they only spoke in public and then the conversation was official and business-- where could engagement status fit into those conversations?

Alec knew better than to chase after Magnus while they were still attending the dinner party.

But he was standing on Magnus' front steps two hours after the party had let out, apologizing profusely.

"--and I'm an idiot," Alec finished. Magnus crossed his arms tighter across his chest, still looking broken and hurt.

"I know that," Magnus said. "I mean a girlfriend--?"

"Fiancee," Alec corrected, dropping his head.

He barely saw the door closing in his face. But he reacted in time, sticking his foot in the door, only to hear a sickening crack as a toe in his right foot broke. 

Magnus threw the door open again, apologizing just as fervently as Alec had. He grabbed Alec's hand, pulling him into the spacious apartment.

Alec instantly felt a sense of loneliness. It was such a big space for one person. How Magnus could stand it, Alec didn't understand, and he was someone who enjoyed solitude.

The next few minutes were another blur of events; Magnus pulling Alec's jacket off, Alec sitting on his bathroom counter while Magnus inspecting the broken toe, and together, trying to figure out how splint a broken toe with help from Google.

"How could you not tell me?" Magnus asked as Alec leaned against the wall, legs stretched across the bathroom sink and onto the other side. Magnus sat at his feet, one wrapped in white bandages, cross-legged.

"I couldn't find an appropriate place to tell you I was engaged," Alec said.

"Do you even love her, Alec?" Magnus asked, his eyes and words desperate for Alec to say no.

"I wake up every morning and tell myself I am," Alec said. "But it's all a charade."

Magnus nodded, but he still looked sad.

"I wish you weren't engaged," Magnus said. "But you are. And I can't just keep doing what we were doing knowing that."

Alec's heart dropped. 

"Lydia was always business," Alec said. "You were always personal."

"You should never lie to someone about love," Magnus said. "You can't marry this girl if you don't love her. You're robbing her of her happiness."

"I can love her-- I have to love her," Alec said.

"Then is that really love?"

Alec hated Magnus at that moment, for making him realize the reality of it all.

But they were both lying to themselves.

Magnus wouldn't leave Alec alone.

Alec wouldn't let Lydia go.

Business was business and pleasure was pleasure.

Lines weren't allowed to blur.

........

Alec opened the door to the bedroom, emerging from the bathroom surrounded by a cloud of steam.

He was trying to towel dry his hair and make it look like he had been on a flight from Japan for the last 18 hours, rather than in bed with Magnus.

"Good morning," Magnus said, looking up from his phone and tossing it aside.

"Morning," Alec said, doing up the last couple of buttons of his shirt. "Are you going to Lydia's party tonight?"

"So I can watch you act like you're in love with her? No thank you."

Alec could take Magnus' occasional comments, but not at this hour, and not without coffee.

"Why are you pissed at me?" Alec asked, exacerbated. 

"Here's the secret, my dear: I'm always a little pissed at you," Magnus said.

It hurt but Alec tried to play it off, by collapsing on the bed next to Magnus, ruining the perfectly-ironed creases in his shirt.

"I'm sorry," Alec whispered, his lips just millimeters from Magnus'. "Give me twenty seconds and I can promise you won't be as mad."

"There's nothing you can do in twenty seconds--"

Alec put everything he had into one kiss, leaving Magnus gasping for air afterwards but still pulling Alec back for more.

"I have to go," Alec laughed, turning his face away from Magnus.

"I'm serious though," Magnus said, catching his wrist, their last bit of physical contact for what would probably be a long while.

"About what?" Alec asked, still coming off the high of the kiss.

"How can you continue to live like this?"

Alec's face dropped.

"You've got to do something," Magnus said.

"I can't," Alec said. How many times had they had this argument? But Alec had to give him credit-- Magnus hadn't brought it up in a month or so.

The business needed this marriage. The family needed this marriage.

Magnus let go of Alec's hand, looking for his phone among the covers again.

Alec took his leave, snatching up his shoulder bag and little carry-on suitcase on the way out.

He hated leaving on that note.

You: I love you. I do. But my family needs this.

Magnus: I love you too. I wish they didn't.

Alec deleted the two messages, following the protocol they had so firmly established to keep the affair a secret.

His phone starting ringing, a picture of Lydia appearing on the screen.

"Good morning," Alec said, trying to sound cheery. "And happy birthday."

"Oh, thank you," she said, her voice chiming with laughter. "Your flight landed?"

"Yes--" Alec said. "I'm getting in the car now--"

He was, in fact, hailing a cab, just not outside the airport, like Lydia believed.

"Well, it's a disaster here," Lydia sighed. "The catering place had a power outage--"

Alec's mind flashed to the first night.

The fortunate coincidence.

"--so they weren't able to cook but your mother has called in the kitchen staff to work over time, bless their hearts."

"So the day is saved?" Alec asked, trying to sound interested. He put the phone against his chest as he gave the cabbie directions to the house.

"--though I do wonder if more people will come than planned."

"I'd plan on that," Alec said.

"Anyways, I won't bore you with more details," Lydia said. "I just wanted to make sure your plane landed."

"It did indeed," Alec sighed, settling into the back of the cab.

"Then I'll see you soon."

"Yes," Alec said.

"I love you."

And it teared him apart to repeat the words that didn't mean anything to him when spoken to Lydia.

But he did it anyways.

For the family.

For the business.

.........

Alec got out of the cab, luggage in tow.

Caterers, servers, and floral arrangers were coming in and out of the front door so fast, Alec could barely make it inside without being run over.

Lydia was directing human traffic, clipboard in hand.

Alec went straight to her, kissing her cheek and trying to steal a peek at the clipboard.

"You're back," she said, beaming up at him. She was so devoted-- so loving.

Why was the guilt eating him alive more than usual?

"Why did I think having a big party was a good idea?" she grumbled.

"25 is a milestone," Alec guessed. "You should celebrate. Besides, the asylum hasn't seen a party in weeks."

"You shouldn't call it that," Lydia said, glaring at him now. "It makes it seem haunted."

"It is haunted," Alec laughed, taking his stuff upstairs. "Haven't you ever seen the patient roaming the third floor?"

"Alec!" Lydia half-shrieked, half-laughed.

The bantering and laughing came simply; his siblings had encouraged that. 

He was worried about everything else: the lifetime of love and devotion, when their relationship became more than pecks on the cheeks and kisses goodnight, and trying to lie his way out of the house to see Magnus. If Magnus still wanted him.

He was disgusted with himself.

It all swelled up on him as he closed the door to his bedroom.

His phone vibrated in his pocket as he put away the items in the carry-on and put his laptop back on his desk.

Magnus: I was an asshole this morning. Forgive me?

Alec: Assholes are usually brutally honest. Which is what makes them assholes. But you were being honest. I can't hate you for that. I can hate your execution BUT I can't hate you.

Magnus: I think that makes me feel better.

Alec: Are you sure you won't come tonight?

Magnus: Sorry, but I haven't changed my mind on that.

Alec put his phone away, falling back on his bed.

There was a knock at the door and one of the maids came in, leaving a suit in her silent wake.

Alec felt less prepared than Lydia for tonight.

........

Alec stuck to Lydia's side, more afraid of the massive amount of strangers in his house than he was her adoration. 

That was until he caught of a glimpse of Magnus ascending the stairs to the second floor, off limits for most of the party goers.

"Excuse me," he said, taking Lydia's hand off his arm, and leaving her behind with some government official his father was probably bribing.

He followed Magnus, moving as fast as he could.

He had been certain it was him.

Unless he was seeing things now.

That was entirely possible.

Magnus would go straight for his room and that's where Alec went, opening the door carefully, only to be pulled in recklessly by Magnus.

"Shh," Magnus hummed as Alec let out a cry against his lips.

"What are you doing here?" Alec asked as Magnus played with the front of Alec's shirt.

"I may have gotten drunk but I'm like 38% sure that's completely irrelevant."

"You what--?!"

"My Sunday wasn't very productive," Magnus said. "And I was mad at you and hell, do I need a reason to get drunk? Oh, and I've been called to LA."

"LA?" Alec batted Magnus' hands away. He didn't need to come out of his room looking suspicious.

"Business," Magnus said. 

"Are you sure you're not breaking up with me?"

"We're not even dating," Magnus laughed bitterly.

"You are so infuriating!" Alec shouted. "I get it! Stop throwing it back in my face!"

"Oh, are we yelling now?" Magnus asked. Alec flipped on the light then pushed Magnus away from him. 

"You're such a child," Magnus scoffed.

Alec paced around Magnus who just stood, swaying slightly.

"Did you drive here?" Alec asked.

"Concerned about my personal safety now?"

"Stop it!"

Magnus pressed his lips together in a hard line. 

"No," Magnus said. "I took a cab."

"Good, then you can take one back."

Magnus rolled his eyes.

And Alec had to say the words he dreaded.

"And I don't think we should each other," Alec said, the words running together as he rushed to say them. If he didn't say them fast, he might not say it at all.

Magnus' eyes went wide.

"You're joking."

"I can't deal with the stress," Alec said, only partially a lie. The stress would remain. Magnus was his stress-reliever. But now he was kicking him to the curb and Alec would be left with. . . more stress.

"Okay, that's a new one," Magnus laughed, digging his toe into the floor and twisting. "Just don't show back up at my doorstep, Alec. The whole on and off again thing is just exhausting."

"I hate you," Alec mumbled.

"What was that?" Magnus asked. "Sometimes you act like a child, my dear. It's so not attractive."

"I'm 27!"

"Well maybe you should start acting like it. Maybe start with coming out to your parents and breaking it off with that oblivious little girl." Magnus waved his hand flippantly.

"Get out," Alec ordered, pointing towards the door behind him. He was a few feet from Magnus now.

"You don't really want that," Magnus said, a challenge in his eyes. "You want me."

"You're drunk."

"And you're indecisive," Magnus pointed out.

And as much as Alec wanted to strangle him in that moment, Magnus served as his conscious, the speaker for what his heart really wanted, casting his brain and logical reasoning aside.

"Why do you get mad at me and then encourage me to keep coming back to you?" Alec asked softly.

"I'm drunk," Magnus whined. "I don't know. I love you and I want you but I want all of you. Not just secret visits in the middle of the night."

Magnus stared up at him with eyes that demanded an answer here and now.

Was he going to end things with Lydia or Magnus? Because he could only have one or the other this time and Magnus wasn't leaving without an answer.

"I don't know," Alec said, on the verge of tears. 

"Your family will go on without Lydia," Magnus said. And maybe he had a point. 

But that one point sparked a dozen other arguments in Alec's head, all of which were leaning in Magnus' favor.

Then Alec was kissing Magnus, plain and simple, until Lydia walked in.

Everyone was frozen in time, looks of horror on their face.

But Lydia was the first to regain her composure.

"I didn't realize," she said, tensing up.

Alec stumbled for words and apologies.

"No, no," she said, dismissing him with a hand. He stopped trying. "I'm sorry I didn't see this sooner. Alec, you don't love me, do you?"

"You're an ama--"

"That's what I thought," Lyda said plainly. "Well, I won't marry you. I'm calling the engagement off tomorrow. I'll call your father and give him an excuse, not the truth of course. A month from now you'll come out as gay, presuming you haven't already, and then in a few months you'll announce your engagement to one another. Your father will be thrilled. Magnus is a better match than I am."

Her shoulders dropped as she finished her plan.

"What are you telling my father?" Alec asked.

"I'll tell him I'm not interested," she said. "I'll tell him I'm not ready for marriage and then I'll disappear for awhile and travel, which sounds quite nice at the moment."

"Lydia, I'm sorry," Alec said. And he meant it with every fiber of his being.

"I just wish you would have told me sooner," she said, smiling out of pity for Alec. "I hope everything else goes well for you. In the mean time, I'm due back downstairs."

She turned and left.

Alec looked back at Magnus after a few moments. Alec was worried for the future and he knew his eyes were trying to tell Magnus that.

Magnus, on the other hand, was grinning like the drunk fool that he was.

"That's a way to do it."


	32. The Fallback Marriage Pact

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Magnus and Alec make plans.

**AH!AU**

**2:31 am- Alec: He broke up with me.**

Alec had sent the text out of the pure loneliness that comes with the first 24 hours of heartbreak.

The feeling that you might never be whole again. That that one person was the one. That you let them get by and they might never come back.

Had he really broken up with him, or had Alec broken up with him? It might've been easier to say it was mutual. He was at fault though, not Alec. His lack of commitment and seriousness. They were seniors in college, two months away from graduation and he had no plans for his future employment, let alone his relationship status. 

That was the basis of Alec's argument. 

He claimed that Alec was too serious ("lighten up a bit; you're 22, not 47!"). Making idle promises about "together forever" weren't going to come out of his mouth.

Sebastian Morgenstern: the boy that broke Alec's heart after four years of serious dating.

He'd wasted his college years on Sebastian, and Sebastian alone. And now he was left with nothing to show for it but a phone of texts (I love you. Forever. Always. My Alec.) and a couple of Valentine's Day gifts, all of the inside jokes that Alec would never be able to explain to anyone else.

Alec wasn't expecting a response at such an outrageous hour, but he had to tell someone who wouldn't immediately judge him or say "I told you so."

Sebastian wasn't the ideal boyfriend.

But he had been Alec's, and Alec's alone. The idea that they would both probably move onto bigger things and better people hurt Alec. He wanted to go back in time. Back to a week ago when things had been normal.

**2:34 am- Magnus: I'll be there in thirty minutes.**

Alec knew better than to protest. Best friends didn't like the word "no."

Especially not Magnus, in all his outlandish glory. Limits were set for other people; not him. 

Alec looked around his tiny apartment. $560 a month got him a twenty-by-twenty living space complete with mini-kitchen, full bathroom, and "free" cable and WiFi. It just about fit a tiny dining table and two chairs, a two-seater couch, a desk, and his little twin-sized bed. Even then it was cramped but it was home.

And home was currently decently clean, with the exception of a shattered glass on the floor, courtesy of Alec's klutziness.

He'd spent most of the night in bed, admittedly sobbing, and now he looked like hell.

And didn't care. 

He didn't bother to make an attempt to look decent. He couldn't find it in himself to stand up until Magnus was knocking at the door.

Alec answered, peeking his head out first.

Magnus was in his pajamas: blue sweatpants covered in rubber ducks and a grey t-shirt that said Harvard Law.

When the ratios of Daytime-Magnus' attractiveness to Nighttime-Magnus' attractiveness were compared to Alec's Daytime and Nighttime attractiveness, Magnus looked much worse than Alec did.

"Hi," Magnus said, raising a massive plastic shopping bag, the kind Walmart saved for Christmas shopping sprees and microwaves.

"What is that?" Alec asked. He sounded horrible though, his throat dry from crying.

"Let me in and I'll tell you."

Alec stepped back and Magnus entered, immediately heading for the kitchen. He dropped the heavy bag on the counter where it landed with a thud. He started rummaging through the drawers until he found two of Alec's largest metal spoons.

"What--"

Magnus pulled the plastic bag down, reveal a large pile of ice cream-- at least fifteen different cartons of all different brands and flavors.

"Ice cream alleviates the pain of breakups," Magnus said. "It's scientifically proven."

"How many did you buy?" Alec asked, stepping up to inspect the flavors.

"Sixteen different kinds," Magnus boasted. "What's that?"

Alec turned back. Magnus had caught a glimpse of the shards of glass, sitting in a pool of water.

"I-- I dropped that earlier," Alec stuttered.

"I got it," Magnus said. "Pick whatever you want and start eating."

"Thank you," Alec said. Magnus nodded, pulling Alec's broom out of the coat closet. Alec inspected the dizzying array of flavor choices.

Triple Chocolate. Deluxe Vanilla. Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough. Banana Split. Coffee Toffee Bar Crunch.

Alec pulled three cartons out and took one of the spoons Magnus had set on the counter and retreated back to his blanket nest on his bed, burying himself back inside. He took the lid off the Phish Food, and started eating spoonfuls.

Something about brain freezes and overly-sweet ice cream was soothing. 

Magnus had joined him soon enough sitting on the edge of his bed, cross-legged, facing him, with Moose Tracks in his lap.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Magnus asked, through a mouthful of ice cream.

"I just hate the fact that he wasted four years of my life," Alec said. "And it just amounted to nothing! Like why would he waste all of our time if he wasn't serious about it?"

"Some people just aren't as mature as others," Magnus said. "And he is obviously still stuck in middle school."

Alec smiled, setting the Phish Food aside and prying the lid off the Raspberry Fudge. 

"But he broke up with you?" Magnus asked.

"He said he didn't want to get serious and he was tired of me pushing him about it," Alec said. 

"So he got mad at you because you were trying to figure out what he wanted?"

"Exactly," Alec said.

"I've always said he was an asshole," Magnus said.

"What?" Alec asked, the blankets dropping off his head and gathering at his shoulders.

"Well I never told you that," Magnus said. "But I never liked him. You deserved better."

"I didn't know there was better than Seb," Alec sighed.

"There is," Magnus said. "There's someone out there for you, Alec. And if it's not Sebastian, then that's his problem, not yours."

"And if I don't find someone?" Alec asked.

"Then you always have me," Magnus said with a shrug. Alec tilted his head to the side. "Ever seen Friends or How I Met Your Mother?"

"Yes-- both," Alec said.

"The Fallback Marriage Pact," Magnus said, gesturing with his spoon. "In Friends, Rachel is Ross' fallback wife and Phoebe is Joey's and Monica is Chandler's because, duh, that's how it works in TV comedy."

"Are you suggesting we become each other's fallback?" Alec asked.

"Exactly," Magnus said. 

Alec took a slow bite of Triple Extreme Fudge Explosion, his third ice cream choice.

"Why not?" Alec shrugged. "You're not particularly horrible."

"Thank you," Magnus said, smiling sarcastically. Alec matched the smile, sticking the spoon in his mouth.

He reached across the bed, stealing a spoonful Magnus' Cherry Garcia, never breaking eye contact with Magnus.

"So when does our Pact come into play?" Alec asked.

"Well, the average person is out of their prime by thirty--"

"You're just full of science tonight," Alec commented.

"--and I'd hate to have a wedding outside of my prime--"

"You're so full of it," Alec laughed.

"Okay," Magnus said, mustering a semi-serious face. "Seven years from this date exactly."

"So April 29th, 2019," Alec said. "Then what?"

"We meet outside this apartment," Magnus said. "But do not show up if you are in any sort of committed relationship of any sort."

"What time?" Alec asked.

"Dear Lord, you think of everything," Magnus said, running his fingers back through his hair. Alec smiled. "Okay, so 3:24 pm."

Alec glanced at the clock. It was 3:24 am.

"Deal," Alec said, sticking out his hand. Magnus shook it.

"Now keep bitching about Sebastian," Magnus said, waving his spoon in Alec's direction.

And he didn't stop until 6 in the morning, when Magnus finally noticed that it was light outside.

"I'm guessing we're missing our morning classes," Magnus said, rubbing his stomach full of ice cream with one hand and stretching out his other arm. 

"I'd agree," Alec said.

Cartons of ice cream had piled up on the floor around Alec. 

"Okay, move over," Magnus said, crawling towards the head of the bed.

"What--"

Magnus was under Alec's blankets in a second, squeezing in next to him on the bed.

They turned on their sides, facing one another. 

"One kiss for posterity?" Alec offered.

Magnus nodded. Alec leaned forward, pressing his lips against Magnus'.

It was entirely different from kissing Sebastian. Those had always been greedy and eager, even when they were trying to take it slow. With Magnus it was more like giving-- soft and careful.

When Alec laid back, Magnus' eyes stayed closed until he fell asleep.

Alec watched him for awhile.

The beginning of the Fallback Marriage Pact.

.........

Thirty-two preschoolers converged on Magnus, gathering around his throne (ie the rolling chair). He held the story book aloft in his hands.

"This, my little biscuits, is The Hare and the Tortoise. Who knows what a tortoise is?" Magnus asked.

"A turtle!" Lily, the brightest of them all, shouted.

"Don't forget to raise your hand, Lily, but you are right!" Magnus said. "And what's a hare?"

Ella raised her hand and gave the correct answer.

"So the rabbit and the turtle," Magnus said. "Once upon a time there was a race in the forest to see who was fastest-- the tortoise or the hare. The hare was so sure that he was going to win because he was the fastest bunny in the entire forest. Surely, he could be a slow and old turtle. They lined up at the starting line and the rabbit looked at the turtle and asked, 'Do you ever get anywhere?' The turtle frowned and said, 'Yes and I get there faster than you think.' The rabbit laughed and got ready to run. The owl counted down-- 'Three, two, one, go!' and the rabbit took off running and the little turtle crawled on, slowly. The forest animals cheered the turtle on but he still couldn't catch up to the rabbit. Half way down, the rabbit stopped to rest, knowing the turtle could never beat him. He laid down in the grass and fell asleep. Meanwhile, the turtle kept going and the rabbit kept sleeping. And the turtle eventually passed the rabbit. And he kept going. The rabbit didn't wake up until the tortoise was near the end. And no matter how fast the rabbit ran, he couldn't beat the tortoise when he crossed the finish line. The end."

Magnus slammed the book shut.

Maybe he wasn't the best preschool teacher. 

That was the point when he was supposed to go over the moral of the story. But why ruin the illusion of turtles faster than rabbits for them?

The four year olds stared up at him with wide eyes.

Just then, the bell rang and they scrambled to their feet, running to their desks and grabbing their backpacks.

There was a chorus of "Goodbye, Mr. Bane!"

And then the room was silent. 

It was Spring Break now.

Spring Break 2019. It was April 26th today. 

Which meant Magnus had a weekend to decide.

.........

It was the early morning of April 27th.

Alec rolled over, staring at a pale face, lit by early morning sunlight coming in from their east-facing window.

Alec longed to touch him but he was such a light sleeper, it would wake him up.

"You were a mistake," Alec whispered, saying the words he had thought every morning for the last year out loud for the first time. They burned his lips. It was sacrilege to say such a horrible thing with the same lips that said "I love you."

But Sebastian didn't move. He hadn't heard a thing.

The 29th was coming too fast and he had to decide again.

.......

"So are you going or not?" Cat asked, throwing her empty glass down on the counter. She'd been trying to get an answer out of Magnus all night.

"I haven't decided," Magnus said. "I'll decide at 3:23 pm tomorrow."

"No!" Cat said. "Look, the Pact specifically states that if you're single you have to meet up."

"But what if he doesn't show up?" Magnus asked, miserably. It was his biggest fear: knowing Alec had moved on.

Raphael growled on the other side of him, "Dios mío, crecer un par."

"Hey, asshole, I can speak Spanish too," Magnus retorted. Raphael gave him a sarcastic grin and eyebrow raise.

"Magnus, just go," Cat said. "What's the worst that could happen?"

Alec not being there.

........

Alec's eyes stared at the TV screen but he wasn't watching. And Sebastian noticed.

"What's on your mind?" Sebastian asked, wrapping an arm around Alec's shoulders. The touch pulled Alec back into reality.

The Fallback Marriage Pact. 

"Nothing."

Technically, this was a committed relationship.

"Liar," Sebastian said. 

"Magnus Bane," Alec said. "Do you remember him?"

"What about him is making you think so hard?" Sebastian asked. Alec turned his head, looking over at Sebastian, his stark white hair and eyes with a color that couldn't really be described. Those eyes were staring him down with a particularly needy lust.

Alec shook his head, trying to throw Sebastian off his train of thoughts.

"Did you find him on Facebook or something?" Sebastian asked. He momentarily tore his gaze away from Alec to mute the TV, the colors still flashing on their faces.

"No one uses Facebook anymore, Seb," Alec said.

"Then what?"

"I was just thinking, okay? Just a random thought."

"He was your best friend," Sebastian said. Those eyes studied Alec intensely, as if they could just peel away at every layer until he finally found Alec's secrets buried deep within.

"Yes. . ."

"Did you just lose contact with him?"

It didn't just happen. It was done on purpose after graduation, so that if they did end up meeting tomorrow, they'd have something to talk about. 7 years of unknown time to review with one another.

"I guess," Alec sighed.

"Well, find him somehow. I'm betting he's still in the city. I wouldn't mind seeing what happened to him."

Sebastian put a hand on Alec's chest, kissing him in hopes of distracting him from Magnus Bane.

Sebastian had only ever seen Magnus as contest to his prize: Alexander Lightwood.

His hand slid down Alec's front until it was at the hem of his ratty sweater, fingertips playing against his stomach.

"Sebastian!" The cry came out more like an airy whisper as Alec jumped to his feet.

"What--"

"I can't," Alec said, straightening his shirt. "I can't do this."

"What are you talking about?"

"This-- us-- I can't do it again."

"Are you talking about college? 'lec I made a mistake, and I apologized profusely. I was young, stupid. Haven't you learned that by now? I've changed. We've changed," Sebastian insisted.

"I still can't," Alec sighed.

"This is about Magnus Bane," Sebastian sighed, crossing his arms. Anger didn't appear on Sebastian's face-- it never did. He went stone-cold, hiding his emotions behind a well-constructed mask.

"A little," Alec said. "But it's more to do with the fact that I can't picture us twenty years from now."

"But you can picture yourself with Magnus Bane," Sebastian laughed. "Please, 'lec." It was dripping with sarcasm. "You couldn't last a day with him."

Alec shook his head but didn't move.

Sebastian lounged back into the couch, settling in for an argument, daring Alec to make his case because he would always make a better comeback. A smug grin appeared on his face.

"This-- this is what I'm talking about," Alec said, gesturing to his lazy, uncaring posture and sarcastic smile.

"Oh dear." Sebastian rolled his eyes theatrically.

"Tell me you love me," Alec said. "Tell me you love me and I'll stay."

"I've told you that countless times," Sebastian said, standing up.

"Tell me right now."

"I love you," Sebastian shrugged as he waltzed over to Alec.

"You don't mean it," Alec said, his own words hurting himself more than they hurt Sebastian.

"Alec, how would you know?" Sebastian asked. "You've only ever dated me."

That's when Alec slapped him.

Sebastian's face turned with the blow and then his furious eyes shot back at Alec, who under most circumstances would be profusely apologizing after slapping someone. But Sebastian had treated him too bad for too long.

Yet, he had a point. Sebastian was all he had really ever known.

"Get your stuff and go."

Sebastian's eyes widened, his cheek an angry red. But his words were the blow that hurt the most. Alec was serious this time.

But he walked into the bedroom. Alec could barely stand any longer. He walked into the kitchen, much bigger than the tiny one from seven years ago, pouring himself a glass of water.

Sebastian was back out a minute later, a backpack slung over his shoulder.

"I'll be around when you decide to come back," Sebastian said, watching Alec shake.

I'm never going back to you.

.........

Alec stared up at his old apartment building-- his old home. Nothing had changed really. It was still the same decaying pile of bricks and concrete.

Only now, it was symbolic of his college years. And it would stand for something new in 25 minutes.

It was 2:59 pm, and Alec was early as usually.

Magnus wasn't technically late, but Alec had expected him to be just slightly more on-time.

But he might not come at all.

.........

Magnus shot up in bed, head instantly turning to face the clock.

"No---"

It was 3:00 exactly.

He jumped off the couch-- the couch that wasn't even his (why was he in Raphael's apartment?)-- and was instantly hit with a splitting headache.

"No," Magnus groaned. He had 24 minutes to make it to Alec's old apartment, a few blocks away.

He'd have no time to change and he definitely wouldn't make it in time if he took the subway.

He'd have to run.

.......

It was 3:19 now and Alec was glancing at his phone every seven seconds. 

What was he expecting? A call or a text from Magnus?

His screen remained empty though, a picture of Alec beaming beside Sebastian in some dark bar. It had been taken by a friend and they had gotten Sebastian to crack a grin. 

But Seb was gone now. Out of his life. 

Alec unlocked his phone, scrolling through his gallery, deleting pictures as he went until his phone was free of Sebastian and 153 photos. He deleted texts, Sebastian's contact (though his phone number was memorized), and all of the dates in his calendar that had anything to do with the white-haired man. 

He didn't stop until 3:25.

When he looked up at his phone and found a deserted street and abandoned all hope.

.........

Magnus hadn't run a mile since 9th grade gym. 

His current regret was not exercising more. 

His next regret was ever drinking last night. 

He was hungover, the world was dizzy, and Alec could be alone in front of his old apartment, thinking Magnus had moved on.

But he hadn't.

The Fallback Marriage Pact was the one thing that gave him hope and life and now it was crumbling in front of him. 

Literally, two blocks in front of him.

........

He was going to wait a few more minutes.

Things happened, people ran late.

A college student was approaching from down the street. Alec awkwardly started walking away from the building, hoping the student wouldn't think he was loitering.

The kid went inside, staring at Alec as he went, and Alec took his post back, glancing at the time on his phone. 

3:34 pm. 

Ten minutes late. Too late.

Alec had thrown Sebastian to the curb for this. For nothing.

And suddenly, he was opening his text messages, starting a new conversation with a number he had memorized off of a food court napkin eleven years earlier.

**Alec: I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said what I said last night and I**

That was the end of the draft. Someone was sprinting full speed at him, throwing their arms around him, making him drop his phone.

Magnus.

"I am so sorry--" Magnus mumbled profusely, finally stepping back from Alec. "I overslept and I know that sounds careless--"

"You're here," Alec sighed. He was here.

"Of course," Magnus smiled. 

Magnus currently looked like a mess, but Alec guessed that had something to do with the oversleeping story.

"I missed you," Alec said. Magnus pushed his hair back, obviously trying to contain a smile. 

"I missed you so much," Magnus said, still winded from running. He put a hand on Alec's cheek. Relief was a like a drug; mind-numbing yet blissful.

Alec kissed Magnus, the second kiss as sweet as the first, years ago. Magnus lost his breath for the second time, never having regained back the first.

"Dinner?" Alec breathed, his forehead pressed Magnus'.

"More like breakfast for me, but that sounds excellent," Magnus said. He stole a kiss from Alec again. He'd waited seven years for this and felt no remorse.

"I feel like you have a story for me," Alec said, their fingers interlocking as they started their walk to an undecided upon restaurant.

"I have thousands of stories, Alexander."

That's when Alec froze. He could have thousands of stories too.

But Sebastian was bound to come up.

"What is it?" Magnus asked. Horrible scenarios ran through his head.

"I got back with Sebastian-- please don't hate me."

Magnus was frozen at the thought. Why would you go back to someone like him?

"You--"

"--broke up with him," Alec said, "this morning."

"Then that's all that matters right?" Magnus asked. He tried to put on his happy facade again but neither of them bought it.

"You're pissed," Alec concluded as they still stood on a street corner, staring at one another.

"I just thought you'd be smarter than to go back to him," Magnus said, shrugging helplessly. 

"I needed someone."

"If you had called, I would have answered."

"I-- I figured you'd be with someone else."

"There were a few but it was always you, Alec," Magnus said. "I mean, come on. I had a massive crush on you throughout college."

"Why didn't you--"

"I didn't want you to think I was taking advantage of you. The whole pact seemed like a great idea but now it was a waste of perfectly good years. And you spent them on Sebastard," Magnus confessed. "And I wish I would have just told you all of this years ago so we wouldn't have to do this now, on a street corner, me hungover and you post-relationship."

"I know," Alec sighed.

"I'm done wasting time though," Magnus said, slowly, "if you are."

"Definitely," Alec said.

And so they kissed for the third time in their short, eleven year history.

**Accepting prompts (please, I beg of you)!**


	33. Film Strips

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which classic movies are a great and endings are not.

He always found endings disappointed. It didn't matter if they were tearjerkers or happily ever afters. Especially the happily ever after. He didn't believe in the reality of them.

Reality was, no one was happy forever. Happiness wasn't something was a constant state of being. Sadness, anger, envy, frustration. How could Cinderella live the rest of her life without those?

Even the disappointing endings were slightly bittersweet. What happened to the comic relief at the end of the film? Would he end up with the girl of his dreams or die alone, a drunkard and a failure?

The sad endings were quite possibly the worst, where no hope was to be found. He almost pointedly avoided those films but they were inevitable. For some awful reason, the Oscars preferred tear-jerkers.

He faithfully attended them all at the old movie theatre he called his second home.

It was an obscure place, the perfect first date for those more interested in ambiance than entertainment. It screamed regal 20's motion pictures, with velvety seats (no obnoxious cupholders) and their tall backs. Curtains adorned the sides of the screen, pulled back with golden tassels that would occasionally catch the light of the film projector, glimmering.

The class of the theatre enhanced the viewing experience. Only the classics were played, carefully selected by the hidden old man who owned the deed to the place. Magnus reviewed them for The New York Times, like a historian recalled and retold the stories of Greece, the Crusades, Napoleonic France, and WWII. He didn't want them to become forgotten. The classics inspired the shit movies of the present.

There were regulars and Magnus was just one of many. Mark was a kid too old for his age, and he always had a different date every week. And he always managed to make it past first base in the top row of the seats. Marie and Carl were British immigrants from the late 40's. Their hearing was shot but they still attended, watching the pictures and recalling the words.

Film students would awkwardly attend occasionally and a stray person might stumble upon Saturday Night Classics but it still had routine feel to it.

Until the black haired boy appeared, late to You Can't Take It With You.

The makings of a regular were intense interest with a relax posture, indicated interest and enjoyment. 

How one could not be both interested and entertained by You Can't Take It With You was beyond Magnus (it was one of his biased favorites). And the man displayed both.

He was back the next week, this time on time to The Best Years of Our Lives, a lesser favorite of Magnus' but still a heart-warming tale about servicemen coming home from WWII.

The credits rolled a little after midnight and everyone stood and stretched as the brighter, but still dim, lights rose. Magnus stretched out grandly, smiling at Marie and Carl who were hobbling out of the theatre.

Mark and his date had packed up and disappeared about half way through, to everyone's relief. She was far too much of a giggler.

The film students trudged out as Magnus gathered his notes.

"Film student?" the black haired man asked.

"Film critic," Magnus corrected.

"For films that are decades old?"

"They're the only ones worth reviewing," Magnus quipped. The boy made an "ah" face and smiled. "Magnus Bane."

"Alexander Lightwood. Everyone calls me Alec though."

"So I'll call you Alexander then." Alexander's smile got a little brighter. "And why are you here?"

"Just to watch," Alexander said.

"That's half the fun," Magnus said.

"And the other half?"

"Nostalgia," Magnus said.

"Are you doing anything-- I mean tonight."

"It's after midnight," Magnus said. "I was planning on sleeping."

If he had stopped there, there would have been a boring ending. It would be abrupt. Pointless.

"But plans change," Magnus added.

"How do you feel about sushi?" Alexander asked.

Magnus disliked sushi, despite never trying it. It was a preconceived notion without any facts to back it up. But he liked Alexander, a sudden notion with no facts or experience to back his fondness up.

"Great," Magnus said.

.......

"It's amazing," Alexander said, pushing a Christmas roll towards the soy sauce pooled in the corner of his plate. "You can go to the same school for four years and never know everyone."

"There's like 25,000 people there," Magnus said. They'd just found out that they'd both graduated from NYU in same year. Different colleges though.

"Not quite," Alexander said.

"My apologies," Magnus said, holding up his hands.

"Like 24,985," Alexander corrected.

"I was off by 15." Magnus smiled as Alexander shrugged.

"It matters," Alexander nodded. He was incredibly time, maybe looking Magnus in the eyes for five seconds max the entire time they had been out.

Magnus wasn't entirely certain of the purpose of a twenty-four hour sushi bar but it didn't surprise him it existed. Now, at nearly one in the morning, they were one of two groups in the entire restaurant.

As for the sushi itself, it was decent. Would he crave it? No. But did he feel the sudden urge to vomit? No.

They'd spent most of their time talking anyways. The conversation was easy and natural, like they had known each other for years but as strangers there was plenty to talk about.

The waiter dropped by their table, setting down two separate checks.

"It's getting late, I suppose," Alexander said, staring down the checks.

"I should go type up my notes," Magnus agreed.

They sighed in sync, pulling out their wallets and setting cards on top of the bill.

The waiter swooped back in, picking them up and moving on.

Now they were silent.

"We should do this again," Magnus offered.

"Maybe next time before the movie?" Alexander asked. Exhaustion had settled on his pallid face.

"Definitely."

They arranged a time and place for next time.

.........

"No! Finding Nemo is a far better movie than Toy Story," Magnus insisted. "There's actual character development--"

"You just admitted you just liked it for Robbie Williams singing 'Somewhere Beyond on the Sea,'" Alexander said, scrunching up his face in a most adorable manner, almost like he was apologizing for Magnus' slip up in words.

"That was before you said Toy Story was better. TOY STORY! I don't know how I even managed to stay awake during that movie," Magnus said.

"Because it's heartwarming--"

"Heartwarming! They're toys--"

"It's coming of age--"

"It's the bane of cinema--"

"Did you just--"

"Possibly," Magnus said, settling back in the cafe booth. Alexander rolled his eyes.

Magnus was infatuated.

It had been a month since the night of sushi. Now Alexander watched the movies beside him, stealing glances at his notes while he wrote, and occasionally brushing his leg. And whether Alexander's flirtation was intentional or not it was possessing Alexander's mind.

"We've got five minutes till fifteen minutes before the show," Alexander said, checking his wrist watch.

Magnus sighed. The theater meant no talking. And after the show was over they'd go their separate ways.

"Let's not go," Magnus proposed.

"What-- but you--"

"I'll just rent Casablanca. Or I'll buy it. Doesn't matter. I'll make you dinner," Magnus said.

"You can cook?" Alexander asked, rudely skeptical.

"I can make two things. Lemon pound cake--" Alexander made a noise of derision, "--and stir fry. And I just bought the stuff to make that." His suspiciousness had grown. "You can't turn me down."

"No, I really can't because you're ditching working so obviously you're serious," Alexander said.

"Excellent."

The taxi stopped outside Magnus' apartment and Alexander insisted he pay the fare.

Magnus didn't argue because they were always good about splitting the bill. After all, it was a friendship, not a relationship.

They climbed the stairs, Alexander following Magnus up the couple of flights of stairs.

As Magnus unlocked the door, Alexander was struggling to catch his breath.

"Workout much?" Magnus asked.

"No," Alexander breathed.

"Those stairs used to kill me too," Magnus said, ushering him inside. His apartment was a modest space, more like an industrial loft than anything with high, cross-beam ceilings and an open concept.

"Can I get you anything?" Magnus offered, tossing his leather jacket onto a coatrack.

"Some water would be fine," Alexander said. Magnus busied himself with that as Alexander showed himself around. Eventually he sat down at the counter and Magnus slid him a cutting board, knife, and pile of vegetables.

Magnus stood on the other side of the counter, with the meat instead of the vegetables.

Sitting next to Alexander would make it harder to see his face. And Magnus was in love with the way his face was so intensely sharp with corners rather than curves. He liked the black of his hair and blue of his eyes against the white of his skin.

The conversation resumed, this time about the White Socks versus the Red ones, something Alexander cared about while Magnus didn't. But he still inserted his two cents that he much preferred red socks to white ones.

That made Alexander laugh, and his laugh made Magnus laugh.

And Magnus decided he was in love.

"Good Will Hunting or Titanic, Magnus?" Alexander was asking, obviously for the second or third time according to his tone.

"Good Will Hunting of course," Magnus said. "I'm a film critic. I'm not allowed to like Titanic."

"That's not true."

"Kinda is," Magnus said. "If I insisted that Titanic, which lacks any super amazing plot line, is better than a movie with actual plot and actually good acting, then I've failed."

"Mm," Alexander hummed. "I'd disagree but. . ." He trailed off with that thought. "I still can't believe you are ditching Saturday Night Classics for stir fry with me."

"There's no one else I'd ditch for so you'd better feel special," Magnus said, waving his knife around. "Are you done?"

Alexander nodded, sliding the cutting board back towards Magnus.

Magnus started heating the oil in the pan, eventually tossing everything in with a ton of soy and teriyaki sauce.

Alexander moved around into the kitchen, sitting on the counter while watching Magnus mixing everything together.

"So where'd you learn how to do this?" Alexander asked.

"My mother," Magnus said, hoping to end the conversation there. Alexander caught on. The sound of hissing oil and frying meat became too loud to talk over.

When everything was perfectly well-done, Magnus dumped it on two plates, hopping onto the counter beside Alexander. They crossed their legs and faced each other.

"Sorry there's no rice," Magnus apologized.

"I can't even boil water so this is excellent," Alexander said with a mouthful of food.

"We're pretty bad adults," Magnus said.

"Well you skipped work--"

"Okay. I just decided to put off my work until, like, tomorrow," Magnus insisted. "I'm fine."

A part of him was worried it might not get done. But the other half of him was just ecstatic that Alexander was here. In his house. On his counter. Sitting across from him. Eating his food.

They spent the rest of the meal in comfortable silence until Alexander finally set his plate aside.

"So where's the lemon pound cake--?"

Magnus leaned forward, half-eaten plate still in his lap, putting a hand on Alexander's face.

Alexander's eyes went unreadable. Magnus was looking for some sign of panic or confusion and got none.

There was nothing.

The blue wasn't lifeless but it wasn't vibrant.

It wasn't indifferent but it wasn't caring.

Alexander crossed the rest of the difference, kissing Magnus with a great degree of awkwardness.

But kissing was as simple as breathing because it was supposed to be natural, a tug of war between you and them where both sides were winning.

Alexander sat back suddenly, breathing just heavy as he had when he came up the stairs.

"I can't breathe," Alexander gasped.

"I'm sorry--"

"No, Magnus, I can't breathe--"

"Are you choking?" Magnus untucked his legs, sliding off the counter. Alexander turned so his legs were dangling over the side. His hands were fumbling for something.

"No, no," Alexander said. His breaths were unnaturally shallow.

"Are you having a heart attack?" Magnus was the only one panicking.

"Phone," Alexander gasped. "Call Izzy."

He got off the counter and Magnus grabbed his phone from where it must have fallen out of his pocket onto the counter.

"You need to sit down," Magnus said, helping over to the couch where Alexander bent over, his head tucked between his knees. Magnus knelt in front of him, scrolling through Alexander's contacts before he found the Izzy.

He dialled and she picked up after two rings.

"What's up, idiot?"

"Um, hi-- I'm--"

"Who is this?"

"I'm with Alexander--"

"Alec? Is he okay?"

"No, he's-- he's not breathing right," Magnus said, putting a hand on Alexander's shoulder. Alexander lifted his head.

"Where are you at?" Izzy demanded.

"Should I be calling an ambulance?" Magnus asked.

"No," Izzy and Alexander said in sync.

"Where are you at?" she asked again.

Magnus rattled off his address.

"Give him coffee," she said. "I'll be there in ten minutes."

"That's it?" Magnus asked.

"It's a natural bronchodilator. Brew it strong and toss a couple ice cubes in there and have him drink it. No cream, no sugar, no matter what he insists," Izzy said. Then she hung up.

Magnus wanted to demand an explanation and had this been someone other than Alexander, who had become his focus for the last month, he might have. Instead, he left Alexander's side and started a very, very strong pot of coffee, and tossed a few ice cubes in the mug.

Five minutes later, he was holding it in front of Alexander.

"I can't," Alexander gasped.

"You have to try," Magnus insisted. Alexander took the cup, taking a sip and wincing.

"Too strong."

"It'll put hair on your chest," Magnus said. "That's what my dad always told me."

The door to Magnus' apartment flew open just then.

"Apparently," the girl said, "your place is closer than I thought."

"You must be Izzy."

"Isabelle, but yes," she said, dropping to her knees in front of Alexander. "You idiot."

"Thank-- you--" he wheezed. She was holding some sort of contraption and opened it up, hooking a series of plastic tubing together and adding some sort of liquid to a chamber in the middle. She attached a mask last, and put it to Alexander's face as she flipped the switch. The machine started roaring and Alexander's shallow breaths became barely audible.

Isabelle's hand was on his shoulder the entire time, and occasionally her other hand would hold the mask up to his face, when his hands slipped.

Isabelle. She looked too much like him for them to be coincidentally dating. Magnus hoped they were siblings.

"And you are?" Isabelle asked, turning around. She looked furious, her eyes such a counter to Alexander's soft ones.

"Magnus Bane," Magnus stuttered. She was unusually intimidating.

"Well, I don't know what you and my brother were doing but you almost killed him. So excellent job."

"Iz," Alexander muttered from underneath the mask. He sat back, his eyes half-closed. Isabelle rose, sitting beside him on the couch.

"You're doing fine," she reassured him. Alexander pulled the mask away from his face.

"Don't yell at him. He didn't know," Alexander said. Isabelle forced the mask back up.

"I'm sorry but what don't I know?" Magnus asked.

Isabelle looked back at Magnus, apologizing with a sorrow smile.

"He's got cancer."

........

Alexander sat back in the couch, trying to avoid Magnus' eyes.

Where Isabelle was upfront and honest, he tried to hide the things that would only bring him pity. He was delusional to think he could have a fairy tale ending with Magnus. But he was only just finally learning that now.

"Cancer," Magnus mumbled.

Alexander knew his thought process, disbelief, shock, then denial, followed by bargaining.

"Oh," was all he ended up saying though.

Alexander pulled the mask of the nebuliser away from his face. The dosage was up and the misty air had turned into the regular stuff.

Isabelle didn't protest this time.

"Magnus, I'm sorry," he said.

"It's not your fault," Magnus said. "Alexander, none of this is your fault."

"This is all incredibly heart-warming," Isabelle chimed in. "But Alec's been an idiot and I'm taking him home."

"Isabelle, please," Alexander begged. "Give us a moment."

"I'll be outside," Isabelle said, snatching the nebuliser up and disappearing out the door.

........

Alexander finally looked him in the eyes, apologizing yet again.

"I'm just mad you didn't tell me," Magnus confessed. "I know we've really on just met but I still expected you to be able to be more honest with me."

"It's not something that's easily slipped into conversation."

"What type?" Magnus asked.

"Acute lymphoblastic leukemia. Very boring, I'm afraid."

"Don't joke," Magnus sighed.

"I had it when I was a kid. The second time around is a little worse," Alexander said.

"You're--"

"--dying, yes," Alexander said. "I have been for the last three months and I'll probably be dying for another three months."

They were both silent. Magnus felt like he couldn't cry or move.

"I know you need to process--"

"Process?" Magnus asked, incredulous. "I need to more than just process. You're dying."

"Thank you," Alexander said, shocked at his bluntness.

Magnus put his head in his hands.

"I'm going to go," Alexander said, standing up. Magnus watched him leave, the door slamming shut behind him.

Magnus' breathing became shaky.

Dying.

There was no happy ending now.

........

Magnus wrote a scathing review of Casablanca, while thoroughly enjoying a bottle of wine.

........

Alexander was absent at Saturday Night Classics, which was coincidentally showing Titanic.

After the movie, Magnus pulled out his dusty phone book, which had been rotting beneath the kitchen sink and found Alexander Lightwood. He was one of two and the first number had been disconnected. Alexander answered.

"Magnus," he sighed.

"Either you're very good at guessing or you have caller ID," Magnus said, falling back onto his couch.

"Both," Alexander said. "I read your review."

"Slightly biased," Magnus said.

"Biased by what?"

"Wine," Magnus admitted.

"Have you spent the entire week drinking?"

"I had to sleep as well."

"Don't do that to yourself," Alexander said, his voice suddenly alert. "Not over me. Magnus, please."

"It's not fair," Magnus said. He was going to cry.

"Of course it's not fair. Life isn't a movie."

Magnus squeezed his eyes together, trying to stop the tears. He wouldn't cry. He wouldn't--

"Go to sleep, Magnus."

The phone line went dead.

"They played Titanic," Magnus whispered, as if Alexander was still there. "I liked it this time."

.........

Magnus wrote a very nice review of the Titanic, this time sober. His editor bothered to call him, asking if he was sick.

He wasn't.

........

Magnus had been staring at his phone for the last hour, contemplating calling Alexander.

But he had a better idea. He put on a jacket and left his apartment, an address put in Google Maps.

He followed the walking instructions through Brooklyn until he found himself in Manhattan in front of a massive tower of apartments.

There were two Lightwoods listed outside.

Magnus buzzed the first one.

"What do you want?" Isabelle's voice hissed. Magnus looked for a camera but couldn't find one.

"Wrong apartment, my apologies," Magnus said, using a falsetto.

The buzzer clicked off and Magnus pressed the second one.

It took longer for a response but he heard Alexander's voice.

"Hello?"

Magnus put a hand against the wall, leaning against it.

"Hello?" Alexander repeated.

"To start, I wrote far too nice a review of Titanic."

"Ma-- I know. I read it," Alexander said.

"Which is insane for multiple reasons but the first one being I absolutely abhor Titanic and everything it stands for."

"You're overexaggerating."

"I'm not," Magnus said. "And the fact that I wouldn't have been so nice in my review if I hadn't been thinking about you the entire time."

"Magnus," Alexander sighed.

"Please let me up. I have to see you," Magnus begged.

The speaker was silent for far too long.

"You have no idea how desperate you sound."

The door started buzzing and Magnus dived for the handle, pulling it open.

He was faced with a bored looking doorman reading a car magazine behind a desk. Magnus slipped by him towards a series of elevator, punching the up button on all of them.

The doors to one finally slid open and he jumped inside, stabbing the closed button and the seventeenth floor button.

Nervous energy was building inside Magnus. He sighed as the doors finally slid open.

On the sixteenth floor. Isabelle was standing there, arms crossed. She stuck her foot in the door. Magnus took a step back into the elevator to get away from her.

"You waited an entire week to call my brother. Which is impressive," she said.

"How did you know--"

"Your fake voice was unconvincing," she said.

"How many elevators did you stand in front of?"

"That's irrelevant," Isabelle said. "If you hurt my brother, or ruin any of the time he has left on this horrible earth, I will find you, Magnus, and I will kill you."

She took her foot away from the door and they slid shut. The elevator lurched back upwards.

When the doors opened a second time, Alexander was standing there, his hands behind his back.

"I should have called," Alexander admitted.

"You didn't have my number," Magnus defended.

"You found mine," Alexander pointed out.

"Well. . ."

Alexander put a hand out to Magnus.

"I'm sorry," he said. Magnus stepped out of the elevator, taking his hand. Alexander pulled him close. "I'm so sorry."

"Alexander," Magnus said, hugging him as tight as he could. He buried his face in Alexander's neck. "I want you. For however much time we have left."

"Three months," Alexander whispered. "It was a lot less scarier before you showed up."

Alexander took a step back, taking Magnus' face in his hands. Magnus was unashamedly crying.

"I don't like this," Alexander said. "We can't do this." Alexander wiped the tears away from Magnus' eyes with a careful thumb.

"Okay."

"I wasn't expecting guests," Alexander said. "I look awful."

"No you don't," Magnus said. He was in pajamas but even still he was amazing in Magnus' eyes.

"Now you're just lying," Alexander smiled.

"Are you going to lose your breath everytime I kiss you?"

"No. . ."

"Excellent."

Magnus pressed his lips against Alexander, taking his breath away.

Alexander staggered back a little bit against Magnus' eagerness.

Alexander's hand found the door to his apartment and pushed it open.

He pulled Magnus by the collar of his jacket inside. Magnus kicked the door shut behind them and was instantly pressed against the wall. Alexander was at his neck, all lips and mostly teeth.

"Alexander--"

"Look at me," Alexander demanded. Magnus opened his eyes. "This-- this is what I want for the next three months. I want you."

.........

One month later. . .

For once, Magnus was up before Alexander and somehow Isabelle Lightwood knew that.

She was knocking at the apartment door and Magnus answered.

"Hi?"

"Hey. Can I make you coffee?" she asked, the friendliest thing she'd ever said to him.

"Where?" Magnus asked.

"My apartment," Isabelle said. "Twenty minutes tops."

Magnus looked back into the massive space. He could see Alexander still sleeping soundly at the far end of the apartment.

"Yeah," Magnus sighed.

He followed her back to the elevators.

"What would you have done if he had answered?" Magnus asked.

"I knew he wouldn't," Isabelle said, slightly less cordial than she had been when he'd answered the door. "The medication he's on makes him drowsier than usual. The other half was hoping you'd actually be out of bed."

"You keep better track of him than I do," Magnus admitted as the doors opened.

"I have to," Isabelle said. "He's got no one else, a fact I don't think you've picked up on in the last month."

"Isa--" She opened the door to her apartment.

"I don't know what you think the next two months are going to bring. It's not going to be romantic, it's not going to be pretty."

Her apartment looked just like Alexander's in layout but incredibly different in decor. It was scarlet and black all over. Clothes covered almost every piece of furniture, while Alexander's apartment was spic and span.

Magnus found a barstool and sat there as Isabelle started brewing coffee.

"He'll probably end up in the hospital in about a month," she continued. "And I don't want you to bail when you see the reality. It's not just a dozen pills every day. He's--" Her voice broke along with Magnus' heart, "--he's not going to--" Magnus jumped to his feet, moving to Isabelle. He put his arms around her.

"I know," Magnus whispered, "I know, Isabelle. I'm so sorry."

"I've tried so hard to take care of him, Magnus." Her voice was resolute again but her tiny arms were still around him. "I just hate that it's all been in vain. I can't stop the end."

"I'm not going to leave him," Magnus promised. "And neither are you. We'll be with him until the end."

The door creaked open and Isabelle stepped away from Magnus, rounding the corner to the front door.

"Alec?"

"Is Magnus here?" Alexander appeared around the corner. He smiled when he saw Magnus leaning against the counter.

"Whatcha doing?" Alexander asked.

"We were out of coffee," Magnus said, which was true. Magnus had to go grocery shopping today, something Alexander didn't enjoy.

"Want some?" Isabelle offered. She was a much better actor than Magnus.

Alexander frowned as Isabelle turned his back. He shook his head, as if disgusted by finding Magnus in his sister's apartment.

"I'll take mine to go," Magnus spoke up.

"Cream or sugar?" Isabelle asked.

"Just black please," Magnus said.

Isabelle sent him on his way with a mug of coffee.

Alexander managed to keep his anger pent up until they were within his apartment.

"I don't like being gossiped about," Alexander fumed.

"Alexander--" Magnus sighed, setting the coffee on their own counter.

"What were you discussing? How pale I'll get before I die? How many times a day I'll throw up? How about bets on when I'll actually die--?"

"Alexander!" Magnus shouted. "Stop."

Alexander threw the mug to the ground. Coffee floated porcelain shards.

"Hey!" Magnus said, grabbing Alexander's hands. "Stop."

"What did she want?" Alexander cried.

"She wanted to make sure I wouldn't leave you!"

"She-- Magnus."

Magnus squeezed Alexander's hands.

"I'm sorry," Alexander said robotically. His eyes had glazed over.

"It's okay," Magnus said, pulling him close. "I'm not going anywhere."

.........

The last time they went to the movies together was a showing of Midnight Cowboys, which on second thought, was not Magnus' most tasteful date idea.

Magnus was crying at the end as Joe has his arm around his best friend, now dead. Alexander was asleep, with his head on Magnus' arm.

"Mr. Bane," Marie said, her accent echoing in the otherwise empty theatre. The lights were just brightening, "they always go to a better place in the end. You shouldn't cry over new beginnings."

Her husband looked at her dotingly. Together they walked out, hand in hand.

Magnus realized once again that he would enter hell when Alexander reached his end.

He wiped his eyes, and stared down at Alexander, still asleep. Sleeping was what he did a lot of those days.

"Dear," Magnus whispered, putting his right hand on Alexander's cheek. He felt colder than usual. "Alexander--!"

He opened his eyes as Magnus' panic grew.

"I fell asleep," Alexander said, stretching out. He didn't see the fear on Magnus' face.

"Are you cold?" Magnus asked.

"A little," Alexander said, looking back with a lite slight.

Magnus smiled back, shrugging his leather jacket off and putting it over Alexander's shoulders.

"Let's get out of here," Magnus said.

"I love you, you know," Alexander said, as he stood up.

"I love you too," Magnus said. He stepped up to Alexander, kissing him in the theater as a projector casted the credits over the tops of their heads.

........

That was coincidentally, the night Alexander got horribly bad.

Magnus hadn't been sleeping well, a ticking time bomb counting down in his head at all hours of the night.

But he had finally made it to sleep when Alexander shook his shoulder.

"I'm not feeling well," Alexander said, his voice hollow.

"I'm calling Isabelle," Magnus said, sitting up immediately. Adrenaline was coursing through his veins. 

"Not yet. It'll pass," Alexander assured him.

"I'm not taking chance," Magnus said, pressing a kiss to Alexander's forehead, just to check his temperature. He was freezing.

Magnus picked his phone up, dialling Isabelle's number as he found another blanket and tossed it top of Alexander, who shot him a bitter look but wrapped the quilt tighter around himself.

Isabelle picked up eventually.

"Magnus--"

"Will you come up? It's not an emergency."

"Yet," she sighed, hanging up the phone.

Magnus set his phone aside, sitting beside Alexander.

"Are you scared?" Magnus asked, the first time he'd ever actually asked Alexander that. A knot was forming at the back of his own throat.

"I think I'm done fighting," Alexander said.

"You've been strong," Magnus said, putting his hand over Alexander's. Isabelle opened the front door coming in.

"What's up?" she asked, as if she were asking about their day or the weather.

"It hurts to breathe," Alexander said, just as chalantly.

"How bad?"

"Pretty bad."

"Like we-can't-fix-it bad?"

"That bad," Alexander said. Magnus knew the words hurt to say. Admitting defeat didn't seem like something Alexander Lightwood did on a regular basis. But, he looked so stoic laying there, hiding his pain from all of them.

"You know better than I do," she confessed.

"I'm sorry, Iz--"

"Don't apologize to me, Alexander," she hissed. She snapped back to being his nurse. "Let's go. Magnus, will you pack some stuff?"

"Of course," Magnus said. He didn't have the right to demand to be by Alexander's side every step of the way. He had to do his part. He had to make this easy for everyone because he was the one who stepped in and made it a little bit harder for Alexander to go.

He helped Isabelle get Alexander to her car. In the dimly lit elevator, Magnus could see an aura of death surrounding Alexander in every breath and step he took.

Magnus promised to meet them at the hospital within the hour and Alexander watched him with sad eyes as Isabelle sped off.

Magnus stumbled back into the apartment complex. The same doorman from Day 1 sat at the counter, finally paying attention.

"He ain't comin' back, is he?" the doorman asked.

"I don't know," Magnus shuddered. The doorman jumped to his feet and in a twist of events, held Magnus as he sobbed in the arms of a stranger.

"It's not fair," Magnus cried. "He's too good."

"I lost my mother to it. I know what it looks like. He fought the good fight," the doorman said. "But you're gonna have plenty of time later to be doin' this. You need to get back to him."

Magnus stepped back.

"I'm sorry."

"Funny thing about apologies is no one ever really means 'em." The doorman stepped back behind the desk, resuming his magazine like Magnus had just been a ghost in the night.

He felt like one.

.......

"Alexander Lightwood," Magnus told the nurse. She clacked away at her keyboard.

"And you are?"

"Magnus Bane."

"So, not relation?"

Magnus froze.

Isabelle was sprinting down the hall though.

"Oh my gosh, babe," she said, throwing herself into Magnus' arms. "Thank goodness you're here." She put a kiss on Magnus' cheek before shooting a scathing look at the nurse. "Is there a problem?" She was still clinging to Magnus.

"Who is Mr. Bane to Mr. Lightwood?"

"He's my husband," Isabelle said, as if it were obvious.

"Then why is his last name--"

"I'm not going to discuss the terms of my marriage with you," Isabelle hissed. "Not while my brother is dying. Excuse us."

She took Magnus by the hand, leading him down the hall.

"That went relatively well," she said as they rounded the corner. She dropped his hand.

"Alexander--"

"--isn't doing well," Isabelle said. "Why don't you call him Alec?"

"I just never did so I'm not going to start now," Magnus said. Isabelle stopped outside an observation window. Magnus could barely see Alexander in a bed, surrounded by doctors.

"They're considering operating to remove some fluid from his lungs," Isabelle informed him. "Alec's pissed because he doesn't want it. He says if I sign the papers he'll never forgive me."

"If they do the surgery, then what? He gets another week? Month?"

"Apparently with the state he's in, it's no more than two weeks tops," Isabelle said. "For the longest time, there was always something we could do, you know? And now there's nothing."

"The surgery isn't worth it," Magnus decided, turning away from the window. He leaned against it instead. Isabelle looked at him like he was given Alexander his death sentence.

"I know that," she said. "I know that."

"Isabelle, you've done everything you can," Magnus said. He took her hand, this time for real, mustering all the love and strength he could into his palm. "But it's up to him now."

"He's given up though." She sounded like a child now, whining.

The door opened suddenly, making them both jump. The doctors streamed out.

"Your brother has elected not to do the surgery, against our advice," one of them said. He carried himself like he was in charge. "He understands the risks. At this point in time, all we can do is make him comfortable."

"Okay," Magnus said, speaking the word for Isabelle.

"If you need anything at all--"

"Excuse me." Isabelle let go of Magnus, walking down the hallway, away from them.

The doctors moved away together, leaving Magnus with Alexander, only separated by a door.

Magnus opened it, stepping into the room.

Alexander's eyes were closed, though Magnus doubted he could have fallen asleep so quickly.

"Dear?" Magnus spoke.

Alexander's eyes opened. Magnus dropped the backpack of stuff he had on the floor beside a chair and sat beside Alexander on the bed.

"Hi," Magnus said.

"Hey."

"Remember The Best Years of Our Lives?"

"I didn't like it," Alexander said.

"I preferred the credits," Magnus said.

"We first spoke during the credits. . ."

"Exactly," Magnus said, his eyes shining.

"Where's Isabelle?"

"She took a walk," Magnus said.

"Can you go find her please?" Alexander asked.

"Of course," Magnus said, though he wasn't particularly fond of the idea of leaving him alone.

"Magnus," Alexander called as he left his side. "Kiss?"

Magnus didn't hesitate, kissing Alexander softly.

"Don't be so gentle," Alexander mumbled against his lips. Magnus pressed a little harder, as if he could just inhale the essence of Alexander, trapping him forever. "Come back soon."

"Okay," Magnus said, smiling.

He left the room, searching for Isabelle. No one at the nurses' desk had seen her and he had to have been gone for over ten minutes when he found her sitting in front of the hospital, taking a long drag from a cigarette.

"Your brother has cancer, and you're smoking a cigarette?" Magnus asked.

"Screw you, Bane," she said, choked up with smoke and tears.

"Oh, please, Isabelle. This is so horribly cliche," Magnus said. "And I've seen cliche."

"You are cliche," Isabelle snapped.

"He needs you," Magnus said.

"He's needed me all his life. I need a moment," she said, taking another drag like it were a sip of water.

"It doesn't work like that," Magnus said.

She dropped the half-smoked cigarette on the ground, grinding it down to ashes and slowly-dying coals.

"Okay," she said.

"Like nicotine and chemicals will fix this," Magnus grumped.

"It calms me," she said.

"Does he know?"

"Of course not," Isabelle said. She smiled. "He'd kill me before any sort of cancer could."

Magnus threw an arm around her as they entered the hospital again. They navigated the halls back to Alexander's room where alarms were screaming along side nurses, the machines panicked while the nurses seemed calm.

"No, no, no," Magnus said, falling away from Isabelle.

This wasn't happening like this.

This wasn't happening while they were gone.

Someone was holding Magnus' back from the doorway. He fought and struggled and saw nothing.

"No, Alec, Alec," Magnus whispered. "Please, please. He's okay. He's still fine."

"Sir--"

He wanted to die. He wanted to become nothingness. He didn't want to exist.

All he knew was Alexander Lightwood was gone because there was a massive hole in his chest where his heart had once resided.


	34. Motorcycles and Minivans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Alec wants a motorcycle.

Alec fell lazily onto the couch, his impressively long legs dangling over the side and his head falling onto Magnus' lap, crushing the newspaper he had been reading. 

"Hi--" "I think I want a motorcycle," Alec said in unison with Magnus' greeting. Magnus peered at him over the top of his reading glasses. The wire frames made him feel older and more sophisticated than he really was. 

"Why?"

"I don't know. I just really want one," Alec sighed, staring up at Magnus. 

"You need an actual license to drive a motorcycle in the state of New York," Magnus said. He popped his newspaper back out, returning to the article he had been reading. He hated the idea of Alec on a death trap, just like he had Raphael. He figured the idea of driving would scare Alec off. 

"I could get my license."

"You can't drive."

"Then I'll-- you could teach me you know," Alex retorted stubbornly. "But I could always just glamor myself." 

"No--!" Magnus said, tossing the newspaper aside. It was bad enough driving a motorcycle in the first place but doing it invisibly? 

Alec was strong, not invincible. 

"Besides, you should know the rules of the road," Magnus added. 

"So you'll teach me?" Alec asked, smirking in a way that was 110% Lightwood. He had planned it all. 

"Yes," Magnus sighed. "But you'll have to wait until tomorrow. I'll need time to get my affairs in order before you kill me." 

"Driving can't be that hard," Alec said, sitting up. "Thank you, love." He pressed a kiss to Magnus' cheek and left Magnus with the comics page. 

........... 

"That is the ugliest 'effin car I've ever seen," Isabelle said, leaning against the front door of the Institute. 

"That's because it's not a car," Magnus said, climbing out of the driver's seat of the lavender minivan, pulled straight out of the early-2000's. "It's a minivan."

Alec rubbed his forehead. Jace started a walk around the car, examining the numerous nicks and scratches. 

"You got a 'Student Driver' sticker, Magnus?" Jace laughed at the yellow caution sign on the back windshield.

Magnus smiled meekly at Alec.

"I wasn't about to buy you a car-- sorry, dear-- so I had to find something a junk yard wouldn't miss," Magnus said, hopping up on the hood. He was wearing a grey vest over a white dress shirt-- entirely too formal for the occasion. He noticed Alec's questioning look. "I figured I'd make it easier and dress in what I'd like to be buried in." Isabelle was the only one who laughed.

"This is classic," Jace said, throwing open the sliding door closest to the curb. "Look! No backseat!" 

Magnus patted the windshield. 

"Incredibly safe though. I Googled it," Magnus said. 

"I'm thrilled," Alec retorted. He looked pointedly at Jace who was ducked inside the hollow of the van. He jumped back onto the curb. 

"Well, don't die," Jace said. 

Isabelle rolled her eyes and went back inside. Jace turned to Magnus and gave him a stoic nod before following his sister in. 

"I call shotgun," Magnus said. 

"I already don't like this," Alec said. 

"You're the one who wants a motorcycle."

Alec stepped out into the street getting into the driver's seat. 

Magnus was already in the passenger seat. 

"Seat belt first," Magnus said, waving his hand. The seat belt fastened Alec in. Magnus dropped the keys into Alec's expecting palm. "Nervous?" 

"No," Alec said, fiddling the keys into the ignition. 

"Alexander."

"What?" he asked, aggressively. 

"Wrong key, love."

Alec glared at Magnus, who was already pleased with how it was going. 

Alec managed to start the van, surprised to learn that it was even capable of that. 

"Okay, so some basics," Magnus said. "We'll start at your very left on the arm rest. You've got the windows and the mirrors which you can move with the little up, down, and side to side arrows. You should see a sliver of the car but mostly the lane line and lane behind." Alec toggled with the keys for a little bit. "Okay. The left stick is the blinker. Push it up for right blinger, down for left blinker. The windshield wipers are also on there but don'ttouchthatnow--" The wipers, just as ancient as the car, starts dragging across the windshield, screeching as they went. Magnus reached over, flipping the switch Alec couldn't seem to find. 

"Sorry," Alec mumbled. 

"Mmmhmm," Magnus said. "Steering wheel, gear shift is on the other side-- definitely don't touch that." 

"Got it."

"The pedals down below are accelerator on the right and brakes on the left. Any questions?"

"Yes, when did you learn to drive?"

"As soon as cars came out. Questions not about me?" Magnus asked, raising his eyebrows. 

"I suppose not," Alec sighed. He braced his hands on the steering wheel. 

"Okay. So put your foot on the brake."

"Which one is the brake?"

"Left one," Magnus said calmly. 

"Okay."

"Now put you hand on the gear shift. It's currently on parking, which means the car won't move, no matter what you press. You're going to pull it towards you-- now move it down three times. You should feel a little bit of a dip. Keep your foot on the brake--" The light showing the different gears was illuminated to "D". 

"So you're in drive now. To pull out into the road, you're going to signal left so push it down-- Good! Turn the steering wheel to the left and before you go make sure there aren't any--" Suddenly they were shooting out into the lane as Alec struggle to straighten the car out. Horns blared at them as cabs and little sudans swerved to avoid Alec.

"Not like that!" Magnus screeched. 

"You said go!"

"I most definitely did not!" Magnus reached over, straightening out the wheel. "Okay-- we're okay," he told them both. Alec nodded, swallowing his panic. He didn't enjoy being yelled at. 

"Alright, so the speed limit is 35 through here so as much as it kills me to say so you have to speed up a little," Magnus said. Alec must have crushed the accelerator because they went shooting ahead, both of them flying forward. 

The only Nephilim skills Alec seemed to be putting into play was reaction time. Within a second of their sudden acceleration, Alec slammed on the brakes. 

"Maybe you could try being a little gentler," Magnus said. They were completely stopped. Someone wasn't letting up on their horn behind then. "Slowly press the accelerator." They started creeping forward. "Littler more-- too much-- Okay, good. We'll just keep going straight." 

Magnus tore his eyes off the road. Alec was completely blanched. His hands were unrelentingly tight. 

"Dear, you're going to have an aneurysm," Magnus chided. "Relax."

Alex dropped his wrists and arms a little.

"There's a red light coming up," Magnus pointed out. "Slow down--" Alec complied and they came to a stop. 

"Rocky start but you're doing much be--"

The light had switched to green and Alec had gone on instinct. But they were fifth in a line of cars.

Magnus magicked the brakes into stopping, faster than Alec could. They were bumper to bumper with the car in front of them, which was going now. Alec gently led the minivan forward. They followed the stream of traffic for awhile as Magnus regained composure. 

"Okay, theoretical right turn, what do you do?" Magnus asked. 

"Um, turn right?"

"Blinker first, then turn. Watch for pedestrians. Let's turn right up here."

The car stuttered to a rolling stop. 

"Did you just shut the car off?!" Magnus shouted.

"You said blinker!"

"The ignition is not the blinker!"

"How was I supposed to know that?"

"BECAUSE I TOLD YOU!" Magnus shouted. 

"Stop yelling at me!" Alec snapped.

"Start the car before we get hit, Alec!"

"You're still yelling!" Alec shouted at him. 

Magnus took a deep breath as cars streamed past them.

"Alec, please, start the car." Alec turned the key and the minivan jolted forward.

Alec followed the rest of instructions and now they were on a different road, heading toward Brooklyn. Magnus wanted to get them home as soon as possible at that moment. 

"Watch for crosswalks and children; we're by a school," Magnus warned. His phone buzzed and he pulled it out of the pocket of his vest. 

Isabelle: Still alive? Jace bets he hits a fire hydrant and two small mundanes and I've got $5 on

Small mundanes. 

Magnus looked up in time to see Alec cruising towards a crosswalk, without intention of stopping. 

"BRAKES!!!" Magnus shouted. They skidded to a stop, once again inches from hitting someone. 

A distraught kindergartener looked up at them with wide eyes. She stared for a moment, frozen in time, before continuing her walk. It was New York, she'd probably had closer calls. 

"You almost hit a child," Magnus breathed. 

"Who puts crosswalks in the middle of the street?!" Alec shouted. 

"Alec! I told you to watch for crosswalks!"

"And I was! Crosswalks belong at intersections not--"

Magnus let his head fall against the dashboard. 

"Just drive." Alec lurched the car forward. 

"You're the one texting--"

"It was from your sister. She's made bets on what you end up hitting. Should I tell them you actually hit the child or just grazed her?"

"I didn't."

"Almost!"

"But almost isn't actually."

Magnus looked at Alec, annoyed. Alec was smiling, despite it all.

"Let's just get home without any major accidents, okay?"

Alec nodded, staring down the approaching Brooklyn Bridge. Magnus gave him instructions about merging lanes and he followed them.

They managed to make it to the road running along the apartment.

"So we're going to park--" Alec slammed on the brakes.

"Not here!" Magnus hissed. The symphony of car horns resumed their sound.

"Well where?"

There was a spot just big enough for the minivan in between a dump truck and a Mustang belonging to the tenant below Magnus.

Magnus pointed it out.

"I cannot fit in there," Alec protested.

"You most definitely can. Pull up alongside the Mustang-- do not hit the Mustang."

Alec steered the car to a hard right, lining it up. 

"Okay," Magnus said, taking a deep breath. It took him ten years living in New York City to master parallel parking and he was quite sure how to teach it. "Foot on the brake. Put it in reverse--" Alec gave him a quizzical look. "--up two notches. Now turn it all the way to the right. Now slowly take your foot of the brake." For some reason this is where he always messed up. He let up a little too much and the back wheels of the minivan slammed against the curb, riding up onto it a little. "Alec, we're going to talk about the meaning of the word "little" when we get back upstairs."

"Magnus. . ." Alec cried.

"Okay. Now bring it back to the center and put the car into drive. Now slowly--" Alec actually did it this time, pulling back out into the road a little. "Now hard left." Alec spun the wheel. "Again, slowly slid into the spot. Watch your rearview mirror." Magnus twisted around in his seat making sure the rusty bumper of the minivan wouldn't hit the truck.

Alec looked forward and back, slowly getting into the parking spot.

It was almost perfect.

"How the hell do you parallel park on your first try but you can't even stop at a stoplight properly?" Magnus asked. Alec looked over at him with a smile. He turned the engine off, tossing the keys back to Magnus.

"Can I get a motorcycle now?"

........

Three months later. . .

Magnus looked up from his newspaper as someone opened the door.

Alec pulled a motorcycle helmet off his head as the door swung open. A leather jacket tightly hugged his torso. His hair was sweaty and matted to his head. He smirked.

"I got it," he smiled. 

"I can certainly see that," Magnus said, setting his paper aside. "I definitely see that."

"No you haven't really seen it," Alec gushed. "It's amazing."

"I heard it though," Magnus said. He jumped to his feet, walking to Alec. "You look amazing, by the way."

"I don't look any different than usual," Alec said, cocking his head to the side.

"No, you look--" Magnus gestured to all of him, "--sexier than usual."

"Do you like the whole bad boy look, Mr. Bane?" Alec asked, throwing his arms around Magnus.

"Yes," Magnus mumbled. "Very, very much." 

Magnus kissed him, slowly, building a restless energy. Alec's shoulders dropped and Magnus ran his hands down Alec's leathered arms.

"Very, very hot," Magnus muttered against Alec's lips.

Alec slipped his hands in Magnus' pockets, pulling their bodies together. 

"Was it worth it?" Alec asked, tipping his head away from Magnus.

"What?" 

"All the driving lessons and the near deaths?"

"For this? Oh, absolutely."


	35. Halloween and Horor Movies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Magnus and Alec find themselves watching horror movies. College!AU

"You're seriously not going out tonight?"

"Why would I?" Magnus asked, swiveling around in his desk chair. He was decked out in black, but that seemed to be all he was going to do to celebrate Halloween.

The king of campus parties, not going out on the wildest night of the year (with the exception of Homecoming, of course)? Alec couldn't help but find that entirely suspicious. Especially since he himself was going to a party.

"Because it's you and the parties--"

"I do things other than party, Alexander."

"Don't call me that," Alec said, standing up. Magnus' undressing stare made him uncomfortable. In fact, most everything his roommate of little over two months did made him uncomfortable in one way or another.

"You're not going out."

"This isn't about me," Alec countered, idly messing around with the t-shirts in his dresser, refolding them. If Magnus knew he was going out, he'd get hell for not dressing up or even looking decent. But Alec wasn't going out to impress anyone. 

"I do other things on Halloween."

"Like what?" Alec asked, turning around.

"You don't really care so why should I tell you?" Magnus asked, waving a dismissive hand. "Apparently all I am to you is just another brainless eighteen year old that uses college as an excuse to party."

"I do not," Alec mumbled. 

"I get better grades than you," Magnus said, with a haughty smile.

"How do you--" Magnus pointed to the corkboard hanging over Alec's desk. On a little Post-It note was the login to Alec's grades. "I've got a 3.924 and you've got a 3.841."

"Lovely to know," Alec said, snatching the Post-It down and tossing it in the trash.

"I have it memorized."

"Awesome."

"And if you must know," Magnus said, "I will be watching movies all night. You're welcome to join me."

Alec pressed his lips together, shutting the dresser drawer. "Maybe I will."

"You should," Magnus said, smirking again. He spun back around in his chair, leaving Alec to his thoughts.

.........

When Alec returned from dinner, Magnus was covered in blankets, staring at the laptop. Whatever movie was playing casted dark light against Magnus' face, the only light in the otherwise pitch black room. 

"What are you watching?" Alec asked, tossing his keys on his bed.

"Cabin in the Woods," Magnus said. "It'd be much better if Chris Hemsworth had his shirt off--"

"Just wait," Alec said, bored. 

"You've seen it before?" Magnus asked. 

"Yep."

"I don't understand horror movie logic. Like why would you even consider going in the basement-- Please stay out of the basement-- Oh my gosh, she's in the basement."

Alec smiled to himself, despite everything. 

"Oh look a diary, let me just recite spells from it," Magnus mocked. "Are you truly that stupid?"

Alec collapsed onto his own bed, facedown. 

"Hey."

Alec lifted his head a little. Magnus was standing beside his bed. 

"What's going on?" Magnus asked. 

"Nothing," Alec lied. "Go back to your shirtless Chris Hemsworth." 

"Not until you explain the sulking."

"My siblings just bailed on me," Alec said. "So, I'm fine." 

"You did have plans for tonight?" Magnus asked, incredulous. Alec nodded, dropping his face back into the pillows. It was just a party outside of the city but since he didn't have a car at the school, he was relying on one of the two to pick him up. 

He heard Magnus' retreating footsteps and then their approach again. "Scoot over," Magnus ordered, pressing a hand against Alec's side. Alec moved only in shock at Magnus' contact. Magnus settled in on Alec's tiny twin bed, shoving Alec against the wall. He stabbed play on his laptop and Cabin in the Woods resumed. 

Alec tried to focus his attention on the movie but 1) he'd already seen it and 2) Magnus was laying right next to him, as if it were nothing. 

But it wasn't nothing. 

Their legs were just barely brushing, Alec's in sweatpants and Magnus' bare below the hem of his boxers, which were probably covered with something festive, if Alec knew him. Their shoulders were pressed against one another and yet Magnus acted like this was an every night occurrence. Alec wasn't even sure they'd ever touched before this (with the exception of their initial handshake). 

"There's no way Blondie survives this movie," Magnus commented. Alec snapped his attention up to the screen.

"The blonde one never survives," Alec reasoned.

"Mm."

"Why the movies?" Alec asked after a few minutes. The question was pressing on his mind.

"What?" Magnus tapped the space bar on his laptop, freezing Chris Hemsworth, mid-shout.

"Why do you stay here on Halloween? And watch the movies?" Alec asked. "Is it a tradition?"

"More like a commemoration," Magnus said. "Or a memorial."

Alec couldn't sense what he was hinting at as Magnus looked up at him with an impassive gaze. "I don't understand," Alec said. 

"My mom used to watch Halloween movies with me when I was younger. I didn't like the costumes; they scared me. Anyways, I never ended up going trick-or-treating even after I'd learned what was behind the mask. So we always stayed in and watched the movies."

"Oh," Alec said. It made sort of sense. But people changed between childhood and college. 

"She's dead now," Magnus said. "She died November 1st of blunt force trauma to her skull when my dad showed up to my house determined to win her back."

"Magnus--"

"He'd tried to kill me before and she was just protecting me. She always resented me, secretly, for making him leave. But this was one of the few times she actually protected me. And the movies on Halloween-- it was one of the only times I knew she actually cared about me."

"I figure the least I can do is stay sober one night of the year for her," Magnus said. "Considering."

Alec had sat up at some point in time, tucking his knees up to his chest.

"I didn't know."

"Of course you didn't know. In order to know something, someone must inform you that there is something to know."

Alec was silent for a moment, trying to keep his gaze anywhere but at Magnus. He tried to comprehend it all; he tried to put himself in Magnus' position.

"I don't think you could remember her better," Alec decided, reaching forward, and pressing play. The movie started again.

It was a long time before Alec was able to lay down beside Magnus again. 

They went through movie after movie, with less comments. Both of them jumped at the jump scares, calming themselves down with little nervous laughs. Magnus picked the movies and Alec bought a stash of candy and Mountain Dew in between American Psycho and Carrie from their collegiate-version of neighbors: the vending machine that required quarters instead of idle words in exchange for tooth-rotting sweets. 

Without the horror element, Magnus fell asleep in the middle of Nightmare Before Christmas, his head more on Alec's shoulder than the pillow.

Alec tried not to read into it but it meant something. The entire night had meant something, at least to him. And as cold as his roommate tried to play off as, his heart was soft and pure as gold. 

Alec watched the movie to the credits. They ran as he took a risk and kissed Magnus' forehead. 

"Alexander," Magnus mumbled. Alec froze but Magnus only buried himself a little more into Alec's side and heart.


	36. A Little Cove in Brazil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Magnus jumps off a cliff

The door slamming was an earth-shattering sound.

Magnus sprang to his feet on instinct, yanking the reading glasses off his face. The odds and ends on his desk teetered back and forth.

"Alexander--"

A scream of frustration echoed throughout the house.

"Alec--" Magnus threw open the office door. Alec was sitting on the couch, hunched over. His face was hidden behind his hands, which were sliding down his face.

When his eyes opened they were full of exhaustion.

"What?" Magnus asked.

"You would think Jace would have learned something from Edom. But no! He's still a reckless dumbass who almost got Izzy killed."

"Is she okay?" Magnus asked, hesitantly.

"Would I be here if she wasn't?"

Alec instantly regretted the words, scrunching his face together.

"I'm sorry."

"You're angry. I understand," Magnus said. He crossed the living room, sitting down beside Alec.

Alec closed his eyes as Magnus put an arm around him.

"I'm just tired," Alec said.

"Are you tired of Jace or are you actually tired?" Magnus asked.

Alec looked over at Magnus, who was incredibly close now.

"I suppose it's Jace."

"Do you want to do something tonight?"

Magnus didn't divulge his plans, only telling Alec to pack a little bag of whatever he thought he might need for a night out.

"Give me your hands," Magnus ordered, as they locked the apartment door. Alec obliged. "Now close your eyes."

"No," Alec retorted. "Why?"

"Trust me."

"It's not that I don't trust you," Alec said. "It's that I don't trust you in this moment."

There was one way to close Alec's eyes without his actual consent.

As soon as Alec felt Magnus' lips against his, his eyes shut.

"Now keep them closed."

The air conditioning of the apartment building was replaced with a more natural breeze and the floor beneath them became unsteady.

"Magnus--" Alec started.

"Eyes closed, my love."

Magnus looked around at their new location. Thank God it hadn't changed.

"Okay, open them."

Alec let out a blown away exhale.

"Where are we?"

"Little cove in Brazil. Mundanes can never find it so they can never destroy it."

The two stood on the edge of a crystal pool being fed by a towering waterfall. All around them was rainforest; dense and deadly.

"So who can find this place?"

"Cat and I used to come out here," Magnus sighed. "But no one remembers this place anymore."

"That's sad," Alec mused.

Magnus looked to Alec after standing in silence for a minute.

"We didn't come for the view," Magnus laughed at Alec's slightly bored expression.

"Oh-- I didn't--"

"If I had wanted you to bring a swimming suit, I would have told you," Magnus said, his voice like a purr. He stepped up to Alec, fingers playing with the hem of his sweater. "May I?"

"When do you ask permission?" Alec asked, rolling his eyes and raising his arms.

Magnus had always admired the stark difference between Alec's pale skin and dark runes.

Magnus tossed his t-shirt off and aside, jumping out of his skinny jeans. Alec was doing the same.

With one final glance at each other, they dove into the water.

"Cold!" Alec shouted as he surfaced for air.

Magnus floated up onto his back.

"You're weak," Magnus laughed. "This is heavenly."

"I can't believe we're skinny dipping," Alec said, treading the water.

"Not technically," Magnus said. "You still, unfortunately, have clothes on."

Alec rolled his eyes, sinking under the water.

Despite the cool and probably disease-invested water, he opened his eyes, looking at the rocky basin of the pool. Little fish swam around them. On the far side of the pond, water from the waterfall crashed into the existing water, turning white.

Alec surfaced.

"Ever been cliff diving?"

"No," Alec said. "Sounds like a horrible idea."

"Only slightly dangerous," Magnus said. He pulled himself out of the water, sitting on the edge. "Are you going to make me do it alone?"

Alec swam up to Magnus, resting his head on Magnus' knees.

"Why'd you bring me out here?" Alec asked, gently.

"We have to get away sometimes," Magnus said. His eyes were sad. "The world is too big for us just to stand in one spot."

Alec nodded and climbed out.

They climbed the hill to reach the top of the waterfall.

Alec stared down the drop, a slight fear in his stomach.

"Afraid?"

"No," Alec retorted, glaring at Magnus.

"Sure," Magnus said. "Jump, then."

Alec hated his teasing and taunting sometimes.

But tonight he needed it. He needed the pushing to push himself over the edge.

He took in a breath, and stepped over the edge.

It was a 2.3 second free fall.

In the first 0.2 seconds, Alec cursed himself for doing this.

From 0.3-0.6, his eyes caught the rocks around him.

At 0.7, he realized he could die.

For the next 0.5 seconds, he tried inhaling but couldn't find the oxygen.

From 1.3-1.9, a laugh bubbled in his throat, maybe it was a cry of joy.

For the next 0.4 seconds, he was bracing himself for the impact.

Then he was sinking, falling into the blue water, staring at the second world he had just plunged into.

He laughed, water filling his mouth, as the air escaped, headed for the surface. Then Magnus was floating right in front of him, a grin on his face to. He'd never been more in love with that smile.

Alec kicked upwards, gasping for air.

Magnus surfaced seconds later.

"By the Angel, that was amazing," Alec laughed. The fear of death had surpassed. He had lived and not just survived but really lived.

He'd taken a risk for the pure sake of taking a risk. For fun.

And he suddenly understood Jace's occasional recklessness.

No harm, no foul, and the thrill alone was priceless.

"Did you do it on purpose?" Alec asked, turning to Magnus.

"Do what, love?"

"Make me jump to have this amazing realization about Jace's attitude."

"No," Magnus said, raising an eyebrow.

The sun was staring to set and the water was staring to glow orange, reflecting the warm light.

They floated around for awhile, swimming and splashing one another, acting like fools.

Magnus conjured up a picnic as the last light disappeared from the sky. Candles lined the pool.

"This is awfully romantic for a last minute date," Alec commented, laying back and staring up at the stars. Without the fog of the city, they were incredibly clear. . .

"I'm all about last minute," Magnus said, rolling towards Alec and into his arms. His fingers danced on Alec's bare chest.

"I should apologize to Jace," Alec decided.

"You should stop worrying about other people and enjoy yourself," Magnus suggested.

Alec buried his face in Magnus' damp hair. Somehow, it still managed to smell good.

"Am I going to get some weird South American virus from swimming in this water?"

"I'm going to say no," Magnus said. Alec couldn't see the lazy smile on his face.

They sat talking for another hour, never running out of things to say, thoughts to express, jokes to laugh about, or stories to tell.

Time was infinite in this moment.

The two weren't worried.

This could last forever.

They could never leave.

If they truly wanted to.

"We have to go back, huh?" Alec asked.

"I'm jumping in one last time then," Magnus said.

Alec released his embrace on Magnus, letting him go. . .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for not updating, but technically difficulties, school, various excuses, etc. But thanks for sticking around. <3 Alex


	37. Last Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Magnus goes home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I apologize for not updating (I had messages in my inbox from 52 days ago and I am so sorry). So here's a ton of fic all at once. Thank you all for reading and being fantastic commentators! ~A

Christmas in New York had an aura that grew stronger and stronger as the day approached.

Magnus Bane loved that particularly good feeling where all was calm and the Christmas lights that lit store fronts on 5th Avenue made everything bright.

But he still felt uneven, hidden in the happy crowd doing their last minute shopping.

He was shopping as well, but it wasn't last minute: it was tradition. He always waited til Christmas Eve to shop for his presents, unless the gift was pre-planned. It was an excuse to go out and enjoy the freezing cold with cheery strangers.

This Christmas was different, and it was like a dull aching in his bones, a constant pain that couldn't be repressed.

He wanted to go back to the hotel room, but he had a slew of grandkids expecting presents in the morning and he needed to prove that he was getting better to his kids.

He just needed time. Time. Time. Time, that's what he told himself.

Time, because he was still stuck in the denial stage.

Time, because he needed to go back to that rock-hard, emotion-less place he had been at thirty years ago.

Time, because he hadn't cried enough silent tears into his pillow in the dead of night, when that aching became sharp, twisting stabs of pain, brought on by raw memories.

Magnus dug his fists deeper into the pockets of his coat, tugging the entire jacket down. The headphones tucked under his black hat played his own musical playlist, currently Bastille's Oh Holy Night. He liked the way the vocals could sound so much like a church organ. He also liked the older Christmas music compared to the jarring modern music.

He used to go to church.

It seemed like ages though, since he had been. He stopped going when he realized there was no place for him in heaven. For the longest time, it had made him bitter to think of his damnation.

Then he realized he didn't care.

That was sometime around the time he stopped caring in general.

His eyes caught on a massive teddy bear in the window of a toy shop.

Sophia would love that.

And that was that.

That was what one had to do when they waited until Christmas Eve to do their shopping: buy when they found the first thing that seemed perfect. And the look on his granddaughter's face when she saw the massive thing would be priceless. He stepped inside, tugging the earbuds out and stuffing the chord in his pocket. The price was irrelevant and he could have magicked one into the hotel room, but that defeated the point.

He chased a store clerk down, and she went in the back and came out with a honey-golden colored bear, wrapped in plastic. He swiped his card, paying the $279.99+tax. She offered to help him carry it out to his card, but he turned her down with a polite smile and a "Merry Christmas."

Magnus heaved the bear over his back and trekked back out onto the street. He had already teleported the boys' gifts to the hotel, just waiting to be wrapped. He found an alley and ducked into it, willing the heavy bear to disappear into thin air. When it was gone, he put his music back on.

His Christmas playlist had ended, and his phone had died.

He kept the headphones in anyways, blocking out the mundaneness of mundane conversation and their laughter that made him envious of his lack of company. He watched them instead, because it was less overwhelming. Ugly Christmas sweaters worn mockingly, couples holding gloved hands, a child racing away from a snowball-wielding sibling, an elderly woman watching the sidewalk for ice as she hobbled along, business men searching desperately for a gift for their wife. 

At the corner, a Santa with one-too-many jelly rolls rang a bell, asking for donations. Magnus dropped a twenty in the bucket in one swift motion. Santa tried to shove a candy cane after Magnus, but he kept walking.

It's time to head home.

That was his exact thought.

But he hadn't been home in almost three weeks. He'd been living out of hotel room (granted a big one) because home was too much.

But his unconscious mind was right: it was time to head home. 

Christmas Eve seemed like a horrible day to go home again, but he was tired of a bed that wasn't his and a hotel that felt like hell.

He decided to walk home, considering he wasn't too far. He tried to focus on the Christmas music that played between shops, bouncing from "A Merry Little Christmas" to "Silent Night" with every one of his long strides. 

All was quiet, except his rapidly beating heart, as he fitted his key into the lock of the apartment. 

The air smelled of dying trees and dust. He cleared the dust with a wave of his hands, igniting the fire place too. 

The Christmas tree was the source of the lingering pine smell. It was horrifically brown, and pine needles covered the hardwood floor like snow. 

"You let this place go to hell."

Magnus screamed, as he stumbled back from nothing.

"Magnus." It wasn't a pleading tone, but rather a leveling one. Magnus looked back to the fireplace. 

Alexander, the Alexander from forever ago, the Alexander from the party, the first Alexander in Magnus' mind, sat cross-legged in front of the fire. Too close, if he was actually there.

"No, please," Magnus begged.

"Don't worry. I'm not staying," Alec said, his eyes glancing up at the unlit star topping the tree. "This is depressing."

"What are you doing here?" Magnus asked, rushing towards Alec. "Why haven't you--"

"I don't know," Alec said. "I just-- I've been trapped in the apartment for weeks, Magnus. Where have you been?"

"I can't be here," Magnus admitted. He wanted to raise his hand and put it on Alec's cheek but he also didn't want to face the disappointment when his hand passed through. So he fought to keep his hand down and his dinner in his stomach. "I can't believe you're here."

"I don't want to be here," Alec said, playing with the holes in his sweater, his eyes cast downward. "I want to move on. I want you to move on."

Of course, Magnus knew half a dozen ways to banish a ghost, to send them packing for the afterlife. 

But he was selfish. He didn't want Alec to go.

"I can't," Magnus said.

"Of course you can," Alec said, suddenly lifting his chin and his fingers. Magnus watched them materialize just enough to brush across Magnus' cheek. He shuttered at the touch. 

"It's Christmas Eve, Magnus. Give me the gift of letting me go," Alec begged.

"This wasn't supposed to be your gift, my dear," Magnus said, smiling weakly. 

There was one gift he never waited on, over the last three decades and that was Alec's. 

It was always wrapped and under the tree by December 1st. 

Alec nodded, knowingly and crawled towards the tree, picking up the only present underneath it. He shook it free of pine needles and Magnus laughed unnervingly at his dying Charlie Brown Christmas tree.

Alec returned, setting the gift in Magnus' lap.

"Open it."

Magnus tugged on the bow, an intricately tied knot, different every year. It usually took Alec forever to try and figure out how to undo it, and after desecrating the beautiful ribbon, he'd hand it to Magnus and with one or two simple pulls, it would fall away. The silver ribbon fell away and Magnus lifted the lid off the box.

"Surprise," Magnus said, with half-cheer as Alec peered over the box.

"The sweater--"

"--from Paris," Magnus confirmed.

"Paris, Magnus-- as in when we first started dating. You managed to find the exact sweater from that hole-in-the-wall shop?" Alec asked with astonishment.

"Yes," Magnus said. His throat was swelling up with tears. "It took a lot of work but you had liked it so much I couldn't figure out why I hadn't bought if for you then--"

"I wouldn't let you," Alec said. "It was like seven hundred dollars and I hadn't even known you for a month."

Magnus smiled, looking down at the sweater, still folded up into the box. Alec's fingers danced atop it, feeling the fabric.

"You have to wear it now," Alec said. 

"I couldn't," Magnus said.

"I insist--"

"You know this isn't easy for me!" Magnus shouted, jumping up to his feet. The box and sweater tumbled out onto the floor. Hurt flashed before shame on Alec's face. "You can say the wisest things and you can talk like you're some wise Confucian elder, but you're not, Alec! You're still my Alec, and I want to remember you for the Alec I could touch and hold and kiss. Not this! This isn't us-- this isn't real! This isn't what I want."

Alec nodded, understandingly, as if he completely understood. "Banish me, Magnus," he said, lifting his stormy eyes. "We have to move on."

And the way he said "we" made Magnus realize that this was the end of his mourning. Sending Alec to the otherside would have to be the end of his grieving. If he pushed Alec away for the last time, he couldn't spend another three weeks being miserable. 

"Okay," Magnus agreed. Alec unfolded his legs and stood up. "We'll be ready in an hour."

..........

A ghostly kiss still lingered on Magnus' face, and a tear fell to wash the lingering sensation away. 

Magnus blinked, clearing his thoughts. He pulled his eyes away from the scorch mark on the floor, and busied himself with fixing a drink. 

Alone in every sense of the word for the first time in decades. 

Yet, he smiled softly as he twirled the melting ice cube and the scotch in his glass. 

A clock chimed somewhere, marking midnight. 

The sweater was still on the floor, where it had fallen, and Magnus watched it intently.

The fire popped and a large spark went flying, missing the sweater by a large margin. Magnus ditched the glass on a side table and dove for the sweater, snatching it up in his arms. He rubbed the material between his fingers, staring at the fire, on his knees like a repenting sinner holding a rosary.

"I'm sorry." But he didn't quite know what he was apologizing for.

Was he apologizing for not being there that night when Alec choked on smoke and fire? Was he apologizing for every fight and every restless night? Was he apologizing for leaving Alec trapped in their dark, decaying apartment while he sobbed in a pristine hotel room night after night? Was he apologizing to himself for allowing this grieving to go on forever?

"There's a bottle of my cologne under my side of the sink," Alec said, as they took their final glimpses of each other. "It should make the sweater a little more like me."

Magnus pulled himself away from the fire and went towards their room, still untouched, the bed unmade from their last night in it together.

"I hate goodbyes," Magnus said. 

"I've noticed," Alec said. 

"Nothing good ever comes of goodbyes."

"We've got nothing left to lose."

Pictures covered the walls now, mounted on silver frames, glittering in the moonlight. Their family was big, partially due to Alec's siblings and their borderline-obsessive breeding habits. Then there was the legacy that Alec and Magnus would leave behind: their three children and half a dozen grandchildren.

They were stuffed in a Manhattan townhouse at the moment, awaiting Santa's arrival, but doubting Magnus'. 

"Go enjoy Christmas with the kids," Alec said. 

"I can barely look at them without thinking of you," Magnus mumbled. 

The cologne was exactly where Alec said it might be. Magnus spread the sweater across the counter, and spritzed it a couple times until the bathroom smelled like Alec. Then he shed his own shirt, and slipped into the sweater never meant for him. 

He stepped back into their bedroom, intent on sleeping. But the pictures caught him again.

"Are you afraid?" Magnus asked.

"No," Alec said, simply. "I'm afraid of hurting those I've left behind."

"I'll be okay," Magnus decided, putting on a brave smile. He raised the spell book. "Ready?"

He'd go to Christmas tomorrow. He'd watch the children open their presents and he'd eat enough dinner for him and Alexander. He'd bury himself inside the sweater when things got too difficult. He'd laugh about stories and tell a dozen of his own, some of them new, some of them old, annual tales about Christmases gone wrong.

Then he'd go home, home, home, and fall asleep in his own bed.

That's what he'd do.

"Goodbye, Magnus," Alec whispered, his voice still managing to overcome the spell despite his softness. "My love. My Magnus."

...........

She woke every morning with the same images in the back of her mind.

A translucent wall of orange and red, and behind it, the man she could never reach, both physically or emotionally.

Out of her grandparents, her favorite was Papa Alexander, by a wide margin. He was quiet and understanding, the kind of man that could reassure you with his eyes alone. But she had never gotten to know him as well as she wanted to but that was something most people felt when a loved one died. It was a singular regret, and quite a massive one for thirteen year old to carry around. 

Someone was screaming down below-- screams of joy. Emmy kicked the covers off her bed and rolled to her feet. The black runes inking her arms still caught her by surprise when she first saw them. She pulled a jacket on over them, to hide them from herself. She was probably one of the few Shadowhunters who failed to enjoy her status as half-divine. 

Her feet padded down the stairs, where the family was alive, and waiting on the straggling teenagers to roll out of bed. The front door opened as she reached the middle landing. There was a squeal of joy and Emmy was certain she saw a teddy bear float into the house.

"You would not believe the traffic between here and the North Pole."

James pushed past, practically tumbling down the stairs at the sound of her Opa's voice.

Lily was already screeching, "Is this for me? Is this for me?"

Emmy reached the bottom of the stairs as the massive teddy bear practically crushed her little sister. Emmy watched her parents horrified reactions (Their usual "Where are we going to put that?" when they saw her grandfather's outlandish gifts) and smiled. Opa distributed a bunch of other gifts-- none quite as big as Lily's but James was drooling slightly over a gaming system that Mother had said would rot his brains out. Her cousins were just as rewarded with pricey or otherwise valuable gifts. 

"We should get started on the other presents," Uncle Max said. He didn't have kids, and he also didn't appear at family events with the exception of Christmas. He stayed for the required 24 hours and disappeared on his adventures again. 

Emmy wasn't surprised Opa hadn't even acknowledged her presence yet; she'd never met anyone as in love as her grandfathers and she heard her parents' concerned whispers over how he was handling his death. 

But he turned to her as everyone crowded back around the tree. "Come on, kiddo," he said, motioning for him to follow her upstairs. 

"I did get you something," he said, reaching into his pocket, and pulling out a box. "Don't worry I'm not proposing."

Emmy turned her head to get a better look at the ring.

"It belonged to your great-grandmother, Maryce. Your great-Aunt Isabelle should have gotten it but she said it was-- and I quote directly-- the "ugliest 'effin thing she'd ever seen,'" Opa said. "So of course, Alec offered to take it, and he wanted to give it to you."

He took the ring out of the box, and put it on her finger, a small, glittering diamond inlaid in silver.

The two sat there for a moment enjoying the silence and the way the ring shone.

Without a word, he stood to leave.

"Opa," Emmy called after him, the first time she had really ever spoken to him in months, "I like your sweater. It smells like him."

He turned back and looked at her with a smile. "Well, that was certainly the point."


	38. Ringing in the New Year with Torture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Magnus competes for his title and his lover.

"Tick."

The voice echoed throughout the building.

"Tock."

A heavy sigh followed.

"Have you decided what your next move is going to be?" the demon asked. It was premature of him. But he was far too busy to deal with or wait on Charlemagne's flair for drama.

Charlemagne's sugary sweet voice let out a chuckle.

"I always have a next move, my friend," Charlemagne called. He stepped out onto the catwalk and into the demon's line of sight. "But I think it's time to start our final preparations."

...........

Heat, music, and pure, raw energy rammed into Alec the second he opened the door.

"I can't believe we didn't come sooner," Isabelle sighed. "Jace, I'm going to kill you."

"Training is more important than partying, Isabelle," Jace said. Alec's eyes rolled to his parabatai, waiting for the ensuing comment. "And skipping morning practice to sleep with your boyfriend."

Alec was ready to speak in his defense but Jace was already pulling Clary into the sea of people and Isabelle was begrudgingly pulling Simon inside.

That left Alec in the doorway, watching his apartment being destroyed by spilled drinks and trampling feet.

............

Magnus stood at the top of the stairs, watching the crowd swirl below him.

He liked to think of himself as Gatsby. Gatsby stood above, watching from above to truly observe people in their most natural state. At parties you could be free because under the influence of alcohol your acts were justified. Then there was the fact that the guests never even knew who he was, though he occasionally walked among them; that had astonished Magnus.

Tonight, he was just looking for Alec in the sea of people.

His early morning disappearance was nothing new but he had stayed late as well, leaving Magnus all alone to get the New Year's Eve party ready.

It was Magnus' first big party with Alec and he wasn't the least bit surprised that Alec had managed to ditch up until the last possible second.

When he saw speckles of black among the throng of neon and bright colors, he knew the Shadowhunters had made their late entrance. He could see Jace and Clary first. With their exotic hair colors, they stood out.

Trailing not so far behind them was Simon and Isabelle. From above they appeared to be a solid wall of black, flecked with their oddly-pale faces.

Then, pushing stiffly through the crowd was Alec, still in his training gear.

That definitely wouldn't do.

As Alec neared the stairs, probably heading for their room, Magnus walked down the stairs, his fingers, painted an effervescent blue, trailing on the banister.

Alec started climbing, watching his shoes hit each step, rather than looking up.

His focus didn't change until he ran into Magnus, who caught the Shadowhunter in his arms.

"Happy New Year's Eve," Magnus whispered, leaving a kiss on Alec's cheek.

"Oh, hi," Alec said.

"You ditched me this morning," Magnus teased.

"I-- I had training," Alec said. "And you were sleeping so--"

"I'm just joking," Magnus said. He reached for Alec's hand, dragging him up the remaining stairs. "Do you like the party?"

"It's loud," Alec said, hesitation in his voice.

"Well, yes," Magnus said. "Half the fun is not hearing the person next to you. I like to think it discourages talking which in turn discourages arguments and encourages other fun mouth-related activities."

Alec's face lit up brighter than a Christmas tree.

Magnus winked. One day his innuendos would send Alec into a coma, and he knew it.

Magnus yanked Alec closer to him, pressing his lips against Alec's.

It took Alec longer than usual to respond. His usually eager Shadowhunter had been replaced by a tired one.

"Did Jace overwork you again?" Magnus asked, trailing his thumb along Alec's lower lip.

Alec shrugged lazily.

"Then what's wrong?" Magnus pressed.

"Nothing-- I just-- I thought you were supposed to wait until midnight for the kiss," Alec said.

Someone wandered by; Magnus was unconcerned with their presence but Alec jumped away from Magnus.

"Alec--?"

"I'm fine," he said immediately. "I should just go change--"

Alec walked quickly down the second floor hallway towards their room.

Magnus followed, terrified that something was wrong with Alec.

But he was ignoring completely, Alec slamming the door in Magnus' face.

Magnus threw the door back open, slipping inside.

"Alexander, I do not appreciate--"

The rest of his furious rant was cut off by Alec, pushing him up against the closing door. It slammed beneath the weight of Magnus and Alec, causing them both to stumble.

"Alec--" Magnus breathed.

He couldn't see anything in the dark and that was only one of his many concerns.

"Tell me what's going on," Magnus said, trying to sort those priorities out.

"I'm fine," Alec insisted, his lips brushing against Magnus'. It was more intoxicating than even the strongest alcohol being served downstairs.

Alec's unsettling mood swings slipped to the back of Magnus' mind.

Alec, his Alec, was here right now.

Magnus' kisses, like his mind, strayed going wherever they pleased.

He always lived in the moment, but he lived for these moments of pure ecstasy and pure Alec.

So it was mildly concerning when Alec cried out someone else's name as Magnus hit a pressure point on his neck.

Magnus was so wrapped up in the moment that he didn't even make out the name.

He just knew it wasn't his.

He shoved Alec off him.

"What the hell?!" Magnus shouted.

Alec's eyes were full of a different kind of fear.

He wasn't afraid of losing Magnus. He was afraid of Magnus.

"Explain that, Alec, before I make this a lot worse," Magnus said. Even the dark, he knew Alec could see his eyes and he hoped the younger man was terrified.

Alec was silent. His hands slowly rose, as if to defend himself. Hands wouldn't stop what Magnus was about to do to him.

"I gave you a second cha--"

The power he had been trying to muster in his fingers tips wasn't coming.

Magnus looked to his hands. He needed something intimdating-- blue sparks at the minimum.

But it wasn't happening.

"What did you do, Alexander?" Magnus asked. He couldn't help the defeat in his voice. But there was no coincidence between a jumpy Alec and his lack of magic.

The lights came on, causing Magnus to jump.

Somehow, Alec had made it to the light switch in Magnus' moment of confusion. Now he was locking the door.

"Alec-- you haven't done anything that can't be undone," Magnus said, trying to calm Alec.

"Stop calling me that," Alec sneered.

"I-- What?"

"I'm not your precious Nephilim boy," not-Alec said, as if it was obvious. He turned his head in a movement too-snakelike to look in the mirror hanging on the wall. "Though, I do like this form. It's very-- attractive."

"Who are you?" Magnus asked.

Not-Alec turned his attention back to Magnus.

"Just a lowly demon," not-Alec said.

"Lowly demons know not to mess with me," Magnus growled.

"Yes, they do. But there's a new boss in town," not-Alec said. "And last time I checked, you were powerless."

"And how did that happen?" Magnus asked. Not-Alec pointed to the ceiling. Spell symbols had been painted on the ceiling. One or two were still dripping red paint onto the floor.

"And where is Alec?"

"I don't know," the demon said, enunciating each words. Mouth still open, his cheeks stretched into a grin.

It was horrifying seeing Alec's body used as a costume for such a vulgar creature.

Magnus was going to kill him.

Magnus stepped past the demon and into the room.

"So what? Now you baby sit me until your boss comes for me?" Magnus asked.

"No," the demon said. "No, I get to kill you."

Magnus grinned, leaning against the dresser.

"Good luck."

The demon sprung and Magnus yanked the dresser drawer out, flinging it into Alec's body. It flew against the bed, it's head hitting the bedpost. Magnus had seconds, if that.

He threw balls of socks aside until he found Alec's mini-arsenal of knives and seraph blades. He plucked a few knives out before dragging the unconscious body into a more open area.

Magnus had no idea what he was really doing. Fighting wasn't his forte.

Everything he was doing was pulled from one action movie or another.

Magnus straddled not-Alec, pinning his arms down. It felt so uncomfortably familiar. That was probably the point. Whoever this demon's boss was was a psychological player. And he knew Magnus far too well.

As the demon came back into consciousness, Magnus moved his hands free, pining it's arms down with his knees.

Magnus slapped him, as well.

"Where's Alec?" Magnus demanded.

The demon gave a bloody, toothy smile.

"I have three Shadowhunters down stairs," Magnus growled. "Where is Alexander?"

"And how are you going to get to them?" the demon asked. "That door is magicked shut. You're going nowhere. Even if you kill me."

The demon looked up at Magnus with soft blue eyes, a sudden shift.

"But you can't do that," he said, softly, in Alec's voice. "Can you, Magnus? Because it's me. You could never hurt me. You wouldn't."

It was the real Alec in Magnus' mind.

This was him, here, a knife pressed against his throat, by Magnus himself.

He couldn't bring himself to kill him.

"Just tell me," Magnus demanded, his voice little more than a whisper.

"Magnus, please," Alec's voice begged. "This is insanity. Let me go."

It's a demon. It's not him, Magnus thought. It's not Alec. You know it's not--

"Tell me where Alec is," Magnus roared.

"Magnus, please-- I'm sorry," Alec sobbed.

"No," Magnus whispered. It was a split second move, the blade running across Alec's neck, meeting no resistance.

Alec's body choked on his own blood, drowning him.

Magnus jumped up. He was already coated in the red stickiness.

He was going to be sick.

Dead Alec, something he had only planned on seeing once in his life. And wasn't once far too many times?

He had to get out.

The demon took Alec's final, dying breaths before shimmering out of existence.

Magnus immediately grabbed a chair. He had to focus.

He jumped up on his tip toes.

He only needed to break the spell by disrupting the runes. It was one of the unfortunate parts of spell symbols; they were so easily sabotaged.

The paint was still drying. Magnus scrubbed his finger nails against the paint, chipping it off.

He just had to interrupt the circle.

It was coming off relatively easy. But he was on his tiptoes, in a rush, and still experiencing the panic of killing Alec.

The chair was shaking beneath his weight and lack of balance.

It only stood for so long.

Magnus scratched one last time and the chair failed.

Did it come off? he thought as he fell.

His elbows slammed against the wood floor and Magnus cried out.

Flames shot out of his hands, scorching the dresser, minus the missing top drawer.

The fire continued to burn as Magnus ran for the door.

He need a counter spell to the locking.

He focused, quieting his thoughts.

Counter spells were always harder and more draining.

Time passed indefinitely but the door did eventually unlock.

Magnus ran through the hallways, searching desperately for Jace, Isabelle, just someone. . .

Coming up the stairs was Simon, his head looking all around for something that obviously wasn't there until he saw Magnus.

"I need you-- and Alec-- where is--"

But Magnus was already running past him.

"It's Jace!" Simon shouted.

"Where are they?" Magnus shouted back over the sound of the party.

Simon pointed towards the kitchen.

As he approached, he could hear Isabelle's voice carrying over the sound of a sucky remix.

The Shadowhunters were the only one in the kitchen.

Isabelle and Clary were crouched beside Jace who was sitting up against the kitchen cabinet.

"Magnus--" Isabelle started.

Magnus knelt in front of Jace.

"Where is he?" Magnus asked.

"Where is Alec?" Isabelle screeched.

"Clary, I'm fine," Jace snapped, pushing her away. He tried to stand up but Magnus pushed him back down.

"What happened to you?" Magnus asked.

"He fainted," Clary answered when Jace didn't.

"Alec?" Magnus asked, a twinge of hope in his voice.

Jace turned his wrists, palms up now, revealing red gashes like bloody bracelets. Clary and Isabelle gasped together.

"He's alive," Jace said.

"I know," Magnus said. "I don't know where to go though. So tell me where he's at."

"Factory?" Jace guessed. Magnus didn't know what made him guess that, but this was their only lead. Clary took his arm and started drawing iratzes with a shaky hand.

"Magnus," Isabelle pressed. "What is he talking about?"

"There's a Downworlder hangout-- it's in an abandoned factory in Queens," Magnus said. "That could be it--"

"Yeah," Jace said. "I've been there. That has to be it."

"I'm not going to ask why you've been there," Clary sighed.

"Can you get us there by Portal?" Magnus asked.

Jace nodded.

...........

The Shadowhunters had insisted on stopping by the Institute before going for Alec.

They were fast but Magnus still had time to panic.

The scars on Jace's wrist were deep which mean Alec's were deeper. Was he being strung up by wire?

Torture.

That's all Magnus could think about.

He'd seen his fair share of it. He knew how coercive torture could be. He knew how painful it could be.

And his Alec feeling that pain and that stress. . .

Magnus would kill whoever was doing it.

They appeared in a room off the main factory floor.

Isabelle caught Magnus' hand as his hand hit the handle to enter the large room.

"Magnus," Isabelle snapped. "Don't get yourself killed."

Magnus shook her hand free, pushing the door open.

It creaked and the sound echoed across the mostly empty room.

The three Shadowhunters followed behind Magnus like his own personal team of bodyguards.

"Oh! You're here!"

Magnus stopped, looking around.

He tried to keep his face calm and level.

"Yoohoo! Up here, Mr. Bane!"

Magnus slowly raised his eyes to the maze of catwalks above.

A man not over twenty stood, leaning on the edge. He wore a grey suit which made him even more out of place among the rusting metal of the abandoned factory.

"I see you left your party a little early," the man called.

"I plan on making it back in time," Magnus said.

"The new year starts in less than an hour, Mr. Bane."

"Where is Alexander Lightwood?"

"We'll get to that," the man said. "But you've got a party to get to and I've got a city to run so we'll make this quick. I want your job, Magnus Bane."

"What?" Magnus muttered, far too quiet for anyone to hear him.

In over a hundred years of serving as the High Warlock of Brooklyn, no one had ever wanted to take his job from him. There had never been rivals because no one was stupid enough to want the job.

It came as a shock to many that Magnus actually did work.

At the same time, it was his. The job was the only thing that didn't change: be nice to the Shadowhunters, be nice to the fey, be nice to the vampires, be nice to the werewolves, and keep your house under control.

He was the only one who could do it.

He knew the city.

He knew the warlocks in it.

And this fool thought he could do his job and steal his boyfriend?

Hell no.

"What's your name?" Magnus asked.

"Magnus," one of the Nephilim whispered behind him.

"What's your name?" Magnus asked again, this time with a little more anger-fueled confidence.

"I had a name but I'm in the process of changing it," the suited man called. "How does Charlemagne sound?"

"Reminds me of 'champagne,' which is what I'm going to be enjoying in less than an hour. So why don't you tell me where Alexander is so I don't have to kill you. And we'll forget this ever happened."

"Mmm, I'd rather not," Charlemagne sighed.

"I'm going to kill him," Magnus growled. He stole a glance back at the Shadowhunters. "Find Alec."

..........

16 hours early. . .

Alec woke up with a mouthful of fur.

He sputtered as he lifted Chairman Meow away from his face, dropping the ball of fluff down on the other side of Magnus.

Alec rolled over, draping his arm over Magnus.

His addiction for Magnus had gotten so uncontrollable that he couldn't fall asleep unless he was with him.

And he hated waking up away from Magnus.

Magnus stirred with the sudden shift of Alec's weight.

"Alexander, if you leave this bed, I'll make you regret it," Magnus mumbled under the heavy influence of sleep.

Alec smiled, pressing his cheek against Magnus' bare shoulder.

"I have to go soon though," Alec said. "Go back to sleep."

"Mmm," Magnus sighed.

Alec carefully timed Magnus' breaths until he was certain his boyfriend was asleep.

Then he left.

..........

He didn't get the chance to struggle.

It was a single, precise blow to the head.

But he should have known.

Jace always told him to watch his back.

He never did.

............

"I got some coffee."

Alec's eyes fluttered open.

A sharp pain in his wrists caused them to squeeze shut almost immediately though.

The aroma of coffee flooded his senses.

He could barely see a cup of coffee swirling right under his nose.

"Yummy, right? I found this ah-mazing Snickers-flavored coffee creamer. Makes any cup a candy bar. It's magic." Alec forced himself to open his eyes. A man with beach-blond hair was holding the mug up to him. He wore a white dress shirt, accented with a grey vest. The sleeves were rolled up to above his elbows. The white shirt was stained with flecks of blood. But what stood out most were his blue lips against freckled skin.

"I'd give you some but I'm not a fan of sharing," he said, his voice snapping as he finished.

The pain in his wrists had spread throughout his limbs as realization spread throughout him.

He was hanging, spread eagle, tied to two beams with copper wire that was cutting into his wrists. That was what hurt the most. Then it was his shoulders, being dragged down by the weight of his body.

Alec let out a whimper, trying to brace the pain.

"In a way, I'm sorry you got caught in the mess, Alexander. You are such a pretty one."

The man tilted Alec's head back, throwing everything off balance. His brain was numbed with dizziness as his body felt sharp stabs of pain every few seconds.

"I'm going to rip you to pieces, Alexander Lightwood," the sugary-sweet voice whispered in his ear. The blue lips brushed against Alec's cheek, sending shivers of discomfort through him. But he was helpless. "I'll have you begging for mercy and death. And just when you think I'm going to give it to you, I'll stop. I'll bring you to the brink of death, Alexander. I'll hold you over the edge while everyone you love watches. And then, I'll leave you there, half-alive and useless, and kill them too."

The man stepped back, admiring Alec's torn face.

"A day comes for us all when no one can rescue us. When our friends fail. Today will be that day for you, Alexander," the man said, running a finger, tipped with a sharp fingernail, along Alec's jaw line, pulling blood as it went. "You're not getting out of this one."

His words were so convincing that Alec believed him.

........

The smell of the Snickers-infused coffee woke Alec up every time he passed out.

The man, whose name Alec still didn't know, alternated between verbal and physical abuse each time Alec passed out.

Alec couldn't find his own voice.

The pain was an overwhelming sea of madness but "Magnus," "Jace," and "Isabelle" floated to the surface.

But every time he woke up and found himself still in the warehouse, still tied up, and still smelling Snickers, he lost a little more hope.

Did they not even realize he was gone?

The man liked to play with that idea; to tease Alec about the fact that he was still being held hostage.

It was Alec's fourth or fifth time returning to consciousness when he found himself laying on the ground, untied, but too beaten to move.

His black shirt had been torn in multiple places, allowing cold air to hit him.

It wasn't cooling, despite the fact that he was sweating profusely.

"Everyone needs a break," the man said, stepping into Alec's view. He towered above Alec and smiled. "Even you. Can I get you anything?"

Alec's throat was dry, screaming for water, yet saying nothing at all.

"I understand," he nodded. His dress shoes clicked across the concrete floor.

"You know it's nearly 11 at night," the man called. "Which means one of two things: one, my demon killed your boyfriend and then your friends, like I told him to, or two, your warlock escaped, is rounding up his pet Nephilim, and is on his way. Tell me, Alexander--" The man knelt beside Alec, sitting him up first then bringing a glass of water to his lips. Alec drank greedily. "--which do you prefer? Dying oblivious or dying thinking you have a chance?"

Alec choked on the water as the man dropped him unceremoniously onto the floor.

"Do you understand that you're not leaving? That you're mine? I should hope so." Alec didn't see the man's shoe until it had landed square in the middle of Alec's chest. He felt a rib snap and both his chest and voice screamed.

"Shh," the man hushed. "Maybe you get out of here today. But you'll be so screwed up, no one will know what to do with you." Alec's tears burned as they hit the cuts on his face. "I told you you'd want to die."

...........

Charlemagne disappeared just as Magnus appeared at his side.

The Shadowhunters had split up below him, looking for Alec.

Magnus ran along the catwalk, looking for the other warlock.

The factory echoed with the sound of footsteps.

"Hellooo?"

Magnus turned around.

Charlemagne was standing on the far end of the row Magnus was running along.

He gave a little wave and a smile before disappearing again.

Jace shouted something undecipherable downstairs.

Magnus made the decision to run to the spot where Charlemagne had just appeared. At the end of the row was a door with a single window built in.

At the end of the room, slumped in a corner like a discarded toy, was Alec.

His Alec.

Thrown aside like trash.

"Jace!" Magnus shouted.

Then he ran into the room.

..........

Jace had never appreciated stairs.

Clary called him lazy for his unnecessary hatred for such a simple thing.

He especially hated them when they got in the way.

He was the first one to reach a staircase after hearing Magnus' shout. Simon was on his tail, him being the only one remotely fast enough to keep up with Jace.

Isabelle and Clary were almost side by side as they climbed the staircase up into the catwalk-level.

"Where did he go?" Jace murmured as he looked at a deserted plane.

Simon pulled open the door that Jace had completely passed over.

The first thing he saw was Alec, practically lifeless.

Then he saw Magnus, standing over the body of the young warlock who claimed to be Charlemagne.

There was an indescribable hate and murder in Magnus' eyes but Charlemagne's were empty with death.

Jace had always had a certain admiration for the gold in Magnus' eyes. That gold was gone, replaced with a bright and flaming red.

It was a rage Jace knew. He knew how hard it was to step out of it.

"Alec needs you," Jace said. "Snap out of it, Magnus."

The fire flickered out and Magnus appeared at Alec's side, pulling Alec into his arms.

"Jace, runes," Magnus ordered.

The two worked together, doing as much healing as they could.

As soon as Alec was remotely stable, Magnus used what little energy he had left to set up a Portal back to the Institute. Only Jace and Isabelle joined them; Clary and Simon stayed behind to clean up the mess.

Jace and Magnus carried Alec to the infirmary as Isabelle cleared their path, setting a bed up for Alec.

The three of them worked for an hour straight, healing Alec and getting him comfortable.

An hour was all Magnus could stand; he was exhausted. When he couldn't stand up straight any longer, Isabelle forced him to lay down in a bed beside Alec.

Magnus hated the gap between the two beds.

Alec didn't fall asleep without him.

But he couldn't dwell on any thoughts for very long.

............

Magnus' face was incredibly close to Alec's as he woke up again, still in the damned factory.

He could see every imperfection, every pore, the way his eyeliner was a little thicker on his right eye than his left eye.

He liked Magnus' imperfections. It made him more real.

"What are you doing here?" Alec asked. He still ached and felt sharp pricks of pain but it was less painful than before.

Magnus smiled.

"It hurts," Alec said.

His smile faltered before returning.

"Magnus, please--"

How could he just stand there and do nothing?

"It hurts," Alec repeated, his voice just a murmur. His eyes started to flutter shut and he tried to fight it.

But the dream won.

His eyes fluttered open, tossing him back into reality where the pain was very real and the dim light of the sunrise (or was it sunset?) felt unreasonably bright.

"Alec?"

At the foot of his bed, Isabelle was lifting her head up off the mattress. She was uncomfortably squeezed into an armchair, using the bed as a pillow.

"Hey," Isabelle breathed. He could hear the relief in her voice and he knew it all too well. "You're safe now."

That was the assurance he needed.

This felt far too real to be a dream, so he trusted himself to relax.

Plus, there was no Snickers-scented coffee.

Alec tried to sit up but his hands slipped, causing him to fall back.

Useless.

That's how he felt.

"Stop," Isabelle said. "I know what you're doing."

Alec looked up. Isabelle hovered over him, her figure blocking the scarlet light coming in through the window.

"You look like hell, Alec. Just calm down. We need to get you better before you start saving the world again."

She turned around, walking away.

Alec tried to find his voice but all he got was a scratchy, dry throat.

"Water," Isabelle said, sitting him up slightly so he could drink. "Before you ask, Magnus and Jace are here but I kicked them out."

Alec shot her his best glare.

"Their pacing got annoying. And Jace hadn't slept in days and Magnus could barely speak. Simon said they were sleeping now." Alec wanted them here too. He wanted to know that they were okay. He wanted answers on the man who ripped him to pieces. But Isabelle knew that. "And no, I won't go get them. They need their sleep, Alec. You're not going anywhere."

She sat on the edge of his bed, taking his hand in her tiny one.

Tears formed in the corner of her eyes.

His sister didn't cry.

This had been a bad one.

They wouldn't forget this one.

Alec wouldn't forget this one.

Alec reached up, wiping away the tears that threatened to ruin her make up.

"I'm sorry, Izzy," he said, his voice creaking like an old door.

"Don't apologize, Alec," she said, mustering a smile. "You're here and you're okay. That's all that matters."

She dropped his hand away from her face.

"You need another iratze." She busied herself with that while Alec closed his eyes again.

"Is he dead?" Alec finally asked, opening his eyes.

Isabelle pressed the stele to Alec's skin, a warmth spreading throughout his body that counteracted the cold of pain.

"Yes," Isabelle said, dryly. "Magnus-- he, uh-- he didn't hesitate."

"Magnus saw me," Alec whispered, realizing what his love must have seen.

"Alec, before they come," Isabelle started, pulling the stele away, "I know you can't forget that. I can't forget that. If you need someone to talk to-- I mean, I'm here for you."

"I know, Izzy," Alec said though his statement lacked conviction.

The door to the infirmary opened and Jace peeked his head in.

"You're awake," Jace said, walking straight over. "Isabelle, I'm going to kill you."

"I asked her not to wake you up," Alec said, jumping to Isabelle's defense. She didn't protest.

"How are you feeling?"

"Like hell," Alec said. But the iratze was numbing everything so there was nothing to really feel.

"You scared me," Jace said. "I'm the one who gets in screwy situations. Not you."

"Thanks, Jace," Alec sighed. "Can I go back to sleep?"

Jace and Isabelle nodded.

"Go away," Alec ordered. "I'll be fine."

Isabelle obviously needed sleep and he didn't need Jace watching him sleep like a creep.

That and a figure had appeared in the corner of the room.

Jace pulled Isabelle up, wrapping his arm around her shoulders as they walked out together.

As soon as the door shut, Magnus stepped into what little light was remaining.

Alec pushed himself up into a sitting position, watching as Magnus slowly walked towards him.

Magnus' arms were crossed awkwardly over his chest, as if he was holding himself together.

"Stop acting like that," Alec sighed. The sudden shift in altitude had sent his head spinning.

"Lay down, Alec--"

"No," Alec protested. "Just come here."

Magnus took Isabelle's spot at his side but carefully avoided touching Alec.

"Tell me everything," Alec demanded.

"I'm responsible," Magnus started.

Alec tilted his head back against the headboard to steady himself.

"I should have known something was wrong--"

"Just tell me what happened, Magnus," Alec said.

Exhaustion was setting in fast but he wasn't going to fall asleep again until he knew the truth.

Magnus rushed through a story of a shape-shifting demon, a warlock with a bigger ego than himself, and an abandoned factory.

"I wasn't there for you," Magnus said, ashamed.

Alec lifted his heavy hand, putting it on Magnus' arm.

"I still love you," Alec said. "And I don't blame you. I don't blame anyone but this guy--"

"Charlemagne."

"That," Alec sighed. Hearing his torturer's name brought everything back to the surface. "Now kiss me before I go back to sleep."

Magnus moved quickly, pressing his lips against Alec. He lingered in front of Alec for a moment, even after he had pulled away.

Alec's final words before falling asleep again came out as a murmur, "Happy New Year."


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Alec is horribly and unfairly robbed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone asked for another teacher!AU, and here it is! I forgot who it was though, so just comment and I'll be sure to give you credit for the prompt! :)

His mug went missing on only the second day of school.

It was the only one he kept at the school because he had always been able to trust his coworkers to NOT touch his pi pie mug. But apparently, he had been betrayed. There was a Judas among them. Alec carefully watched the coffee pot for the day following his discovery. He was there before school, during his off-hours, during lunch, and after school, hoping someone would return it.

Mostly, he wanted to find the culprit.

But no one returned it.

He put a sign up, but it got torn down, most likely by the thief, he concluded.

It was an incredibly cool mug, covered in pies covered in pi. He was actually a history teacher at Abraham Lincoln High School in Brooklyn. It was a decent enough school and he made just enough money to afford the cost of living in the city. It didn't afford much else. He didn't live lavishly, and had no desire to.

He'd been a double history/math major so he did have a sense of appreciation for the mug. A love for it even.

It was far too petty to bring to the attention of the principals who were busy with more important matters like delinquent students and budget cuts. So the robbery fell to the back burner until he was pouring his own cup of coffee a week later into a mug with banned books printed across it.

A hand reached into his point of view, taking the pitcher of coffee and pouring it into the lost pi pie mug.

Alec looked up with disbelief.

A particularly weary looking teacher stared back at him with impassive eyes.

"Um. . ." Alec wasn't quite sure how to put it. "That's mine."

"This?" He raised the coffee pot in his hand.

"Not that-- the mug," Alec said. The thief raised his other hand.

"This is yours?" he asked.

"Yes," Alec said, as if it were obvious.

"Oh. I-- I thought these were just everyone's; like you took one and just brought it back."

"It's been a week," Alec said.

"You've been counting?"

"Well, yeah," Alec said.

The man set the coffee on the counter, sliding it towards Alec.

"All yours," he said.

"No," Alec said. "Just take it for today." The stranger probably hadn't washed his poor mug. . .

The man shrugged, taking it back.

"For a history teacher, you aren't very eloquent," he said.

"I'm sorry-- who are you?" Alec asked.

"Magnus Bane. I'm a fellow World History teacher," he said. "I don't think I've had the pleasure, Mr. Lightwood."

"But you've heard of me?" Alec asked.

Mr. Bane nodded, taking a sip of the cheap coffee, black. He winced slightly. "Oh, yes."

.......

Magnus sat on the edge of Raphael Santiago's desk.

"What do you know about one Mr. Lightwood?" he asked the sophomore.

"Lightwood?" Raphael asked, finally looking up from his phone. He was playing a racing game in his lap. Magnus could usually care less but he needed answers today. "He's fair apparently. Really smart. The girls like him because he's hot."

"And what do they say about me?" Magnus asked, looking out over his classroom. The seats were slowly filling with students.

Raphael looked up again with a pitiful smirk.

"I'll get you for that one," Magnus said, rapping his knuckles on Raphael's desk. The bell rang as he did, capturing most of the class' attention."Okay, so how do you all feel about sun gods?"

........

Isabelle blew her whistle for the second time in Alec's ear.

"They get slower every year," she declared as kids ran past them on the track. "But yes, I agree, Bane is hot."

"I never said that," Alec said. "I never said anything close to that."

"Oh sorry, whenever I hear Bane I hear hot-- ANOTHER LAP GONZALES AND IF I SEE YOU LOOKING AT ANOTHER GIRL'S ASS LIKE THAT YOU CAN MAKE IT TWO!-- but I digress," she sighed. "He stole your mug. I'm sure he'll give it back today."

"That's what I'm afraid of," Alec said. "What do I say? 'Thank you for returning what you stole to me?'"

"That'll work," Isabelle said. Alec leaned back against the wire fence surrounding the field. "It's not like you're really trying to impress him, are you?"

But he was.

.......

There was a note slid under his door as he arrived back at his classroom for his last class of the day.

Drinks tonight? I'll bring your mug and everything. -MB

Alec frowned.

Guys didn't flirt with him.

Least of all someone like Mr. Bane. But it was a Friday-- and he had Max's basketball game.

So he opened his school email and sent a message to Mr. Bane.

Unfortunately, I'm busy. Maybe another time?

Mr. Lightwood,

World History Teacher, Abraham Lincoln High School.

...........

It was the gentlest let-down Magnus could have expected, and he probably didn't even deserve that for stealing Alec's mug.

........

"Happy Monday," Alec said, pushing himself away from the desk in his rolling chair. Attendance was in and the Powerpoint was up on the projector. "Can anyone tell me in six words or less how Han China fell?"

There was a silent muttering of words and one, two, three, four, five, six counted on fingers.

A couple of hands were raised tentatively and he called on them, getting the same basic responses.

"Taxes, nomads, power-hungry court eunuchs," Alec said, "or that's how I'd put it. We're looking at economic, social, and political instability and when you smash that all together with weak leadership, you've got a recipe for disaster."

The door creaked open in the dark classroom. All of the students looked up from their notes, taking Alec's attention with theirs.

"Mr. James," Alec said, greeting the dean of discipline.

"Mr. Lightwood, the principal would like to see you downstairs," Mr. James said. "I'll watch over your class."

The class broke out into whispers.

Alec jumped up from his spinning chair.

"What's this about?" he asked quietly as he made his way towards the door.

"Max," Mr. James said, sympathetically.

Alec moved with a little more speed through the halls until he reached the principal's office, opening the doors with dramatic gusto.

Max was sitting in one of the seats in front of the principal's desk. The other one was filled with a boy about Max's size, a student Alec didn't know. From the back they both look about the same with scrappy black hair and dark jackets. Only the unknown's boy was much darker than Max's tan.

Alec walked around, crouching front of Max. His left eye was swollen, almost to the point of being shut, and tainted black and purple.

"Are you okay?" Alec asked. His little brother didn't get in fights.

"I'm fine," Max said, pushing Alec away.

"You did this?" Alec asked, looking at the other boy. He simply rolled his eyes.

"Mr. Lightwood," the principal said. "I figured I'd do you the professional courtesy of calling you down here."

"Thank you," Alec said, though he didn't really understand.

"Max, if you would explain your side of the story please," the principal request.

"Raphael punched me," Max said, simply. He stared at his hands in his lap.

Raphael rolled his eyes yet again and Alec wanted to punch the kid himself.

"Because?" the principal prompted.

"I can answer this one," Raphael said, jumping in. "He was making out with my girlfriend in the janitor's closet."

"No--"

"You can't deny it when I saw you! When I literally pulled you off of her!" Raphael shouted.

"Enough," the principal said as Max jumped to his feet. Alec pushed Max back down into his seat by his shoulder.

The door opened and Magnus Bane walked in, arms crossed over a grey vest.

"Raphael," he growled, as if he had expecting nothing less.

"I'm assuming he's more than just your student?" Alec asked.

"Technically yes," Magnus said, glaring at Alec now.

"We don't need to discuss family issues," the principal said. "We're here to discuss a discipline issue. The cameras caught Raphael punching Max; that can't be denied. But there's no cameras in the janitor's closet so we can't prove Raphael's motives."

"I wouldn't lie," Raphael said. He looked up to Mr. Bane.

"Unfortunately, he is honest to a fault," Mr. Bane said, annoyed. "Punching people? Really? Have you learned nothing?"

Raphael turned away, crossing his arms, unintentionally mimicking Magnus' posture.

"I'm going to let you two off with a warning," the principal said. "And one detention to be served tomorrow after school." Max's face tightened up. "And congratulations Maxwell: you've officially given me reason to put a lock on that door." The principal frowned. "Now get back to class."

Raphael was the first to his feet, scooping up his backpack in one fluid motion. Magnus caught him by the shoulder as he stormed past. As Magnus whispered something to Raphael, Alec turned to Max who looked just as ashamed as he should have been.

"We'll talk about this at home," Alec said.

"But Izzy--"

"We'll talk before she comes over," Alec said. "Go to class, Max."

Max slipped past Magnus and Raphael, leaving the tiny office. Magnus shoved Raphael after Max, then followed him out.

He waited for Alec in the hallway, leaning against the wall by a water fountain.

"So why would they call you down for Raphael?" Alec asked, crossing his arms.

"You never told me you were married-- with a kid," Magnus said.

"Max is my brother," Alec said. "My parents are dead-- have been for 6 years. And I'm not married." He held up his left hand where his family ring resided. "Family ring. Now answer my question."

"I'm his guardian," Magnus said. "Foster father, if you will."

"Oh," Alec said.

"I'm sorry Raphael acted out," Magnus apologized. He rubbed his forehead. "I seriously thought we were past those stages--"

"Well if Max was making out with his girlfriend, he probably deserved it," Alec smiled. "I thought he had a better moral code than that."

"So do you have girlfriend?" Magnus asked. Alec frowned.

"No."

"Boyfriend?"

They both smiled together.

"No," Alec said.

"Then I demand a date," Magnus said. "You know, so you can atone for the sins of your brother."

Alec rolled his eyes.

"You're not busy Friday night," Magnus said.

"How would you know?" Alec asked.

"You would have told me if you were. And if you didn't really want to go out with me you would have immediately said you were busy," Magnus said. "I minored in psych."

Alec was at a loss for coherent words, let alone a witty response. "Okay."

.........

"Really?" Alec shouted as he opened the door. He had allowed his parental anger to steep for the last couple of hours of the school day.

Max was sitting on the counter, one hand pressing an ice pack to his face.

"First of all, what the hell were you doing sneaking around the halls in the first place?" Alec demanded. Max gave a groan in response. "And for a girl? Who has a boyfriend?"

"Raphael's a stuck-up, little--"

"Don't," Alec warned. "I'm not in the mood for you to be defending yourself. You know better. I've taught you better."

"She doesn't even like him!" Max shouted, as if it were obvious.

"That's not for you to decide," Alec said. "You don't chose right and wrong, Max. You know what you did was wrong."

"He punched me!"

"And you deserve it!" Alec said.

A door slammed somewhere else in the apartment complex. Horns honked below. Someone shouted from the apartment next door and someone shuffled above them. Yet their apartment was silent. Everyone sound they made would echoing in the emptiness of the space.

They lived in a crappy place but it was all Alec could afford.

Both of the boys stared at the other.

"I'm furious," Alec said. "Please, just go to your room."

"For how long?" Max asked.

"Until dinner," Alec said.

"But Iz and Simon--"

"You can see them after dinner starts," Alec said. "Not before. Just--" He was exhausted. He hated punishing his brother-- his brother, not his son, "--Just go, Max."

Max slid off the counter and trudged into his room.

Isabelle arrived an hour later as Alec was pulling the chicken out of the oven. He sucked at the domestic stuff but usually managed. Her "serious" boyfriend Simon was right at her side. Alec tolerated Simon. He couldn't see his value or attractiveness, in his black plastic glasses and grey beanies, but apparently Isabelle did.

"Where's Max?" Isabelle asked immediately.

"Not 'hi, how was your day?' Or 'hey, long time no see!'" Alec snapped.

"I saw you like six hours ago," Isabelle said, raising an eyebrow. "What's your problem?"

"Do you have any pomegranate juice?" Simon asked, digging through Alec's fridge. Alec glared at him for a moment before deciding to ignore him.

"Max got in a fight--"

"Is he okay?"

"He's fine," Alec said. "I sent him to his room because I think that's what you're supposed to do."

"Ah, the old 'Go to your room' punishment," Simon said. "Classic, but not super effective."

"Dear," Isabelle said, folding her hands politely in front of her. "Please stop speaking."

Simon turned back to the fridge.

"Apparently he was making out with some kid's girlfriend," Alec said. "And got caught."

"Which kid?" Isabelle asked.

"Raphael?"

She smiled.

"He's probably lucky he's alive."

......

Magnus met Alexander outside a cheap bar near the school.

He'd spent most of Thursday night trying to find something flattering, yet conservative to wear. The flattering part put most of his clothes into the running and the conservative requirement tossed about half of them out.

He ended up just exchanging his dress shirt from green to black. He saw Alec coming from the subway station down the street, his tall figure towering above the rest of the pedestrians.

He wore a plain black sweater, something Magnus had found typical of him.

When his eyes rose and met Magnus', Magnus could have sworn there was a sliver of a smile on his lips.

"Hey," Magnus said, trying to act cool and composed.

"Hi," Alec said. He had his hands stuffed in his pockets.

"Well, let's go inside," Magnus said, throwing open the door for Alec.

Current pop music played quietly in the background. Conversation dominated the atmosphere. The bar was decently crowded; enough that you knew it was a good place but not so much that it was inhabitable.

They found an empty table and started talking, mostly boring small talk at first about college, life at the moment, world history. They carefully dodged the topic of family and ordered food, sharing a fried appetizer so greasy that threatened to give them both immediate heart disease.

Magnus abhorred this part of dating: the awkwardness, the nervousness, and the inability to judge whether or not the other person was actually a serial killer or not.

They fell silent as dinner arrived, focusing on eating.

Magnus' eyes couldn't stay on his bar burger though. They kept floating up to watch Alec, even if all he saw was the crown of a head of messy black hair.

Why was it Alexander, of all people, that he was attracted to?

Alec looked up eventually and Magnus was busted.

"You're staring at me," Alec said.

"Well you do have a spot of ketchup on your face," Magnus said. It wasn't a lie exactly; there was some ketchup on his cheek.

"My mother used to scream at me about being a sloppy eater," Alec mumbled, wiping at the wrong side of his face.

"Other side--"

"Here--?"

"No-- A smidge to the right-- Too far--" Magnus snatched his own napkin up, leaning towards Alec, intending to end it once and for all.

But it was far too perfect a moment and far too opportune for Magnus not to kiss him, just to see what it'd be like. To say that this perfectly adorable moment had been their first kiss.

He did wipe the ketchup away from Alec's face, but only as his lips met Alec's. Magnus went light-headed, probably due in good part to the alcohol. Alec begged him a little bit closer with his hand at the nape of Magnus' neck. Magnus parted his lips just a little bit more.

He felt on the verge of shattering into a million tiny pieces in front of someone he barely knew.

Magnus pulled away, tucking his napkin back in his lap. He closed his eyes, tilting his head away from Alec for a moment. When he opened his eyes, Alec looked guilty.

"I'm sorry. Did I--"

"You did nothing wrong," Magnus reassured him. "I'm just tired. This week was long."

Alec nodded his head, in half-agreement.

"I am sorry again about Raphael," Magnus said. "He's the devil reincarnate."

Alec gave a little laugh.

"I should get back," Magnus said. "Before he starts creating ridiculous rumors about me being a drug trafficker or something."

"He would do that?"

"Devil reincarnate," Magnus repeated. Alec nodded.

Alec stood up, following Magnus out of the bar. They walked in silence, side by side on the sidewalk, which had pretty much deserted by then.

"Can I walk you home?" Magnus asked suddenly, without thinking about it.

"Yeah," Alec said, finally looking at Magnus. They descended into the subway station, riding the couple of blocks back to Alec's.

Magnus got them talking about standardized testing until they were on the front stoop.

"--so eliminating the ACT completely," Magnus was saying, not even realizing it was time to end the conversation. "Oh. So this is it?"

Someone opened the door, pushing past them.

Alec stepped towards Magnus, trying to dodge the disgruntled Brooklynite. He ended up doing something between falling and lunging, landing in Magnus' arms.

"You know Alexander, if you had wanted me to touch you, you only had to ask," Magnus said.

"I-- You--"

Magnus helped him back up to his feet. Alec had turned beet red in the process. "I'm a klutz," he muttered.

"I'm learning that," Magnus said.

"What happened earlier?" Alec asked.

"Earlier?"

"At the bar. Why did you act like I did something wrong?" Alec asked. There was a slight slur to his words. Magnus wanted to smile and hold Alec's face in his hands, promising him that there was nothing wrong that he was perfect. That was the problem: he was too perfect. Alec had to have flaws in there somewhere. And yet Magnus couldn't find them.

And Alec wasn't everything Magnus had never been attracted to before: intelligence, a lack of fashion, and trainwrecks that didn't show it on the outside.

"Because you scare me," Magnus said. Alec smiled.

"You terrify me then," Alec said. He turned away from Magnus, pulling the keys out of his pocket and disappearing inside the building.

.......

Isabelle was waiting for him upstairs, Max seated at the counter.

"Alec," she growled as soon as he opened the door.

"Hi," Alec said, dropping his keys on the key-hook near the door. He struggled to pull his shoes off. "What's up?"

"Max," she said. Alec looked up. His bruise was healing well enough. But there was a ziplock bag on the counter, filled with something Max shouldn't have even been able to identify.

"What is that?" Alec demanded.

"Nothing," Max mumbled.

"Really? Because it looks like drugs," Alec said, examining the bag of little pill tablets. Ecstasy.

"They're just candy," Max said. Both Alec and Isabelle laughed.

"Do you mind if I try one then?" Alec asked. Max went silent. "What are you doing with this?"

"And don't say your friend asked you to hold it for them," Isabelle said.

"What do you think I was doing?" Max asked.

"Isabelle, you can go now," Alec said.

"Kill him for me," Isabelle said, standing and going.

"Ecstasy? Really? It couldn't have been something less harmful like pot or cigarettes?" Alec shouted.

"That's your response?" Max asked. Alec had to remind himself that Max wasn't as tiny and young as he once had been.

"What do you want me to say?" Alec asked, pacing the kitchen. "I'm not trained to be a parent. I don't know what to say except for this is stupid, Max! This stuff kills people. This stuff makes you do stupid stuff that gets you killed or worse!"

"I just wanted to have some fun."

"Then play a damn board game," Alec said, snatching the drugs up. "I'm pulling your allowance."

"You can't do that," Max said.

"Yes, I can," Alec said. "I pay it, I can take it away."

"You're not my parent!"

"You're right!" Alec shouted. "I'm not! I shouldn't be having this conversation with you! I should be spending my Friday nights out drinking and sleeping around with guys I barely know! Instead I'm here, yelling at you about not doing drugs which is something I taught you years ago! How could you be so stupid and ungrateful, Max?! After everything!"

Max dropped his head into his hands and guilt washed over Alec, followed by a wave of dizziness.

He was going to pass out on the kitchen floor at any second.

"Max, I'm sorry," Alec said, gripping the edge of the counter. "I shouldn't have said that."

"Are you wasted?" Max asked.

Alec looked up at him, not even trying to hide it anymore.

"Wow," Max laughed through tears. "This lecture just got a lot less effective."

"Go to your room," Alec ordered.

"Go to hell, Alec," Max said, kicking his chair aside.

"I'm already there when I'm with you!" Alec shouted. Max let out a dramatic scream before slamming his door shut. Alec slid down the kitchen counter until his legs hit the cold linoleum.

Maybe sleeping on the floor wasn't such a bad idea.

......

"Did you sleep with him?"

Magnus opened his eyes. Raphael stood as silhouette in the morning light.

"Good morning to you too," Magnus said. "Get out of my room."

"Not until you answer my question," Raphael said.

"My sex life is none of your business," Magnus rolled into the blanket piled around him.

Raphael sat on the edge of the bed, poking Magnus. "I'll find out."

"I didn't," Magnus groaned.

"Are you hungover?"

"Yes."

Raphael was silent for a long time. Magnus was just drifting back into unconsciousness.

"I'm glad you like him," Raphael said.

..........

"Dinner," Alec said, setting his mug down on Magnus' desk on Monday morning. It was still quiet throughout the school.

Magnus looked up from his computer.

"What about it?"

"You and I," Alec said. "We should go out to dinner. Despite the fact that I know it's a stupid idea and that we could get in a ton of trouble--"

"Dinner sounds great," Magnus said. "Trouble sounds good too but I'm assuming you're trying desperately to avoid it so I'll do my best to behave."

"I mean with the principals," Alec said.

"I know what you meant," Magnus said, his golden eyes smiling. But Alec's eyes were caught on the pi pie mug. Alec shook his head, walking out the door.

..........

"You never said you were making dinner," Magnus said, cautiously entering the apartment.

"Well, I suppose I didn't," Alec said, stepping back into the kitchen where a pot full of noodles was on the verge of boiling over.

"Where's your brother?" Magnus asked.

"My sister's. He's mad at me because I caught him with drugs last weekend so he ran to her house to avoid my tyranny," Alec smiled bitterly. Max hadn't been home in days and the apartment was getting to be far too quiet. He knew Isabelle wouldn't be punishing him there; she was better at punishing in the moment while he held grudges.

"Your brother?" Magnus asked. "I don't believe that."

"I don't either. There's something else going on."

"But he's not going to rat out his friends," Magnus said.

"Of course not," Alec mumbled.

"What can I do to help?" Magnus asked. Alec pointed out the strainer already resting in the sink and handed Magnus the pot of cooked noodles. As Magnus strained, Alec pulled dishes down from the press-board cabinets. "What are you going to do about it?" he asked. It was the question Alec had been debating for every free moment of the last couple of days.

"I have no idea," Alec said. "I need to get him back here but at the same time, he has to know what he did was wrong."

"Cut back his curfew," Magnus said. "Tell him that'll be his punishment. Force your sister to kick him out of her house."

"That's not a horrible idea actually," Alec said, offering Magnus a bowl. When Magnus didn't take it, Alec looked up and felt a pang of something wanting in his stomach. He ditched the bowl onto a towel folded on the counter and met Magnus halfway. Magnus wrapped his arms around Alec's waist, trapping Alec against him. Alec's fingertips brushed along the back of Magnus' neck as his lips met Magnus'.

There was this mutual feeling of limitlessness. Neither of them could get enough and neither of them would run out of energy.

An invisible drum pounded on the inside of Alec's heart as Magnus jumped up, wrapping his legs around Alec's waist. Alec pressed Magnus into the side of the counter. Magnus let out a shaky breath in response.

Just then, a phone rang out.

Magnus dropped to his feet, muttering apologizes as he searched for his phone. Alec's eyes, trying to avoid Magnus, caught the phone where it had landed on the floor at some point in time.

Alec snatched it up, handing it over to Magnus.

He saw the caller ID: Raphael.

Magnus answered with an agitated sigh.

"What?" Magnus turned away from Alec, leaning his hands against the counter. "Raphael, I swear--"

Alec busied himself with shutting the stove off, something a responsible adult would have done before starting a makeout session.

"I'm going to kill you," Magnus growled. "Jail?"

Alec looked up at the exact moment Magnus looked back at him. "With who?" Magnus asked. "Oh, Raphael, I swear when we get there I am going to strangle you."

"'We?'" Alec asked as soon as Magnus hung up. Only Alec's phone started ringing before Magnus could answer. Alec dug it out of his pocket, answering. He heard Max give a little sniffle.

"Alec, I got arrested."

.........

They entered the police station looking like truly concerned parents. The sergeant at the front desk explained the situation; the boys had been caught outside a 21 and over club, selling ecstasy, and as long as they'd tell the police who they got it from, the boys would go free without any permanent tarnishes on their record.

Max and Raphael were seated side by side in a tiny interrogation room. Raphael's arms were crossed stubbornly and Max was staring into his lap; not quite different from the scene in the principal's office just a few days earlier. Their eyes moved in unison when Magnus and Alec entered, but immediately dropped in shame.

"We'll be having a conversation about this later," Magnus said, leaning over the table, getting in Raphael's face. Magnus knew how to be intimidating-- how to show anger while maintaining a level of cool. "But first you're going to tell the police where you got the drugs."

Alec's eyes darted away from Magnus to Max.

"Max," Alec said, and he couldn't help how desperate he sounded, how much it sounded like he was begging.

"We're not supposed to tell," Max mumbled.

"Your futures are at risk," Magnus said, looking pointedly at both of them. "Do you understand how hard it will be to get a job with a felony-- and that's exactly what you're looking at-- on your record?"

Max looked at Raphael.

"This girl at school," Max admitted.

"Max!" Raphael snapped.

"And her name is--?" Magnus pressed.

"Camille," Max said.

Raphael dropped his face into his hands, groaning and mumbling words in Spanish.

"She was the one I was meeting in the janitor's closet," Max said. "Raphael got mad because she was talking to me about the deal and not him. And he's got a bad temper--"

Raphael raised his head, shooting deadly glares at Max.

"The police are going to have more questions," Magnus said, leaning back. "I expect you both to answer them." Magnus slipped by Alec, leaving the room.

Alec made sure to give Max one more disappointed look before he followed.

"How did you know what to say?" Alec asked, jogging to catch up to Magnus.

"I'm very good at improvising," Magnus said, curtly. "I'm in an improv group actually."

"You're lying."

"Of course," Magnus said, stopping at the end of the hallway. He turned to face Alec. "Max seems like a good kid and Raphael-- he's got his problems. I'm sorry Max is caught up in whatever scheme Raphael is planning. Hopefully, this whole fiasco will kill Raphael's drug-dealing dreams."

"Apparently I don't know my brother half as well as I thought I did," Alec sighed, leaning against the wall. It was exhausting-- trying to play father, brother, teacher, adult and juggle what he wanted to be.

"You can't blame yourself for not knowing someone," Magnus said. "Relationships are a two-way street, Alec. You have to give to take."

........

"Okay, why," Magnus said, tossing his keys on the counter. Raphael was so obviously trying to slip Magnus and hide himself away in his room. "You're here because you wanted to get away from that life. So tell me why you'd go back into drugs."

"It was one time," Raphael exploded, whirling around at Magnus, his eyes angry and screaming. "One time, Magnus!" He punched each word for emphasis. "It was just for some quick cash so can we forget about this?"

"No, we can't," Magnus said, trying to keep his calm. "You can lock yourself away in your room but until you stop lying to me--"

"I'm not lying!"

"But you are!" Magnus shouted. "You are lying, Raphael! Directly to my face! I didn't have to do any of this for you! But I did! Because I knew what it was like to want a future but not having the tools to get it! And now you're throwing everything away. Everything, Raphael! Do you not remember the court cases to try and get you here? The hours we put into trying to boost your reading scores-- It's as if you've forgotten everything you and I have tried so desperately to achieve for quick cash--"

"She's sick!" Raphael screamed. His face twisted as he tried to hold back tears. He tried so hard to be strong. "My mother is sick," he whispered, turning away from Magnus.

It was one thing to go running back to the slums, it was something entirely different when it came looking for you.

Magnus stepped up Raphael, wrapping his arms around the tiny fifteen year old. He protested at first, trying to squirm away but Magnus heldfast until Raphael finally fell into him, burying his face in Magnus' green Oxford button-down.

"I was just trying to get some money for her treatment," Raphael sobbed. "I wasn't thinking. I wasn't--"

"I know, kid."

...........

Cold spaghetti sauce still sat on the stove top and even colder noddles in the sink.

Alec wanted to ask Max a thousand questions but Max had fallen asleep on the taxi ride home and Alec had carried him upstairs.

He'd done the exact same thing six years earlier, when Max had been much smaller, climbing the stairs to their townhouse in Manhattan with Max's scrawny legs wrapped around his waist, the both of them in ill-fitting suits. 

Alec gently laid Max down in his bedroom, covering his younger brother in a blue bedspread that had once been Alec's.

Alec left his brother with a kiss on the forehead and staggered into his own room.

It was past midnight and Alec reached a new level of exhaustion, falling onto his bed with tears in his eyes.

He'd tried. He'd tried so hard to make it all work. So why wasn't it? Why was Max doing this? Why was Isabelle so uncaring? Why did no one care that he was dying on the inside? Why was he so unhappy? Why had his parents died?

He didn't realize he was screaming until his phone was ringing, pulling him back into reality. His throat was raw and horse and who was calling him at midnight?

Magnus' name was plastered across the screen.

Alec hesitantly pressed "Accept."

"Hello?"

"Alec." It sounded more like a question though.

"Hey," Alec said.

"Did you get home okay?"

"Yeah," Alec said. He could almost picture Magnus' head absently nodding.

"I don't think we should keep seeing each other," Magnus said, softly.

"Oh."

That didn't make any sense.

"Just with the boys-- I think we need to take a break," Magnus added.

Alec didn't need a break. He needed someone.

"Yeah, of course," Alec said, pulling the phone away from his face, but keeping the speaker by his ear as he buried his burning face in the pillows. It hurt. It all hurt so much.

"So I'll see you around," Magnus said.

"Yeah, yeah," Alec mumbled.

"Bye."

Alec ended the call as quickly as he could, stabbing blindly at the red button.

Why hadn't he fought? Why couldn't he fight anymore?

Why?

...........

"I was trying to stop Raphael."

Alec wiped his eyes as he opened them. Max was sitting next to Alec, on his bed, stretching diagonally across the queen-sized bed, stripped of all the blankets which had fallen to the floor at some point in Alec's panic the night before.

"Both times," Max said. Alec knew he was telling the truth but Max looked oddly dejected. "I managed to take the drugs when he punched me. It didn't matter though, he got a new batch even after you took the ones I had. At the club, I was trying to stop him again."

"I believe you," Alec sighed, opening his arms. Max fell into Alec's awkward hug.

"I was afraid you wouldn't."

"I thought it was odd my innocent little brother was in jail."

"But Raphael-- he was doing it so he could help his mom. She has cancer. He was trying to do the right thing."

"In the wrong way," Alec reminded him.

"Yeah. But still," Max sighed.

Soft morning light warmed the boys up as they rested there for a few moments. They'd have to start the day eventually but neither of them were ready.

"I'm never breaking the law," Max swore. "Jail is terrifying."

..........

"Cutbacks on the budget aren't allowing the world history department to get new textbooks next year," Mr. Miller, the history department chair said, dropping his own books and binders on the conference table. He was twenty minutes late to his own department meeting. It was the main reason Magnus resented the archaic European history teacher. Well, that combined with the fact that the man was Eurocentric, ethnocentric, and egocentric to a fault.

Alec sat on one side of the conference table and Magnus on the other, directly across from him.

Another reason to hate Mr. Miller: assigned seating, even in staff meetings.

Both Alec and Magnus looked up when he said it.

"Just world history?" someone asked.

"The other subjects aren't up for new textbooks," Mr. Miller informed them, as if it were obvious. He stared across the conference table, daring someone to protest.

"Our textbooks are ten years old," Alec said, breaking the silence. "That's somewhat critical for our students to learn."

"War against Iraq, 9/11, I mean the list goes on and on of stuff our current textbooks are missing," Magnus added, backing Alec up. Alec's eyes jumped back to him, as if Magnus supporting him was some crazy statement of blasphemy.

"I understand," Mr. Miller said, dismissively, "but unfortunately the budget just doesn't allow--"

"Oh I'm sure," Magnus mumbled.

"Mr. Bane, we are all well-versed historians here so if you want to make a statement, please don't make it eloquent and loud enough for everyone to hear."

Magnus smiled sweetly at him but kept his mouth shut.

"In hindsight, I find it ironic that your European History classes got a brand new textbooks last year when suddenly, budget cuts aren't allowing for new World History textbooks considering they were 10 years old and the old Euro history textbooks were only two years old," Alec stated. "Additionally, the textbooks before the old textbooks were three years old. Which means you've gotten three different textbooks in six years and I highly doubt European history has had three major events in less than three years."

Magnus dropped his head into his arms, folded across the conference table, trying to stifle his laugh.

Mr. Miller stared intently at Alec.

"I don't know," Alec shrugged. He leaned back in conference chair. "Just a thought."

..........

"That was excellent," Magnus laughed, catching up with Alec in the side stairwell up to the history wing.

"Oh so now we're talking?" Alec asked.

"Were we ever not talking?" Magnus said. Alec stared him down with incredulous eyes. And he was right. They had been pointedly avoiding each other for the last month. Something about the way Alec had spoken at the meeting had reminded Magnus of the Alec he'd had a crush on.

"I-- We-- Okay," Alec said, shaking his head. He wrapped his hand around the railing, leaning his whole body on it.

"Alec," Magnus sighed.

"Oh don't," Alec said, rolling his eyes.

"It wasn't anything personal."

"I'm sure." Alec turned around, climbing the stairs towards his classroom.

"Alec!"

"What?!" He was at the top of the stairs now and Magnus hadn't even moved.

"I still like you!" Magnus shouted.

"Yeah, well, I don't like you," Alec said. He crossed his arms and stormed away.

But Magnus wasn't giving up yet. He ran after Alec, throwing open the door to Alec's classroom.

"Go away," Alec growled, collapsing into the seat of his desk chair.

Magnus sat on the edge of his desk anyways, trying to demand Alec's attention with his presence.

"I'm not leaving until we talk," Magnus said.

"Then let's talk," Alec said, whirling around.

"I didn't not break up with you because I didn't like you," Magnus said. "I broke up with you to focus on Raphael, who is, by the way, back to normal-- or as normal as hormonal fifteen year old can be."

Alec let out a heavy sigh.

"You're amazing," Alec said. "But you kinda hurt me."

Magnus flinched. He hadn't even considered that. He hadn't even thought about that when he called.

"I'm sorry. Alec--"

"Look, I have a lot of stuff to get done before I can go home," Alec said.

Magnus took the cue, leaving.

........

"You're stupid," Isabelle said, pointing a fork, spearing a piece of broccoli in Alec's direction.

"Oh, thanks."

The door to Max's room opened and he came sulking out. His month of house-arrest was beginning to show.

"Who's stupid?" he asked, heading for the kitchen.

"Alec," Isabelle said. "He turned down Mr.--"

Alec burst into noise, trying to stop Isabelle from talking.

"Mr. Bane?" Max asked. His eyes grew wide. "Mr. Bane?!"

"No."

"Alec, you said no?" Max asked. "Why?"

"Because I don't like him," Alec said. Izzy snorted. "I'm sure," she laughed.

"'lec if you like him, you should date him," Max said.

"That's not how it works," Alec said.

"No, no, I'm pretty sure it does," Max said, sitting down beside Alec, a full plate. "So just go back to him, tell him you like him, and then go out with him."

"Simple," Isabelle said. Max nodded, succinctly, shoveling a fork-full of mashed potatoes into his mouth.

"No, it's really not," Alec said.

"He's just worried he'll get rejected," Isabelle said.

"No-- I-- I would not get rejected," Alec said.

"You told him you didn't like him; he's probably spending the evening trying to get over you," Isabelle said.

Alec shook his head.

"Look, I'm going out," Alec said, standing up. "Max do the dishes."

"Where are you going?" Isabelle called as he snatched up his keys and coat in one fluid motion.

"Where do you think?"

...........

He was trying to go to sleep early, in an attempt to be less grouchy for his first hour class. Disappointing was an understatement on how the day had gone.

The apartment buzzer was screaming throughout the apartment, however, making it impossible for anyone to sleep. Yet Raphael ignored it.

Magnus hopped to his feet, buzzing the unknown guest in. He didn't bother to see who it was. He had to make himself attractive first.

He threw a house coat on over his bare chest and striped pajama pants. He considered smoothing his hair down but it didn't matter-- the stranger was knocking on the front door.

Magnus peeked his head out-- Alexander Lightwood, holding a bouquet of half-dead red roses out in front of him.

"It was all the little Vietnamese florist down the street had," he said, justifying the wilting petals. "And I figured I had to bring something."

"You just had to bring yourself," Magnus said, trying to hold back an all-out grin. He offered his hand to Alec, who ditched it in exchange for wrapping his arms around Magnus' waist. Alec's lips crashed into Magnus as he tossed the bouquet on a side table.

"I'm so sorry," Magnus mumbled.

"I forgive you," Alec said, leaning away from Magnus just for a moment. He reached up, placing his palms on Magnus' cheeks, his thumbs running over Magnus' pronounced cheekbones. Then he reverted his focus back to eliminating any and all space between the two of them.

"While this is just riveting--" Alec jumped away from Magnus at Raphael's bored, drawling voice, "--if you're going to continue, please use one of the many rooms with closing doors."

Magnus glanced over at Alec, and grabbed his hand, dragging him towards Magnus' room.

Raphael rolled his eyes, muttering comments about sex-deprived nerds. He began the task he'd originally set out to do, putting a kettle of water on to boil and deciphering the writing on the outside of Magnus' strange packets of tea until he settle on one that he assumed was a black lemon tea.

Raphael reached up into the cabinet, pulling down the first mug he managed to wrap his fingers around. He pulled it down, tossing the tea bag in it carelessly as the kettle began screaming. He carefully poured the water and carried the mug over to the large window, providing the fading evening light for the apartment.

As he took a sip, his eyes were drawn to the design of the mug.

It was a blue background, almost like an idealize sky, with pies plastered all over, like flying saucers. cut into each pie was the pi symbol.

It was so incredibly nerdy. So incredibly Magnus and Alec.

And as much as the idea of Magnus being sappy and in love disgusted him, Raphael had to say he was glad Magnus had found someone.

Even someone as horribly nerdy as Alec Lightwood.


	40. Broken Plates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Alec is alone.

It was a simple business trip.

Magnus was safe.

Magnus was fine.

But Magnus was gone.

The apartment was empty. Alec didn't have patrols to do. Clary and Jace were busy with this and that and weddings and traveling. Izzy and Simon were drooling over one another.

Alec was alone.

The first night was fine.

The second night was boring.

The third night gave him time to think, which was the night's first mistake.

Thinking gave one time to go insane.

And that's precisely what Alexander Lightwood did.

The loneliness was something new to Alec. His siblings were always around. Being alone had always been a choice, never this forced upon state of being.

His thoughts were all on Magnus, his beautiful Magnus, and then--

It smacked Alec across the face: This would be Magnus, after him.

This wallowing, this self-pity, this boredom, this insanity.

It made him want to scream. So he did.

That was the initial thought.

Knowing that someone you loved would be in pain, it was a hard thought but it was nothing compared to the ensuing guilt.

This was all Alec's fault. It was all on him. He was the one Magnus loved. He was the one who couldn't stay away. He brought himself back into Magnus' life.

Then he was pacing around the apartment, guilt and panic consuming him.

He needed Magnus back. He needed Magnus to lie to him and tell him everything would be alright when it wouldn't.

The future was coming with a vengeance.

Why did happiness have to come at a price?

Alec knew he was speaking, whispering words in incoherent sentences and too quiet to be heard by even himself.

The anger and hate with himself rose and rose until he lashed out, pushing a vase onto the floor.

The fake crystal shattered, the water pooling around the shards. The flowers fell with it, shaking and crashing to the floor.

Alec stared at the mess.

It was time to get help. It was time to call someone-- anyone. Magnus would come home in an instant and there was always Lily or Maia and Bat if he didn't want to bring the people he loved the most into it.

That was the irony.

He needed help but he didn't want to hurt Jace or Magnus with his depression.

It was such horrible dramatic irony.

So he continued hurting, pacing, screaming whenever he needed to.

It was nearly midnight, the chiming clock on the wall reminding him of the late hour.

It was antagonizing.

One chime.

Two chime.

Three chime.

Four chime. Alec looked at the clock from where he had settled down on the couch finally.

Five chime.

Six chime.

Seven chime--

He pulled the lamp on the table next to him out of the wall, smashing it on the ground.

It wasn't fair.

It wasn't fair that Magnus had to do this alone.

It wasn't fair that Alec wasn't going to be there.

It wasn't fair that Alec had to die.

It wasn't fair.

He was throwing plate, smashing them on the ground, one by one.

How had he ended up in the kitchen?

The clock was finally silent but the cracking and shattering of glass against tile continued.

"I hate it!" Alec screamed, tears holding back his voice.

He didn't notice the lines of blood, the cuts and scrapes, on his feet.

He didn't notice that he was stepping on the glass and porcelain.

He didn't notice the pain.

He didn't notice how dark the apartment was without it's usual light fixtures.

He didn't notice anything.

His thoughts were on destruction, because that was the only thing that seemed to distract him from the reality of life: death.

The shards that lay everywhere, even as Alec slumped against the kitchen cabinets, so accurately depicted Alec's broken heart right now.

This was just a break.

He started to nod off when the clock started chiming again, asking for an encore performance, which Alec was happy to give, by pulling the clock off the wall, and slamming it against the ground.

As he watched cogs, gears, and wood scatter and splinter, a voice was shouting his name.

Arms wrapped around him from behind, restraining him.

He resisted, trapped in his own mind.

"Alexander!" the voice roared.

It was a new level of ferocity for Magnus.

Alec went limp, folding over Magnus' arms.

He couldn't make out every single one of Magnus' concerned words, muttered under his breath, as he turned Alec around.

But he couldn't raise his head or even lift his eyes and face the one person who knew him best.

"You're bleeding," Magnus said, his first coherent statement.

Alec leaned into him, for support and comfort.

He only got support at the moment.

Seconds later, he was sitting on the bathroom counter, the bright fluorescents overhead blinding him.

Magnus worked in silence, pulling the bits and piece of broken glass out of Alec's feet.

Alec whimpered with each one, not only in pain, but in remembrance of those lost little pieces that represented his soul.

Then his feet were being wrapped and Magnus set to work on his hands which had a few tiny pieces.

Alec watched the bathroom around them rather than look at Magnus.

Rubbing alcohol was poured over his hands, reviving the burning sensation.

Then they were wrapped too.

"Stay here," Magnus ordered.

Where else would Alec go?

Time passed immeasurably, not that Alec cared.

He was going to die anyways. What was a few minutes in a bathroom doing nothing?

"What happened?" Magnus asked, when he came back in.

Alec didn't answer, like a stubborn child.

But Magnus was right in front of him, cradling Alec's face in his own hands, begging for answers.

"I'm not mad, I just want to understand. I want to help you."

He was so earnest.

So genuine.

So kind--

Too good for Alec.

But Alec couldn't find the words.

"I'm sad," Alec sighed, deciding those are good enough. "I don't want you to be in pain."

"Seeing you like this-- this hurts me, Alec. This is the only way you can hurt me."

"What about when I'm gone?"

"You don't need to worry about me."

Alec closed his eyes, suddenly feeling dizzy.

"You're not sad."

Alec looked up, searching for the alternative Magnus had to offer.

"You're drunk," Magnus said, caressing Alec's face.

He hadn't remembered drinking.

But he wouldn't put it past himself.

"It's time to go to sleep," Magnus decided. Alec walked, supported by Magnus, to bed.

They collapsed on top of it, Magnus curling up around Alec, shielding him from whatever he could.

"Why are you home?" Alec asked.

"Trip ended early," Magnus said, kissing the back of Alec's neck. "Go to sleep."


	41. In the Days After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Magnus deals with Edom.

His wrists stung and it was nothing he could heal.

Pain comes in a thousand variations but never had he felt anything as bad as this. It was throbbing, but inconsistent, without a rhythm, so it was unexpected. It burned hot one second and then his fingers were icy numb.

Pain was easy to focus on; easy, not enjoyable. At the moment all he could think about was the agony and beg for whatever God or Angel was out there to heal him.

It had been exactly a week since Edom and this is the fate Magnus succumbed to every night when he had depleted himself magic for his pain-relieving spells and there was no work to do. It seemed to be unhealable, but Magnus really hadn't tried.

The apartment had been lonely when Alec was gone. But it was worse now that he was back, but too busy to be there.

Alec had been a toy that belonged to someone else. Now he was back in Magnus' possession, but the same annoying brat was still playing with him. He'd always share Alec with the Nephilim but tonight he was in greater need of the boy, of that he was certain.

Outside, it was raining. Drops of water clung to the large glass windows overlooking the living. The light of the city caught in them and was cast against the walls. Steady raindrops were the perfect soundtrack for inducing drowsiness.

The heaviness of sleep was starting to numb the pain when he heard footsteps in the hallway.

Magnus opened his eyes, the crack of light aimed directly at his eyes. Even as he was blinded, he could make out a familiar silhouette.

"You were sleeping-- Sorry," Alec whispered.

"You're fine," Magnus croaked.

Alec hesitated momentarily before slipping into the room.

The room was pitch black, just the way Magnus liked it.

There was a thud of a heavy bag hitting the floor then the mattress sunk in, almost pulling Magnus to where Alec had sat on the edge.

He wanted to go to Alec but movement hurt. Alec would find him in the dark eventually.

"What are you doing?" Magnus asked.

"At the moment, taking off my shoes," Alec said, softly.

"Are you staying the night?"

Part of Magnus dreaded Alec saying "yes." Showing pain wasn't one of the things Magnus enjoyed. But how could you go to hell with someone and not come back with a little more trust in one another.

"I don't know."

A boot hit the carpeted ground.

"Where are you?" Alec whispered. Magnus wanted to raise his hand, to find Alec in dark and pull him closer.

"I'm exhausted," Magnus admitted. "I can't--"

"It's fine," Alec said. "We just got back to New York an hour ago. I just couldn't stand to be around the Institute."

Cold, calloused fingers fell against Magnus' face.

"Will you stay here tonight? Magnus asked. The little gesture was so comforting already.

"Sure," Alec said. Magnus could hear the shy little smile in his voice. He could hear the blush in his cheeks. He could see the shine in his blue eyes.

A random stab of pain broke through Magnus' reverie, causing him to gasp.

Alec's hand drew away.

"Are you okay?"

"It's just my wrists--"

Alec's hand found his shoulder, running down his arm until he his Magnus' forearm, stopping there.

"I'm turning on the lights," Alec said, decidedly.

"No--"

But Alec was already brightening the lights a little so the room look more orange than anything.

Alec tumbled back onto the bed, gently taking Magnus' wrists in his hands, inspecting the bracelets of burned and bruised flesh.

"How did this happen?" Alec asked.

"Edom. Sebastian had me in handcuffs," Magnus said. "Just minor chafing--"

"Stop making jokes," Alec snapped. "They have to heal on their own, I suppose?"

"Yes," Magnus said.

"Why haven't you healed yourself?"

"Don't treat me like a child--" Magnus lifted his eyes to challenge Alec's. But Alec's concern was too genuine. Why was it so hard to be mad at him? "I'm too exhausted. I don't have the energy."

It was the truth. You didn't fight a war and come back ready for round 2.

"Should I call Cat or Tes--"

"I don't want people over," Magnus said.

"Okay," Alec said, backing away. He walked around the bed, straight into the bathroom, without a word.

Magnus waited, staring at his wrists. Would it leave scars, a permanent remind of everything and everyone they left behind?

Raphael's stupid face flashed in the back of his mind. Blood. The sword. Sacrifice.

"Magnus."

Magnus looked back at Alec, who was holding an array of supplies.

Magnus tucked his legs under himself, giving Alec room to sit in front of him on the bed. He started with Magnus' right hand, gently dabbing the cuts with a warm washcloth.

"Why haven't you gotten better in a week?" Alec asked. "You shouldn't still be exhausted."

"I can't go very long before I have to do something about the pain," Magnus said, wincing when Alec pressed a little too hard. He apologized quietly.

"Tomorrow someone is coming over and healing this," Alec said.

Magnus opened his mouth to speak, but Alec kissed him, canceling the words and the thoughts and the intentions.

The pain was gone for a second, cured by the oxytocin rushing through his veins.

"No," Alec mumbled, his lips still lingering on Magnus'. The word came out like a little puff of hot air.

"Okay," Magnus sighed.

Alec's head dropped again, getting back to work.

"How have you been otherwise?" Alec asked.

He wanted to know if Magnus was having nightmares. If he was seeing things. If he was grieving too much-- too little-- not enough.

"I'm dealing," Magnus said. "What about you?"

"It's done," Alec said, stealing a glance at Magnus. "I'm just glad it's done. I'm glad we're home. I'm glad you're safe. I miss everyone who didn't make it back."

I miss Max, was how that translated.

Alec set the cloth aside, applying a thin coat of Neosporin now.

Magnus stared off into space as Alec worked.

He was so tired. He just wanted to sleep.

His wrists continued to burn, more so now that the medicine was seeping into his bloodstream.

Alec wrapped his wrists with simple white bandages a couple of times.

White. The color of mourning.

Alec had to pull Magnus back into reality when he was done, everything set aside and cleaned up.

"You should sleep," Alec said, sitting back.

He was waiting for Magnus to move-- Magnus had been sleeping on his side of the bed.

And he hadn't processed it until that very moment: Magnus had switched what side he slept on after Alec had left.

Things like that didn't happen by coincidence. Sure Magnus probably changed sides, occasionally. Committing to one bed side for eternity would get dull. But not after a breakup.

He decided not to say anything.

He'd take Magnus' old side. He got under the sheets and instantly felt at home.

Alec had missed this. He'd missed this a lot.


	42. Magnus. . . Wayland

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Alec isn't quite human, and Magnus isn't quite magical.

" _I can be wild_ ," Alec shouted.

Heavy bass thudded with his heart as alcohol raced through his veins.

His sister let out a maniacal laugh, jumping onto the bar, swinging her long legs over the side. Her dress was long and shimmering white tonight and it attracted more attention than her ego needed.

" _Please, Alec. You're as wild as that bunch of Shadowhunters over there_."

She pointed across the club where two Shadowhunters were leaning against the wall in all back. 

Alec wasn't wearing anything much different but the Nephilim wore black like it would never go out of style. Alec wore black because he had failed where Isabelle succeeded in the fashion department. 

"What are Nephilim doing here?" Isabelle hissed to her bartender behind her. He was hers because she had been paying salary for about six months and sleeping with him for about three.

He shrugged innocently but Alec knew her red eyes were on fire. His were a pale grey in comparison. She jumped off the bar, striding across the floor. Alec jumped after her, pushing through the crowd of people.

They didn't dare get in Isabelle Lightwood's way. But Alexander was the lesser known of the siblings and much less imposing. 

"--doing here?" Isabelle was asking as Alexander put a hand on her shoulder and a smile on his face.

The boys had almost matching eyes-- an unusual golden color. But the one with black hair seemed to be more orange than the blond's yellow. They both seemed to be just barely eighteen. 

The orange-eyed kid watched Alexander with a cocky smile. 

"We're investigating a series of deaths," the blond said.

"Deaths happen every day," Isabelle said. "Could you be more specific?"

"Can we talk someplace else? Maybe a little quieter?" Blondie asked.

"Isabelle," Alec said, softly. "The office is relatively clean."

Blondie smiled, "Sounds perfect."

Isabelle frowned as a hearing rune suddenly caught both hers and Alec's eyes.

.......

Alec shut the door behind them. Isabelle gestured for the boys to sit in front of the desk. Isabelle sat in the grand mahogany chair behind the desk, as she usually did. Alec paced back and forth behind her.

"So death?" Isabelle asked, folding her hands together, grinning just enough for it to be creepy. 

"First," Alec said, jumping in. "What are your names?"

"Magnus." "Jace," they said in unison. 

"Jace Wayland," Blondie said, enunciating.

"Magnus--" He hesitated on the last name, "--Wayland."

Jace smiled at his friend. Magnus looked bored.

"And on with murders," Isabelle insisted.

"They've occurred outside your building every night you have a party," Jace said.

"So a serial killer. And his M/O is _our_ parties-- Alec, how exciting!" Isabelle clapped her hands together once. "In case you haven't detected my sarcasm," she continued, now horribly monotone, "I'd like you to stop wasting my time, Nephilim, and get to the point."

"Did anyone stand out as particularly killer-like?" Jace asked.

"Well, some of your kind would say _all_ Downworlders are 'killer-like,'" Isabelle said.

"Isabelle," Alec warned.

Jace was still relaxed. 

"Has anyone acted suspiciously?" Magnus pressed.

"No more than usual," Isabelle answered. 

Jace rolled his eyes.

"We can always summon you to Idris," Jace said. "You're not being very cooperative."

"And you broke onto my premises," Isabelle said. "I should be reporting this little incident."

"It's a party!" Jace shouted.

" _And you weren't invited_ ," Isabelle hissed. "Now please go before you make Alec angry. He's got a horrid temper."

Both of the boys looked up at Alec, Jace with frustration, Magnus with amusement.

The boys stood and walked out.

"Next time get a warrant!" Isabelle shouted after them.

Jace slammed the door shut with a flourishing smile.

Alec sat on the edge of the desk, facing his sister. 

"Please stop watching cop shows, Izzy."

.......

The doorbell rang often, but rarely when Isabelle wasn't home. Alec picked himself up off the couch and headed for the stairs.

He and Isabelle had lived in the abandoned factory for going on two decades. They had remodeled the factory floor into a club scene, which was clean at the moment. The upstairs offices had been transformed into their living space. 

Alec slid down the banister, landing on the concrete floor. 

He was only mildly-shocked to find Magnus standing there in slightly less black than before.

His shirt was a fitted grey v-neck which was incredibly attractive on him.

"Business hours are over," Alec said.

"I'm not here on business," Magnus said. "Well, technically I am, but I'm trying to make it casual."

"You're failing," Alec said, opening the door a little wider. He filled it with his body before Magnus could step into the building.

"It's Jace and I's first official investigation. We're trying not to screw it up," Magnus said.

"Don't demand Downworlders for anything," Alec cautioned. "That's step 1. You've already failed."

"There was another death last night. A young werewolf girl," Magnus said. "Young as in younger than me. Whoever is doing this has to be stopped. Please let me in."

"Fine," Alec said, opening the door up. He turned his back on Magnus and started towards the bar. "Do you drink?"

"No," Magnus said, not far behind. "I'm technically working."

"Technicalities," Alec said, jumping onto the counter top. He reached behind the bar, pulling up a bottle of brandy, pouring himself a shot glass. He poured it but left it on the counter for when he would eventually need it.

Magnus sat on a barstool beside him. 

"So why did they send you instead of Jace?" Alec asked.

"Because I'm the gentler approach," Magnus said.

"Fair enough," Alec shrugged. "And what do you want to know?"

"The first death was exactly a month ago. Any particularly new faces that night? Or maybe the night before?"

"A month ago? We've been getting more and more of the fey as of late," Alec said. "No one in particular though. I can ask Isabelle or the bartender. He memorizes faces pretty well."

"We're thinking werewolf. They've been. . . gorey?"

Alec leaned back on his hands, thinking.

"The pack's had problems with fey so they've been coming less."

"Problems as in. . .?"

"A werewolf died in Central Park. Stepped on a piece of stray silver," Alec said. "You don't find stray silver lying around the Park. It was supposedly a trap set by the faeries to keep werewolves out of their dominion."

"That would be a problem," Magnus sighed.

"It's been a series of little attacks. No deaths since the original wolf," Alec said. "And the warlocks remain as well-behaved as ever."

"I'm sure," Magnus said, rolling his eyes. Alec smiled. 

Just last week, he and Isabelle had done an illegal summoning.

"Any other questions?" Alec asked.

"It was a werewolf girl killed though," Magnus said.

"The pack would never kill one of their own. But they would frame the wolves."

"Everyone except for the fae have had a death."

"Warlocks--?"

"Yes," Magnus said. "Do you see the problem now?"

"I'll have Isabelle heighten security tonight--"

"Tonight?" Magnus cried.

Alec nodded.

"It's Isabelle's cat's birthday," Alec said. "We can't forget that."

"But we were-- I have to go," Magnus said, standing up abruptly. "Thank you, Alec."

"Anytime," Alec said. Magnus froze.

"You mean that, don't you?" Magnus asked, carefully.

"Cheers," Alec mumbled, raising the brandy. He squeezed his eyes shut and downed the liquid drink.

When he slammed the shot glass back down, Magnus was gone.

.......

Alec was hovering by the front door that night, watching the guests enter and leave through the massive garage door. 

He liked watching the party from different angles. The view from the bar was different from the top of the stairs. Watching from the entrance was like watching the beginning of a sporting event. Everyone was riding a pre-event high.

"Hi."

Alec's head snapped to the side where Magnus had appeared. 

"Hi, yourself," Alec said. The party hadn't gotten ridiculously loud yet. 

"Half the Conclave is patrolling outside. Jace and I will be in here."

"Lovely," Alec said, smiling curtly up at Magnus. He was just shy of an inch higher than Alec and it was unsettling.

"Why aren't you worried?" Magnus asked. "The killer could get any one of us?"

"Because I can handle myself," Alec said. 

"Wait," Magnus said. "'Handle'-- He's going after the weak, the young--"

"That doesn't help us find him," Alec said. "In fact, it could be any one now--"

"No but it narrows down the victim," Magnus said. "And he's killed a warlock, a wolf, a vampire, and last night it was a mundane. Which means tonight it's going to be a Sh--"

Magnus dove into the crowd, pushing through. 

Alec hesitated for a moment before following him.

"Magnus!" Alec shouted as he made it out of the dance floor. 

Magnus was racing towards the back entrance. 

Alec teleported himself to the doorway.

Magnus skidded to a halt in front of him.

"It's going to be a Shadowhunter. He's planned it--"

"Got it," Alec said. "Let me help you."

He leaned his back into the door, stepping out into the back alley. Magnus followed behind him as Alec lit a flame from his finger-tips. The fire burned in the palm of his hand as they walked along the back of the factory. 

Shattered glass lay everywhere and Alec was glad he took Isabelle's advice to wear combat boots rather than his Converse.

A witchlight glowed in Magnus' hand, making the alley eerier.

Suddenly, the lights went out and they fell back into darkness. The glow of Magnus' seraph blade which he had drawn out of nowhere wasn't even enough for them to find each other. 

"Ooh," a voice cooed. "Creepy."

"Show yourself," Magnus demanded. His voice didn't waver or shake and Alec had to give him credit for that. 

"Don't worry, Alexander. I've only come for the Nephilim."

There was a horrible gust of wind and a pair of feet knocked into Alec as if they had come flying from above.

Alec fell back, his head connecting with the concrete in a horrible blow. 

He blacked out completely, but it was only for a second.

He could hear the seraph blade flying back and forth and Magnus shouting something and his opponent laughing.

It was never a fair fight when someone was laughing.

" _Alec!_ "

"Your friend is out," the attacker giggled.

Alec mustered all the energy he had into a sphere, glowing a horrible green, forcing it in the direction of the voice. It would knock Magnus down but Alec hoped he could get back up a little faster.

He forced himself to a sitting position and tried to summon more energy. But it wouldn't come.

The back door flew open.

"Get him out of the way!" Isabelle shouted. Alec felt a burst of something in him and found Magnus' ever-moving body in the darkness. He pulled Magnus toward him with some invisible rope. Magnus cried out, landing in Alec's arms, as the alley filled with red light. 

The attacker, who Alec hadn't seen until then, was bathed in scarlet, frozen in time and in air. 

"If I kill him," Isabelle said simply, "will the Clave ask questions?"

"No," Magnus breathed. The red light exploded again, this time disappearing. 

Alec hadn't realized his arms were wrapped around Magnus, neither of them hesitating or struggling against it.

He could see Isabelle's outline in the doorway and he could feel her disapproving looks.

They didn't get involved in the Nephilim's problems.

"Are you okay?" Alec asked, quietly.

"My shoulder is ripped open pretty bad," Magnus said, his breathing uneven.

Alec took his arms back. 

"Isabelle, party's over," Alec ordered. "Tell the Nephilim to take care of this."

"My cat will be disappointed," she sighed, disappearing.

"And you," Alec said, "get to spend the night with me."

......

Both Isabelle and Alec had a private study attach to their bedrooms. Alec's was the smaller of the two. Isabelle's was used more as a closet and dirty clothes bin and Alec's was wasted space. But there was a couch in there, their only source of a spare bed.

Alec had reasoned with the Nephilim to let Magnus stay the night while Alec healed him. A few eyebrows had been raised but their doubts had been cast aside when Isabelle confessed to killing the vampire with a taste for variety. 

Magnus sat on the couch, bought in the late 80's, as Alec pressed his hands against the wound, now covered with bandages.

"That hurts," Magnus breathed.

"Faster than _iratzes_  and it's eliminating the poison," Alec said, concentrating.

"Thank you again."

"You're welcome, again."

"You never said that the first time." Alec looked up at Magnus frowning.

"Sorry," Magnus said. "Keep going. I'll shut up."

"No you won't," Alec laughed.

"You know me far too well."

"For having only met you last night? Yes," Alec agreed. "Far too well."

"You could know me better," Magnus tempted.

"What _are_ we doing?" Alec asked.

"At the moment, you're healing me," Magnus said.

Alec closed his eyes impatiently.

"We could be kissing," Magnus offered.

"I wouldn't complain," Alec said.

"Excellent." Magnus pulled Alec's face up towards his without hesitation and the energy of an 18 year old. He kissed like he was stealing, taking in little bits, with very little break in between each collision of lips.

Alec didn't take long to catch up.

It had been far too long since he had been kissed so recklessly, even if it didn't mean anything by the end of the night. But while Magnus had the smile of a heartbreaker and charisma of a teenage-heartthrob, Alec didn't feel like this one would break his heart.

But then again, he was mortal.

And they always did. 


	43. Black is the Color

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Magnus admires Alec.
> 
> Song: "Black is the Color of My True Love's Hair" by Nina Simone.

_Black is the color of my true love's hair_   
_His face so soft and wondrous fair_   
_The purest eyes_   
_And the strongest hands_   
_I love the ground on where he stands_   
_I love the ground on where he stands_

Magnus was eternally grateful for his fingers. Losing any other sense would never been as devastating as losing his sense of touch. If there was a word beyond "love," that might be able to accurately describes his obsession with twisting his fingers into Alec's messy excuse of a hairstyle. He craved these quiet moments when his Alexander was on the verge of sleep; too tired to speak or move but just conscious for his face to react to every single movement of Magnus'. A smile here. A heavy exhale there. At the moment, the towering windows to the balcony were letting in a sharp pale moonlight, which casted on Alec's face, the white light against pale skin making him glow softly.

Heavenly.

That was what Alexander Lightwood looked like tonight.

His eyes were shut, his lips were pursed closed, but his chest still rose and fell steadily, the only sign that death hadn't snuck into the apartment and stolen Alec from Magnus. Alec's arm was thrown across his chest, his fingers resting hesitantly on top of his parabatai rune. It so eerily reminded Magnus of the way one might trace along the engravings on a tombstone.

One thing Alec and Magnus had in common was the deadly power trapped within in their hands. Magnus' blood ran mixed with magic, making every part of him powerful, but it all ended in his fingertips. It was where the blue sparks were created. Deadly little bursts of power and magic. Alec's hands needed no help; they could throw punches on their own. When a weapon was placed in his slender fingers though-- oh, he was just as dangerous as Magnus.

_Black is the color of my true love's hair_   
_Of my true love's hair_   
_Of my true love's hair_

The black caught the Moon's pearly white, shining and glittering effortlessly. Alec was so unaware of his ethereal beauty as he slept on his back , one foot dangling over the side of the bed, the other striving to reach the end of it. Magnus memorized his form, whispering compliments in airy breaths, too soft for Alec to even hear in the silent apartment.

"You're beautiful."

"You're mine."

"There's no one else--"

_Oh I love my lover_   
_And well he knows_   
_Yes, I love the ground on where he goes_   
_And still I hope_   
_That the time will come_   
_When he and I will be as one_   
_When he and I will be as one_

Magnus feared Alec's death more than his own and caught himself checking Alec's breathing obsessively on bad nights.

Bad nights were the ones were he worried about the uncertain future as Alec lay right beside him. When panic overtook him like a rip current, drowning him in anxiety until he could not breathe or even find the voice within himself to cry out for help. It hurt that as close as Magnus allowed himself to get to Alec, he could never let them speak about the unspeakable-- the tabooed topic-- without ending it in a heated argument.

Time, a mocking and heartless man, gave one wisdom as a consolation prize for watching those you loved die.

Time expected you to enjoy what he gave you, for while you had it. Magnus was savoring every moment with Alec. Tomorrow, Alec might not make it home. Tomorrow, he could be condemned to oblivion.

And Magnus would be staring at an empty side of the bed, picturing his black-haired Nephilim boy, asleep at his side.

In the end, they'd all be ghosts, but Magnus never wanted to know the ghost of his Alexander.

He wanted the real one, forever.

_So black is the color of my true love's hair_   
_Black is the color of my true love's hair_   
_Black is the color of my true love's hair_

Alexander Lightwood was finally asleep, despite the fact that Magnus' fingers were still playing with his hair and running along his jawline and collarbone, finding invulnerabilities and imperfections.

Magnus was still laying at a considerable distance, both physically and emotionally. It was amazing how little Alec knew about Magnus.

Alec couldn't do anything to prevent his own inevitable demise.

The Brooklyn skyline played itself out just beyond the window, lighting up the sky, dimming the stars with it's overpowering brightness.

Magnus pulled the thin sheet off of himself, his feet finding the floor, warm with summer heat.

He tiptoed through the bedroom, towards the balcony. Fresh air wouldn't do anything but the cross-breeze would cool him down.

His fingers found the wrought-iron railing of the balcony, wrapping tightly around it.

Magnus closed his eyes.

Time played a series of flashbacks on the back of his closed eyelids.

New York City when first arrived.

New York City when World War II broke out.

New York City in the 50's, coming off the high of victory and prospering stocks.

New York City in the--

Magnus jumped, his eyes flying open, as Alec's arms wrapped around him.

Neither said anything, Alec just tightening the embrace, sensing Magnus' panic.

His cat eyes were wild, searching for an answer among skyscrapers and the little lights that illuminated them.

Immortality had never been achieved. To live forever required a degree of _livin_ g: adventure, love, spirit, joy--

Magnus would cease to be immortal after Alec. He couldn't see himself living in the way he had always picture himself as doing. To see the rest of history go by, with no drive to experience it.

Alexander had truly stolen his immortality; but it wasn't years ago in an abandoned subway station.

It was before that, at a party, when his sharp blue eyes and black hair put sparked an undying love in Magnus.

 


	44. Jace and Clary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which they become an uncle.

Panic surged through Alec, coming out of nowhere.

He'd been sleepless all night, worried about nothing, but still feeling like the world was falling in on him.

So he tossed and turned in bed for hours, until this one moment, when he sat straight up, pulling all of the covers off Magnus in the process.

"Alexander," Magnus mumbled, grasping for blankets that weren't there.

"Something's wrong," Alec declared.

"No. Everyone is fine--"

"Jace isn't fine," Alec said. He'd ran through every other scenario. It had to be Jace.

"Okay," Magnus said, rolling over and facing Alec. "Call the Institute."

Alec leaned over Magnus, grabbing his phone. Jace was #1 on his speed dial. As his fingers swiped the phone open, it started ringing.

"It's Jace--" Alec answered the call as Magnus practically rolled on top of him to hear the call. "Hey--"

"Clary's in labor-- I need you here."

"Why me?"

"Because I'm freaking out and Isabelle said if I freak out, Clary will freak out and-- Just get here, please."

"Jace, everything is going to be okay--"

"Alec, please just get here."

"Okay," Alec sighed, hanging up the phone. A part of him was just relieved that he'd solved the mystery.

"Are you leaving?" Magnus asked.

Alec nodded.

"Do you want me to go with you?" Magnus asked.

"I'll call you if I need you," Alec said, pressing a kiss to Magnus' forehead. "Go back to sleep."

Magnus sighed, allowing Alec to go.

..........

Alec could hear Clary's screams as he was coming down the hallway.

Jace was pacing outside.

"Why aren't you in there?" Alec asked.

"Because I'm freaking out!" Jace shouted.

"Don't yell," Alec said. "That doesn't help."

Jace took a few deep breaths and stopped pacing.

"Give me your arm," Alec said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a stele.

"What are you--"

Alec drew a calming rune, identical to the one he had drawn on himself on the way there to nullify his second-hand panic.

"You need to be in there," Alec said. "Your wife is in labor. She is in pain--"

"That's why I can't be in there--"

"Shut up," Alec ordered. "She will kill you if she doesn't see you. She needs your support. You've been by her side for all sorts of injuries. This is no different--"

"Are you saying giving birth is comparable to having--"

"Jace," Alec growled, opening the door to the infirmary. "Go."

Alec had no idea how labor worked but he was guessing Clary was on some sort of break because she wasn't screaming for the first time since he had arrived.

"Walk up to her, taking her hand, tell her she's doing well, and compliment the hell out of her," Alec whispered. Jace walked forward, almost mechanically.

This was one of the few occasions Alec had ever seen Jace terrified. He was relishing the moment a little bit, he had to admit that.

Jace sat down on the edge of the bed. Silent Brothers were present and Isabelle and Jocelyn were by Clary's side. Alec stood in the corner, out of the way and out of sight.

"Hey," Jace said. Sweat covered Clary's face. "You're doing amazing."

"I want to stab you right now," Clary growled.

"I--"

Jace looked back at Alec.

Alec shrugged, trying not to laugh.

"Ugh," Clary cried.

Everyone was suddenly muttering comforting words and touching her.

Alec knew she hated that. Jace was the only one allowed to touch her, and maybe Simon. Affection was not one of her strong suits.

But this was also about them, not just her.

Clary started screaming again and the whole scene got boring.

Alec's eyes started to droop-- the calming rune was almost too calming.

He went in search of coffee and found Simon hovering outside the infirmary.

"Hi?"

"Hey," Simon said, standing up straighter. "How is she?"

"You can go in," Alec said.

"I don't do _that_ well."

"Neither do I," Alec said. "But we do what we have to."

"There's plenty of people in there," Simon said.

"I swear if you get Isabelle pregnant and aren't by her side, I'll kill you," Alec said, his voice deadpan.

Simon's eyes widened a little.

"Now," Alec said, "go in there and hold Clary's hand and tell her everything is going to be okay and whatever else you tell people who are in labor and intense pain."

Simon cautiously opened the door, his eyes on Alec until the last possible second.

Caffeine.

He need caffeine.

As he descended the stairs, the door opened and Magnus entered holding two drink carriers.

"What are you doing?" Alec asked, trying to fight the smile on his face.

"First of all, I couldn't go back to sleep, secondly, coffee is a must at three in the morning, and third, let's not joke around here-- we're going to be godfathers this morning, Alexander, and I'm not missing the birth of my first godson."

"Only your first?"

"Most of my friends are warlocks-- children are rare--" Alec took one of the drink carriers, inhaling the smell of black coffee.

They started climbing the stairs together.

Clary's screams were loud enough now to echo throughout the Institute.

"She's quite the screamer," Magnus said.

Alec took Magnus' hand with his free one.

"Thank you," Alec said, "for coming. And the coffee."

Magnus smiled.

"I do like babies, minus the whole inability to provide for themselves and the crying and the--"

Down the hall, Isabelle was opening the door the infirmary.

"I smelled coffee," she said.

Magnus wrestled a cup out of the drink carriers, handing it off to her. She held it like a lifeline.

"How's it going in there?" Magnus asked.

"I don't know," Isabelle shrugged. "Probably fine. But I'm never getting pregnant."

"I think Simon would agree with that plan," Alec said softly, smiling.

"What do you say to him?" Isabelle asked.

"Nothing," Alec sighed.

They reentered the infirmary together, Magnus and Alec distributing the coffee and Isabelle retaking her position at Clary's bedside.

"Ugh, I want coffee," Clary grumbled.

"I think that's against the rules, biscuit," Magnus said, patting her hand. "After."

Then Magnus and Alec were back in Alec's corner, watching the scene unfolded from their safe and unobtrusive distance.

"Were you serious about the whole godfather thing?" Alec whispered.

"I'd be surprised if Isabelle, Simon, you, and I weren't the godparents," Magnus said. "It's all honorary anyways--"

"Not with Shadowhunters," Alec said, cutting him off. "It's who your kids go to in case you die. And if your firstborn goes with one person so are all the rest of them."

"I didn't think about that," Magnus said, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Being a godparent is serious. They probably talked about."

"You're his _parabatai._ "

"And Simon is Clary's best friend."

"That's too difficult," Magnus sighed.

"Thank goodness we don't have to do all of this," Alec said, gesturing to the whole bedside scene.

"Only you would see it that way," Magnus said, kissing Alec's cheek.

Suddenly, the cry of baby broke through Clary's cries.

Seconds later, Clary was holding a baby girl and everyone was laughing and crying and ogling over the baby.

Magnus and Alec stood at the back, allowing everyone to get their fill.

Eventually Jocelyn disappeared and then Isabelle and Simon, followed by the Silent Brothers, who had fulfilled their duties, and then Jace was looking at Alec, tears shimmering in his eyes.

Alec felt the same burst of pride and happiness he did.

And what he wanted to do more than anything was hug Clary and Jace and kiss the little girl, who he had never even met.

Jace met him halfway, and they were hugging.

"I'm so happy for you," Alec said. He wanted to cry as well. "But please don't call me in the middle of the night when she is crying."

Jace laughed. Alec looked past him at Magnus who was watching with his wise, old eyes.

Alec let Jace go, sitting down next to Clary, who was obviously exhausted.

"Do you want to hold her?" she asked, reading Alec's mind.

Alec nodded, taking the tiny, sleeping baby in his arms.

His niece.

Nameless, for now, but beautiful none the less.

Alec stood up, carrying her over to the windows so she could see New York City, her home, for the very first time.  
  



	45. Everything You Had

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the Endarkened wins, and Alec loses.

****"Untempered _adamas_  will cost you everything you have, plus a little of that Angel blood," the ghost in front of St. Peter's estimated. Alec crossed his arms, frowning, as he looked through the ghost, his mind calculating. 

The front of the church behind her flickering figure seemed to be melting. Pillars had once supported the front of the cathedral, but a few had fallen away, and the roof had fallen with them. Moss and vines grew up the slope, and graffiti recolored all of the bricks accessible from the ground, and even some that weren't.

"And is there any way I could find a _stele_?"

"You know as well as I do, Alexander Lightwood. All functional Shadowhunter weaponry sits in Idris."

"Someone must be smuggling it out," Alec argued. 

"You have too much faith in the bravery of others," the ghost said. She drifted back for a moment, and then jumped onto a gravestone, balancing on one foot atop it. 

Alec looked back at the church. Maybe he did.

"The _adamas_ , Tatiana?" 

"The last magical store in London is going to be in there." She pointed across the graveyard. Across the torn-up street was a row of shops, their entrances obscured by meandering somber bodies. There was a lit sign, advertising a night club. "If they ask, I didn't send you."

"Who am I looking for?" Alec looked back at Tatiana, but she was gone, replaced by the leaves of an apple tree, floating to the ground. "Tatiana?"

The leaves stirred on the ground in response.

If Tatiana wasn't a Lightwood, Alec wouldn't have trusted her. He didn't trust anyone anymore. He kept his runes covered with gloves, long shirts, and turtlenecks, even in the summer. He moved with the seasons, and he had just arrived in an autumn London, with a stele broken on his fight to get to the Portal he had paid dearly to get. Now he was staying in the basement of St. Peter's, on a bedroll in the driest corner. He supposed mundanes saw the cathedral as nothing but rubble now, but he still saw it's true form, as bittersweet as that form was. It had once been quite the arsenal, since the actual former Institute was far across town, but it had been picked clean by the time Alec found his way to the floorboards below the altar. 

Whoever lead the Endarkened now had done an excellent job of finding all the hidden Nephilim storage spaces around the world and robbing them of everything, so any "rogue" Shadowhunters would be defenseless eventually. What remained in the world was either in Sebastian's hands or on the Downworld black market at an costly price. Alec would give his blood when he could, but that drew so much attention. Family heirlooms linked his face to the Lightwood name, so as much as they would do good, they could do serious harm. Isabelle had taught him that.

When they'd returned to the surface following Edom, the fighting was still going on. The Endarkened hadn't quit like they'd thought. Simon was gone, and the girls were distraught, and no one was at their best. They rushed towards the Accords Hall, Clary intent on checking on the children who probably needed more defense. Alec was hardly in a place to argue, and so they battled through the streets until they met a full faerie platoon, who mercilessly pushed them onto different streets so they were separated.

Alec had ended up on the street by Amatis' house with Isabelle. The faerie knights were ruthless and Alec could only picture Isabelle lying in the streets, her blood mixing with that of the thousands of fallen. And he made a decision. They barricaded themselves inside Amatis', where Isabelle drew one of Clary's new Portal runes on the pantry door, while Alec fired arrows into the street from the second floor.

They had barely made it back to the New York Institute in time. After panicking and discussing their options, they repacked their bags, stocking up on weapons and gear this time. 

Deep inside, Alec had known as he packed steles and seraph blades that he would never return home. The last thing he packed was a picture of the family from years earlier, and the only picture of him and Magnus that he hadn't gotten around to tearing up. 

Then they ran, first to India where they managed to survive in the countryside for a year without discovery or word of Shadowhunter politics. His concern for Jace and the others was an unrelenting and crippling anxiety, which left Isabelle to fend for their survival as he stayed inside throughout the day. He knew Jace was alive-- his bond told him as much. But word from their farming neighbors describe the world as chaos. Global leaders were assassinated almost daily, economies could fail overnight, and a loaf of bread couldn't be purchased for less than $10. Murder and crime skyrocketed as police forces disbanded in favor of protecting their families rather than others. 

For once, the Nephilim that remained could do nothing. 

They knew the Endarkened were behind all of it, but it was who was behind the Endarkened that puzzled the Lightwood siblings so much. Sebastian was dead and gone, but someone had taken his place, and done what Valentine and Sebastian had both failed to do-- destroy the world. 

Alec was conflicted now. There was nothing he could sell to whoever was running the magic shop, if they even had _adamas_  or a stele. Poking his nose around could cost him his life but living without a stele meant he had no runes, which scared him.

He didn't want to sacrifice his runes; he had already lost one. . . 

The sun had set during his conversation with Tatiana, and as Alec looked back at the storefront, he could tell the place was most likely a nightclub, and probably the most exciting thing in London at this hour judging by the rather-large crowd now streaming in. 

Considering what he was wearing was all the clothes he had at the moment, Alec couldn't do anything more exciting. But he unzipped his jacket a little and messed up his hair a little, trying to toss some of it in front of his eyes to make himself harder to recognize. Isabelle had tried to teach him to use more natural ways to glamour himself, rather than the magic itself. 

His last seraph blade was tucked in pocket in his coat, and as he passed the demons guarding the doorway, he instinctual felt for it. Luckily, their attention was focused more on a beautiful woman behind him, and they took no notice of him.

He pushed his way to the bar, where a gorgeous girl, no older than Isabelle would have been, was darting between patrons. 

"What can I get you, sweetheart?" Alec took no notice of the nickname-- she was here for the tips, not the crowd.

"I'm looking for someone in the back," Alec said.

"Oh?" She raised an eyebrow, and it, with all of her hair, morphed from a dyed-black to honey blonde. She was a faerie-- how hadn't he seen that? "Well, in that case, you should probably head towards the back."

She grinned wickedly-- her teeth were sharpened to points.

Alec turned away, but she coughed in expectation. He turned back to see her hand extended.

"Silence costs money these days, Alexander." Then he recognized her-- Kaelie, from Taki's. He'd never paid her much mind since Jace was always there to steal the show. 

"Kaelie," he mumbled. Her eyebrows raised again, and the glamour transformed her hair color again, while Alec fished around for money. What little mundane money he had would not be enough to buy her silence if Endarkened Shadowhunters came knocking, but it would be enough to keep her from finding them.

"He's through the kitchen doors," Kaelie smiled. 

Confused, Alec pushed towards the swinging doors, and into the bustling kitchen. The workers all seemed to be mundane, unlike Kaelie. They worked around him, as Alec looked around the industrial kitchen, up until they all froze a few seconds later.

Alec braced himself for something to come around the corner, and a blue glow did, with Magnus encompassed in it.

"Alec," Magnus mumbled. Alec didn't hesitate, dodging frozen workers until he was in Magnus' arms. The chaos of the kitchen suddenly resumed around them, as if Magnus couldn't keep his focus up enough to maintain the magic. Alec threw his arms over Magnus' shoulders, and buried his face in Magnus' neck. 

"Alec, oh my Alec." Magnus was running his fingers through Alec's hair. 

"You're alive," Alec mumbled. He wrapped his arms tighter around Magnus. 

He was safe now.

He was safe.

"Where have you been?" Magnus demanded, pulling Alec out to arms' length.

"Everywhere," Alec sighed.

"Come on," Magnus said, slipping out of Alec's grasp and taking his hand up. He guided Alec towards another door even farther in the back, which led to a descending staircase.

"Wait." Alec suddenly regained his senses, freezing in the door frame. "How do I know--"

"--it's really me?" Magnus asked. "I should be asking the same of you, I suppose. Who is my father?"

"Asmodeus. What am I afraid of?"

"Umbrellas," Magnus said, clearly trying to suppress a smile. Alec looked down the stairs. 

"Is this where you've been hiding?"

"Yes."

"For seven years?"

"The better half of it," Magnus said, walking down the stairs. Alec hesitantly followed, his free hand hovering over the top of his jacket.

Magnus waved his hands and the lights illuminated an expansive room, modeled after Magnus' New York loft, just missing the windows and view.

"You miss New York," Alec observed.

"I miss . . . a lot of things," Magnus sighed, dropping Alec's hand. "And you? Where have you been?"

"We first landed in India, and we stayed awhile, but Isabelle and I were on the move every couple months after that."

"And where is Isabelle?"

"Gone," Alec said. Magnus collapsed into a chair. 

"I figured all of you were gone-- or Turned-- but it's so much worse hearing that confirmation," Magnus sighed.

Alec sat on a couch across from him, sinking into under-stuffed cushions. "We were attacked outside Cairo. Clary's Portal rune helped us dozens of times, and Izzy was so good at doing it, that I let her do it. Her back was turned, and the stinger went straight through her spine to her heart."

"It was quick, Alec."

"But I could have stopped it."

"You know better than to blame yourself," Magnus said.

They fell quiet, Alec thinking of Izzy in her final moments, Magnus thinking of her at her best. Alec idly played with the straps keeping his gloves on, peeling them on and off on and off on and off--

"I can't believe it's you," Alec said, looking up. Magnus smiled slightly. "After all this time. Seven years has felt like eternity."

Alec rose off the couch and settled into Magnus' lap, gently kissing Magnus, testing the waters.

Seven years and every night Alec had thought about Magnus. About this moment, when the chaos would finally start to rebuild itself, and they would take on everything by themselves. When, for once, Izzy and Jace's deaths wouldn't sting because he'd be distracted with the hope of a future.

Magnus ran his hands up Alec's thighs, and Alec pressed harder into the kiss. Neither of them had forgotten this-- the way their hearts felt explosive, the way their fingers thought for themselves, and the incurable need to be closer to one another.

Alec felt for the zipper of his jacket, yanking it down and shrugging the jacket off, his lips barely leaving the kiss.

Magnus' hands were cold as they brushed at the skin at Alec's waistline. Alec knew Magnus wanted him to take the ratty old black sweater off, so he sat back, loving Magnus' gasps for air, easily slipping it off. Magnus' fingers traced the faint remnants of runes. 

"My stele broke," Alec explained. 

"That's why you're here?" Magnus glanced up for a brief second. 

"I was looking for _adamas,_ " Alec said. "Tatiana--"

"Tatiana Lightwood?"

"Yes," Alec nodded. "She said you might have some."

"I have a little," Magnus said, his fingers still tracing. They were on Alec's scarred _parabatai_ rune and it hurt. Alec took Magnus' hands in his, just to take the pain away. "I'm sorry about him," Magnus said.

"He's dead. It's not fair but--"

"Jace isn't dead," Magnus said. 

"The rune--"

"He was Turned. That's enough to sever the bond," Magnus explained. "And he rose through the ranks quickly. Alec, he runs the Endarkened now."

"I didn't know," Alec mumbled. He stumbled to his feet, crossing his arms over his chest. "I didn't know."

"You couldn't have known--"

"You know though," Alec said. Something snapped. Something didn't feel right. This was no longer the perfect moment he had envisioned. He turned back around. "Magnus, how _do_ you know?"

"I have sources."

"You have demons at the front door," Alec said. "Why haven't they turned you in yet?"

"I pay them a lot of money," Magnus said. "The bar brings in good money. They believe I'm an ifirit--"

"Sebastian and the Endarkened wouldn't care. You're still a Downworlder to them," Alec said. "Besides, you're notorious and they're not stupid."

"What are you implying?" Magnus asked, rising to his feet.

"You're not real," Alec said.

"Alec, please--"

"You don't call me Alec," he said, adding that to the growing list of reasons he had just seriously screwed up. "You only call me Alec when you're mad. Otherwise you always called me Alexander."

"That's not true. And I knew the answer to your question."

"But so did Jace."

Something twisted in his stomach-- a sharp pain that Alec knew he couldn't recover from.

"You're right. I do know about your silly fear." Alec dropped to his knees, as the knife slid out of his back. Jace kicked Alec in his side, turning him onto his back as he sprawled on the floor.

"Jace," Alec choked out. Magnus stepped into sight, so both of their faces-- the faces of the two men he loved most-- were above him as he took in the breaths he knew to be his last. The fake Magnus peeled his face away like it was a mask. The man behind the glamour was a familiar-looking Shadowhunter, with curly black hair, but Alec couldn't place his name.

"You were the last one. The last of the corrupt, Clave-loving Nephilim," Jace said, smiling. "I must give you credit, brother-- you were so hard to catch. But I knew you couldn't resist Magnus and I knew you'd trust Tatiana just because she was a Lightwood. Clearly you don't know all of your family history though; Tatiana hated the Lightwoods and she hated Magnus Bane even more."

"Jace," Alec mumbled again. His eyes were becoming fuzzy, and he hated the warm dampness sticking to his skin. "Jace, I'm sorry."

"Your sorriness would not have gotten me here. I rule this world now, and Clary is at my side. I did was Sebastian and Valentine could not. I defeated the Clave. I can still save you, Alec. You can join me."

"No," Alec decided. He wanted no more of this world. He wanted no more of this life.

Jace nodded solemnly, as if there was still some part of his heart that could still love and respect Alec. 

Alec felt his eyes close on their own accord, and a tear slipped out, warming his cheek as it slid down.

A biting, unfamiliar voice broke through the last seconds of darkness, "Ave atque vale, Alexander Lightwood."


	46. The Mind is a Fragile Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Alec loses almost everything.

****One generally dreads the ringing of the phone in the middle of the night.

It's rarely a good sign, and the caller is rarely calling to give you a million dollars (unless, of course, it's a scam artist. Then it happens quite a bit). 

It's generally bad news. 

"There's been an accident."

"Person X is sick."

"Person Y is dead."

Any phone call for Magnus when Alec was out hunting felt like those calls in the middle of the night, even if the sun was still out.

It was a little after eight and Magnus was hunched over a book of spells, a glass of red wine older than his boyfriend dangling in between his fingers. 

He put the glass aside, but didn't look away from the book, muttering the incantation slightly under his breath as he answered the phone.

"High Warlock of Brooklyn."

"Magnus." It was Jace. He sounded more than tired-- ashamed, almost?

"I'll be there in a minute," Magnus said, hanging up the phone. He sprung to his feet, grabbing his coat from the front door and running to the Portal he had in a tiny room of the apartment.

He was in the library of the Institute a second later.

As he moved towards the door, they swung open, and for the longest moment he thought it was the magic of the Institute-- knowing exactly what he needed. But Isabelle stood in the open doors, her arms crossed like she could face whatever came through the doors. Yet, she looked small.

"Jace isn't thrilled you hung up on him," Isabelle said.

"What's going on?" Magnus demanded.

"He slipped," Isabelle said. "I know it sounds stupid but the floor was a mess and we were surrounded. I was shouting for backup and he moved too quickly--"

"It's not your fault," Magnus said, reading her mind. He put his hands on her arms, still clad in leather gear.

"He's fine physically," Isabelle said. "A couple of minor burns from the demon poison but he's not waking up."

_Not waking up._

"The Silent Brothers will be here within the hour," Isabelle said, rigid and sharp like a soldier. "I'm sorry, Magnus."

Magnus pulled her close, because that's what Alec would have asked him to do-- to be there for her when he couldn't be.

"It's not your fault," Magnus echoed. Izzy didn't hesitate against him but she didn't make a sound. "Let's go upstairs."

It was a selfish order but Magnus had to see him.

In the infirmary, Jace was pacing at the foot at Alec's bed. Clary was slumped in a chair nearby, half-asleep. She shot up when Magnus entered though and Jace quit pacing. 

Magnus went straight to Alec's bedside.

"No magic," Jace said, as Magnus put his fingers on Alec's forehead.

"What?" Magnus asked, incredulous. No magic?

"The Silent Brothers said that if he was stable, we shouldn't do anything more," Jace said. "They specifically said for _you_ not to do anything."

"I could heal him."

"Or you could make it worse," Jace said. Anger burned in Magnus' stomach. Jace was supposed to be the one to protect Alec. 

"Is he okay?" Magnus asked, withdrawing his hand and standing up straighter. There was no point in starting a fight.

"There's something wrong," Jace said, looking down at his shoes. "Something bad."

Isabelle dropped something heavy on the counter at the front of the room. Everyone looked as a porcelain mortar shattered. 

"Sorry," Isabelle mumbled. Clary rose and went to comfort the other girl.

 _Good evening_.

Everyone looked to the doorway as a stream of Silent Brothers entered. 

Brother Enoch stood at the head of the line.

The group formed a barricade around Alec's bed, blatantly pushing Magnus aside.

"We were on a routine hunt," Jace started explaining. "Alec was towards the back of the room, fighting off anyone that was coming in from the back entrance. Isabelle was becoming overwhelmed and I was fighting a particularly strong Raum. She screamed for help and I could get to her. I just heard Alec give a quiet shout and then it was like-- like a wall kind of came up between me and Alec. I got to him as soon as I could. He had minor burns on his back from demon poison and he was unconscious. We keep giving him _iratzes_  and we treated the burns. I-- Yes."

Magnus turned to look at Izzy and Clary for a second. Clary had her arms around Isabelle, even though she was significantly shorter. Isabelle was still leaning on her for support.

_It seems clear that Alexander has suffered a brain injury. They're rare in Shadowhunters because training focuses on protecting the head. An accident has occurred. Injuries of the mind are difficult and unpredictable. Unfortunately, the Silent Brother trained best on brain injuries has left our order. Call on Jem Carstairs. There is nothing more the Silent Brothers can do for Alexander in treating his mind. We shall leave Brother Ezekiel in our wake to assist with the physical healing._

Brother Enoch stepped away from the shield of bodies and stepped towards Magnus.

_Magic is not the solution with the mind. Too much and he could go insane. Too much and you could drain yourself to the point of death. We can only wait and see and trust._

"Trust in what?" Magnus asked, bitterly. The one thing he _could_ do, he wasn't allowed to do.

_Trust in your Alexander to be resilient._

"What is he saying?" Jace asked, quietly.

_Patience will be necessary in this process, Jonathan._

"It's Jace," Jace said. 

 _We will depart now_.

The Brothers streamed past them, out of the room.

............

Jem arrived an hour later with Tessa as his silent shadow.

Exhaustion hung heavy in the air. Jace hadn't stopped pacing but it had slowed considerably. Clary was dozing off in chair and Isabelle was busying herself with making remedies for the burns. Magnus was regretting ever drinking because he was starting to feel the alcohol's drowsy effects. Brother Ezekiel still stood watch near the head of Alec's bed.

Magnus rose when Jem entered and Jace quit pacing, for a second time.

"Good evening," Jem said. For Magnus, it was still uncomfortable to see Jem in modern clothes, when he had only really known the proper Victorian-era Jem. But he knew the young Shadowhunters found it weird seeing the man they knew as scary and mutilated as someone so polished and, honestly, gorgeous.

Jace recounted the tale again but Magnus blocked his voice out. It hurt too much to hear when so much was unknown.

"He most likely has brain damage but I presume Brother Enoch was able to tell you that much," Jem decided, approaching Alec for the first time. His fingers gently turned Alec's head from side to side. He greeted Brother Ezekiel then and spoke softly in their one-sided conversation. 

Jem turned back to face everyone but Brother Ezekial spoke.

 _We're predicting that Alexander will wake in a day or so. The damage cannot be predicted, however, so in the case of memory loss, it is best that Alexander only be exposed to his_ parabatai _._

Jace looked to Magnus but Magnus refused to meet his gaze. He was being a stubborn child, and he knew it, but it wasn't fair. Jace walked over to Magnus. "I'll get you as soon as he wakes up."

"Can we stay for a little longer?" Isabelle asked Jem.

"It wouldn't hurt," Jem said. "Another hour only. You need your sleep as well."

"Clary," Jace spoke, "let's go."

The two of them left but Magnus trusted that Jace would be back the second Jem kicked him and Isabelle out of the room.

...........

The hour passed too quickly.

..........

Magnus declined Isabelle's offer to let him into Alec's room. He didn't want to be in the room alone.

The library suited him more.

His plan was to stay awake, but that was a ridiculous idea of course.

Tessa woke him with the smell of black tea.

"Good morning."

"Morning?" Magnus mumbled, sitting himself up on the couch.

"10," Tessa said, insisting he take the cup of tea. He took it in his hands.

"How is he?"

"Still asleep," Tessa said. "And he will be for awhile longer."

"What does Jem think?"

"He told you," Tessa said.

"What does Jem really think?" Magnus pressed.

"Jem thinks he's going to have some memory loss," Tessa admitted. "He doesn't think it's going to be permanent though. It just might take awhile to heal."

"How long is awhile? We don't have forever, Tess." Tessa put her hand on Magnus' arm. 

"I know. But we can't control some things, Magnus. You know that."

..........

He made his next mission checking on Isabelle, who was invisible beneath mounds of blankets on her bed.

"It's not your fault, you know," Magnus said, entering the room without any greeting. "He won't blame you."

"And what about you? Do you blame me?" Isabelle's muffled voice said. Magnus lifted up one of the blankets, revealing her red face. 

"Of course not," Magnus said. "It's neither of our faults that he's a klutz."

That got her to smile at least for a second.

"The waiting is the hardest part," Magnus decided, tapping her arm so she moved over a little. He sat in the place her head had been. "But I think he's going to be just fine--"

The door opened and Clary flew in.

"Where have you been?" she demanded of Magnus. 

"Here," Magnus said. 

"He's awake. We can't go in yet but he's awake," Clary said.

A glimmer of hope sparked in Magnus' heart.

..........

"In all likelihood, he's not going to remember you," Jem said. Isabelle had just left the infirmary. 

It had been a long hour of waiting for everyone to come and go before he got his turn.

Magnus' stomach dropped as the words came like a smack across the face.

"He barely remembers Jace. If it weren't for the _parabatai_  bond, he probably wouldn't even remember that," Jem said.

"If he sees me. . ."

"We can try," Jem said, opening the door to the infirmary. Magnus entered cautiously.

Jace was sitting in a chair by the bed that Alec was sitting up in, a black t-shirt over his once bare chest. The boys were talking and hardly noticed Magnus' entrance. Alec saw him first but there was no recognition, no familiarity in his eyes.

"And that," Jace said, "is Magnus Bane, the High Warlock of Brooklyn and your--"

"--friend," Magnus finished. He wasn't going to press his relationship onto Alec. Jace looked just as shocked as Magnus felt by Alec's amnesia. "Roommate, too, I suppose."

Alec stuttered for words.

"I'm sorry, I don't--"

"Don't apologize," Magnus said. 

Bitterness got the best of him and he left, taking the long way back to Brooklyn.

..........

Magnus realized at the last possible second that answering the door in an all-black suit and tie was as distasteful as it came when one's boyfriend had lost all sense of self and mind.

"Hey," Alec said, standing awkwardly in the doorframe. He was in training gear because all of his street clothes were in the apartment, which he hadn't been to in days. The jacket looked two sizes too small though, and Magnus could only venture to guess that it was Jace's. Magnus imagined his room at the Institute was pretty bare as well.

"Hi," Magnus said.

"Hey," Alec said, yet again. A smile was creeping onto Magnus' face. He was so adorably awkward-- so not everything had changed.

"How can I help you?" Magnus asked.

"I just felt like I needed to come and actually meet you," Alec said. His eyes were still obsessed with the suit though. "Were you on your way somewhere?"

"No," Magnus said. That was a lie. He was supposed to be meeting a client. 

"Do you usually wear suits?"

"Rarely," Magnus said. "But I also rarely wear just one shade of color. Come in."

Alec entered the apartment with more confidence than Magnus' expected.

"This feels familiar," Alec said. Magnus was still watching from the front door. "Jem came today. He said I should try my old routine and see if that helped any."

"You're welcome anytime," Magnus said. 

"I found a key in the pockets of what I was wearing that night," Alec said. He was trailing his fingers along the furniture, making his way towards the massive window that looked out over the street.

Magnus wondered what Alec was remembering or picturing. 

"The key is to this place right?" Alec asked, turning around again.

"Probably," Magnus said. "If you want to move in again--"

"Yes," Alec said, tucking his hands into the pockets of his pants. "Please."

"Of course," Magnus said. Alec turned back to face the window. "How has everything else been going?"

"You mean 'do I remember you'?" Alec asked. 

"No," Magnus said. "I know you don't remember me."

He saw Alec tense. He tried not to let it get to him.

"I mean," Magnus reiterated, "how have you been adjusting?"

As Alec began to speak, Magnus uttered spells to move all of Alec's things out of what had once been their room, and into the guest bedroom Alec had used in the early days of their relationship.

"The training makes me sore but Jace blames it on the injuries. I'm not sure I quite like him," Alec said, turning around. Magnus stopped muttering. "He's pretentious."

"That's what I've been saying for years," Magnus smiled. A smile formed on Alec's lips. "But why did you really come here? I know it's not just because Jem recommended it."

The smile dropped.

"The way your brain works is still the same," Magnus explained. "Your logic, your reasoning-- it hasn't changed. I know that part of you. You have another reason."

"They treat me like I'm fragile," Alec said. "And they expect so much-- too much. And I can't help but feel like a failure when I don't remember something. I'm sick of the "Do you remember?" and the "Oh, it's okay," when I _don't_ remember. Because I don't. I don't think I ever will remember."

"I wouldn't be so depressed about it," Magnus said. "There's time."

"But that's the other thing," Alec said, walking towards Magnus. "I feel like there isn't time. There's something weighing against me."

_Mortality, my love._

"I don't know what that could be," Magnus said.

"Yes, you do," Alec countered. 

"I don't though," Magnus said. "So you can stop asking that."

Alec bit his lower lip. 

"So why me then?" Magnus asked. "How do you know I won't spend my days asking you if you remember?"

"Because you haven't shown up at the Institute."

"So I don't care about you then," Magnus said.

"No," Alec said, grinning. "Jace told me you've been texting him once a day asking for an update on me."

"Guilty," Magnus said. 

It was quiet for awhile.

"I do remember this place," Alec said. Magnus closed his eyes, smiling. "I don't remember everything but this feels right."

The little victory felt like world domination.

..........

"Isabelle sucks at cooking," Alec said, his foot accidentally banging against the cabinets for the third time since he had taken up his perch on the countertop. 

"That is most definitely true," Magnus said. The night before they had had takeout because Magnus hadn't wanted to make it seem like he was trying to win Alec over by cooking on his first night back in the apartment. But it was Night #2 and Alec had returned so Magnus figured he could pull his old apron out of the closet and actually attempt to cook.

"And what about you? Do you suck?"

"My theory is that no one can screw up Ragu and boiling noodles," Magnus said. 

"Unless you're Isabelle," they said in unison. Magnus smiled as he pulled the Parmesan out of the fridge. 

"She's so nice yet she just doesn't understand," Alec sighed. 

"Well, it's difficult on all of us," Magnus said. "And your sister has never been known for her bedside manners."

"Jace has gotten less annoying though," Alec said. "I think he's just relieved I didn't forget how to fight."

"That would truly be a tragedy in his mind," Magnus said, stirring the water.

"So High Warlock of Brooklyn?" Alec asked. 

"What about it?"

"What do you actually do besides make spaghetti?"

"I'm supposed to be a sort of diplomat and police sergeant all in one," Magnus said. "I'm supposed to communicate with the other Downworlders in the area and also make sure none of my folk get into any trouble, which rarely happens--"

"I'm sure," Alec laughed. 

"I try to be the one causing the trouble," Magnus said. "It makes life far more exciting."

The spaghetti sauce popped just then, sending red flying across the kitchen.

"See?" Magnus said, flicking a glob of tomato off his arm. "Excitement."

..........

The office door slowly opened, and Alec peeked his head in. Magnus was draped across a settee, an old-Victorian, a laptop perched on his bent knees. 

"Hey," Magnus said, suspending his typing mid-word. "What's up?"

"I just wanted to ask you something," Alec said. Magnus gestured for Alec to come. He shut the laptop as Alec sat at his feet.

"Shoot," Magnus said.

"Simon Lewis," Alec said.

_How could he remember Simon but not me?_

"You restored his memories," Alec said, softly.

"One or two. . ."

"But still," Alec persisted. "Why haven't you done it to me?"

"I'm under orders not to touch your mind," Magnus said. "I can't possibly restore all of your memories; it'd kill me. And you can't be suddenly cured with one or two memories. Who told you about Simon?"

"It could help though," Alec said, ignoring Magnus' question.

"It _wouldn't_ make a difference," Magnus said. "You're almost 20. You can't recapture 20 years with one memory, Alec."

"It would make a difference to me," Alec said, his voice rising. "I haven't had any recollection in days, Magnus. It's this feeling of constantly being on the edge-- on the verge of discovering something but never reaching it. It pisses me off that I can't figure this out."

"Maybe you're meant to be someone different," Magnus mumbled. 

"Magnus, one memory please," Alec begged, putting his hands on top of Magnus' knees. "I need something."

"No," Magnus said.

"I'll just go to someone else," Alec said. "There are other warlocks in New York."

That stung.

But it also proved the boy's desperation.

Jem had said no. The Silent Brothers had said no. But Alec was begging and he was right: it wouldn't hurt.

"What are you on the verge of seeing?" Magnus asked. "Describe it to me."

Alec sat back, tucking his hands back into his lap. "It's a rooftop. My feet are tucked up. But I can't see the city. I can't remember the sky. I can't remember-- I can't--"

He was hyperventilating. Magnus dropped his legs, and put his arms around Alec, pulling his head close to his chest. Magnus waited until Alec's breathing steadied before he spoke.

"I know what you're talking about. Are you sure you want me to show you this?" Magnus asked.

"Yes," Alec said, without hesitation. Magnus pulled away, looking Alec in the eyes. He put two fingers in the middle of Alec's forehead, and pictured that night in Alicante after the war was over on the rooftop.

It was a big enough memory that it might spark a bunch of smaller ones, or so Magnus hoped.

It took a long time, perhaps because of the emotional weight behind the moment.

His head started swimming and fell back, slipping into darkness.

Jem was right, of course he was right the stupid--

He couldn't do this.

............

"Magnus."

It was a familiar honey-sweet whisper that pulled him out of his sleep.

"How long was I out?" Magnus mumbled, opening his heavy eyes. He wasn't done sleeping. He needed to go back to sleep. Sleep--

"An hour," Alec said. "Are you okay?"

"Just drained," Magnus said. "How are you?"

Alec smiled softly.

"Great."

"Great as in--?"

"As in, it took an hour but I've started making connections. It's like a web and I have to follow all the different trails and see every thing but it's taking awhile."

"So it sparked more?" Magnus asked, sitting up excitedly.

Alec nodded. "I know we broke up but that we were together. I don't know why we broke up though but I know you didn't answer my calls. I know about Sebastian Morgenstern and Edom and-- Edom hurts to think about."

"You had nightmares about it," Magnus said softly. Countless nights, he had held Alec back from going into a rampage as he shook from night terrors.

"I still do," Alec said. "It's just been blurry and I couldn't name it. But I could feel the fear and the anxiety and the need to find you while protecting my siblings. I just thought it was fog covering the dreams."

"You know how it feels when you find out there's a word for something indescribable like a feeling?" Alec asked. Magnus nodded. "That's what this is like. It's like defining the thoughts I had and making them clearer. Magnus, thank you."

"But that doesn't make up for the fact that you lied to me," Alec added. "You didn't tell me we were dating."

"I didn't want you to feel compelled--"

"It might have helped!"

"It wouldn't have," Magnus decided. "If you want me to prove it, then kiss me. See if you actually remember anything more. But you won't. Because that's not how this process works, Alexander. I wish it did. Then I would never stop kissing you until you had every single one of your memories back. But you shouldn't feel like you have to do anything just because the Alec before you did. You're different now. You're not the same Alec, and I don't expect you to be. I've come to terms with that--"

He stopped his rambling and stared at Alec.

"What if I kissed you because I wanted to?" Alec asked. "Would you stop me?"

"No, of course not," Magnus huffed, but he was still bothered by it all. 

In all those years, he should have learned to predict people's behavior by now. But human nature-- no matter how diluted with angel or human blood-- left people with a sense of freedom and choice. 

He hadn't expected Alec to kiss him. He had expected passive Alec, who needed to be coached through their relationship-- not this Alec who was taking Magnus for himself with no one but himself to think about.

A mind could warp and twist and disappear but lips remained the same. They were warm and familiar, and they represented the old Alec.

Alec had placed his hand on the front of Magnus' jacket, and it knotted in the fabric. Magnus opened his eyes but Alec refused to meet them.

A smile fluttered across his lips, forcing Magnus into a stupid grin.

Alec's lips tried to shape words but kept falling back into the smile until he finally managed, "I remember you."


	47. When In Egypt . . .

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Alec and Magnus take Max to study "archology".

"--and, and, and _did you know_ that the kids didn't have to wear any clothes at _all_."

Magnus gave Alec an exasperated look.

"I'm going to kill Clary," he growled.

Last week had been Egyptian-themed around the Institute. And Max still hadn't gotten over it.

It seemed like the five-year old was spewing the same fifteen facts on a loop that only ended when he fell asleep.

Max was currently sitting in the biggest armchair in the living, the black leather appearing to devour his tiny blue frame.

Alec and Magnus were curled up on the couch across from him, watching both Max and _Tutenstein_ , a surprisingly entertaining show about a mummy who comes back to live in the present-day. Or 2003.

In the past five days, they had plowed through Seasons 1 and 2. Magnus was more invested in the characters than he cared to admit.

"We have to stop this," Alec sighed. "It was cute at first--"

"--but I'm over it now," Magnus said, quietly. If Max overheard that they were plotting to destroy his Egyptian dreams. . .

"We just have to get him interested in something less annoying."

"Training?" Alec offered. Magnus gave him another exacerbated look.

"What are little boys supposed to like?" Magnus asked. Neither of them had had a particularly normal childhood.

"Trucks?" Alec asked.

"Video games--"

"We should get Simon's advice," Alec decided.

"Can we go to Egypt?" Max chimed in, looking over at them.

"Idea," Magnus whispered. He smiled. "Sure, Max."

His little face lit up, probably in shock.

"Really?"

Magnus shrugged.

"I've never been. So we should go."

"No way!" he cried, jumping off the chair. He immediately jumped on top of Magnus and Alec, giggling.

Five minutes later, his burst of energy left him asleep under the blankets between Magnus and Alec.

Magnus paused _Tutenstein._

"Egypt?" Alec asked agitated.

"We're going to overboard him with Egyptian stuff until he can't possibly like it anymore," Magnus said, obviously proud of his plan.

"If this backfires--"

"--then we get him video games and watch him rot his brains out," Magnus said. He awkwardly leaned forward to kiss Alec's head.

They were both going to regret sleeping on the couch in the morning but they were too tired to move.

Alec whispered into the darkness of the apartment, "Hey, Magnus."

"Mmm?"

"Did you know that sailboats were invented in Egypt?"

.............

"You're going to be hot in that," Alec chided.

"It's November, Alexander," Magnus said, continuing to pull his coat on.

Max's squeals could be heard seconds before he came running into their room. Alec caught him as Max jumped up into his arms.

"What are you wearing?" Alec asked, trying not to sound unkind. He looked like a mini-Indiana Jones.

" _Ayah_ got it for me," Max said, twisting proudly to show off his all-khaki outfit, fitted with pockets in every possible spot. Magnus went by the Indonesian word for father. Magnus looked back at Alec in the mirror, a smug smile on his face. "Now I look like an arch-ologist."

"Archaeologist," Alec corrected, setting Max down on their bed. He caught a glimpse of a patch embroidered with "Max, Archaeologist" on the front.

"Did you call the Cairo Institute?" Magnus asked, putting his watch on his wrist.

"Yep. They invited us to dinner and to spend the night," Alec said.

"The pyramids are in Cairo!" Max shouted. Alec snatched Max up, tossing him into the air as he screamed with joy.

"Yes, they are, my smart little boy," Alec said, putting Max his hip. "Are you ready, Magnus?"

Magnus nodded, grabbing their stuff.

There was a Portal in one of the spare bedrooms.

"The Institute's Portal is broken," Alec said. "There's one down the street though."

"Did they send you a picture?" Magnus asked. Alec nodded.

"Ready?"

"Yes!" Max exclaimed, kicking against Alec.

They stepped through.

..........

"I'm hot already," Magnus said, as soon as he got his first lungful of air.

"But it's November," Alec mocked. Max kicked himself free of Alec's grasp, landing on the dusty floor of the back alley.

Magnus willed a glamour onto Max before someone saw a little blue boy with horns cosplaying Indiana Jones.

"I wanna see the pyramids," Max said, tugging Alec's hand.

"We have to go see the Safars first," Alec said. "They're going to take us."

"Are they archologists?" Max said.

"They're Shadowhunters," Magnus said, taking Max's other hand.

"And it's archaeologist," Alec corrected.

They escaped the alley where they quickly learned the main road was much hotter.

Dodging cars and people on a mission, they made it to the Institute which was unlike the other Institutes they had seen.

"You must be Alexander," said the man that answered the door, with an award-winning smile. "And Magnus Bane."

Magnus didn't bother to correct him; it was Bane-Lightwood now.

"I am Hakim," he said. "Come in, come in."

The Institute looked more like a villa than anything else. It had an open concept; you could see most of the first floor from the the front door. The living room was sunken into the floor and was mostly cushions and pillows. Surrounding it was the dining room and kitchen.

"This is beautiful," Alec said.

Using his tiny speed, Max took off across the house for the large windows on the other side of the room.

"Max--" Magnus called.

"I can see the pyramids from here!" Max shouted.

A woman appeared at the top of a spiral staircase.

"You're here early," she cheered. "I was just about to wake Paislee up."

She walked straight to Alec, kissing him on both cheeks.

"It's so lovely to see you again, Alexander," she said.

"And you, Nasira."

"And you must be the great Magnus Bane," Nasira said, shaking Magnus' hand.

"I went to Nasira's Ascension ceremony," Alec reminded Magnus. Magnus nodded; he _had_ forgotten.

"Lovely to meet you both," Magnus said.

"And who is the adorable young man over at the window?" Nasira asked. Max turned around.

"That's Max," Alexander said. "Max, come meet Mrs. Nasira."

Max came running over, though begrudgingly. He didn't stop until he was hiding behind Magnus' legs. Shyness struck him at such odd times.

"Hello, Max," Nasira said. "Let me go get Paislee. Hakim, show them to their rooms, yes?"

She went back upstairs.

"Being a Shadowhunter is suiting her well," Alec observed as Hakim beckoned them forward.

"She's enjoying the freedom. Nasira is very-- outspoken," Hakim said. "Being a mundane wouldn't have suited her."

Hakim guided them down a hallway, which was obviously reserved for guests.

"This Institute was built on the grounds of a mosque that was destroyed in the Crusades," Hakim said. "So it's much more living friendly than New York yet still sacred."

"You've been to New York?" Magnus asked.

"Don't be so surprised, Mr. Bane. I do get out," Hakim said, opening a door. "This is your room; there's a room attached for Mr. Max. I'll let you all settle in. Then we can go exploring."

Max stared up at Hakim with wide eyes.

..........

The pyramids were uneventful; after all, they were just rather large stone buildings.

Magnus brought him and Max up to the top, much to Alec's horror.

Since their arrival in Cairo and departure from the Institute had been so late, they didn't really have time to do anything after a tour by Hakim and Nasira.

So they returned to the Institute and Nasira started on dinner.

Paislee and Max were crawling around the common area playing archologist.

Hakim sat with Magnus and Alec, talking about the latest gossip in Idris and Downworld.

Every once in awhile Nasira would drift by, a ladle or knife in hand, chiming in her two cents.

Magnus was in love with the Cairo Institute: the openness of the floor plan, the hype of the city, and serenity of the desert just beyond it. Alec wanted the New York Institute but maybe they could learn Arabic and negotiate for this one. . .

"Let me show you the roof," Hakim offered.

"Max, behave," Magnus called back as they climbed the spiral staircase.

The roof was just above the second floor.

With it's ideal location, one could see both the pyramids and the city. The sun was setting and the oranges and purples excellently highlighting the dusty brown of the city.

As Hakim wandered away from them, Magnus pulled Alec closer to him.

"Can we get this Institute?" Magnus whispered, his lips dangerously close Alec's ears.

"No," Alec laughed. "Then we'd never hear the end of Max's fun facts."

"But it's so pretty," Magnus purred.

A scream broke their reverie.

Magnus didn't hesitate, appearing at the bottom of the stairs.

His eyes searched desperately for Max.

Nasira was leaning against the front door, digging her heels into the floor.

"Someone's trying to get in," she cried.

Alec and Hakim's furious footsteps came down the stairs and Magnus jumped aside.

Under the dining room table, which was set for dinner, Max had his arms wrapped around little Paislee.

Magnus ran to them as the other two men went to Nasira's aide.

"Come here, Max," Magnus called. Max crawled to Magnus, pulling Paislee with him.

Magnus snatched the two up, bringing them upstairs.

He could hear the thunder of banging against the front door even on the second floor.

Magnus threw open the first door which turned out to be Paislee's very pink room. 

"Magnus!" Alec shouted from below.

Magnus set Max and Paislee down.

"Protect her, Max," Magnus said. "Do you understand?"

Max nodded.

"Do not leave this room unless Daddy or I come," Magnus said.

Max nodded again. Paislee let out a little cry and Max wrapped his arms tighter around her.

"I love you, _Ayah_ ," Max said.

"I love you too," Magnus said. Then he was gone.

..........

Alec didn't get the chance to ask any questions.

The door wasn't holding and whatever was on the other side was determined to get in.

"Hakim, seraph blades," Alec ordered. The other man opened the door to what would have appeared to be a coat closet. Instead, it was an arsenal.

They quickly grabbed what they needed, stepping away from the door.

Magnus appeared at Alec's side.

"Are they safe?" Nasira asked before Alec could.

Magnus nodded before quickly pressing a kiss to Alec's lips.

He hated these moments: right before a fight where they were completely unprepared and probably significantly outnumbered. The Shadowhunters were good but they were still half-human. And humans made mistakes.

The door came down.

Werewolves.

"Goody," Magnus said. The first one sprung at him and he threw a hex at it.

As soon as it went down, a ebony black wolf was replacing it.

The wave seemed to be never ending.

To Magnus' left, Alec was defending the staircase from the wolves. If he could get up a little higher, he could pull the bow off his back. But he wasn't high enough so it was useless.

Hakim and Nasira were falling back, obviously overwhelmed. They were young, probably inexperienced. How many times had they fought side by side?

"Magnus, help them," Alec ordered. He could handle the stairs now. Things were slowing down.

"Busy!" Magnus responded, through gritted teeth. He fell to one knee as a wolf pounced high, flying towards him. Something sharp caught him on the shoulder, ripping easily through fabric and skin.

He didn't have time to swear or feel the pain; Nasira was screaming.

Magnus appeared at her side, forcing a sphere of safety around them.

It wouldn't hold long: shields were hard to keep up and Magnus was already drained.

"Are you okay?" Magnus asked hurriedly. Tears ran down her face, pulling eyeliner and mascara down with it.

"Hakim," she sobbed. Magnus looked over. He was on the ground, being trampled as furious wolves attacked the shield.

"You have to fight," Magnus said, shaking her shoulders. "Paislee is upstairs and Alec can't hold them off by himself."

She wiped her eyes and the shield fell, ignoring Magnus' pleading to stay up for even a second longer.

Her seraph blade arched in front of them, slicing the throats of the wolves charging them. A mother's instinct was more dangerous than any heavenly fire or _adamas_. 

There were still at least ten more and Alec was being pushed up the stairs.

Magnus appeared in front of him; he knew Alec's plan.

He could hold off what was coming as Alec played sniper, picking them off one by one.

The stairs were wide enough to allow one werewolf to climb at a time.

Magnus felt much safer as he heard the _ping_ of arrows leaving Alec's bow with deadly accuracy.

Less than a minute later, the fight was done. The floor was strewn with carcasses.

"Nasira," Magnus called, climbing over bodies. He hoped Alec was checking on the kids. . .

He found her.

Laying beside Hakim, throat slit.

Death had become an unwanted friend to Magnus. He couldn't help but feel that it followed him.

Life was too bloody.

He stood there in the sea of death for a moment, taking in the silence.

In a way, this was the real calm before the storm. Soon the Clave would arrive, demanding statements and answers.

"Magnus!" Alec screamed for the second time that night.

Magnus ran, too weak to try and teleport again.

He skidded to a halt outside Paislee's room, carefully entering.

There was a dead werewolf on the floor and an eerie green orb of light above the body.

Alec looked back at Magnus, terrified.

Max was huddled in the corner, his tiny hands stretched out in front of him. Little green sparks came out of his hands, matching the color of the orb. That was evidence enough.

Paislee's head was peeking out over the top of his shoulder. Her mocha eyes were filled with tears, matching Max's, and her little hands were on his shoulders.

"What happened?" Magnus asked.

Magnus went straight for Max, taking hold of his hands, lowering them. The orb faded away.

"Tell me what happened, darling," Magnus said.

"I didn't mean to," Max said.

"I know you didn't," Magnus said. "Just tell me."

"He was so scary--" Max cried, his voice breaking.

"Magnus." Alec was begging for his attention right now. They needed to talk this through.

Magnus had pictured Max's first time using magic as a much happier event-- making bubbles appear out of nowhere or a shower of glitter. Not murder.

"It's okay," Magnus reassured him.

"Magnus!" Alec snapped.

Magnus looked back.

"Stay here," Magnus said, letting Max go.

"He killed someone," Alec hissed as soon as Magnus was close enough. "He's five-- he's going to be traumatized."

"I realize that," Magnus said. He was barely able to speak, a knot forming in his throat. He knew that all too well.

"You have to make him forget," Alec pleaded.

"Wiping memories isn't going to solve anything," Magnus said.

"He has to live forever," Alec said. "He can't live with this."

"I did--"

Alec stumbled back. Facts about Magnus' life before Alec had a horrible way of coming up at inopportune moments.

"I'm sorry," Magnus said, immediately regretting the confession. "But it's wrong to steal away a piece of someone's past like that."

Alec was at a loss for words.

"Think about Clary," Magnus said.

"Clary didn't kill someone!" Alec said, probably a little too loud. "Not to mention the Clave and what they'll do. Magnus, you have to do this."

Alec was right. If the Clave found out Max was using magic so improperly, they could take him away or worse.

"I-- Okay," Magnus sighed. He was already so tired. . .

"Where's Hakim and Narisa?" Alec asked as Magnus walked back to Max.

"Come here," Magnus said, sitting on the floor. Max crawled into his lap, curling up into a ball. Their backs were to the body.

"Magnus--"

"Gone, Alexander," Magnus said, exhaustion settling on him. "Go and call the Clave."

Paislee still stood in front of them as Alec shut the nursery door.

"You too," Magnus said, beckoning her forward. She didn't respond, only falling into a sitting position.

"Am I in trouble?" Max asked, wrapping his arms around Magnus' leg.

"No, dear. When you wake up, you're not going to remember a thing."

............

Alec knelt beside Hakim and Narisa's bodies. It infuriated him.

Dinner still sat on the table, steaming and speckled with blood. Narisa's last meal would go uneaten.

Jace was the first one there since Alec called him, not the Clave.

Magnus was busy, and Alec understood, but he needed Jace and emotional support.

"By the Angel, Alec," Jace whispered as he stepped through the broken doorway. He spotted Alec across the room. "Are you okay?"

Alec turned around, standing up.

"Fine," Alec breathed. Jace engulfed him in a hug.

"You're never leaving New York without me again," Jace said. He felt Alec's panic, and he was trying his best to ignore it.

"Did you call the Clave?"

"Clary is," Jace said. "What happened?"

"I have no idea," Alec said.

"Where's Magnus and the kid?" Jace asked.

"Upstairs--"

He almost told Jace the truth. But they had to protect Max.

"Are they okay?"

Alec nodded.

"You need runes," Jace said, pulling a dining chair out and sitting Alec down.

Alec relished the pain as the _iratzes_ burned into his skin. He always had enjoyed the burning sensation that most people found irritable.

It helped make up for the fact that someone had died and he hadn't. The guilt ate him alive.

"You were still fighting," Jace said, catching Alec staring at the lifeless Shadowhunters. "You were protecting Magnus and Max. Stop blaming yourself."

Magnus came downstairs, balancing a sleeping child in each arm.

Jace jumped to his feet, taking Paislee from him.

"This their daughter?" he asked.

Alec nodded, looking up at Magnus.

"They're okay," Magnus said. Alec got the message.

If only he could forget.

Max's terrified face, just barely knowing what he had done.

The lifeless body, lit with green light.

Narisa's first scream and every single one after it.

The three heard the disturbance at the front door as five Shadowhunters, including Robert Lightwood, stepped into the Institute.

"Alexander," Robert said. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," Alec said. "It's Narisa and Hakim."

One of the other Shadowhunters let out a sigh heavy enough for all of them.

"You have the girl, Jace?" Robert asked, walking towards them.

"Magnus put them to sleep," Jace said.

"Take her back to New York for now," Robert said.

"All due respect but I'd like to stay," Jace said. "I'm not leaving Alec."

"This is officially a Clave investigation," Robert said. "You weren't here, Jace. So go home."

Jace looked back at Alec.

"Take Max too," Magnus said, handing him over. He looked pointedly at Robert. "Unless you have any objection."

"Watch your tone, Mr. Bane," Robert warned.

"It's Bane-Lightwood now," Magnus corrected with a smile too smug for his own good.

"Magnus," Alec moaned. Magnus didn't need to be pissing off not only the Inquisitor but his father-in-law tonight.

"I'm very aware of that," Robert said. "Give us your statement and you can go. In the meantime, Jace, take the kids home."

Jace gave Alec one last glance before leaving them.

.............

It took six hours to give statements and give Robert the information he wanted. Magnus gathered their things with a simple spell that ended up taking that last of his energy out of him.

He barely made it through the Portal and into his bed in Brooklyn without passing out.

Alec would have collapsed beside him if it wasn't for the consuming guilt.

Hakim and Narisa were dead.

Maybe it was the suddenness of it all that increased the shock and guilt.

They weren't able to prepare. They were so young, they probably didn't have wills.

Then there was Paislee, an orphan so young she wouldn't remember them.

Alec needed to throw something.

A lamp (which Alec had always found ugly) was the closest thing. He yanked it away from the wall, to which the outlet protested with a shower of harmless sparks. He hurled the lamp across the room where glass and metal shattered in a cacophony of noise.

"Alexander," Magnus mumbled, weakly lifting his head. "What are you doing, my dear?"

"I hate myself," Alec said, falling back against the bed.

"Don't say that," Magnus said. He joined Alec on the edge.

Every movement was exhausting, costing Magnus energy.

Magnus took Alec's face in his hands, tears trapped under his fingertips.

"It's not your fault," Magnus said. "Did you kill them?"

"I'm supposed to protect--"

"You were protecting Paislee and Max," Magnus said. "You were where you were supposed to be. They would have wanted you on the staircase, not by their side."

"And where was I when there was a werewolf in their room?" Alec snapped.

Magnus couldn't come back to that. There had probably been a back staircase they had missed.

"Max won't remember a thing. We're the only ones who know," Magnus said.

"Not good enough," Alec said.

"If you feel bad, then let's adopt Paislee," Magnus said. It was an offer he hadn't thought through but they were both suckers for out-of-place things.

"Are you serious?" Alec asked.

"Well I'm depleted of energy and barely conscious. But it sounds like a great idea to me now."

It was a way for redemption.

Magnus' hands slipped off Alec's face.

"Dear, I can't keep my eyes open," Magnus said, laying back. His hand caught Alec's shoulder, pulling him down too.

"Go to sleep, Alexander," Magnus mumbled.

Laying down allowed exhaustion to creep into Alec's broken body.

Tomorrow he'd worry about redemption.

Tonight he'd sleep.


	48. What Could Go Wrong with "Hello"?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a lot of things go wrong with "hello".

****He liked the little sharp "thunk" the eraser made as it fell from his fingers to the wood top of his desk, over and over again.

"I was shocked at the score you gave me on the Confucianism essay--"

 _Thunk_.

"--talk because Coach wants to take me off the softball team--"

 _Thunk_.

"--and frankly, Professor, I don't believe you even read my essay because if you had--"

He snatched up the eraser, his fingers unnecessarily tense.

"--I would have seen the blatant spelling errors, uninteresting content, and stunning lack of original research? I mean, truly, Arianna, did you really think I'd give you a grade without reading your assignment?" His eyes could instill fear or wonder into the eyes of his students, and he didn't use the latter as often as he should have.

Her mouth hung open, and Magnus instantly knew the type. She was an West Coast transfer, hoping to spend more time on Fifth Avenue than on her Finance 101 homework. She paid her sorority dues in full, up front with a platinum credit card, her name printed on the card and her daddy's address on the bill. And she couldn't believe it when her standard five-paragraph essay with it's Wikipedia citations didn't cut it in college.

Most freshman professors gave their students one essay they expected to crash and burn but Magnus went with the more eye-opening approach, and didn't hesitate to fail his students on huge papers. He knew he had a reputation on campus, and it wasn't always glamorous. But no one ever attempted to screw him over.

"And now, really think about the kind of content you produced. Was it really worth anything more than a D? Knowing full and well that I wanted something more than a biography and a timeline of Confucius' life? Or did you miss those instructions when you were texting in class the day I gave them?"

Her shock turned to resentment in record time. However, just like her essay, she couldn't compose an argument.

"This is the first of many assignments, I assure you," Magnus said, leaning back in his chair. He hoped his tone was doing the exact opposite of assurance. "You will have a chance to bring up your average in my class, but don't expect it to be easy and don't expect me to accept that kind of essay ever again. I will not hesitate to fail you."

She gathered her composure into a Dusky Rose-colored frown and stood.

"Fine," she spat out. "I'll drop the class."

"I wish you the best of luck then," Magnus grinned. "We will truly miss the sound of your phone vibrating every twenty seconds."

Magnus wondered if she flipped her hair on purpose as she strutted out of his office, or if it was purely habit by now.

..........

"Hotel breakfast ends in thirty minutes." The mattress sank near his stomach, and a hand brushed over his curled hair. "And you smell, so maybe a shower is in order."

Alec opened an eye and tugged out the other earbud that kept the sounds of the night. It was an old college habit that Lydia hated ("You'll strangle yourself on those chords," she'd argue), but one he couldn't sleep without anymore. An old movie soundtrack faded away as he tossed the earbuds away and stretched.

One of the children shrieked and landed on top of him, scrambling under the covers, and covering their face with it.

"Rafael!" Lydia shouted as Alec pulled back on the covers to reveal Max's scared face.

"There's a cockroach in the bathtub!" Rafael responded from a distance. Lydia shot a glare at Alec.

"I hate the city," she mumbled as she rose to pull her oldest away from the bathroom.

"You can't run around screaming, Max," Alec said, laying a hand on the crown of his son's head.

"But there's a bug," he defended.

"And there are people around us sleeping, so we have to use our inside voices," Alec explained, pushing Max into a sitting position, and begrudgingly leaving the warmth of the bed.

Rafael smugly reentered the room, approaching his brother, and laying his index finger on his younger brother's pajamas. "I touched it," Rafael confessed. Max shrieked and stumbled to hide behind Alec again.

"Rafael," Alec growled. "Go wash your hands now. Max, get dressed." He looked back at Max, clinging to him with tears in his eyes. Rafael had already disappeared back into the bathroom.

"Come on, Max," Alec said, guiding the little boy to his suitcase and helping him pick out the day's outfit, as Lydia watched from the doorway of the bathroom. He liked the way she smiled, just ever so slightly when she saw him doing little domestic things like this. It almost made up for the lie they were living.

............

Getting around the campus during Homecoming week became increasingly difficult as the school got closer to the game. Magnus grumbled as he pushed past a sophomore from his Ancient Chinese Studies class, covered in blue body paint with a "U" in white across his bare chest. The student mumbled some apology and then sprinted to catch up with the rest of his blue army.

It wasn't that Magnus was against school spirit-- he was against the raucous behavior that accompanied it. He'd spent most of freshman and sophomore year partying and drinking. And then he ended up spending four days in the hospital on the brink of life and death because of alcohol poisoning. After he got out, he declared Eastern Asia Studies as his major and focused on the books rather than the booze. And that got him through grad school, a couple archaeological and anthropological studies, plus a summer interning at the Smithsonian, and an assistant professor position back at his _alma_ _mater_. 

He didn't want to see that kid where he was by the end of his sophomore year. So he focused on the street ahead and kept walking.

.........

"And that," Alec said, sweeping Max up and putting him on his shoulders, "is where I lived."

Max stared up at the towering dormitory above them.

"Where did your parents sleep?" Max asked, twisted his fingers into Alec's hair.

"Your parents don't go with you to college, stupid," Rafael said. Lydia hit Rafael on the back of the head. 

"You will not speak to your brother that way," she said, pulling out her phone. "Now everyone smile nicely-- this one goes on Facebook."

........

Across the street, a young family was crowding in front of Magnus' old dorm, smiling for a picture. Magnus was sure he saw a ghost.

He stood on the sidewalk, watching the older boy try to climb a nearby tree, and the younger one play with his father's hair, as he sat atop dad's shoulders. A women was trying to call the boy out of the tree, and the man looked on with doting eyes. 

"Oh, Alec," Magnus mumbled. 

Today wasn't just Homecoming, Magnus remembered; it was also his 10 Year Class Anniversary.

.........

Lydia batted his hand away, as he attempted to adjust his tie for the dozenth time. 

"It looks fine," she assured him. "Why are you nervous?"

"It's just been ten years--" He cut himself off, not knowing what he was trying to say.

"I thought you didn't really like anyone from college."

"I didn't," Alec said, picking up a comb from the counter to fiddle with instead.

"Your hair looks fine too-- Look, Alec, we don't have to go."

But they did have to go. They'd bought the airline tickets, the hotel room, the overly-expensive dinner, the babysitter, and all to celebrate ten years away from the college Alec had never really felt at home at. 

"It's whatever you want to do," Lydia assured him. 

"No, we'll go," Alec mumbled. 

"Don't sound so excited," Lydia commented, just as the babysitter knocked on the door to their room.

..........

Magnus attempted to adjust his tie for the third time. He hated these boring black tie events. There was no way to express yourself in a black suit, not that he felt like really calling attention to himself tonight. That was new. 

He wouldn't have gone at all if he hadn't seen Alec outside their old dorm today. If seeing him hadn't sparked some sort of strange death wish in him. 

Tonight was probably only destined for disaster.

He straightened his tie one final time before spinning away from his mirror and heading for the door.

At least he'd look good when all of this blew up in his face.

...........

Luckily, Lydia could carry a conversation because Alec was a hopeless wreck. Plenty of couples and people Alec vaguely knew approached him throughout the evening and Alec would stutter through a greeting and an "I'm well" and a "I run an engineering firm-- what about you?" before Lydia would be forced to take over and ask engaging questions.

Every few minutes she'd squeeze his hand to remind him to relax his shoulders and wipe the panicked look off his face. 

"After all," she whispered, "this is supposed to be a party." 

She never once questioned his aversion to the crowd or berated him for his people skills. She simply covered for him. 

"Maybe we should go," Alec suggested, when the party was beginning to die down. He had dragged her away from a guy from his old calculus study group with a wandering stare to an empty spot near the wall

"Alec," Lydia sighed.

"I'm sorry, it's just--"

"You came here looking for something or someone and you didn't find it," she said. "I understand."

He tried to form a protest, and then he realized that it was true. The entire time, he'd been looking for Magnus. Which left him even more confused. He hadn't spoken to Magnus since he asked him to leave their dorm. Since he stood over Magnus' body, only alive because of a few plastic tubes, and apologized for ever asking him that. And even after spending three nights, folded up in a hospital chair, waiting for Magnus to wake up, hadn't really changed anything. Magnus was dangerous, and Alec was afraid even dying wouldn't change Magnus. So he left for good, and hadn't come back.

Only now he was. He was in the middle of a packed ballroom, knowing full and well that if Magnus Bane was going to be anywhere tonight, he'd be here. He'd never missed a party before.

............

Magnus had been watching Alec almost all night, trying to work up the courage to just say hello. What could go wrong with a "hello"?

But seeing him beside the girl that looked at him like he was the world and exuded confidence was killing him. He'd spent two years living with Alec, and he knew there was no way the smile he was wearing was real. 

Then the smile broke. Magnus had been talking to an old lab partner that he hadn't actually hated and was caught up in the conversation for the first time that night. When their conversation came to an end, Alec and his wife were near the edge of the room, and he looked like his tie was strangling him. Magnus couldn't see her face, but he was sure she was being loving and doting. 

When they started moving towards the exit, Magnus realized it was now or never.

He intercepted them in seconds, his mind calculating the million things that could go wrong with this "hello".

As Alec's face morphed into shock, Magnus stuttered out, "Hello."

...........

_Magnus hadn't moved since Alec went to class three hours ago. He'd come home at five in the morning, fell onto his bed after tripping over enough stuff to wake Alec up._

_This was the fourth day in a row, Alec had woken up to Magnus' entrance and come home to him sleeping. And it was the first time Alec had failed a history test, so he was slightly pissed off._

_Alec snatched the pillow away from Magnus' head. When that did nothing but make him stir a little, Alec smacked his face with it._

_"What the hell?" Magnus shouted._

_"Wake up," Alec said._

_"What's your problem?"_

_"I've been asking the same thing for months," Alec said. "You haven't gone to class at all this week, you come home at crazy hours and wake me up, and you reek."_

_Magnus stared back at him with bloodshot eyes._

_"You're doing drugs," Alec realized. Magnus' hesitation to speak was enough to confirm it._

_"Alec--"_

_"No," Alec said, shaking his head. "It was fine when you were gone on Friday and Saturday nights, but this is ridiculous. You can't stay here. Not anymore. You have to leave."_

_Magnus reached for him and Alec stepped away._

_"Get out, Magnus. Pack your stuff and leave."_

_"You can't just kick me out--"_

_"I'll report you to the dean, the RA, anyone who-- I swear, Magnus--"_

_"This isn't fair--"_

_"You did this to yourself," Alec said. "Don't you see that?" He grabbed his backpack, hesitating for just a moment. He was ruining everything. He was kicking the only person he had ever loved out. He was putting Magnus on the street where it could only get worse for him. "I'm going out. I'll be back in two hours."_

_Magnus didn't say anything as he left._

_It was almost as if he had accepted his fate._

_..........._

"Hey," Alec said, with a breath of relief.

...........

_He'd fallen asleep in the Student Union in front of a massive window overlooking the campus. The buzz of his phone in his pocket woke him, and he begrudgingly answered._

_"Is this Alexander Lightwood?"  The campus outside was dark, and the Union was empty. It was late, Alec realized, and he suddenly felt trapped._

_"Um, yes."_

_"This is New York General calling. At 10:43 tonight we admitted a Magnus Bane, and we were hoping you could come down to the hospital and help us answer some questions."_

_"Magnus is in the hospital?" Alec echoed._

_"Yes, sir."_

_"Is it bad?"_

_"He's in critical condition at the moment, Mr. Lightwood, and it would really help if you were here to sign off on some paperwork for us."_

_"I-- Yes, I'll be there."_

_He ended up screwing his budget over that night by taking a rather long taxi ride to the hospital. But it was the fastest way there, and felt as though he had no other choice._

_The emergency room was crowded and filled with screams when he arrived. He supposed their peak hours were about to begin. The nurse at the front desk gave him a room number after checking his ID, and he dodged gurneys and needle-welding RN's to find his way to a room in the ICU._

_A nurse and a doctor were inside. The doctor was typing something into a computer and the nurse was pulling AED pads off Magnus' chest._

_"You must be Alexander," the nurse said, finally noticing Alec, frozen near the door._

_"Is he okay?"_

_"We just had to restart his heart, hon. Come on in out of the doorway."  A combination of age and the stress of the ER had grayed the nurse's hair. She exuded experience and calm, and Alec just wanted to fall into her arms. The doctor barely glanced away from the computer screen._

_Alec cautiously walked over to her side, giving the bed and Magnus a wide birth._

_"He's got alcohol poisoning. No one called 911, because he's still a minor and they didn't want to get in trouble. A minute later and he would have been dead, so consider it a miracle that he's even here, hon."_

_"I kicked him out," Alec mumbled. "He went out because of me."_

_"And what time did you do that at?"_

_"Like four," Alec said._

_"He couldn't have gotten that much alcohol in his system in six hours," she said. "Was he drinking last night?"_

_"Probably."_

_"Any other substance abuse we should know about?"_

_He didn't know. He didn't even know his own roommate._

_"I-- I don't know."_

_"Do you suspect so?"_

_"Yeah," Alec said. "I just. . . can't believe it."_

_"If he survives tonight, he'll probably be okay," the nurse said. The doctor stabbed a button on the keyboard and walked out. "Young guys like him are strong."_

_"Is he going to be in any legal trouble?"_

_"The cops can't charge him since he's in need of medical help. However, the doctors may admit him to the psych ward for addiction if they see fit."_

_"Do it," Alec said._

_"It's not my decision, hon, but I'll let the team know you feel that way."_

_And so began his first night in the plastic hospital chair._

_When Magnus began to stir on the third day, Alec left, going back to their empty dorm room to cry._

_........._

"How have you been?" Magnus asked.

"I've been good. What about you?" He almost wanted to cry. Magnus was here. Right in front of him.

"I'm actually teaching here now."

"Teaching what?"

"East Asian studies. I'm an assistant professor."

"Wow," Alec said. Magnus looked more complex.

"And who is this?" Magnus asked, looking at Lydia.

"This is Lydia, my wife," Alec said. Magnus looked so genuinely happy for him.

"Pleasure to meet you," Magnus said, shaking her hand. Alec had no idea how he was doing it. 

"You as well," Lydia smiled.

"Magnus was my roommate for awhile." Lydia looked up at Alec, and smiled nodding understandingly, as if she knew some little secret. Alec tried keep his emotions under control, to remain somewhat stoic, but excitement was racing through him.

"Well, it's lovely to meet you," Lydia said, "but we only have the babysitter until 11, so I'm going to head back to the hotel room."

Both Alec and Magnus stumbled into a stuttering contest.

"No, you stay out, Alec," Lydia said. "I'll see you later."

Words left Alec and he looked after his wife until she was out of sight.

Alec might have been forgetful and occasionally hopeless but he knew full and well they had the babysitter til midnight. 

"Do you want to go somewhere else?" Magnus asked.

"Absolutely."

.........

They were at the part of the conversation where they were retelling old stories-- only the ones that made them laugh. Alec had pulled off his suit coat and had it hooked on a finger and tossed over his shoulder. Magnus walked on the edge of the sidewalk, as he tended to do.

They had a perfect rhythm and balance-- naturally picking up the story where the other one faded away, and interjecting at just the right moments.

The way they met: outside the elevator as Alec was leaving to go to dinner as Magnus was beginning to move his stuff in last-minute, and had packed the elevator completely full with boxes and suitcases. 

Their annual Halloween movie marathon tradition that only got practiced twice.

The time their coffeemaker set on fire and the dorm had to be evacuated, even though Magnus had dumped a gallon of milk on it to put it out. 

The city air was crisp today-- Lydia would call it muggy, but the men knew this was as beautiful as New York got. 

"Where exactly are we going?" Alec asked, after they'd been walking around the campus for some time.

"Oh-- Right, my office," Magnus said, as they approached the old brick building. They were quiet as they entered the halls, as if they were going to get caught for doing something illegal. 

Magnus' office was white walls and dark wood furniture, most of the walls bookshelves filled with reference books and history novels. The most interesting feature was an old map from the 18th century, showing everything Europeans knew of Asia at the time. It was in a glass case, mounted on the wall, and Alec was immediately drawn to it.

Magnus leaned against the front of his desk, watching Alec examine it.

So far it hadn't hurt. So far, nothing had gone wrong. So far.

"I saw you earlier today," Magnus said. "Near the old dorm."

Alec nodded, looking back. He still looked ecstatic and giddy.

"Were those your kids?"

"Adopted," Alec explained. "Raphael and Max. 7 and 5."

"The oldest looked like a little troublemaker."

"He's--" Alec searched for the right word, "--independent. You'd love him."

Magnus smiled.

"And what about you?" Alec asked, leaving the map. 

"Kids?"

Alec nodded.

"None that I know of."

Alec smiled.

"Married?"

"To my work," Magnus said, looking down at the stack of essays he'd have to grade this weekend.

"Mm."

They fell silent.

"Explain it to me," Magnus said.

"What do you mean?"

"How you two met."

Alec looked down at his shoes. 

"Do you have something to drink?"

Magnus pulled his keys out of his pocket, a gold AA tag hanging from them, boasting ten years sober.

Alec simply nodded.

"I needed money out of college. I wanted to start an engineering firm, and my parents decided not to give me any sort of loan until I got a serious girlfriend and showed promise of marrying her. So I dated around a little bit. It was mostly awful. And then I ran into Lydia, who I grew up with upstate. She'd just lost her fiancee and never wanted to marry again. Only, her mother was worried she was depressed and that she'd never get grandkids, and it was stressing Lydia out. So she proposed, and I said yes and got the money a month after the ceremony."

"You married for money," Magnus stated.

"Don't say it like that," Alec said.

"Do you like her?"

"She's my best friend now."

"But she knows?"

There was hesitation in Alec's eyes, even though there had been a very late night at the end of freshman year where Alec came home from a messy date and came out to Magnus.

"She knows," Alec said, like it was a reluctant confession. "And the kids were never part of the plan. They just sort of happened."

Magnus sighed, and Alec went and sat on a couch, as far from Magnus as possible. 

"The doctors said you were there the entire time I was unconscious."

Alec nodded.

"But you weren't around when I woke up."

"I was afraid to stay. I didn't want to become attached to you. I didn't know if you'd try."

"I did try though. And you never reached out."

"Everytime I saw you on campus, it hurt," Alec said. "But you got better. On your own."

"Alone, Alec," Magnus said. "Alone."

Alec rubbed his face in his hands.

"I'm not mad at you," Magnus said. "I was at first and then I saw it from your point of view. And I wanted to apologize but I knew you wanted a clean break."

Alec nodded, and looked through his fingers up at Magnus.

"Why did we waste ten years of our lives?" Alec asked, as if it was the biggest damn shame the world had ever seen.

Magnus crossed the office, sitting right beside Alec. He put his hand on Alec's cheek-- it was everything he had wanted to do for all of those first two years. To kiss Alexander, and tell him he loved him. Now he wanted to kiss him, and tell him nothing had changed, even though everything had.

Their kiss was never slow; it was chaotic the second their lips met. Magnus pressed his advantage, and slid his hands down Alec's neck, so his finger graced the skin right under his starch-white collar. Alec's hands were on Magnus' chest, his fingers contemplating undoing the buttons. 

Their bodies seemed to be disconnected from their minds which were filling with a nostalgic regret, of all the things they should have done when they were younger. 

As Alec unbuttoned Magnus' shirt, Magnus pushed him onto his back, so Alec was underneath him now. 

"Cameras?" Alec mumbled, dodging Magnus' lips for just a moment.

"No. Something about building architecture--" Alec's hand went behind Magnus' neck, pulling him back down, and shutting him up. 

As heavy as his heart was beating, Alec's heart had never felt lighter-- more honest-- than it did in this moment.

Magnus' shirt was finally off, and Alec's hands were exploring every square inch. Magnus' hands moved to Alec's belt buckle and Alec shudder.

"Wait," Alec mumbled. Magnus sat back. Alec rubbed at his eyes. He hadn't thought about this. He hadn't thought this through.

The kids.

Lydia.

He couldn't have an affair, even if Lydia was okay with.

This story didn't end well. It didn't end well in college and it wasn't going to end well now. 

"I can't do this," Alec said, closing his eyes so he didn't have to face Magnus.

"I'm sorry--" 

"It's not you. It's everything I've done-- this doesn't end well. You have to see that, Magnus," Alec pleaded.

"I understand," Magnus said. He put his hands in his lap, as if to restrain himself. "But I'd rather try this and fail, than not do anything at all, and think I'd won some superior moral battle."

So they sat, with half of their expensive suits discarded on the floor of Magnus' office, avoiding eye contact. 

Magnus hated silence and the time it wasted though.

"I'm not trying to pressure--"

Alec spun back around, and kissed Magnus with everything he had. 

He had to make this work. He had to have something for himself for once. He did everything for Lydia and the kids, and he loved it that way but he needed more now. He needed Magnus. He needed kisses like these. He needed someone who would understand and love him back. He needed Magnus more than he needed air in this moment. 

And he hoped that feeling never died.

.......

Alec entered the hotel room as quietly as possible, slipping his shoes and coat off as he went. A lamp was on, and Lydia's book was open against her chest.

When he crawled under the blankets, she stirred, rising to greet him.

"Shh," Alec said, laying her back down with a gentle hand. "We can talk in the morning."

She closed her eyes again, and Alec reached across her, shutting the lamp off and grabbing his headphones. 

He plugged them into his iPod, and a Heller etude began playing, somehow mournful and hopeful at the same time.

........

"It's morning," Lydia said, shaking his arm. "Let's talk."

"Lyd, what time is it?" Alec mumbled, rolling over, away from her and the soft light seeping through the curtains. 

"7 am. The boys will be up in thirty minutes."

"Can't it wait?"

"I want this resolved before we leave the city."

Alec sighed into his pillow.

"Also, I got you coffee. Now get up."

Alec stumbled out of bed, and Lydia gestured for him to enter the bathroom.

It was an old joke, a reference to their "honeymoon" in Key West in the middle of January, when there wasn't much to do. They'd spent an entire night talking on the bathroom floor though when the A/C had gone out, since it was the coolest spot in the room and the air beyond their hotel room was suffocating. 

Lydia shut the door behind them and sat across from him, her back against the tub. She handed him a Styrofoam cup of hotel-room coffee. 

"I was expecting a little more," he mumbled, staring at the black coffee that even smelled cheap.

"How was last night?" she quickly followed up. 

"You don't have to beat around the bush," Alec said, though he hoped she would spare him some embarrassment.

"Do you like him?" She didn't even blink. 

"Yeah," Alec said, rubbing his forehead. "Yeah."

"You want to be with him?"

"I'm not going to leave the kids," Alec said. He'd just now realized he was still in most of his suit from last night. He set the coffee, which was weak and lukewarm, at best, on the lid of the toilet and looked directly at Lydia.

"I'm not asking you to. I'm not suggesting we end our arrangement either. But we both knew going into this that this relationship was open, not that either of us have acted on that. But I want you to be happy, and if this makes you happy, Alec, you should do it."

"I have no idea how I'd even do it," Alec said.

"I have an idea," Lydia said. Alec shook his head in disbelief. 

"We'll say you got a job in the city," she said. "A big one that requires you to be there during the work week. Rather than commute, you're going to stay with a friend from college, and I say I believe our marriage is strong enough that we can do this. You can come home on the weekends, holidays, and whenever the boys have something important."

Alec was silent, and slightly hungover.

"It'll work," Lydia swore.

"Why do you want this for me so badly?"

Lydia thought about it for a moment.

"You gave me the opportunity to be happy with those boys. And now I want to repay the favor. I want you to be happy and in love. Real love."

..............

Alec no longer slept with headphones in. Or maybe he just never bothered to bring them to the apartment. Either way, the habit from college was gone, Magnus noticed. 

He also began to notice a lot of other things, like the way Alec only slept curled in a ball, or his penchant for sweaters that were too big or too ratty to ever be worn in public. There was also the way he bit the end of his pencil whenever he was working or how he never made it through a movie without falling asleep at least once. Most nights he would begrudgingly carry himself and a blanket over his shoulders to bed, with Magnus trailing behind the slow procession, but other nights, they'd end up sleeping there. 

It was a wonderful life to be living. 

Alec would work at the construction sight he was advising on while Magnus taught, and then they'd both come home and lounge around all night. On the weekends, Alec would drive back upstate for the sake of the kids, and be back on Monday night with pictures of cheeky Rafael and shy little Max. Magnus, not usually a fan of kids, was developing a soft spot for Alec's little ones, simply because of the way Alec's face lit up when he talked about them.

Everything was perfect.

.............

It was early spring now, and Max was screaming in the kitchen and Rafael was sulking on the stairs near the front door, where Lydia was giving last-minutes instructions to Alec, who already had the initial instructions in his hand.

"We'll be okay," Alec assured her. Lydia's phone started going off, again. Her mother had fallen and broken a hip earlier that morning, and her siblings had drawn straws to see who would have to go take care of their mother. She sighed, and picked up her suitcase.

"I'll be back as soon as I can," she said. 

"Focus on your mom," Alec said. Lydia waved goodbye to Rafael, who gave her no response in return. He tended to be bitter whenever she left.

With both hands full, Lydia headed for the taxi waiting out front, her phone already to her ear. Alec watched her go, and then looked back at Rafael.

"What's going on, little man?" Alec asked, kneeling before him.

"I miss her," Rafael said. 

"She'll be home as soon as she can. But we have to take care of family first," Alec said.

"But I'm her son," Rafael said.

"And you're going to be stuck with me for awhile, and we're going to have fun, okay?" Alec scooped Rafael up, and threw the little boy over his shoulder. He started kicking and giggling protests.

"Maxwell!" Alec shouted as he entered the kitchen. Max was standing on a dining room chair, in the midst of a tantrum. Alec let Rafael slid to the ground, and he put his hands on Max's shoulders, instantly quieting him. "Tell me what's wrong."

"There's no cereal," he hiccuped. 

"Well, that's because we're having pancakes this morning," Alec said. "Maybe we can dye them blue." Max gave a little sniffle, and nodded. Rafael had already climbed onto the counter, sitting on the edge, and had put on a playlist from Alec's phone. Alec put Max on his hip and pulled the ingredients out of the cabinets and fridge, while Rafael skipped through the songs he didn't like and sang along to the ones he loved.

Alec loved moments like this: when he and the boys could be crazy and make messes. He wanted mornings like this to last forever, but now they were just limited to Saturdays and Sundays, since both of the boys had started school.

"We should build a treehouse," Alec decided as he flipped the last pancake onto a plate Rafael was moving back and forth as a game. When it landed on top of the stack, Max, high on powdered sugar, let out a wild yell and did another lap around the kitchen island. Alec plucked the plate out of Rafael's hands. "Not today of course, but we could plan it."

"Yes!" Raphael said. "With two rooms; one for me, and one for Max."

"I could do that," Alec said. "That old walnut tree is pretty sturdy."

"With a porch--"

"--and a TV--" Max added in.

"I don't know about that--" Alec started.

"--and a zipline!" Max said, tumbling onto the couch in the next room.

"Maxwell, stop running around like a crazy person!" Alec chided. He got no response though, and started towards the living room. 

Max was giggling, laying across the back of the couch. Alec sighed, "Let's go get dressed Maxy, and we can go play outside."

Ten minutes and quite a bit of frustration later, Alec had Max dressed and out playing on the playset. They had a rather large piece of land, most of it being forest, with the walnut tree in question being one of the only trees set apart from the forest. 

Alec watched Max from the back porch, scrolling through his work emails, which were going to pile up quickly with him away from the office. 

Then he heard a scream. And it wasn't the playful, giggling kind he had been hearing all morning. This was pure terror.

Alec had never run so fast in his life. Max was standing by the tree, and as he sprinted, he couldn't figure out why he would be screaming like that. It was just a tree--

But it was what was beneath the tree that was sending him into hysterics-- his brother laying against the bloody-ground.

..........

There was nothing on Lydia's list of instructions on what to do in case of emergency. He supposed she never thought it was possible. She'd trusted him to take care of the boys, and now Rafael was unconscious, somewhere in the ER being attended to by strangers. 

He hated hospitals. He hated the smell, the chairs, the chaotic calm atmosphere-- as if everyone was on edge, waiting for alarms to go off and flatlines to appear on monitors, but no one wanted to talk about it. He hated the waiting. He hated the way doctors and nurses looked through waiting loved ones, and never offered you a comforting smile. If they did, they'd be even more exhausted than they already were.

Because Max was with him, Alec had been forced to stay in the waiting room. And there was no one for him to call. He'd called Lydia over twenty times and she hadn't picked up. His family was too far away to call. And there was just so many unknowns. 

Max had been rebuilding the same Lego structure for the last hour, and either exhaustion or boredom was starting to appear on his face. It was probably combine with the sugar high of breakfast and the panic of the morning. It was nearly 8 pm, and all the doctors had said was that they were still assessing the damage.

And finally his phone rang. 

"Lydia, thank God--"

"Lydia? You have horrible Caller-ID." He could almost hear Magnus' smirk. 

"Magnus."

He'd forgotten. For an entire day, he'd forgotten Magnus.

"Is everything okay?"

"No, it's not," Alec said. 

"What's wrong?"

"Rafe, he fell from the tree-- Lydia got on him so much about climbing trees, I don't know what he was thinking--"

"Is he okay?"

"I don't know."

"Where's Lydia?"

"DC. Her mom fell and now Lydia's not answering her phone. I have no idea what I'm doing--"

"I'll be there in an hour--"

"You don't--"

"You don't know when Lydia will get back. Let me help you, Alexander." 

Alec fell back in his seat. Max came over, climbing into the seat next to Alec.

"Is that Mom?" he asked.

"No, it's not," Alec said, offering him a feeble smile.

"I'm tired," Max said.

"An hour," Magnus said. "What hospital are you at?"

..........

When Magnus finally arrived, Alec was nodding off in the waiting room of the ER, his long legs stretched out across the aisle of seats, and a little boy was curled against his chest.

"Hey," Magnus whispered, trying not to wake Max, who he knew only through pictures. Alec's eyes fluttered open. "Has anything changed?"

"I haven't heard anything," Alec said softly. He looked down at Max. "He has school tomorrow." Then he looked up at Magnus. " _You_ have school tomorrow."

"I can take him back to your house," Magnus offered, ignoring Alec's last statement. 

"There's a guest bedroom you can sleep in," Alec said. "Thank you so much for doing this."

"Of course," Magnus said. Alec rubbed Max's back, gently waking him.

"Hey, my sweet boy, this is Magnus," Alec said. Max glanced back at Magnus, and then dropped his head back down for more sleep. "He's going to take you home and make sure you get to school tomorrow." Max nuzzled his head against Alec's chest.

Alec rose, handing Max off, and giving Magnus the keys and directions to the house.

"Keep me updated," Magnus ordered. Alec pressed one kiss to Max's forehead and another on Magnus' cheek.

"I love you," Alec whispered.

"And I you."

..........

With Max asleep, Magnus explored the house, silently, as if he could get caught. The house itself was gorgeous and spacious, with minimal decorations. There was an office for both Lydia and Alec, and the basement was an area of wonder where the boys could destroy and play as they pleased. 

And he wondered how long it could all go on.

How long Alec could pretend to have jobs in the city, and how long before he decided he needed to be with the boys more than Magnus?

He found the guest bedroom, but the bed was stripped of pillows and sheets. The couch would be fine, he decided, but then he got curious, wandering into the master bedroom.

That's when Magnus' phone rang, blasting out a generic jazz tune.

"How is he?" Magnus answered.

"You're direct," Alec whispered. "He's still asleep, but they let me back to sit with him through the night. They said there's some swelling but he's young, so apparently they're hopeful."

"You should try to get some sleep," Magnus suggested, running his fingers along the edge of the comforter.

"I'm going to try calling her siblings. Maybe they have another number. Her phone could have died."

"That won't take all night," Magnus pointed out. Alec sighed.

"Is Max asleep?"

"Yes."

"Did you find the guest room?"

"Somehow, yes. It's all bigger than I expected," Magnus said.

"It was the only house in the area that had everything we wanted. Where are you now?"

"The master bedroom," Magnus admitted. "There aren't any sheets in the guest bedroom and I got a little too curious--"

"The linen closet in the hall," Alec said, cutting him off. Magnus knew he had overstepped, crossing into a topic they didn't talk about. "Lydia and Alec" was taboo when they were together.

"I should let you go," Magnus said softly. The side closest to the door was Alec's he decided. The side table was sparse-- just a picture of the family, looking silly. "I love you."

"I-- I love you too-- there's another call coming in, Magnus, it's probably her."

"Of course"

"Goodnight."

.........

Alec switched calls.

"Alec?" He breathed a sigh of relief.

"You have to come back," Alec said. "It's Rafe; he fell and hit his head--"

She didn't scream or hesitate, like Alec expected.

"Put me on the phone with a doctor."

"I don't think--"

"Alec, you put me on the phone with a doctor, or so help me--"

Alec jumped to his feet, hunting down a nurse who first lectured him on cell phone use in hospitals, then told Lydia she would call her back on the hospital line.

Alec stood by as the nurse informed Lydia of what had happened, better than Alec could have himself. When she handed the phone off to Alec, he wasn't sure what to expect from Lydia.

He wanted a lecture, because at least then she'd confirm the guilt that was eating him alive. It was so much easier to hate oneself when others hated you first.

But she didn't.

"I'm coming back," Lydia said. "I can be there in just a few hours."

"You're mad at me," Alec guessed by her flat tone.

"Alec, this would have happened eventually. Rafe doesn't like having his feet on the ground. And he's a little boy. They're supposed to get hurt. I just wish I had been there to help you. And I wish I could also be there for my mother, but you have work tomorrow--"

"Family first, Lyd. I'll be here as long as he needs me."

"Good." He could almost hear her smile, that smile reserved for when he played with the boys or did the dishes so she didn't have to, that smile that made him feel like he was making a good decision.

"Drive safe," Alec said.

"Take care of my boys."

........

Something poked at his side, and his impulse was to push Alec's elbow away. But he knew Alec wasn't really there. He managed to open one eye and see a close-up of Max's face.

"What's your name?"

"Magnus," he mumbled.

"Does my dad know you?"

"Uh, yeah, bud," Magnus said, trying to sit up.

"Mr. Magnus?"

"Yeah, Max?"

"I spilt a little bit of milk in the kitchen."

A little turned out to be a gallon, and the milk was topped with flour, which had created more of a dough consistency.

"What were you trying to do here, Max?" Magnus asked, as he mopped up the flour soup.

"I wanted some cereal so I poured the milk--" That was true, he had. There was a bowl full of milk still on the counter, "--and when I went for cereal, we were out, and I think I accidentally knocked the flour over." 

The house phone started ringing and Max jumped up from his seat at the counter, shouting, "I got it!", while treading through the mess.

"Hello?-- Hi, Daddy-- No, I already missed the bus-- No I spilled a little bit--" Max handed the phone off to Magnus. "He wants to talk to you."

"Hi," Magnus said, staring down Max.

"I suppose it's best he didn't go to school," Alec said in lieu of a greeting.

"How is he?"

"He woke up for a little while early this morning but he wasn't awake long."

"That's a good sign though."

"Yeah, the doctors said that too."

"What time did Lydia get there?"

"She hasn't," Alec said. "I've called her every thirty minutes. I called her sister and she said Lydia left hours ago. She should have been here by now."

"I'm sure she'll get there. Maybe she pulled over to nap or grab something to eat."

"I'm still worried," Alec mumbled.

"And you're allowed to be," Magnus said. 

"Why don't you bring Max up around lunch time?" Alec said.

"You want to make sure he's still alive," Magnus smirked.

"I-- I just want to make sure he's okay."

"I understand," Magnus said. He glanced back at the mess that Max was stomping his feet in. "Where's your mop?"

.........

Rafael had been moved up to the children's ward to make space in the ICU. Alec saw that as a promising sign of improvement. Lydia's absence was beginning to concern him though. What could he do though?

Being so helpless was beginning to drive him mad. 

Nothing had changed when Magnus arrived a little after noon with Max. 

Max went straight for Alec's arms, and Alec gladly swung him up into a hug. At least one person in his life was still accounted for. Two really. Magnus was leaning against the far wall watching them with admiration. 

"Is Rafe going to be okay?" Max asked.

"Of course," Alec said, tightening his arms a little bit. "We're all going to be alright. Did you have fun with Mr. Magnus last night?"

"He makes good french toast," Max said. He wiggled free from Alec's arms and climbed onto Rafael's bed, watching him sleep.

"I'll be right back, Maxy," Alec said. "Look after Rafe for a moment." Max nodded but didn't look back. 

Alec and Magnus stepped into the hall which was crawling with nurses and sick kids trailed by exhausted parents.

"Are you okay?" Magnus asked. Alec had gone pale in a second.

"I'm exhausted."

"Go home," Magnus said.

"Rafael could wake up at any minute--"

"You need to sleep. You're going to go insane."

"I'll survive on coffee for a little longer," Alec quipped with a smile and laugh.

"This isn't a joke," Magnus said. He put a hand on Alec's arm and they both hesitated with it there. 

"I'll go home tonight," Alec decided.

"I can stay," Magnus consoled.

"I can't keep you here any longer--"

"You're going to drive me insane-- Alec, let me help," Magnus said. "You're not inconveniencing me. You're not a burden. The kids are not a burden. I want to help."

"Okay," Alec finally conceded.

A nurse approached them, and Alec recognized her from the ER late last night.

"I just need to finish up some of Rafael's admittance paperwork," she said with a smile. They followed her back inside where Max was bouncing up and down on the bed with a massive grin on his face. Rafael's eyes were barely open but he seemed to be trying to match his brother's smile.

"Hey," Alec said, going straight for Rafael. "Look who decided to wake up."

"Mom's gonna be so mad at me," Rafael mumbled.

"No," Alec said, placing his hand over Rafael's. "She's just going to be happy you're okay."

"Can I have some water?" Rafael asked.

A walkie-talkie on the nurse suddenly began to scratch out a request-- "Two teams to the helipad to meet incoming critical-care victims from car accident on northbound highway--" The nurse reached to turn the volume down.

"Wait," Alec said.

"--first victim is a black male, 40s, with extensive blood loss and burns, and the second is a white female, early 30s, with organ damage and in need of ATLS--"

"Lydia," Alec mumbled.

"Alec, you don't know that," Magnus said, softly. Both of the kids were staring at them. They weren't dumb and they weren't deaf. 

"I have to go see," Alec said, jumping up. The nurse shouted after him and Magnus rose to follow, but he was already gone.

........

He'd never run so fast in his life, but at the same time, it seemed like he couldn't arrive fast enough. 

But he could feel it.

It was Lydia on that helicopter. And Lydia was gone.

He got to the doors leading out to the helipad and was stopped by two nurses, much stronger than he was. And he waited as the helicopter landed and the patients were unloaded. A nurse pulled him to the side as the man passed. 

And then the second team approached, with dangerous alarms sounding.

And he was right.

He felt as though he were in an elevator and the cables had just snapped, sending him flying into freefall. 

His heart seemed to be exploding, his mind ran with a thousand possibilities of everything he had to do now on his own. His feet gave out beneath him, and the nurse gently let him fall.

It was over.

All of it was over.

In pieces.

Ruins.

........

Alec fell asleep in a waiting room that he had been directed to. A doctor, still in scrubs speckled with blood, woke him up. It was dark outside, and the doctor sat beside him, and told him what he already knew.

..........

The boys had very fairly divided Raphael's bed, and were asleep, after enjoying a feast from the cafeteria. Magnus wanted to take a picture of the scene, because it was just the sort of image Alec would have showed him after a weekend away.

Magnus had tried calling Alec throughout the afternoon but he never answered his phone. 

It was nearly nine, and Magnus was dozing off when he saw Alec pacing outside.

"How long have you been out here?" Magnus asked, slipping out into the hallway. He shut the door behind him, leaving the boys to sleep.

Down the hall, a nurse had her hand on the back of a crying mother.

Alec didn't stop moving.

"Alexander," Magnus murmured. He knew the pacing. He used to do it the night before finals, usually with a textbook in hand and a highlighter between his teeth. He saw it in his own apartment one of the first weekends Alec stayed over, as he debated the morality of their affair.

Magnus caught him by the arm, pulling him into the family restroom across the hall. Magnus locked the door and held Alec still.

Alec's eyes were shut tight, trying to keep his tears internalized.

"I-- I'm sorry," Magnus said, dropping his hands. He fell back against the wall, leaving Alec crying in the middle of the room, a pillar of grief.

This ruined everything. Magnus tried to think of the kids, who were now motherless, but what about Alec? What about Alec and Magnus? 

How did things like this even happen? How could Lydia be gone? And so suddenly?

"I am so sorry," Magnus whispered. He looked back up at Alec, and found his own vision blurry with tears.

"I don't know what to do," Alec shrugged helplessly. "I called-- I called her sister, but what the hell am I supposed to do?"

"I don't know," Magnus said. 

"I can't raise the boys, Magnus, I can't do this. I just don't understand how this could happen now. Why?"

"I don't know--"

"Then why the hell are you here?" Alec shouted. "Why are you here, Magnus? There's nothing left! I can't do this anymore! We're done, finished, through--"

Magnus was silent. Alec let out another whimper and turned away from him.

"I'm sorry," Alec finally said.

There was nothing more Magnus could say.

.............

Alec sat on the edge of the hospital bed, watching the boys sleep. Rafael had a hand on Max's arm-- even though he was the patient, he was still ready to protect his brother. Alec gently stirred them both.

"Hey, boys," Alec said.

"Are we leaving?" Rafael mumbled.

"The doctor said tomorrow morning, if you're feeling okay," Alec said.

"I feel fine," he yawned. Max sat up and crawled in Alec's lap.

Alec glanced down at Max's sleepy eyes. How was he supposed to tell them?"

"So Mommy's not going to be coming home," Alec said, stroking the back of Max's hair. 

"Is she mad at me?" Rafael asked, suddenly sitting up. He winced but he didn't hesitate.

"No, of course not," Alec said. "This isn't your fault, Rafe."

"Then why isn't she coming home?"

"She-- she was in a car accident," Alec said. 

"What does that mean?" Max asked. 

"It means she's dead," Rafael said. His eyes were suddenly empty. It was then that Alec remembered Rafael still remembered his birth parents. He remembered that Rafael had seen them die, and he knew what death was. 

"Rafe--"

"No," Rafael snapped. "Go away. I want to be alone."

"It's okay--"

"No! None of it is okay!" The heart rate monitor attached to his tiny chest began blaring. "It's not okay, Dad!"

A nurse came rushing in, and Alec scooped Max up and slid out of the way as the nurse did her best to console him. 

Alec could feel Max's tears seeping through his shirt, but he couldn't tear his eyes away from Rafael, kicking and screaming as if he could tear the grief out of himself. Magnus came in, taking Max out of his arms so he could intervene but he was frozen.

 _How nice it must be to be a kid_ , Alec thought.

............

They were all still in black suits. Max was asleep across Alec's chest, and Rafael was quietly eating a bowl of Lucky Charms while watching some Disney movie on TV. Alec was scrolling through his work emails, Magnus assumed, because that was what he tended to do when he was anxious.

Magnus had his bag slung over his shoulder, prepared to leave quietly without goodbyes. Alec had his back to the front door and Rafael was enraptured in the movie.

"He's leaving," Rafael deadpanned, however. Magnus glared at the boy, who hadn't even turned his attention away from the movie.

Alec looked up, dropping his phone.

"We should talk," Alec said. It had been a week since Rafael had been discharged. A week of mostly silence as Magnus tried to help as much as he could. A week of meeting Alec's family in the most awkward way possible, as he claimed to be an "old friend" they had never even heard of. It had been the second worst week of Magnus' life and _now_ Alec wanted to talk.

"Okay," Magnus said, setting his bag down. Alec gently readjusted Max so he was lying on the couch, curled around a pillow. Magnus followed Alec back into the guest room, and shut the door behind him. He leaned back against it, and let Alec speak. It was his turn.

"I need you," Alec said. 

Magnus leaned forward, placing his hand on Alec's cheek, and kissing him like he needed to be kissed. Reminding him that he wasn't alone. There was a moment's hesitation and pause between the first kiss and second, but it was fleeting.

"I love you," Magnus mumbled. Alec pressed him back against the door, and Magnus could feel just a flicker of a smile on Alec's lips. 

Magnus slipped away from Alec's grasp.

"But we can't do this," Magnus said, out of breath. "We can't do this hidden affair thing. I have a life in the city. You have the boys. And neither one of us needs anything complicated."

Alec let his forehead fall against the door.

"Move to New York," Magnus proposed. "You have your job there, I have mine. There's a great science and engineering K-12 private school right down the block, and my apartment has plenty of room for them to blow up baking soda volcanoes."

Alec was silent.

"I don't expect you to give me an answer today or even tomorrow. But, uh, the offer stands," Magnus said. He walked towards Alec again. "I have to get back."

............

**6 months later. . .**

"You can't bribe me with ice cream," Rafael said, taking a dramatic lick of his three scoop strawberry ice cream cone, topped with rainbow sprinkles.

"Actually, I just did," Magnus said. He had two scoops of orange sherbet in a waffle cone.  

"I'm still mad at you."

"But you're less mad now that you have ice cream," Magnus pointed out. Rafael glared up at him, but he quickly snapped his attention back to the ice cream.

"I'm eight now; I'm not stupid. I know what you're trying to do."

"So tell me," Magnus said.

"You're trying to make me talk to you. You think I'm mad at you."

"Aren't you?" Magnus asked. 

"I'm not mad at you." He sighed heavily and dramatically-- the sigh of an overworked 30-something business executive. "I'm mad because you're replacing her."

"I'm not trying to replace her," Magnus said. 

"I know. That's why I'm angry," Rafael admitted. He stopped on the street corner, even though they crosswalk signal was showing the white walking man. "You're not trying to do it but it's happening anyways."

"Is there anything I can do to make you less angry with all this?"

"Can we go back home sometime? Like Albany?"

Magnus checked his watch. It was still early morning. 

"We can go right now, just you and me, if you'd like," Magnus offered. "Or we can go back to the apartment and get your dad and Max."

"No," Rafael said, after thinking on it. "Just you and me."

Three hours and a text to Alec later, they were in Albany, standing over the grave of Lydia Lightwood, beloved mother and friend.

Rafael had a pile of daffodils in his arms, hand-picked.

"What are you supposed to say?" Rafael asked. 

"The truth," Magnus said, putting a hand on Rafael's back. "I'll be in the car, kiddo."

Magnus watched from his car as Rafael sat on the new grass and talked to his mother. His phone started ringing and he answered.

"Is he okay?" Alec asked.

"He's good," Magnus said, watching as Rafael twisted one of the flowers in his hand. "He probably needed this."

"I guess it's best we didn't go. He likes to be alone."

The line went silent. 

"Alec?"

"I'm fine, I'm fine." 

He wasn't really, and Magnus knew that. But considering everything the family had been through, they were all doing incredibly well.

"I love you," Magnus said, closing his eyes. 

"I love you too-- Max! Can I call you back? I think he just destroyed the kitchen--" Alec hung up before Magnus could respond though. The car door opened and slammed shut suddenly beside him. 

Rafael looked over at Magnus, one of the daffodils still in his hands, and nodded. 

"Let's go home."


	49. How They Got Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Alec and Magnus find Max.

Mornings were always silent.

There was no talking in the apartment. There was a sleepy fog over the city, muffling the usual honks and sirens.

Just the sound of the percolator brewing coffee, each drop precious, like liquid gold.

Mornings were routine: Alec would stir first, laying in bed a few moments before attempting to move out Magnus' arms. Sometimes Magnus would pull him back, sometimes he wouldn't. Sometimes Alec would give in for a few more minutes of rest, other times he would negotiate his way out of bed with whispered words.

In the winter, he'd pull a blanket off the bed, wrapping it around himself as he trudged through the apartment, not ready to commit to the icy air just yet.

But it was summer now so the first thing he did was open all the windows, trying to get a cross-breeze to cool the stifling ancient apartment.

Then he'd turn the coffeepot on, mindlessly placing the coffee filter then filling it with fresh coffee grounds and pressing start.

Alec would pull down two coffee mugs, a random pair from their eclectic collection, dumping a ton of sugar in one while leaving the other empty.

Then he'd continue his morning by giving the Chairman his breakfast, then dropping four slices of toast in the toaster.

Toast and jam was the typical breakfast meal for them.

At some point in time, Magnus would come wandering out, generally giving the coffeepot enough time to make two cups.

Today, Magnus came out with a blanket wrapped around himself as well. He poured the cups and handed one off to Alec. Then with one hand securing his lifeline of caffeine, the other took a hold of Alec's hand and guided him to the couch made for two. Alec curled up in Magnus' lap, watching the Brooklyn skyline, and slowly sipping his coffee, forgetting the toast for the time being.

Silence was appreciated and taken advantage of in this house. Their lives had been far too hectic for far too long. Some days offered bursts of excitement but nothing could really compare to the chaos of Edom. Neither of them missed those days.

Alec settled his head against Magnus' chest just as a phone started screaming it's ringtone.

" _I'm the type of girl you wanna chew all of my bubble gum. T_ _he type of girl you wanna chew all of my bubble gum._ " Magnus scrambled to his feet, searching for his phone. The volume was so loud it was hard to pinpoint the exact spot. . .

" _I_ _'m the type of girl ya wanna take to ya mama house, t-t-t-take to ya mama house._ "

"By the Angel, Magnus, shut that off," Alec moaned, falling into the pillows. It was bad enough that Magnus played mundane music but this song particularly irked him.

" _The Georgia Peach and i'm back again its time to do the damn thang, better tell ya friends._ "

"Was my phone in the room?" Magnus asked. Alec looked back at him, annoyed. Magnus ran down the hallway.

" _First thangs first: I Sheeda, mess around wit' no man who won't eat her. It's time to get it straight, these suckas round here trippin', ya know you do it boy, so gone and keep it pimpin'! Got that Juciy Fruit, certified Bubble Yum--_ "

Alec could hear Magnus murmuring something.

"--second."

Catarina's voice suddenly crackled over the speakerphone as Magnus plopped down next to Alec.

"Okay. We're both here. Tell him what you told me," Magnus said, staring at Alec. He could tell Magnus was trying to keep a straight face.

"Hello, Alec," Cat said.

"Hi. . ." Alec said.

"I'm at the hospital and we just got a little boy in here--"

She didn't have to continue; Alec knew exactly why she was calling. 

"--for malnutrition. He was homeless apparently; his mother died a year ago. He can't be more than five, Alec. He really needs a place to stay-- Magnus knows how it works. It'll just be for a few years until we can find him someone to really teach him how to use his magic."

"We all know it won't just be a few years," Alec said, bending over, trying to think straight.

Magnus put a hand on his back.

"We don't have to do this," Magnus said. "Cat and I have other people we can call. I'm sure Malcolm is looking for a little more excitement in LA."

"You're insane if you think Malcolm Fade can take care of a child. He can barely take care of himself," Cat laughed. "Alec, I don't want to pressure you into anything but this kid needs someone."

Alec sat up.

"Cat, we'll call you back in a few minutes," Magnus said, hanging up without another word.

Now he couldn't help his grin.

"You really want this, don't you?" Alec asked. Magnus nodded.

Magnus rarely asked for anything.

"We haven't been up for thirty minutes. Don't you think it's a little early to be considering adoption?" Alec asked.

"Alexander, we've been dating for five years. I think we can handle a little more commitment. And a child. Hell, the Chairman hasn't died yet!"

"A cat is not a five year old warlock who was homeless for a year."

"Stop trying to say no," Magnus said, cupping Alec's face in his hands. "I know you're just dying to say yes."

A kid would change everything; their quiet mornings, their lazy afternoons, and sleepless nights.

"We meet him before we commit to anything."

.........

Cat got Magnus and Alec into the hospital as social workers.

The boy, who still refused to tell anyone his name, was in the pediatrics wing. Magnus was unfazed by the hospital stench but Alec could barely breathe. He hated the white walls, covered in cute decals of monkeys and lions. The infirmary in the Institute was too much for him even without the clouds of antiseptic. 

The little boy had his own room, courtesy of Cat pulling strings and, more importantly, glamours. He was hooked up to an IV line, pumping fluids back into his system and Cat was trying to get him to eat chicken nuggets when they knocked on the door frame, announcing their arrival.

Alec tried not to be surprised by his blue skin, much darker than Cat's and the black horns sticking through long, curly, messy hair, but warlock marks still caught him off guard.

"This is Magnus and Alec," Cat introduces. "Magnus is also a warlock and Alec is a Shadowhunter."

The boy was silent, his lips pressed together to keep the words in and the chicken nuggets out.

"Why don't you say hi?" Cat suggested. He stared at her like she had suggested he start flying. "Okay, well, you eat and I'm going to go talk to them outside."

The boy's brown eyes followed them out of the room.

Magnus and Alec stood together as Cat explained his laundry list of ailments.

"--but if you want him, no one is going to notice he's missing. I'd just give him a day or two to get re-hydrated."

"Has he eaten anything?" Alec asked.

"No," Cat said.

"Said anything?" Alec asked.

"When he first got here, yes. I suppose that was before we started poking him with needles."

"That would explain it," Magnus said.

"I can fix the eating problem," Alec said.

The other two looked at him suspiciously.

"Max was a picky eater," Alec said, suddenly self-conscious.

"Work your magic," Cat said, gesturing for him to go back in the room.

"Was that a joke?" Alec asked, raising an eyebrow.

Magnus snickered.

Alec stepped into the room, closing the door behind him. Magnus and Cat could watch through the window.

"Hi," Alec said, stepping to where Cat was sitting.

The boy looked at him.

"I'm Alec."

Alec could handle the silence; Max didn't talk much either when he was younger. 

"Are you going to eat this?" Alec asked, gesturing to the untouched lunch.

The stare continued.

Alec reached onto the plate, taking one of the chicken nuggets.

"I never ate breakfast," Alec said, eating. "I heard you were here so I came right over."

"Why?" he asked. Alec took another bite.

"Well, it's not every day a boy as young as you survives on his own for a year," Alec said. "You're special."

Alec reached for a second chicken nugget just as the little boy did. They both took one and kept eating.

"None of the other kids are blue," he said. "That makes me special too."

"It's not always how you look that counts," Alec said. "It's what's on the inside."

"My mom said that too."

"Your mom was smart then," Alec said.

"My mom is dead."

"My brother is dead," Alec confessed, the words painful to say. He saw Max in this little boy. He saw the chance for redemption; the chance to save Max.

So was he saving the boy for the wrong reasons?

"I'm sorry," the boy said, taking another chicken nugget.

"Do you want to come home with Magnus and I?" Alec asked.

The boy nodded.

Alec turned to the window; Cat was in awe and Magnus was looking at him like he had never loved Alec more than he did in this moment.

.........

They spent the rest of visiting hours with the boy, trying to get him to open up, to little avail. Even when left with only Alec, he stopped talking again.

Magnus entertained him by turning the room different colors and changing Alec's skin color to a shade of fuchsia.

He was obviously tiny, beyond typical five year old skinniness. He was skin and bones and that worried Alec. The blood tests came back as negative for any major infections, so they were out of the clear on that. The pediatrician had cleared him for discharge tomorrow morning at 7 am.

So they had 12 more hours of independence before they would be burdened with a child.

"So what do you want to do?" Magnus asked as their cab took them home.

"Survive this cab ride," Alec mumbled as the driver took his third sharp turn of the short trip.

"And after?" Magnus asked, gripping the armrest in the door.

"Should we be telling someone we're getting a kid?" Alec asked.

"You're not getting my hints," Magnus pouted.

"I feel like we should be telling someone. Like what's the adult thing to do here?"

"I've been an adult for a long time and I know what we _could_ be doing," Magnus said. Alec stared out the window.

It was all happening too fast.

........

Magnus unlocked the front door, pushing it open for the little boy to walk through, under his outstretched arm.

"This is big," he commented, awe in his voice and on his face.

"Do you want me to show you around?" Magnus asked.

"No," he said, looking up at Magnus. "I want to explore by myself."

"Okay," Magnus said. "Go ahead."

He wandered on his own, his fingers trailing on pretty much everything. He opened drawers in the kitchen, always shutting them after inspecting the contents.

He kept walking, pulling out a dining room chair and sitting in it for a minute.

He stared out the window, gaping at the skyline for the longest time.

Alec and Magnus watched from a distance, admiring their new son like proud parents at an honor roll assembly.

Magnus had an arm around Alec's waist, determined to keep him close for as long as this moment lasted.

Eventually the little boy got bored, as little boys do, and moved onto the long hallway of rooms.

He opened every door, finding closets, bathrooms, Magnus' office, bedrooms, and eventually the master suite.

"This is your room?" he asked, before ever entering.

"Yes," Alec said. "You can go in if you want."

"No." He shut the door and then looked up at Magnus and Alec who were surprised. "My mom never let me in her room." Alec was about to say something when he was cut off. "Where is my room?"

Alec took his hand, guiding him down the hallway to the room two doors down from theirs.

It was empty, walls painted simple white with plush white carpeting.

"Okay," he said, reaching for the door handle to shut them out.

"Don't you want some furniture?" Magnus asked.

"Oh." He opened the door again. "Yes please."

Magnus stepped inside, eyeballing the little boy carefully.

"What's your favorite color?" Magnus asked.

"I like orange," he said, trotting after Magnus who was in the middle of the room.

"So this--" the room exploded into a burst of neon orange, "--or more like this." It faded into a rusty orange.

"Bright!" he shouted.

Magnus caught a glimpse of Alec shaking his head "no."

He turned down the brightness, and added a grey twin-sized bed against one wall.

"What do you like to play with?" Magnus asked.

He shrugged, still mesmerized with the way the walls were changing color.

Magnus made a dresser and wardrobe appear, then little shelves, stocked with random toys and bins of Legos.

"Can you make it green?" he asked halfway through the decorating process.

The walls and orange accents on the bedspread and drawers turned to a pale green.

Then the room was all different shades of the rainbow, bouncing from pink to brown to turquoise to lime green.

It didn't take long to wear the kid out.

He climbed into the bed without a word, falling asleep before Magnus and Alec could ask any questions.

"So I guess that's naptime?" Alec asked as they retreated into the hallway.

"You know, I think we're really nailing this parenting thing," Magnus said, stopping in front of Alec. Alec jumped, falling back against the wall.

"It's been two hours," Alec pointed out.

"Mm. I suppose that's a good point," Magnus said, kissing Alec, gently, thanking him for everything without words.

.........

Naptime lasted most of the morning, with Alec and Magnus alternating between making sure he was still breathing every ten minutes or so. They supposed they were supposed to be a little panicky with a human life in their care now.

When he woke up, they took him out to a park to wear him out again.

"What else are we supposed to do?" Alec asked as they watched their son run up and down and across the jungle gym from a bench.

"I have no idea. There's no manual on parenting, Alec. Trial and error. You have to break a few eggs to make an omelette."

Alec pointed a finger at Magnus, "No one is breaking anything and please don't call him an omelette--"

"Well, until he gives us an actual name, I think "Omelette" sounds very French and very sophisticated--"

"Our child will not be referred to as a food--"

"Well, "Blueberry" would be far more accurate, I suppose--"

"Hi."

They both jumped a little as they turned back and saw the kid had appeared in front of them. 

"When are you gonna tell us your name?" Magnus asked, ruffling the little boy's hair a little bit.

"My name?"

"It's okay if you don't remember," Alec said, cautiously. 

"Oh, no, I remember," he said. "It's Max."


	50. Gasoline on the Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Alec spends the night.

Words didn't come easily to a soldier that only knew orders.

That's all Alec really was. He knew he wasn't a poet, nor did he want to be. There was no beauty to be found in his world. Just demons and the pain they brought.

But what he needed at this moment was a grandiloquent speech that would say everything he was thinking. He didn't want to sound anymore desperate than Magnus already knew he was and he didn't want to sound ashamed in the slightest. Because last night had made him feel more loved than he really deserved and deep down, he was horribly selfish and wanted to feel that way for the rest of his life.

He knew he'd be up before Magnus. Magnus, who was entangled in half-a-dozen blankets and enthroned on more pillows than Alec could count. A light smile had knitted the corners of his lips. A person's most vulnerable state was when the sun was slowly raising in the east.

Alec could get up and leave. He could disappear and maybe avoid the speech he felt compelled to make all together. If he was lucky, he'd never have another run-in with the warlock again.

But that was hardly fair to either of them.

Maybe he wouldn't have to say anything. Maybe they could just pick up where they left off before exhaustion and a short-lived fit of quiet laughter had claimed them both.

He'd stay, he decided. Just not in the bed.

There was a duffel bag of his stuff in the corner of Magnus' room. He slid out of bed, softly padding over to the corner. At least if he did feel the urge to escape, he could do so almost soundlessly.

He put on a pair of sweatpants. Summer was coming to a close and the weather was at that perfect state of not-too-hot-not-too-cold. A balcony was attached to Magnus' room, and the sliding door was cracked open already, letting in a breath of cold air.

Alec opened a little wider before he stepped through onto the concrete balcony. Taxi drivers were already honking profusely, ruining what would have been an otherwise fantastic view of the city. How long had Magnus had this apartment, he wondered. Was it before Brooklyn was the place to be? Was it before Brooklyn was even established?

Coffee in his hands and Magnus' arms around his waist was the only thing that could have made the scene better. He smiled softly at the idea, ducking his head.

It was a romantic notion, though not something from his own imagination. None of it-- none of awkward flirting, the horrendous first date, the slightly-better second one, the kissing, the sex-- seemed like something he had done. It was a different Alexander Lightwood that was capable of loving Magnus Bane. A more romantic, less clinical version of him.

But they were really one mind, one body, he had to remind himself of that. He was capable of falling in love.

He was in love.

His heart skipped a beat.

"Please don't jump."

Another skip. He turned around. Magnus was sitting up, rubbing at eyeliner-smudged eyes.

"That would be an atrocious turn of events," Magnus yawned. "And you'd look horrible splattered on my front porch."

Alec smiled, kicking softly at the concrete.

"Why are you out there?" Magnus asked. Alec stepped inside, sliding the glass door completely shut, sealing them off from the symphony of Brooklyn.

"The city looks different at four in the morning."

"It's an ungodly hour," Magnus said, leaning back on his arms as Alec crawled onto the corner of the bed, tucking a stray blanket into his lap. "The city is only alive for greedy business men and crabby taxi drivers." The concrete had frozen his toes. "Anyways, good morning."

"Morning," Alec mumbled, looking up from his lap.

"What's wrong?" Magnus asked, without hesitation or even fear for what he might say.

"I've been trying to find that out," Alec said, looking away. He focused on a picture on the nightstand, which seemed oddly out of place in Magnus' completely unsentimental room. "Who are those people?"

He felt Magnus' gaze shift away from him then snap right back like a rubber band.

"We're not talking about my friends. We're talking about you-- us."

"I don't know," Alec said, playing with the fringed edge of the blanket in his lap. "I just-- I thought being with you would make everything make sense."

"Sex rarely leads to epiphanies unless they're ones of regret."

"I don't regret last night," Alec confessed, looking up. Magnus had to understand that. "I've been in this constant state of confusion about who I am for most of my life and it's like I've been on fire. And I wanted to be with you because I thought you'd be water but you're just gasoline, Magnus. Every time I'm with you, I come away knowing something but being even more confused."

And Magnus was smiling, that same soft smile that Alec had never seen him give anyone else.

"That's called love, Alexander."

Alec's jaw dropped a little bit. Something about hearing someone else say it made it all the more real-- not just something he had made up in his head or a disillusioned idea of what love was.

Alec surged forward, taking Magnus' sleep-warmed cheeks in his hands, kissing Magnus into delirium.

Nothing was supposed to make sense in love, he decided.

 


	51. Heaven vs. Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Alec contemplates a life after.

"Do you ever think about it?" Alec asked softly.

"What?" Magnus asked, pulling Alec back towards him so Alec's back was on his chest. He'd just sat up, and the sudden shift had sent cold air against Magnus' bare chest. Alec had been keeping him warm.

Magnus put his arms around Alec's shoulders, trapping him there. Their legs were tangled and intertwined, just how Magnus liked them: no separation.

"Life after death."

"Technically, there is no 'life after death'; that's a contradiction," Magnus pointed out. Alec didn't bother to say "You know what I mean." He waited patiently for Magnus' response.

"I believe in a heaven and a hell. I've been to hell and I've met Nephilim, the closest thing to angels humanity has. The real angels have to exist somewhere."

"Where do you think you're going?" Alec asked. Magnus exhaled softly, putting his cheek against Alec's head.

"I'm damned, my love."

Alec was silent. Of course he knew that. Had he hoped Magnus would lie? Or justify a future in heaven with his upstanding moral character?

No. Magnus was no saint, and he knew it. The demon blood coursing through his veins was only a part of his damnation. He swore, he slept around before Alec, he drank, he partied, he lived recklessly, and he was a strong proponent of revenge served freezing cold. Topping that like a sundae of sin was his raging bisexuality.

God could forgive, but he couldn't allow a demon into heaven.

"And what about me?" Alec asked.

God could forgive, and he'd always let an angel in.

"You're too pure for hell," Magnus reasoned. "You save people, you protect this world, and that's just what you do for your job. You've managed to live with me for the last couple of years which makes you a true saint. You love wholeheartedly."

"But, that means we won't be together."

_Ahh, now you've pieced it all together._

"No, I don't think we'll be together when it's all said and done."

"Then it won't really be heaven," Alec concluded, looking up at Magnus. "My perfect world doesn't exist without you. You're my everything."

"Maybe you'll get a holographic, less-annoying version of me," Magnus reasoned. His joke fell flat, Alec's gaze was unwavering.

"I'm serious."

"I know," Magnus breathed.

_His little angel, far too caring for his own good._

"Everything just got a lot worse," Alec mumbled. "The whole death thing. I mean, this is really all we have."

He was going to send himself into a panic. "Alexa--"

"You've thought about this, haven't you?" Alec asked, twisting away from Magnus. "You realized this and--" The rest of his sentence disappeared in a huff of air. "How do you live with such horrible thoughts?"

"Life goes on, Alec. It's indifferent to our feelings. We cannot stop death. We don't even know if there is a heaven or a hell or if it's just Edom. _We don't know._ But what I do know is that I have you here, right now, and enjoying this time, creating these memories with you, it has to be enough to keep me going after you're gone, after I'm gone, wherever my conscience or my soul ends up. It has to."

Alec pressed his pretty little lips together, and his forehead wrinkled in frustration.

Magnus found it all too adorable, his smile breaking the seriousness of the mood.

But maybe that's what they really needed: a distraction in the moments like these.

"Stop smiling," Alec said, unable to keep a straight face.

"I'm sorry, but when you pout, you look like a toddler and it's adorable," Magnus gushed. "Are we done with depressing topics that ruin the mood?"

"Yes," Alec agreed, falling back against Magnus once again.

Magnus' fingers played with Alec's hair as he tried to picture Alec's heaven: Magnus as the main attraction, but his family also there. All of them together, laughing and enjoying one another. To live that for eternity wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.

Then he thought about his own hell. What would it be? What would it look like? No doubt, Alec would be there.

Just not in the way he'd like.


	52. For a Servant and a Master

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Magnus works for Alec.

**October 17th, 1911.**

Perhaps the only thing in London that rivaled the size and elegance of Lightwood mansion was Buckingham Palace. The slightly-off white front stood out against the neatly-kept green grass. Magnus pulled his coat tighter around him. To say he wasn't nervous would be a lie. The Lightwoods were some of London's richest and he was probably one of twenty prospective valets and there was nothing special about his resume.

The gate keeper had already let him inside and he continued his walk around to the side of the house. A woman dressed in black sat on a picnic table, taking a drag from a cigarette. She watched him with curiosity in her posture and laughter in her eyes. They both doubted him.

He raised his hand to knock, never breaking eye contact with the woman.

The door opened instantly at his touch, snapping his head back to attention.

"Mm," a rather rotund man said. He was examining Magnus. "You must be Magnus Bane."

"Yes, sir," Magnus said, sticking his hand out.

"I do not shake hands," he said, turning and walking inside the house. "Follow."

Magnus stepped inside. Somehow it was colder inside than outside.

"Hang your coat and hat; if this goes well, you will be here for awhile, Mr. Bane," the man said, gesturing to a coat rack, lined with coats identical to the one Magnus was slipping off.

"This is yet another copy of your resume, I'm assuming?" he asked, staring at the yellow envelope peeking out of Magnus' coat. It stood stark out against the black wool of the coats. Magnus pulled it out handing it over.

"I'm Mr. Davies," the man said. "Head Butler of the Lightwood Estate. Follow me."

Noise from the kitchen carried into the hallway, growing louder with every step they took. Someone was shouting within the kitchen and Magnus could hear sobs from the same room.

Mr. Davies wasn't fazed though. He kept walking down the hall, though when he walked it seemed more like floating.

"How old are you?"

"19, sir."

"Far too young to be a valet."

"I would like the chance to try," Magnus said. Mr. Davies' head snapped to the side, so Magnus got a view of half his pudgy face.

"Of course you would."

They came to an intersection with another hallway. A stairway was straight ahead.

"I run a very strict household, Mr. Bane. At the moment we are short-staffed, which is the only reason why I agreed to interview someone as young and inexperienced as _you_. Should we hire you on, you would also be responsible for footman's duties as well. Are you okay with that?"

"I am," Magnus said. Though he wasn't. Everything the butler was saying was true. He was young, inexperienced, and not the ideal valet. However, he was tired of being just a footman. He wanted to work his way up the ranks, to be more respected by society's elite, though he could never truly be one of them.

Mr. Davies didn't respond; he turned right and continued down the hallway.

As Mr. Davies passed a doorway, someone inside the room skidded to a stop, their hands shakily carrying two loaded trays. He was off balance now, teetering and trying to keep up with the trays that wanted to go flying. Magnus jumped in front of the boy, taking ahold of the other sides of the trays, steadying them.

"Easy now," Magnus said as the boy straightened up with him.

"Thank you," the boy stuttered, readjusting his grip on the trays. He raised his eyes and they flew to the butler who was watching the scene. "I apologize, sir--"

"I should hope to never see you running with fine china ever again, Raphael," Mr. Davies snapped. "Go."

Magnus dropped his hands away as the tea boy hurried off, walking quickly but never running. He ascended the stairs, disappearing out of sight.

Magnus lifted his eyes to meet the butler's. They were still cold and unwavering but there was a slight nod to his head.

"I think we'll see where Mr. Lightwood is," Mr. Davies said, straightening up.

Just a few minutes later, Magnus was standing beside a desk as the master of the house finished writing a letter.

Magnus stared straight ahead at a rather uninteresting wall, with Mr. Davies at his side.

"Ah, yes--" There was the sound of the chair dragging against the floor. "--who is this?"

"An applicant for the valet position, m'lord," Mr. Davies said.

"Your name?"

"Magnus Bane, if it please m'lord," Magnus responded.

"Look me in the eyes when you speak please." Magnus tore his eyes away from the wall, looking at the older man. He was in a suit usually reserved for business and receiving guests in the afternoon-- comfortable but formal.

"Mmm. And why do you think someone as young as him would be suitable?" Mr. Lightwood demanded of the butler.

"He's shown skill though his resume leaves something to be desired."

"We have plenty of applicants with both of those," Mr. Lightwood said, now ignoring Magnus. He hated this part. It felt like he was being traded like a slave, just something to be bought and bartered.

"Master Alexander made a request," Mr. Davies said, "that his valet not be more than five years older than he."

Mr. Lightwood gave a heavy sigh. "Of course he would. I imagine you sent all of the older applicants away immediately?"

"I-- I can always ask them back," Mr. Davies said. It was the first time Magnus had ever heard him hesitate.

"No. Give him a trial period. Introduce him to Alexander. Make sure he's presentable by the end of the week," Mr. Lightwood ordered. He finally looked back to Magnus. "Congratulations; you have a job now, Mr. Bane."

..........

Magnus was to start the next morning by moving in and touring the house.

The house was four levels, with the ground floor being taller than the rest to account for the impressive ceilings and stone arches.

The basement served as the kitchen and common room for the servants. The ground floor was the entertaining area, always to be kept presentable by a team of parlor maids, and had an elaborate grand staircase to the second floor, which was just hallway after hallway of bedrooms. The final floor was servant quarters. Magnus had his own room, much to his relief.

He owned very little and what he did have was being kept in a little room above a tavern in town.

He was completely settled in by lunch time, which he spent watching the kitchen staff and footman flurrying around in panic. If this was lunch, what would dinner be like? He leaned against the wall, in a full valet's uniform, a black coat over a grey vest and white dress shirt, one foot propped up against the wall.

A lady's maid was floating around in the servants' dining room and Magnus figured she seemed more interesting than post-lunch clean up in the kitchen. He sat in the seat across from her.

She looked up from her sewing, strands of untamed blonde hair, cluttering her face.

"You must be the new valet," she said, setting it aside.

"That I am," Magnus said.

"You're a smug one," she said, with only mild contempt.

"On a good day," Magnus smiled.

"My name is Catarina."

"Magnus."

"I work for Lady Maryse."

"I'm not quite sure who I'm working for as no one's really told me," Magnus said.

"Master Alexander," Catarina said.

"And he is--"

"I don't gossip," Catarina said. "It's what separates me from everyone else."

"What's life downstairs without gossip?" Magnus pressed.

"Why don't you entertain me with something other than your horrible bantering," Catarina said, frowning. She picked up her sewing.

"Do you like jokes?"

"Not particularly."

"Riddles?"

"Depends on the riddle," Catarina said.

"Poor people have it. Rich people need it. If you eat it you die. What is it?" Magnus asked.

"Nothing," Catarina said. "My father taught me that years ago. Try harder."

"If I have it, I don't share it. If I share it, I don't have it. What is it?"

She opened her mouth to speak but a little bell on an entire wall of them rang.

"I don't know yet," she said, rising. "But I _will_ figure it out."

"I can not wait!" Magnus called after her.

"Mr. Bane," Mr. Davies said, entering through the door Catarina had just left through. "Shall we go meet Mr. Alexander?"

Magnus smiled, rising.

.......

Two boys were lounging under a tree, one with jet black hair, arranged in no particular fashion, and a blond with an equally messy head. The one with the black hair was peeling an apple with a knife while the blond gestured up at the sky.

As Magnus and Mr. Davies approached, the apple boy went silent. The golden blond took awhile to notice their presence.

"Good afternoon," the blond said, speaking ahead. "What can we do you for, Mr. Davies?"

"I am here to introduce, Master Alexander's new valet, Mr. Bane," Mr. Davies said. Magnus gave a little bow.

"Ahh, yes, well, I am so pleased to meet you and just thrilled to take you on as my valet," the blond said. Magnus was confused. The blond looked nothing like Mr. Lightwood. He would have guessed the boy tossing apple peels off his lap to be Alexander.

"Don't confuse him," the black-haired boy snapped, setting everyone straight. " _I'm_ Alexander Lightwood," he said, shielding his eyes from the sun as examined Magnus. "At least he looks young."

"He's more than capable of the job," Mr. Davies said. Magnus nodded.

"And when do I get a valet?" the blond demanded.

"You can have this one," Alexander said, jumping up to his feet. He dusted off the front and back of his pants. "I don't want a valet. I don't need a valet. And I certainly don't want him."

He took a pointed bite of his apple and walked away, leaving them with the other boy.

"He'll grow on you," he assured Magnus. "Like a mushroom or disease."

He cracked a crazed smile and began running after Alexander.

"That would be Jace Wayland, Mr. Lightwood's ward."

Magnus watched him go with disdain for them both.

..........

Magnus knocked at the door to Alexander's room.

There was no response so Magnus carefully twisted the brass knob, entering the room. The light was dim in the room, lit only by the fireplace. The room was larger than his old master's had been, really showing Magnus the grandeur and scale of the Lightwood's wealth. The center of the room was a four-poster bed, curtains pulled back and bed made, though probably not by Alexander. Alexander sat at a desk in the corner of the room, writing something furiously.

"Sir?"

Alexander turned around, his face dropping as soon as he saw Magnus.

"The dinner gong rang ten minutes ago," Magnus said.

"Then you should have been here ten minutes ago, in theory," Alexander stated. Magnus tried to keep a straight face. "But I thought I made it clear-- I do not want a valet."

"I am being paid to be a valet," Magnus said.

"And now you're going to be paid to do nothing," Alexander said, turning back around. He resumed writing. Magnus crossed his arms.

"With or without my help, you still need to get ready for dinner, _sir_ ," Magnus said.

Alexander stood up, pushing the chair back violently.

"Let me make this very clear, Mr. Bane. You will not dress me, you will not keep my schedule, you will not follow me around like a lost puppy. For appearances' sake, you will stay in this very room when I get ready in the next room. You will clean my clothes and shine my shoes like any common servant but I will not have you watching over me like I am a child," Alexander seethed. "Do you understand?"

Magnus stared at him in awe.

There was no one else like Alexander Lightwood, of that Magnus was sure.

"I understand."

........

Magnus pushed the food around on his plate, idly. He was waiting for the moment he could flee to his room.

Something about doing nothing was exhausting.

"Secret."

Magnus looked at Catarina, who had sat herself down next to him after dinner.

"It is a secret, correct?"

"I'm sorry--?"

"The riddle. 'If I have it, I don't share it. If I share it, I don't have it. What is it?'" she said.

"Ah, yes," Magnus said, smiling.

"So it's my turn. What is a room no man can enter?" Catarina asked.

Magnus rattled off lists of rooms in his head, yet all of them were enterable.

"Give me time," Magnus said, nodding.

"How was Mister Alexander?" Catarina asked.

"Horrible," Magnus muttered under his breath. "He doesn't want me there."

"Ah," Catarina nodded.

"I certainly hope you aren't gossiping at the end of the table, Mr. Bane," Mr. Davies spoke up. Heads turned to Magnus and Catarina. "How was your first day in the house?"

"Fine. Thank you for asking," Magnus said, smiling.

"I trust Mister Alexander wasn't too much trouble?"

"Oh, no," Magnus said, settling back in his chair. "He was just a delight."

There were quiet snickers up and down the table.

Mr. Davies stood up, and everyone followed in suit, as if he were the judge and the rest were the court.

"Mr. Bane, follow me please."

Magnus stepped away from his chair, following the butler out of the dining hall.

"I sense Mister Alexander wasn't pleased to see you," Mr. Davies said as they walked down the halls to his private office.

"No," Magnus said. "He doesn't want me and in all honesty, I have no interest in working for someone who doesn't want me."

"Need I remind you, you signed a two-year contract," Mr. Davies noted as he unlocked his office. Magnus vaguely remembered signing his life away to the Lightwood family. "I'll speak to Mr. Lightwood."

"Alright," Magnus said. They stepped inside, Mr. Davies shutting the door behind Magnus.

"It's not in my place to speak about the residents of this house behind their backs. But Mister Alexander has proven to be stubborn, time and time again, which is why I feel less guilty in telling you that while I will speak to Mister Lightwood, I cannot guarantee that Alexander will improve his behavior. I understand it will be frustrating but I beg that you stay on. Searching for replacements is exhausting, especially those who are as young and hopefully resilient as you."

Magnus contemplated it all for a moment.

"I want a pay raise."

........

"You tattled on me?"

Magnus had just barely shut the door. Morning light came into Alexander's room from the second floor window, making it look much brighter and vitalized than the night before.

"I--"

"My father was in here before the sun was even up, demanding that I treat you better!" Alexander shouted.

"I didn't intend--"

"Oh, I am _sure_ you didn't intend for me to be yelled at as if I were a child. However, it happened," Alexander hissed.

"Mister Alexander--"

"I am willing to forgive if you promise not to complain about me," Alexander said. "Mr. Bane, do not test me."

"I understand," Magnus said.

Alexander stood up a little straighter.

He had dressed just fine on his own-- Magnus couldn't have done it better. It made him feel redundant in the worst possible ways.

........

"I need you to work dinner tonight," Mr. Davies said, stopping Magnus by the arm in the hallway.

"Of course," Magnus said. A pair of shiny leather shoes dangled from the tips of his fingers, freshly polished.

"I hope you won't feel offended by working second footman?"

It was a rapid demotion but Magnus was indifferent after Alexander's morning lecture.

"Of course not," Magnus said.

Mr. Davies hurried off and Magnus continued his morning routine.

........

Magnus stood at the entrance to the sitting room as the family and their dinner guests slowly entered. The second footman's uniform was a little tight on him so breathing was becoming increasingly difficult.

Listening to the bits of conversations was the best part of the evening. Learning who was being scandalous with who, who was ruining their family's name, and who was moving out of Parliament, and who was replacing them.

But the information was chopped and minced; he never heard an entire conversation.

There was a girl who seemed to be the center of attention tonight. She wore a pearl-colored dress, her blonde hair tied up loosely so curls cascaded as they pleased. She wore a constant smile in between her shiny peach lips. She was incredibly stunning, and obviously the object of an arranged marriage.

It was the first time Magnus had ever seen the entire family together, minus Alexander.

Robert Lightwood was just as imposing as the zeros in his bank account. He was tall and perfectly filled out, and cleanly shaven. Maryse kept with the women, her age showing on her less than on her husband. She was still effervescent though, glowing as she listened to the women around her.

Isabelle sat with the blonde girl, looking just as pretty in her own dark way. Her hair was poignantly black and her brown eyes matched. She wore a red dress, brighter than it should have been and definitely more stunning than it should have been.

Jace sat her side at a respectful distance, batting his eyes prettily at the girl. She was obviously trying to ignore it but Jace was just as attractive.

Keeping up a family image by surrounding themselves with pretty objects, expensive clothing, and delicious food was one thing but the Lightwoods had an inborn charm to them, part bitter, part awe-inspiring.

Alexander was still missing.

Mr. Davies left his post near the table of drinks, approaching Magnus.

"Would you please go find Mister Alexander?" Mr. Davies begged. Robert was watching them from the corner, the request coming from him. "Dinner is ready and we cannot begin without him."

Magnus gave a curt nod, and slipped out of the room.

He climbed the stairs quickly, heading straight for Alexander's room. He hadn't done any of his valet duties for the night because dinner had to be prepared. So he hadn't seen Alexander since that morning.

Magnus didn't bother knocking.

Something shattered as he entered though.

"I--" He was prepared to apologize but Alexander was standing over a vase that had once sat on the mantle.

Tears were running down Alexander's face as he stared at Magnus.

"Why didn't you knock?" Alexander shouted.

"They're-- they're waiting on you downstairs," Magnus stuttered.

"I am _not_ going!" Alexander said.

Magnus was at a loss for words.

Alexander turned away from him, leaning on the mantle. Magnus could see the blood on his knuckles.

"Mister Alexander," Magnus said, cautiously stepping into the room more. "Please let me help you."

"I don't need help," Alexander said. "I don't need anything. I need to be alone."

Magnus' heart was racing. Alexander was volatile, a bomb waiting to go off. Magnus put a carefully hand on his shoulder, as slowly and gently as possible. Alexander flinched, a testament to the lack of warmth and sense of family in the house.

"You have to go to dinner. As soon as it is done, you can come back here and be alone. But they will send more people prying if you and I don't return downstairs soon," Magnus said.

Alexander took shaky breaths before straightening up and turning to face his valet.

"Firstly," Magnus said, handing Alexander a handkerchief, "wipe your tears away. Then put your coat on. I'll be back in a moment."

Magnus left the room, heading down the hall for Maryse's room. Catarina would surely be in there preparing her mistress' room for bed. And she was.

"I need her foundation," Magnus demanded, hand out.

"Excuse me?" Catarina said, flying around. She had been standing over a nightgown, flattening it out on the bed.

"The foundation. Please."

"Why--?"

"Trust me, Catarina."

"This is stealing--"

"It's for the good of the house. If I could tell you, I would," Magnus swore. Catarina flew to the dresser, holding a jar out to Magnus.

"Please return this," Catarina begged.

"Just a moment," Magnus said. He ran out of the room, back to Alexander's.

Alexander was sitting at the desk, staring at a letter, wistfully.

"Whatever that letter contains, sir, I don't believe it's going to help us here," Magnus said. There was a washbasin in the corner of the room and Magnus soaked a towel in the lukewarm water. He knelt in front of Alexander, whose attention was still on the piece of parchment, and started dabbing at the cracked knuckles as quickly and gently as possible. Alexander winced with every touch.

"I'm going to cover it with make up--"

"You're going to put make up on my knuckles?"

"Do you want people asking questions?" Magnus demanded.

Alexander turned away as Magnus coated his knuckles in the fine powder.

"Stand up," Magnus demanded. Alexander shot him a fierce look, dulled by red eyes. But he complied. Magnus looked him over. "You're going to have to act overly cheerful to draw away from your appearance. Go downstairs. Apologize for being late and tell them you were lost in a book."

Alexander nodded once and left the room in a zombie-like state.

Magnus took a moment for himself.

There was more to Alexander than he had thought.

And it was all in the letter on the desk in front of him, ready to be read by anyone who passed by.

Magnus turned away.

It wasn't his place.

.......

In a rather unsurprising turn of events, Miss Emma was set to be married to Mister Alexander, who had transformed himself into the ideal 20th century man. He escorted her into the dining room and dinner began.

Magnus tried to keep his eyes off of Alexander but it was incredibly difficult when his laugh kept ringing out across the room.

Apparently, Miss Emma was known for her humor.

Magnus caught the endings of her jokes and never found the urge to laugh.

Instead he circulated the dining table, tray in hand, leaning down at just the right angle to assist the dinner party in serving themselves.

He had hated being a footman at his old master's house, and for good reason.

The old man only ate one thing for dinner-- liver and onions. He never had any dinner guests either, due to his horrid personality and eternally horrid breath.

Everyone once in awhile, his son would visit and those days would bring a new life into the house.

The Lightwood house seemed to be constantly full of life though.

Dinner took well over an hour, and treated like a special occasion since Miss Emma had come for dinner.

Alexander decided to skip cigars with his father and future father-in-law. As he excused himself, he beckoned for Magnus to follow.

Magnus turned to Mr. Davies who gave him leave to follow Alexander.

They walked in silence to his room, where Alexander shut the door for his valet, an act of submission.

"I apologize for my outbursts," Alexander said. "I hope you can forget them."

"I cannot forget; only forgive," Magnus said.

"Then that is what I ask."

"Would you like to talk about it?"

"To you?" Alexander asked. "My brother and friend lives two rooms down from me. Why would I speak to you about my personal life?"

"Because I am nobody to you. You don't have to worry about me judging you because I am not allowed to judge you," Magnus said.

"If I tell you," Alexander said, "I risk my life. I've only known you for two days."

"If I truly wanted to know, I would have read your letter, which you so carelessly left out," Magnus said. "I do respect you and the basis of respect is a sense of trust."

"Wise."

"I like to think I am," Magnus smiled.

"Mr. Bane, it truly could risk everything if I told you," Alexander said, sitting on the edge of his bed. "But this secret is killing me."

"I understand," Magnus nodded.

"Maybe it would be best if you read the letter?" Alexander offered. He gestured to the still open desk, the letter still resting on top.

"Only if you're sure--"

"I am," Alexander said. Magnus crossed the room, the letter waiting for him. He picked it up and began reading.

_My dearest A,_

_I do understand the risk in writing to you. Should this letter be intercepted, I fear I will have ruined everything for the both of us. It is true, I should have called on you in person to speak to you about this. But the risk is just as great in meeting you._

_My life has come to a crossroads like all lives do, and like yours will eventually and I am forced to make the choice between the life my father has intended on me and the life I truly wish to live. If it were up to me, I'd be next to you in a heartbeat. But my father has worked far too hard for me to give it up on my heart's desires. So it is with great sorrow that I tell you that I am to take over my father's position as head of the household since his untimely passing and I am to marry as soon as a suitable match is found for me. Between work and my personal responsibilities, I lack the time to go on adventures like the ones we've had for the last months._

_They were the best days of my lives, the ones I spent with you. But they shall cease to be from now on._

_I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors, A, and know that I will always have a place in my heart for you._

_S_

"Alexander," Magnus set the letter aside, "you were seeing a man, weren't you?"

Alexander nodded, staring at the empty wall, his lips slightly parted.

"And now he's left me," Alexander breathed. "Do you see why you can't tell anyone?"

"I won't," Magnus said. "I understand. I understand more than you know."

Alexander turned around, looking at Magnus with saddened eyes.

"You feel the same way?" Alexander asked. "Towards--"

"Yes," Magnus said, cutting him off. "So you see, Mister Alexander, we have more in common than you thought."

.........

Magnus was working on his mid-morning duties alone in the servant's dining hall when the bell to the library began ringing, requesting service. He looked around. The only signs of life were the clanging of pots and pans from the kitchen.

He rose, leaving the sewing that had to be done on the table. He really wasn't qualified nor in the position to be seeing what needed to be done in the library but the masters didn't like waiting either.

Magnus climbed up to the living levels, finding his way through the halls to the library.

He knocked before entering. Mister Lightwood's voice rang through first, ordering him to enter.

"Good morning, sir," Magnus said, giving a little bow.

"Mr. Bane," Alexander and his father said in unison. The elder of the two was seated at his own desk, the younger standing over his shoulder. Alexander took a step back, giving his father room to speak.

"Alexander is insistent on traveling to north of the city."

Magnus knew better than to ask.

"When?" Magnus asked.

"Tonight. I've been invited to dinner at a friend's," Alexander said. His father seemed skeptical but wasn't protesting.

"Are we going to be away awhile? Should I pack--?"

"Yes," Alexander said. "For three nights, at the most."

"I still disagree with the idea," Robert Lightwood announced. "You do not need to travel right now."

"Miss Emma will not be here while I am gone. I will be home in time to receive her this Saturday--"

"And if she comes early?"

"I trust Jace and Isabelle will be just fine," Alexander said, bitterly. He motioned for Magnus to follow as he strode out of the room.

"May I ask where we're going?" Magnus asked as they climbed the stairs quickly.

"Use your imagination, Mr. Bane," Alexander said, glancing back. "You're a smart man; you'll figure it out."

.......

"Can I have permission to speak freely?" Magnus asked as the car pulled up the long drive.

"No, I know what you'll say," Alexander said. "I do not need you to say it."

"As long as you know," Magnus said, sitting back in his seat. Magnus and Alexander exited as the car pulled around to the carriage house.

The doors to the house were opened by the butler and a doorman. A man stunningly similar to Alexander started descending the stairs. His hair was flecked with white, and his clothes were starched and ironed to perfection.

"Mr. Lightwood," the man said. "You presence is unwanted."

"We need to speak," Alexander said in the short way he always seemed to speak.

"Absolutely not," he countered.

"There's no need to make this a show."

"Funny, I was about to say that as well."

"This isn't funny," Alexander pressed. "We can settle this civilly inside."

"I don't recall you being the stubborn one." The man smiled in a cold way. But he had obviously given up protesting. He turned back around and Alexander followed. Magnus ascended the stairs, following them.

Magnus stopped outside the doors the two had gone into, unsure of what to do.

The butler of this house approached him.

"You must be Mr. Lightwood's valet," he said.

"Yes," Magnus said.

"Is your master insistent on staying the night?"

"I never quite know what his plans are," Magnus said.

"Then I'll have a place made for both of you," he sighed.

.........

"We're not staying," Alexander muttered as he threw the library doors open an hour later. Magnus had them keep the luggage in the car on the chance Alexander's meeting did not go as planned.

As Alexander charged for the front door, Magnus thanked their hosting butler and scrambled to keep up with Alexander.

"Where are we going then?" Magnus asked.

"A hotel, I don't care," Alexander hissed.

Magnus had the car pulled around and five minutes later they were back in the heart of London, on their way to an unknown hotel.

Alexander didn't stop seething until they were behind closed doors, Magnus arranging the luggage in the suite.

"If you keep pacing, you'll fall through the floor," Magnus commented.

Alexander froze, frowning.

"That's what my mother used to say," Magnus said.

"What did you have to pace about?" Somehow, he'd managed to remove any aire of contempt from the question.

"Finding a job. Moving out of her house," Magnus said.

"Well you succeeded," Alexander said, falling back on the bed.

"And so will you," Magnus said.

"I am set marry within the year," Alexander said. "And I have never looked at woman and found her appealing."

"It's not something you learn," Magnus said. "Your feelings are your feelings."

"And how do I explain that to Miss Emma?" Alexander asked.

Their sad faces matched. Magnus was sad for Alexander, and Alexander was sad for himself, as the rich had been raised to be.

"You could run away to America," Magnus proposed. Alexander laughed, startlingly abruptly.

"I'd rather hang than declare myself an American."

"And if you can't produce an heir?" Magnus asked.

"Watch yourself," Alexander warned.

"First it's 'I don't want you' then it's 'watch yourself.' I just want to be your friend, Alexander," Magnus insisted. "If you don't want me as your valet, fine. But if you insist on carting me around and making me pretend, let me help you in other ways."

"And how does your friendship help me?" Alexander asked.

Magnus turned his back on Alexander, annoyed yet again.

He fumbled with the locks on the luggage for a moment until he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"I fired all of the valets because I couldn't have them know this," Alexander said. "I can't trust anyone with this. My life cannot be ruined because of this."

"I'm not going to tell anyone," Magnus said, turning around.

Alexander's face was horribly shattered. It was then that Magnus finally realized the gravity of it all.

"I'm not going to tell a soul," Magnus repeated. "I promise."

"Thank you," Alexander said. His hand slid up Magnus' neck, his fingers running along each bump of his vertebrae.

Magnus was frozen. He was allowed to resist, he was allowed to say no. But he didn't want to. He wanted Alexander to kiss him like he wanted to breathe.

Alexander leaned in, slowly parting Magnus' lips with his.

"We shouldn't," Alexander mumbled, his forehead pressed against Magnus'.

"Why not?" Magnus whispered. Magnus stepped even closer to Alexander, wrapping his arms around Alexander's waist. He pressed his lips to Alexander's, begging him for more.

Alexander pulled Magnus towards him, stepping back towards the bed. Alexander ran into one of the bed post, and Magnus kept going, letting his fingers run through Alexander's hair. Alexander sighed into Magnus' lips.

"Alexander," Magnus growled. Alexander twisted them, pushing Magnus onto the bed.

"We shouldn't," Alexander repeated, as he hovered over Magnus.

Magnus put a hand on Alexander's cheek.

"Why not?"

.........

Magnus' eyes fluttered open. He had never slept in a bed quite so soft. He could have slept for another hour if the foggy sun was pouring in through the windows and if Alexander hadn't been staring at him.

His blue eyes examined Magnus' face.

"And?" Magnus asked.

"And what?" Alexander asked, enunciating each word.

"Should we?" Magnus asked.

"Absolutely."

.......

"How was your time away?" Catarina asked.

"Fine," Magnus said, tossing a pair of Alexander's shoes on the table top.

"You returned sooner than expected."

"Business was over sooner than expected I suppose," Magnus said. "He doesn't talk to me at all."

"What was the make up for?" Catarina asked. "You never did tell me."

"I decided it was time to reinvent my look," Magnus smiled. "And mushroom by the way."

"'A room no man can enter,'" Catarina said. "Good."

"What is so delicate that even mentioning it breaks it?" Magnus asked.

"Silence," Catarina immediately retorted. "My father used to ask me that one."

"Then it's your turn."

"We hurt without moving. We poison without touching. We bear the truth and the lies. We are not to be judged by our size. What are we?"

Magnus opened his mouth to speak as Alexander's bell rang on the wall.

"That would be me," Magnus said, rising to his feet. "The master beckons."

Magnus left the unpolished shoes on the table and climbed up to Alexander's room. As he turned down the hallway, Alexander came flying out of his room, slamming the door shut.

"Walk with me," he said, beckoning Magnus to follow as he passed.

They descended the main staircase.

"What's your opinion on the events of the other night?" Alexander asked.

A doorman opened the front doors from them and Magnus nodded a thanks to the boy.

"I feel as though this is a trick question, sir," Magnus said. They rounded the house, treading across the bright green lawn.

"I'll make it simple," Alexander said, keeping his eyes straight ahead. "Good or bad?"

"Good," Magnus said. Alexander stopped in the middle of the field, turning around.

"So you don't feel as though I took advantage of you?"

"No," Magnus said, firmly.

"I realized only after that I could have been in the wrong," Alexander said, "forcing myself on you."

"Nothing happened that I didn't want," Magnus said. "Please trust me on this."

"I do trust you," Alexander sighed. "Far too much considering we've barely know each other for a week. But I suppose that doesn't matter."

"Not to me," Magnus said.

"Miss Emma will be here tonight," Alexander said. "My father wants me to walk her around the gardens after dinner. He expects me to propose."

"I'm sorry."

"I have no choice. But I'll be horribly awkward," Alexander said. He crossed his arms, as if he were cold though it was the middle of the summer.

"You can practice on me if you'd like."

"You want me to practice proposing to _you_?"

"Why not?" Magnus smiled.

"Because someone could see," Alexander said.

"Someone can always see," Magnus said. "I have another idea though."

..........

Alexander set his book aside on the concrete bench.

" _Isabelle_?" he asked, horrified.

"Yes, well, she's the most feminine person in the house at the moment," Magnus grinned. Isabelle straightened up, beaming at her brother.

"I heard you're nervous, brother dearest."

"Mr. Bane, I wasn't expecting you to bring my sister down," Alexander said, crossing his arms again, this time with an indignant look.

"Alexander, if you ruin this proposal due to your horrible nerves, Miss Emma shall never forgive. It's best to practice," Isabelle said. "Imagine it as a game, like the ones we used to play as children."

Alexander frowned, glaring at Magnus who shrugged.

"Stand up," Isabelle said, swatting her brother with her closed fan.

Alexander stood up, straightening his coat.

"Now come here," she ordered, holding her arm out. "You'll be walking obviously, so put your arm in mine."

Magnus stepped in front of the siblings.

"I don't recommend frowning, sir," Magnus suggested.

"Mr. Bane," Alexander warned.

"Now," Isabelle said, "you'll stop and say your confession of love."

If Isabelle saw Alexander flinch, she said nothing.

"So let go of my arm and take my hand," Isabelle ordered. Alexander did just that, holding his sister's hand in his.

"Declare," Isabelle said.

Alexander mumbled in search of words.

"Isabelle, I can't," Alexander said, quietly.

Isabelle's eyes immediately shot to Magnus.

"Mr. Bane, if you could excuse us--"

"He knows," Alexander said.

"She knows?" Magnus asked, stepping towards them.

"Of course I know," Isabelle snapped. "Why do you know?"

"Sebastian," Alexander mumbled.

"You fool," Isabelle said, smacking her brother with her fan again. "You went and saw him?!"

"I had to--"

"--embarrass yourself?" Isabelle laughed bitterly. "You truly are hopeless with love."

"I thought I could fix it," Alexander said.

"You can't fix someone like him. He was a horrid person," Isabelle said, straightening back up. "Now lie to me. Tell me you love. Tell me you've never looked at another woman like you look at me. Tell me you'd be honored to spend eternity with me. And believe those words because your life truly depends on it, Alexander."

Alexander looked to Magnus.

"Would you walk with Emma and I?" Alexander asked.

"I-- I shouldn't," Magnus said.

"I need you there," Alexander said.

Isabelle looked over her shoulder at Magnus.

"You will walk with them," she ordered. "Do you understand, Mr. Bane?"

"Yes, my lady."

"Good. Now go again."

.......

Magnus followed Alexander and Emma through the maze of the gardens. The sun was setting in a wonderful arrays of pinks and purples.

When Alexander finally stopped and knelt down, his eyes went just past Emma, looking at Magnus as he proposed.

It was a horribly twisted way to do it. But Magnus had a feeling the rest of his time serving under Alexander would be in a moral grey area.

........

The bell rang during dinner, a much needed relief since Magnus wasn't in the mood to eat or gossip.

The servants' hall had been explosive since the news of Alexander's engagement. And Magnus had an idea that was why he was being summoned upstairs.

Magnus threw his coat on, climbing the stairs quickly to Alexander's dressing room.

He knocked first and got a mumbled sob in response. He threw open the door, and found Alexander curled up on the settee, exactly where Magnus had left him an hour earlier. The door to the bedroom was open, making the room glow with the light of the fire.

"Alexander," Magnus sighed. He crouched beside the couch, putting a hand on Alexander's shoulder. His face was hidden beneath his arms and the arm of the chair.

"I can't do this. I can't lie," he sobbed. Magnus rubbed his hand on Alexander's back.

"Look at me," Magnus ordered. "Alexander."

Alexander turned his head just slightly so Magnus got a glimpse of his red face and a blue eye.

"We will fix this," Magnus promised.

"I cannot escape Miss Emma," Alexander muttered.

Magnus' finger ran down Alexander's cheek.

"But you will," Magnus said. "If not escape, you will learn to exist with her."

Alexander lifted his head and Magnus dried his eyes, as he leaned in closer to Alexander.

"You're far more attractive when you're not crying, my dear," Magnus said, kissing him.

There was a sudden knock at the door and Magnus fell back in shock.

Alexander shot up, not hesitating. He ran to the washbasin in the corner of the room, tossing water in his face. "Answer the door," he growled.

Magnus rose to his feet, straightening himself out. He stepped into the bedroom, opening the door to find Emma there, her blonde hair falling over her shoulders. She had a night gown on underneath a satin robe.

"Mr. Bane," she said, obviously shocked.

"Miss Emma, how can I help you this evening?"

"I'm looking for Mister Alexander," she said. "Is he in--"

"He's in the next room. He just got ready for bed--"

But the door was pulled away from Magnus' grip by Alexander, who was already looking slightly less splotchy.

"I'm sorry--" Emma started.

"Don't apologize. How can I help you, dear?" Alexander asked. Magnus forced himself to step away, to block the conversation out of his ears and focus on slowing his heart rate, forcing his anger into his chest.

"Mr. Bane." Alexander's voice cracked harshly like a whip. "Would you step into the other room?"

Magnus stared back at him. He had invited Emma into his bedroom.

But Magnus did as he was told, slipping back into the dressing room and shutting the door behind himself.

He leaned against the door, listening.

"--here."

Their voices were incredibly quiet. If Magnus could hear them, someone just outside the door could as well.

"--see you."

"Emma," Alexander sighed. "I don't mind seeing you but I don't want you in any trouble either."

"I won't get in any trouble. Besides, I'm certain that if we're engaged--" He could almost hear Alexander wince, "--I'm allowed one night with you."

Part of Magnus was furious with jealousy and the other half wanted to swoop in and save Alexander.

Magnus threw open the door, trying to look at Alexander and not Emma and the way her hands were on his chest and how incredibly close she was to him and how he held her hands like they were the most delicate piece of glass in the world. "I'm afraid I've torn the suit for tomorrow-- the one you were going to wear to lunch with the man--"

"The man," Alexander nodded. "And you've torn the suit."

"Yes, the only suit," Magnus said.

"Well is it mendable?"

"It's too far gone," Magnus said. "I apologize--"

Alexander stepped away from her. "Excuse me, Emma, but I have to attend to this."

She looked utterly offended as Alexander flew past Magnus into the dressing room.

Magnus shut the door as Alexander pulled him into his arms, kissing him recklessly.

"You should probably yell at me for emphasis," Magnus suggested. "My timing was far too impeccable for the circumstances."

"I can't yell at you," Alexander said, putting a hand on Magnus cheek. " _The one coat I had set aside for tomorrow-- such a terribly important meal and you've ruined it with your clumsiness!_ " Alexander grinned, stealing another kiss from Magnus. " _I should have you fired!_ "

"You wouldn't," Magnus whispered, draping his arms over Alec's shoulders.

"I would never."

........

**January 29th, 1912.**

Magnus was certain it had been the dreariest winter on record. Or perhaps he was just finally noticing how dark and damp winters were upon his return to London. Alexander had decided to take an impromptu solo holiday to the French countryside and brought Magnus along with him. It had been just them for a little over two months and those days had been amazing. When Alexander received word that he was to come home immediately, Magnus' heart had broken. Reality had returned once again.

Catarina was leaning on the wall outside the servants' entrance, arms crossed and horrible grin on her face.

"I've figured it out," she said triumphantly.

"It only took you two months," Magnus said, dropping his suitcases.

"No, it took _you_ two months," she said, rushing into Magnus' arms. "We've missed you."

"Only you missed me, Catarina," Magnus said. "And _you_ could have written me the answer."

"It was the maid, correct? You can't clean the corners of a round house," she said.

"The maid indeed," Magnus said.

"There's something you should know though," she said. "Lord Lightwood wants to speak to Mister Alexander as soon as he's settled."

"Mister Alexander has been asked not to be disturbed," Magnus said, sticking his hands in his pockets.

"He won't have a choice."

"What do you know?"

........

Magnus had been tossing and turning in the squeaky bed all night. He had gotten himself used to a far more comfortable bed in Alexander's room in the little cottage they had stayed in. He'd also gotten used to someone else beside him every night.

Now he was alone.

He was just finally getting to sleep when a hand covered his mouth and Alexander's eyes appeared over his, just barely glowing.

"Don't scream," Alexander whispered. "This is what they do in all the novels."

Magnus pulled his heavy hand away.

"What novels are you reading, Mr. Lightwood?" Magnus asked. "And what are you doing in here?"

Alexander had never come into his room, let alone in the middle of the night.

"No one saw me," Alexander said. He poked Magnus' side and Magnus rolled over into what space was left in the bed. Alexander crawled under the covers. "You sleep on this every night?"

Magnus nodded, moving closer to Alexander.

"This is horrid."

"Why are you here, my dear?" Magnus asked.

"My father asked me into his study the second I arrived."

"And what did he want?"

"The wedding date has been moved up--"

"What?" Magnus shot up and Alexander pulled him back down, instinctively turning around and watching for any movement under the door.

"Emma's parents are insistent. Apparently my trip was not appreciated," Alexander said. "This will be my punishment."

"How soon?"

"The end of April, I'm afraid."

"Why don't you sound afraid?"

"Because I cannot stop the inevitable." Magnus saw the smallest sliver of a self-loathing smile as Alexander put his hand on Magnus' cheek.

"Let's run away then," Magnus said.

"You already--"

"Months ago," Magnus said. "Now you have actual reason."

"I have no reason but you to go."

"Aren't I enough?" Magnus asked. Alexander tightened up and relaxed in the space of a second.

"You are more than enough. But I have a greater loyalty to my family than to myself."

"I want to go back to France," Magnus sighed.

"Me as well."

.........

"Mr. Bane!"

Someone came sliding into Magnus' room, where he was folding his own clothes.

"Mr. Bane," Raphael said.

"Hello--"

"Come quickly please."

Raphael started running again and Magnus had no choice but to follow, matching the boy's speed.

"What's going on?" Magnus demanded as they ascended the stairwell.

"Mr. Sebastian Moran died in an accident and Lord Lightwood-- he made a comment that made Mr. Alexander furious and--"

Raphael threw open the door and skidded into the library. Alexander was shouting at his father and Raphael was looking at Magnus to fix the situation.

"You didn't even know him," Alexander growled.

"And for good reason!" Robert Lightwood shouted back. "I cannot believe you defend him."

"He was a good man."

"He was a cheater and the proof is here!" Robert slammed the newspaper to the floor.

"In your paper of lies?" Alexander laughed. "Please, Father, I'd expected better from a failed law student."

Magnus crossed the room in a single second, pulling Alexander back, away from his father's incoming fist.

"Ma--" Alexander struggled against him.

"Your friendship with Sebastian Moran has always disgusted me," Robert hissed. "And don't think for a moment that I didn't know it was something more. I hear the gossip, Alexander, and you shame this family every time you look at a man wrong."

"You--" Alexander went limp in Magnus' arms. "You know?"

"Of course I know. I'm your father," Robert said. "Unfortunately."

Magnus tried to intercede, "Mister--"

"You know and yet you insist on me marrying Emma?" Alexander shouted, straining against Magnus suddenly.

"You're lucky I haven't had you locked away," Robert said.

"Alexander," Magnus whispered as Robert spoke over him.

"You should feel indebted to me, Alexander, for even trying as hard as I have!"

"Alexander, please," Magnus begged softly.

"I feel nothing towards you except disgust," Alexander said. He shook Magnus off of him and stormed out.

Magnus followed.

"Don't," Alexander said, whirling around, the coat of his suit flying with him. "I don't want to hear you."

"Then I won't speak," Magnus said, taking a step back.

"No. You'll return to the servants' floor and remain there for the rest of the day, do you understand, Mr. Bane?"

"No."

"No?" Alexander laughed just like he had laughed at his father, bitterly and sarcastically.

"No. I'm not leaving you alone," Magnus said.

Alexander crossed his arms, challenging Magnus' newfound boldness with his stance.

Magnus didn't even consider backing down. Alexander finally turned back towards the stairs, climbing them with dignity. Magnus followed until Alexander had shut his bedroom door behind him.

"And what's your grand plan to fix this?" Alexander asked. Magnus kept his lips shut. Anger grew on Alexander's face, surpassing a new level of rage.

"I told you last night," Magnus said quietly.

"We cannot run away from all of our problems!"

"And you cannot live unhappily for the rest of your life!" Magnus shouted. "Of course we cannot truly be together but at least it will be better than you trying to please Miss Emma for the rest of your life, when you can't. You are foolish in believing this, Alexander, but you don't want to admit it. But I can't stay here and watch you suffer every day. Yet I cannot leave your side."

Alexander scrubbed at his face with the heels of his hands.

"Go," Alexander ordered.

Magnus opened his mouth to speak.

"I won't do anything stupid. I only need time to think and you are distracting me," Alexander sighed.

"Of course," Magnus said, slipping out the door.

He spent a long moment in the hallway, leaning on wall. There was too much to think about.

And all of it was like a massive rock in his brain, weighing him down.

............

Alexander refused to see anyone, Magnus included.

The young man had locked his door, and hid the key. When the spare key was found in Mr. Davies' office, he resorted to barricading half of his ancient, solid wood furniture against the door so it was impossible to reach Alexander.

Magnus paced the dining halls, occasionally interrupted by Mr. Davies who was always at the ready with little odd jobs to be done. He allowed his mind to be strayed for a few moments at a time but he always returned to worrying about Alexander.

It was in the middle of the fourth day when a parlor maid said she heard the shuffling of furniture in the room below Alexander's.

When Magnus made it up there, running up the servants' stairs, the door was open and the room empty.

"He's going to be gone for awhile."

Magnus turned around to find Jace in the door way.

"He went straight to Robert's study," Jace said. "I tried to stop him."

"Well, it's none of my business."

"Oh please," Jace said, stepping in. He shut the door, and sat. "I know you've been with him."

Magnus' heart skipped a beat.

"He's going to tell Robert that he'll marry Emma. He's going to fix everything," Jace said.

Magnus dropped his eyes. This wasn't ideal, but it was the best they could do.

The door opened, and Alexander was frozen where Jace had once been standing.

"What are you doing?"

He looked thin, paler than usual.

"One of you answer me," Alexander ordered.

"We were talking," Jace said. "And now I'm leaving." He stood, slipping past Alexander.

"You should eat," Magnus mumbled.

"Do you not want to know what I told him?"

"I can guess," Magnus said, walking past. Alexander caught his wrist and pulled the door shut.

"I don't want you to be mad at me," Alexander said softly.

"I'm not mad--"

"Disappointed then."

"I'm not angry with you," Magnus said. "But it pains me to see you have to lie."

"I'll work it out," Alexander said.

"You'll have me," Magnus added.

"No, I won't," Alexander said. "You've been dismissed."

"I--"

Fired?

"What?"

"Mr. Davies was supposed to be looking for you," Alexander started.

"You couldn't let me go yourself?" Magnus snapped.

"Magnus--"

"You're insufferable," Magnus said, shaking Alexander's grip free.

"Please don't make this a scene," Alexander mumbled.

"I'll make a scene if I wish," Magnus said.

Alexander pulled an envelope out of the deep pocket of his trousers, offering it to Magnus.

"Use it to pay for board until you find a new place. There's a letter of recommendation in there as well--"

"How long did you know?" Magnus asked, hurt etched across his face. "Is that what you spent so long in here doing? Trying to figure out to make everyone happy and deciding you couldn't save everyone so you'd toss me onto the streets."

"Take the money. Open it once you're outside of the gates. And be gone by dinner," Alexander ordered.

"You can't order me around. I don't work for you anymore, or have you moved on already?"

Alexander stepped aside, casting his eyes down as he opened the door for Magnus.

Oh, he'd make a show.

........

The show involved slamming doors and making sure all of the Lightwoods knew he was leaving.

Suitcases and his heavy winter coat thrown over his arm, he walked down the long front walk.

The envelope was heavy in his pocket.

He pulled it out as the guards opened the gates for him.

He carelessly ripped the envelope open, a letter threatening to fly away in the spring breeze. Magnus caught it, leaning against a tree, to read it.

_M,_

_Thank you for your show. I'm sure it was quite thrilling._

_I needed my father to believe I had followed through with his terms. I've spent the last few days trying to find a way to make this work, and this is the only way._

_I have written to my uncle in America and I think he may be sympathetic to our situation. Yes, I will be honest to him. After this ruse is over, I believe I will be tired of lying. If he can offer me a place in America, that I feel comfortable with, then I am going to New York City._

_And I'd like you to come with me._

_I won't go on blind faith, which means you must be patient with me until I am sure of a job. I beg you to be patient with me._

_By April, my dear, I hope we can have a new start._

_Until then, the innkeeper at The White Horse Inn by the harbor has a room reserved for you under your name. Do not worry about the finances._

_I will keep in contact, though I won't risk visiting you. My father must believe all is well._

_But I assure you, every second we spend apart is not well with me._

_~A.G.L._

Magnus looked back at the house, the towering stories visible between the iron bars of the fence.

He could have sworn a figure in a window on the third floor was watching him.

Or maybe he was just paranoid.

Or in love.

Then again, the two went hand-in-hand.

........

**April 10th, 1912.**

"Good morning," a breath rasped in his ear.

He almost shot straight up, but he fumbled for the source as his eyes adjusted to the morning light. His fingers knotted around a necktie, and he pulled Alexander into his view.

"You're early," Magnus sighed.

"You sound disappointed," Alexander said, smiling.

"Of course not," Magnus said. "I just thought I'd be able to look a little more elegant."

"You look great," Alexander insisted. Magnus tugged him down by the tie, kissing him the way he had been picturing for the last lonely three months.

"I've missed you."

Alexander shook his head but couldn't shake the smile away.

"Get dressed, Mr. Bane. We've got a ship to board."

.........

They could see it from blocks away, as their taxi approached the docks.

It was a massive hull, and the size terrified them both. Magnus quietly reached for Alexander's hand in the back of the taxi. It was odd to be riding in the back of a car but Magnus wouldn't have to play the part of servant any longer.

He was Alexander's best friend in the public eye. People could suspect all they wanted, their gossip wouldn't hurt them now.

"This is far as I go. Too much traffic," the cabbie said as they approached the final stretch of the block.

"Fair enough," Alexander said, leaning over the seats and paying as Magnus climbed out and unloaded their trunks.

Alexander was there within seconds and the cabbie was gone within a minute, disappearing into the thick of cars and people.

A boy with a dolly came running up to them within seconds, taking some of the load without asking. He was guaranteeing himself a tip.

Magnus took deep breaths of the heavy London air, knowing they would be his last.

"The _RMS Titanic_ ," Alexander sighed as the bold white lettering on the side of the ship came into view. "Our ticket to a new life."

Magnus nodded in agreement, his eyes shifting to Alexander, who stared up at the ship like a mesmerized little boy.

Alexander snapped back, and Magnus raised a fake-glass.

"To a new life."

Alexander echoed him, "To a new life."


	53. The Course of True Love (and First Dates), From Alexander's Point Of View

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Alec goes on his first date.

Alec ducked, narrowly avoiding what could have been a serious bruise. He swept his leg out, realizing only after the fact that it would never gain the momentum needed to sweep Jace off his feet.

So he rolled away, rising back up to his feet.

"Jace, I'm tired. Can't we be done?" Alec begged. Jace answered his plea by charging at him, seraph blade still in hand. Alec sprinted for the wall, using it as leverage as he sprung up, pushing off the walls and flipping over Jace. He pulled his own seraph blade, sticking the point up against Jace's slender neck, backing him into the wall. "I win. We're done."

"You still took five minutes to kill me," Jace said, shaking his head. "You've gotten weak-- or you're distracted. What's on your mind?"

"Actually killing you," Alec said. The clock on the wall ticked the seconds by louder than usual. Alec looked away from Jace, who was trying to pull the truth out of Alec through intense staring. How easy would it be to just come out to Jace, and confess his love for his _parabatai_. He wished for the confidence to be honest. He wished for his love to be reciprocated.

But he couldn't do that to himself and he couldn't lose everything when lying was just easier.

...........

He took the steps two, maybe three at a time, doing his best not to fall down the stairs yet again.

He was running horribly late, something he tried to avoid. He cursed Magnus for living on the fourth floor. He cursed the elevator for being broken. And he cursed Jace for insisting on practice that neither of them needed. He swore as he breathed, cursing himself for being admittedly out of shape.

He stumbled, losing the elegance and grace the Nephilim were inherently supposed to have. His hands grabbed at the railing and he pulled himself up. Magnus already knew he was on his way up. He had stabbed the buzzer half a dozen a times at the front door. But there was no point in being even later.

He threw the door open, realizing on second thought that he should have knocked. It would have made him look slightly less insane.

There was a large mirror across the room that his eyes were drawn to first. His t-shirt looked slightly darker than he remembered it being, maybe it was the lighting, maybe it was sweat. The same sweat covered his forehead making it shine. He should have taken a cab like a normal person. Instead, the trip had consisted of a mix of subways and running.

"Well, this is unexpected," Magnus said, drawing Alec's attention to him. He was a blur of red, draped across a chocolate brown couch, excluding the blue streak tint to his hair that probably came from a combination of magic and hair dye. He was holding his cat, an overly fluffy gray Persian, who was purring contently in Magnus' arms while staring daggers into Alec.

"I'm sorry I'm late," Alec breathed. "Jace wanted to do some weapons training, and didn't know how to get away-- I mean, I couldn't tell him--" He was rambling but Magnus cut him off.

"Oh, Jace, that's it," said Magnus. Jace?

"What?"

"I briefly forgot the blond one's name," he said. It had been awhile since they'd seen Magnus but Alec didn't believe anyone _ever_ forgot Jace's name. He was too memorable, at least in Alec's eyes. The golden hair, with the matching eyes--

But he was here. On a date. With Magnus.

Magnus, who might actually like him, if he stopped screwing everything up.

Magnus, who apparently couldn't remember people's names.

Magnus, who was waving all the awkwardness and mistakes away with his fingers.

"Oh. I'm--I'm Alec."

They stared at each other for a moment. Alec couldn't figure out what thoughts were going through Magnus' brain at the moment. But he finally spoke.

"Yes--" He smiled for the first time since Alec had gotten there. "Your name I remember."

Alec looked his shoes, training boots that he hadn't bothered to changed, to hide his smile.

"Don't worry about it," Magnus said. Alec's eyes shot back up and Magnus was standing right in front of him, the cat now mewing alone on the sofa. "Have a drink."

Magnus was holding a crystal tumbler filled with a crimson liquid and trying to offer it into Alec's hand. He didn't drink though. He knew better than to trust anything stronger than coffee in a stranger's house. His mind formed the words but his voice never spoke the polite decline. In a series of logical failures, Alec dropped the drink he hadn't even realized his was holding.

Idiotic Move #2.

He couldn't find it in himself to look Magnus in the eyes. The drink just pooled his feet like blood. He felt like he had been stabbed. It was painful to watch himself fail again and again. He couldn't do the simplest of tasks today. Show up on time. Climb stairs. Hold a glass.

"Wow," Magnus laughed. "Your people are really overselling your elite Nephilim reflexes."

"Oh, by the Angel. I am so-- I am so sorry." The angry red disappeared from their feet in a second with a wave of Magnus' hand. The magic still caught him off guard. He looked up, his eyes catching with Magnus'. His eyes were captivating in an exotic way.

Alec didn't stop himself from staring but Magnus didn't seem to notice.

"Don't be sorry," Magnus said. "I'm a warlock. There's no mess I can't clean up. Why do you think I throw so many parties? Let me tell you, I wouldn't do it if I had to scrub toilets myself. Have you ever seen a vampire throw up? Nasty."

His thoughts went to Simon, one of his least favorite people at the moment. Then he was picturing flecks of blood covering an already disgusting toilet.

"I don't really, uh, know any vampires socially."

He realized a second later that he sounded incredibly stuck up.

Why was he here again? It was bad enough to be seeing a guy but to be seeing a Downworlder guy? One as loud as Magnus Bane? And for what?

"I'll get you a new shirt," Magnus said. Alec looked back down. There was a splotch of red on his neat blue shirt.

It was one of the few things he owned that wasn't black and now it was officially trash-worthy.

Magnus had disappeared and he was alone in the massive apartment. He was overcome with a sense of loneliness. The lights were dimmed and dark, the glow of the Brooklyn skylight and a reading lamp near the couch were the only thing lighting the room. He couldn't even get the full scope of it's size at the moment.

Chairman Meow was the only sense of life in the room at the moment; there wasn't even a plant. And the cat didn't seem to like him.

How one could spend days and nights in here boggled Alec's mind. He wasn't an extrovert in anyway but at the same time, this was too lonely.

It explained the extravagant parties and superficial friends.

The liquid was freezing against his stomach so he peeled the shirt off. When he raised his head, Magnus was standing in the threshold to the hallway.

Now Magnus was the one staring.

Alec opened his mouth, determined to speak, to pull Magnus' eyes away from his body. There was a t-shirt balled up in Magnus' fist, black but a glimmer of sparkle caught the light from the lamp.

Magnus tore his eyes away finally and Alec took a moment to breathe. He took the shirt, pulling it on.

"I'm sorry about being a lousy date," Alec said, as he pulled the sleeves on.

"What are you talking about? You're a fantastic date. You've only been here ten minutes, and I already got half of your clothes off."

Alec knew he was probably red but he smiled anyways, looking down at the shirt.

 _Blink if you want me,_ it said.

He laughed for a second time. Part of him wanted to put back on the stained shirt and the other half of him was ready for a change in his life.

One where he laughed more and had less self pity.

"Come on," Magnus said. "We're going to dinner."

.......

There was an overwhelming amount of people stuffed into the subway station. He wasn't used to being so visible when out in public.

"Can't I use a glamour rune?" Alec asked as they stepped onto the F train. Magnus pointed to two seats that were free and they moved together, snagging them before another commuter could.

"No. I'm not looking like I'm alone on a Friday night just because you don't want mundanes staring at you."

Alec fell silent, watching the people and avoiding Magnus' gaze. He didn't know if Magnus was watching him but he felt like he was. It was a horribly awkward moment; not the slightly cute awkward like first dates were supposed to be.

Alec knew he was being a horrible date but at this point, he didn't think there was anything to be done about it. They'd go out to dinner and he'd go home and then spend the rest of his miserable life locked away in the Institute so he'd never have to risk seeing Magnus Bane again.

Alec tore his eyes away from the older couple sitting across from them to look at Magnus.

There was a broken somberness in his eyes, as if he were saddened by something more than the state of their relationship.

But his eyes were so intently fixed on the same old couple Alec had been looking at. Did he envy their age? Or the company?

The woman leaned her head against the man's shoulder, closing her eyes. Her face relaxed and half of the creases and wrinkles seemed to disappear. She was completely at peace in the middle of a subway train, strangers swirling around them.

"Magnus--"

The doors slid open with a whoosh and two guys hopped on the train, stepping into the space in front of the couples. The first guy wrapped his arms around the pole as the train started speeding off. The second guy sat at his feet, some sort of drum in his lap.

"Hello, ladies and gentlemen and whatever else you got!" the second guy said. "We're gonna perform now for your entertainment. I hope you'll enjoy it. We call it the Butt Song."

Alec tried to keep his jaw from dropping but he could do nothing about his widening eyes.

" _Roses are red, and they say love's not made to last,_

_But I know I'll never get enough of that sweet, sweet ass._

_All that jelly in your jeans, all that junk in your trunk,_

_I just gotta have it-- one look and I was sunk._

_If you ever wonder why I had to make you mine,_

_It's 'cause no other lady has a tush so fine._

_They say you're not a looker, but I don't mind._

_What I'm looking at is the view from behind._

_Never been romantic, don't know what love means,_

_But I know I dig the way you're wearing those jeans._

_Hate to see you leave but love to watch you go._

_Turn back, then leave again-- baby do it slow._

_I'm coming right after, gonna make a pass,_

_Can't get enough of that sweet, sweet ass._ "

If Jace had been here, Alec would have made a comment about mundanes and their stupid poetry but Jace wasn't here. And Magnus was watching with the same horrified expression.

The doors slid open and Magnus jumped to his feet, prepared to leave the rappers behind.

"This is our stop," he said, looking down at Alec, who followed him off the train.

Magnus was walking slightly ahead of him, leading the way, and glancing back every few seconds to make sure Alec hadn't wandered off.

The Butt Song was stuck in Alec's head despite it all and he was contemplating stealing a glance at Magnus' when someone brushed by Magnus, his hand swooping into the pocket of Magnus' red jeans.

He acted on instinct alone, his hand grabbing at the thief's, the wallet already tucked into his jacket. He took the mundane, who weighed practically nothing, and tossed him over his head. He flopped onto the platform and Alec's boot flew to his throat. The mundane's hands flew up in a panic.

"Dude!" the mundane screeched. "I'm sorry! Seriously! I didn't know you were a ninja!"

Alec's head cocked to one side as he pulled his foot back.

"I'm not a ninja," Alec said. It was encounters like this that made him see the necessity in glamours.

Someone was touching his arm. He looked up, expecting Magnus and instead finding a girl with dreadlocks, pinned back with butterfly clips.

"You were-- _amazing_ ," she gushed. "You have the reflexes of a striking snake." Magnus was watching on his other side. Alec looked to him in a panic. What was the social protocol when you were on a disastrous date, pinning down a mundane boy, with a girl on your arm? The girl kept speaking but Alec couldn't process her words.

Magnus' hand was on the small of his back suddenly, causing him to jump, just barely.

"He's foreign," Magnus was saying, as the girl withdrew her hand. "He doesn't have a Social Security number. You can't hire him."

The girl was holding out a business card. "That's a shame," she sighed. "He could be huge. Those eyes!"

His eyes?

"I realize he's a knockout."

Knockout?

"But I am afraid I have to whisk him away. He is wanted by Interpol."

Alec looked at Magnus with those eyes, huge and horrified. "'Interpol?'" he asked.

Magnus shrugged.

"'Knockout?'" Another shrug.

"You had to know I thought so. Why else would I agree to go on a date with you?"

There weren't many possible reasons but Alec hadn't really thought about it. He didn't think about how attractive he was, unlike his date apparently.

But he smiled anyways.

"I thought maybe-- you know you said you weren't unsympathetic--"

"I don't do charity. In any area of my life," Magnus said.

"I'll give the wallet back," the mundane offered. Magnus and Alec looked back at him just as he screamed again, dropping Magnus' wallet. "That wallet bit me!"

"This just isn't your lucky night, is it?" Magnus asked, scooping it up.

"Your wallet bites people?" Alec asked, softly. He tried to avoid the eyes of the amassing crowd.

"This one bite people," Magnus said, tucking it away. "The John Varvatos wallet bursts into flames."

Flaming and biting wallets. And what the hell was a "Varvatos"?

"Who?" Alec asked.

"Totally cool designer," Dreadlocks said as Magnus shook his head at Alec. "You know, they give you designer stuff free when you're a movie star."

Magnus and Alec shot her look, begging her to shut up in unison.

"I can always flog a Varvatos wallet," the mundane agreed. "Not that I'd steal and sell anything belonging to anyone on this platform. Specially not you guys. I didn't know gay dudes could fight like that. Like, no offense. It was badass."

Alec hoped Magnus hadn't seen the way he flinched at the mention of gay. He wasn't ready for it all yet.

"You have been taught two important lessons about tolerance and honesty," Magnus snapped. "And you still have all your fingers after trying to mug _me_ on a first date, so this was the best outcome _you_ could expect."

"Aw, man, I'm really sorry," he apologized. "I wouldn't want to mess up anybody's first date with a ninja."

" _We are leaving now_ ," Magnus said, looking with his own apologies at Alec who was just as ready to leave. The crowd was nodding and whispering in agreement.

Dreadlock's hand slipped into the pocket of Alec's jeans and it took all his strength to withhold his reflexes to kill her. "Have fun on your date, boys," she called. "Call me if you change your mind about wanting fame and fortune."

At this point in time, all he wanted was a moment of peace and quiet.

........

Alec knew nothing about Ethiopian food. Italian he could get behind but he was hesitant about entering any "fusion" restaurant that looked more like a shack than anything else.

Alec squinted up at the sign, unable to read the actual name of the restaurant due to a lovely graffiti-ed purple dinosaur. He knew it was a reference to mundane show and the name of it was on the tip of his tongue. It rhymed with Marnie--

Magnus had left him on the sidewalk.

Alec followed Magnus in, but they were stopped in the doorway, as the entire restaurant stared at Alec.

"Magnus Bane!" a man so obviously the manager screamed. He was running towards them, a fury in his eyes. "You brought a Shadowhunter here! Is this a raid?" He met eyes with Alec. "Magnus, I thought we were friends. You could at least have given me a heads-up!"

Magnus put his hands up to appease the werewolf with the Italian accent.

"We're here socially. I swear. Just to talk and eat."

There were a few beats of silence. "For you, Magnus," Luigi finally hissed. "But if he makes any moves towards my other customers. . ."

"I won't," Alec swore. He couldn't help the slight bitterness in his voice. He hated being judged, especially for being a Shadowhunter. "I'm. . . off-duty."

Luigi gave a _hrmph,_ "Shadowhunters are never off-duty." And though it was true, he led them to the corners of the restaurant, near the doors to the kitchen. It was quite possibly the worst seat in the house, with the noise of the kitchen carrying out into the space between them.

A waiter wandered over as Magnus and Alec got settled across from one another.

"Hello, my name is Eric," a bored werewolf started, "and I will be your waiter this eve-- Oh my God, you're a Shadowhunter!"

Alec shook his head, rubbing his forehead. "We can leave," Magnus said, capturing his attention again. "This may have been a mistake." The gesture was appreciated. It really was. But Alec didn't want to inconvenience Magnus any more than he already had.

"No, that's fine, this seems fine." Everything was fine, Alec assured himself.

"You're making me feel very threatened," Erik said.

Alec withheld more instincts.

"He's not doing anything!" Magnus snapped.

"It's not about what he's doing, it's about how he's making me _feel_ ," Erik said. Was he pouting? "I get stress ulcers."

"The myth that ulcers are caused by stress was debunked years ago. It's actually some kind of bacteria."

"Um, what are the specials?" Alec asked, trying to divert their attention to the reason why they were here.

"I can't remember them while my emotions are under this kind of strain," Erik said pointedly. "A Shadowhunter killed my uncle."

"I've never killed anyone's uncle," Alec retorted.

"How would you know? When you're about to kill someone, do you stop and ask them if they have nephews?"

"I kill _demons_. Demons don't have nephews."

"Maybe I should just order for both of us, and we can share," Magnus offered.

"Sure," Alec said, throwing his menu and his palms against the table top.

"Do you want a drink?" Erik asked. "Or do you want to stab someone? If you absolutely have to, maybe you could stab the guy in the corner wearing the red shirt. He tips terribly."

Alec couldn't speak for the moment.

"Is this a trick question?"

"Please go," Magnus begged.

Alec was silent, his fingers curled into fists under the table.

He fumed.

He wanted to start tonight over again and to do right. He wanted to please Magnus because he never wanted anyone else in the world as much as he wanted Magnus. And it wasn't just lust anymore, though it had started with the physical attraction. He wanted to be something more to Magnus than just another Shadowhunter. He wanted to prove a point: that Shadowhunters and Downworlders could be something more than just unstable allies.

The food arrived quickly, Erik placing plate after plate on the table. Alec had no idea what he was eating but with every bite, Magnus told him the name. After he'd actually tasted it, and loved it, Magnus would tell him what it actually was.

They ate with their fingers for a few minutes, going through Ethiopia first before attempting Italy.

Alec took a bite a _penne._ The first second was fine, a growing burning sensation that he assumed was a light spice. But it didn't stop, drying up his mouth. Alec let out a choke, trying to hold back his pain. But tears were streaming from his eyes.

"Alexander!" Magnus shouted, his voice half-concern, half-cry.

"I'm fine," Alec gasped. He reached for a napkin to dry his eyes but instead felt something scraping across the thin skin beneath his eyes. He tossed the bread aside, realizing his napkin was still in his lap. He used the napkin to cover his red face.

"You are obviously not fine," Magnus declared. Alec could barely make out Magnus' face through his teary eyes. Breathing became difficult.

"This _penne_ is much too _arrabiata_ , and you didn't on purpose," Magnus said.

"Werewolf rights. Crush the vile oppressor." Alec dropped the napkin, just to shoot hateful stares with bloodshot eyes at Erik who had appeared at their tableside.

"Nobody has ever won a revolution with pasta, Erik. Now go get a fresh dish, or I'll tell Luigi on you," Magnus ordered.

"I--" Erik stopped himself. "Of course. My apologies."

He stormed away.

"What a pill," Magnus said.

"Yeah," Alec agreed, taking a bite of a new piece of bread. "What have the Shadowhunters ever done to him?"

"Well, he did mention the dead uncle."

Alec looked down, smiling despite himself. "Oh. Right."

"He's still a total pill though," Magnus said.

"I know that," Alec mumbled.

"Quick warning," Magnus said. Alec looked up. Magnus had shrunk in his chair, trying to make himself small. "The guy who just walked in is an ex." Alec's head spun towards the door. It was a group of fay but Alec couldn't pick out just one. "Well. Barely an ex. It was very casual." What was casual? "And we parted very amicably."

Someone had frozen, standing apart from the group now who had moved on. His eyes were terribly blue, cold and heartless.

"You are scum," he snapped, as soon as he reached their table. Alec was frozen. He knew he should have been defending Magnus but he couldn't. Not even when the faerie tossed Magnus' wine into his face. "Get out while you can," he warned Alec. "Never trust a warlock. They'll enchant the years from your life and the love from your heart!"

"Years?" Magnus stuttered. "It was barely twenty minutes."

"Time means different things to those who are of faerie. You wasted the best twenty minutes of my life!"

"By the Angel," Alec mumbled. Part of him was relieved that Magnus was finally at fault for something.

Magnus was dabbing his face free of red wine now. Alec watched with a pitied expression.

"All right," Magnus said, trying to clear the air. "It's possible I was mistaken about the amicable parting." He gave his best smile and Alec tried to reciprocate. "Ah well. You know exes."

How did they always get to this?

"Not really. You're my first date," Alec told the tablecloth.

The silence dragged on as they picked at the last of the unique cuisine.

Magnus' phone burst into song and Alec watched the restaurant scene rather than Magnus.

"An emergency, Catarina?" Magnus asked. "That's terrible! What's happened?"

Alec knew the falseness of his tone and words. This was disastrous.

"That's so awful, Catarina. I mean, I'm really busy, but I suppose if there are lives at stake I can't say n--"

There was a long pause. Alec turned back.

"Catarina, I don't think you fully understand the point of what you're meant to do here-- The only alcohol that has passed my lips is the wine that was thrown in my face. And I was totally blameless in the matter as well-- Richard-- Fluid. What kind of fluid?"

Alec watched as Magnus' expression turned genuine.

There was a long pause and Magnus leaned on his elbow, rubbing his forehead.

"I'll waste your time another time, darling," Magnus finished. He hung up with a heavy sigh. "I'm so sorry about this. It's an emergency."

"Um, it's okay," Alec said. "I understand." He wasn't stupid. For once he did understand.

"There's an out-of-control werewolf in a bar near here."

"Oh." Alec was ready to go now. He wanted to stop this.

"I have to go and try to get her under control. Will you come and help me?"

Now he really felt stupid.

"Oh this is a real emergency?" he asked, perhaps, slightly too ecstatic. "I figured it was one of those things where you arranged to have a friend call you so that you could get out of a sucky date."

"Ha ha," Magnus said, awkwardly, barely trying to cover up his lie. "I didn't know people did that."

"Uh-huh." Alec jumped to his feet, tossing a leather jacket over his "Blink if you want me" shirt. "Let's go, Magnus."

Magnus tossed a couple twenties on the table as Alec was just reaching for his own, non-combustible, non-biting wallet.

"Please," Magnus said. "You have no idea how much I overcharge Nephilim for my services. This is only fair. Let's go."

They left the restaurant quickly with a much better mood between them than before.

........

Yet another new experience for the night was the Beauty Bar, a vintage hairstyle themed bar that still vaguely reeked of hairspray and burnt hair.

As Alec inspected the building's exterior and the sidewalk littered with terrified mundanes, Magnus was dealing with the distressed girl on his arm. He eventually stepped out of her clinging hands and Alec followed inside.

He didn't take the time to inspect the decor, which he was sure was tacky and horrible. His eyes searched for the threat.

 _The sooner this is over with, the sooner I can go home_ , he figured.

"You all right?"

Alec looked over at Magnus. Was he exuding fear?

"I always do this with Isabelle and Jace. And they're not here. And I can't call them."

"Why not?" Magnus asked.

Alec gave Magnus his most pitiful look, begging him for forgiveness for his childish fears. Magnus just nodded. "You'll do great without them. I can help you."

For the longest moment, Alec forgot that Magnus was more than just his date. He was a powerful warlock underneath the glittering exterior, capable of more things than Alec could fathom.

While they encouraged one another, a growl came from another room, capturing their attention. Alec moved faster, creeping towards the sound. He wasn't sure he was capable of taking down a pissed off werewolf alone. A mildly disgruntled one. . .

He focused on the werewolf, it's yellow eyes glimmering in the low light of the lounge. Shattered glasses had fallen around it. It sat back on it's haunches, just as prepared as Alec was for a fight.

A girl was screaming something behind them and Alec shook his head free of the girl's noise.

The werewolf was just as distracted with the noise. Alec took a step towards it-- a step too far. It sprung free like it was coming free of a cage, diving at Alec with a bark. Alec rolled aside, jumping onto a tabletop. He could see a pool stick rolling on the ground just feet away. He bounded across the tables, the werewolf following at a distance. He jumped down, grabbing the stick and rolling away. As he landed on his feet again, he slammed the pool stick against a table top, breaking the tip off, just enough to create a serrated edge.

"Alexander!" Alec's head snapped to look at Magnus. It happened in slow motion. He could see the werewolf taking advantage of his distraction, a paw swiping down-- a paw tipped with razors. He ditched the pool stick tumbling towards Magnus.

"You have to stay back," Alec ordered as a ball of blue fire went hurling past his head. He watched as it tossed the werewolf against the wall where she would probably be dazed for a moment. He turned back to Magnus who was fixed with determination. Alec wasn't trying to be selfless; the werewolf was pissed and Magnus was at risk.

"You have to remember I'm a warlock."

"I know," Alec said, trying to move on with the conversation. "I just want--" What did he want? He wanted to protect Magnus. Because he cared about him. "I think--" A growl turned his head back towards the slowly rising wolf. "I think you made her mad."

"Those are some excellent observational skills you have there, Alexander."

Alec put his hands on Magnus' shoulder, pushing him out of the lounge but Magnus was pulling him with.

Alec broke away, running towards the girl, who must have meant something to the werewolf-- otherwise she wouldn't've been there. The sprinting was just enough to distract the werewolf.

He wasn't a yard from the now terrified girl when he was thrown effortlessly into a mirror. It cracked beneath him, but he was ready, jumping and reaching for the chandelier.

He swung for a second as the werewolf searching for him on the ground. Then he dropped, landing in a crouch. He had the upper hand for a second, knowing where the werewolf was.

"Stupid, sexy Shadowhunters," Magnus was mumbling far too loudly. Alec smiled as Magnus called his name. He kept his attention focused on the werewolf across the bar.

"Alexander, let's do this together," Magnus called, his voice almost like a warning or a teacher's correction. A spider web glowing with blue light started coming at Alec headed for the wolf. He knew better than to be caught in the web. As the first wave hit, the wolf shook her head, sending stray fur flying. Alec dodged them, heading towards the wolf.

Her whimpers were potent and pitying. Whatever Magnus was doing had rendered her immobile. She staggered on her feet as Alec approached, with more caution now. Finally she fell and Alec put a knee on her chest which was rising and falling heavily. He hadn't bothered to take off his belt after practice so it was still equipped with everything but weapons.

He pulled a yard of rope out, tying it around her neck. The blue light faded and the room returned to it's comfortable darkness. The werewolf cried and tried to snap at him but he kept her down until she started shaking, morphing beneath Alec. He caught the girl as she gave her last few shutters, a torn dress covering her in all the right places.

She pulled away from his touch at the same time he started to back away. Alec jumped to his feet, letting the more empathizing Magnus take over. Magnus threw his coat around her, as she looked up at them with sad eyes.

"Did I. . . please, did I hurt anybody?"

"No," Alec said, finding the right words for once tonight. "No, you didn't hurt anyone at all."

Magnus was glancing back at him, with one arm still around the girl. He looked almost proud of Alec.

"There was someone with me. . ."

"She was scratched," Magnus answered. "She's fine. I healed her."

"But I hurt her," the girl cried, raising her hands to her face.

Alec stepped back up to her, kneeling by her, opposite Magnus. He put a hand on her back, right where Isabelle liked to be touched.

"She's fine. You didn't-- I know you didn't want to hurt her, that you didn't want to hurt anyone. You can't help being what you are. You're going to figure it all out."

"She forgives you," Magnus said, as Marcy watched Alec.

"Oh my God, you're a Shadowhunter," she said. "What are you going to do to me? No. I'm sorry. You stopped me. If you hadn't been here-- whatever you do to me, I deserve it."

"I'm not going to do anything to you," Alec said, mostly because he was exhausted and reporting such a small and harmless incident wouldn't be worth the hassle. She had learned her lesson tonight. "I meant what I said. I'm not going to tell anyone. I promise."

Marcy pulled the coat tight about her.

"Thank you. Thank you both."

"Marcy?" Everyone looked up as the girl from earlier came running in.

"Adrienne!"

Adrienne slid to Marcy's side, taking Alec's spot as he jumped back and up to his feet. He offered Magnus a hand as the girls reunited.

When Magnus was to his feet, they both were awestruck with Marcy kissing Adrienne.

It had less to do with the plot twist and more to do with the public declaration of love.

Alec wanted nothing more in the world than to kiss Magnus like that, right there, at that very moment.

People began floating in and the girls broke apart, now with their arms wrapped around one another, their eyes closed, ignoring the outside world.

"You're pretty snappily dressed for a dogcatcher," the bartender said as he approached Magnus and Alec. Granted, Magnus had given up half his outfit to Marcy, but he still looked like the personification of a million dollars.

"Thank you very much," Magnus said, raising his shoulders again, and resuming his posterity.

They watched the crowd for a moment, standing over the girls as their protectors from the sea of carelessly placed steps.

"That was nice, what you said to her," Magnus said.

"Uh. . . it was nothing," Alec said, decidedly, looking back at Magnus. He looked sharper and more angled in the purple-ish glow of the club. They lit up his red pants, and sparkled the blue in his hair. "I mean, that's what we're here for, aren't we? Shadowhunters, I mean. We have to help anyone who needs help. We have to protect people."

It was that simple. He just wished his life could match that. Help people. Save people. Life was easier when it was black and white.

"I don't think we're going to get a drink in here; there's much too long a line," Magnus said. "Let's have a nightcap back at my place."

They slipped through the crowd, back out onto the street where it was somehow cooler, even in the summer.

"I'm really glad your friend called you to help that girl," Alec said, as they walked towards the towering and glowing Brooklyn Bridge. "I'm really glad you asked me along. I was-- I was surprised you did, after how things were going before."

"I was worried you were having a terrible time," Magnus confessed, looking over at him.

"No," Alec said quickly. Though it was a bit of a lie. There had been moments. "No, that's not it at all. Did I seem-- I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," Magnus said, shaking his head.

"It was my fault," Alec spilled. "I got everything wrong even before I showed up, and you knew how to order at the restaurant and I had to stop myself from laughing at that song on the subway. I have no idea what I'm doing and you're--" How could he possible describe Magnus tonight? Glowing?Amazingly hot? One of the most attractive people he'd ever managed to speak more than three words to? "--um, glamorous."

"What?" Magnus asked. There was a horrible pause as Alec feared he completely messed up his words. "I thought that terrible song was hilarious."

Alec couldn't hold back the laughter now. They fell into one another as they kept walking, laughing about this inside joke that they'd now share forever. The Butt Song.

Alec didn't move his head away from Magnus' shoulder even after the laughter had faded into occasional giggles.

"Magnus?" Alec asked, tilting his head up.

"Yes, Alexander?"

"Could I hold your hand?"

It felt like such a childish thing to say but after tonight's ups and downs he didn't know where he stood. Asking permission made him feel safer.

"Of course," Magnus said. Their fingers intertwined in the dark. Never had something fit so perfectly into his life, Alec decided. They were like the puzzle pieces with the weird edges, making it ten times more difficult to find the match.

Alec felt so perfectly serene. The weather was perfect. The scene was perfect. The moment was perfect and completely unforgettable.

......

Magnus pushed the front door open, and Alec was already a thousand steps ahead of him. They started climbing together, still holding each other's hands like the other was the most precious and fleeting thing in the world.

Alec just wanted Magnus to look at him. When he finally did, they froze, halfway up the stairs, and most definitely not in private. Alec caught him by the arm, just above his elbow.

"Magnus," Alec whispered, his lips aching to do something more than mumble his name. He leaned towards Magnus, not stopping until his lips were just barely brushing Magnus'. Alec's mind was a peaceful sort of empty. There was nothing to focus on but the great Magnus Bane.

Magnus' hands were at his waist, every once in awhile fingers brushing his stomach, sending explosions through him.

Then his fingers were hooking in the belt loops of Alec's jeans, pulling Alec closer with a little tug, that made Alec gasp. Magnus was right against him, every possible centimeter touching.

God, if this was love, then it was amazing.

Alec stepped Magnus back into the banister, never loosing contact with him. Alec couldn't control the little gasps he made every time Magnus' cool hands swooped up under his shirt. He felt inexperienced but at the same time, incredibly in control.

"Apartment," Magnus finally mumbled. Alec realized how light-headed he was as he tried to make it up the stairs, his lips still interlocked with Magnus'. They couldn't separate for fear of losing the other forever.

There was a crash of the door slamming open at a wave of Magnus' hand. They both opened a single eye in unison. Alec out of instinct, Magnus out of fear of broken doors.

Alec was ready to move on. He left Magnus' mouth, trailing down his cheek, to his ear, where he traced down Magnus' carotid artery. A single slice of a knife, in the very spot where Alec lingered for a moment in the middle of the line, would kill him. It was a pressure point and Magnus gasped at the pressure of Alec's lips and teeth.

So this was kissing. This was lust. This was want. This was what his siblings went out on Friday nights for.

"Alec-- Fu--" Alec was back at his lips again, and Magnus balled his fists in Alec's t-shirt, demanding him to follow. They fell together onto the couch, Alec on top. Magnus pulled him down and closer, copying Alec's earlier line of kisses.

The pain was amazing. As much as he wanted to pull away, to say "stop," and end it, he wanted to keep going, to see how far they would go. He wanted Magnus so he fell into him.

Magnus' hands were under his shirt now and Alec tried to focus his attention on the way his hands slid effortlessly along him, just exploring, trying to know him.

Alec pulled his lips away, exerting massive self control and cast his eyes down at buttons on Magnus' vest. He start with the top one, expertly undoing them until he could slip his own hands under Magnus' shirt, retracing the lines Magnus had drawn on his skin early now on him.

It was amazing to get to touch another person, however he wanted. He knew his hands were shaking but he couldn't help it. He was filled with an incredulous fear of doing something wrong but was also terrified of not knowing.

Magnus put a hand on his cheek, and Alec turned his face to his lips could gently kiss his palm.

"Alexander," Magnus sighed. "Maybe we should wait a second." He was pushing Alec back.

Alec sprung to his feet, now on the other side of the couch. He wanted distance between him and Magnus-- something he didn't feel he was capable of having two seconds ago.

"Did I do something wrong?" By the Angel, he sounded like a child.

"No. Far from it."

"Are you sending me home?"

Magnus put his hands up, sitting up.

"I have no interest in telling you what to do, Alexander." Alec loved the way he spoke his full name; with such elegance and ease. Like it was something to be cherished, not condensed an spoken without care. "I don't want to persuade you to do anything or convince you not to do anything. I'm just saying that you might want to stop and think for a moment. And then you can decide-- whatever you want to decide."

He wanted to say he had thought it through. But he hadn't. The night had been full of ups and downs and for the longest time, Alec wanted nothing more than to be alone in his own bed. But now when he was faced with the actual choice of staying or going he couldn't commit to either.

His feet paced on their own accord as he scratched his head.

He couldn't force Magnus into a secret relationship, hidden from everyone but themselves. But at the same time, his thoughts were selfish. Alec wanted Magnus and for once, he needed to think about himself.

"I should probably go home," Alec said. He had ended in front of the door.

"Probably," Magnus said. But he looked sad.

"I don't want to."

"I don't want you to. But if you don't. . ."

Alec crossed the room one last time. "Goodbye, then." He leaned in for what was a simple kiss in his head but he knew it wouldn't end with that. He grabbed Magnus by the stupid vest, pulling him towards him. His foot slipped, and he was certain that's how the ended up on the floor, Alec hovering over him. He pressed harder into Magnus than he had all night, determined to absorb the memory of this and carry it with him until he was able to see Magnus again.

"Oh, God," Magnus moaned as Alec kissed him right underneath his chin.

A clock chimed somewhere in the apartment and Alec jumped to his feet like Cinderella at midnight.

He hurried towards the doorframe then remember Magnus, head still thrown back against the wooden floor.

"Can I see you again?"

"Yes," Magnus said, tilting his head up to get a last glimpse of Alec. His head was cocked to one side, as if he could understand Alec at all. "I'd like that."

"Um, so-- next Friday night?"


	54. A Letter of Resignation.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the author does not post a Malec one-shot.

Hello, lovely,

In case you haven't noticed, this is not a one shot, though my title is witty enough to possibly, make you guess that.

I'm Alex. Hi. You probably know me from other Author's Notes. I'm the obnoxious one. Yes. See? Now do you remember me?

So I have made a decision: Piano Days is going to come to an end.

Maybe you're freaking out now.

Maybe you're relieved because you're finally going to be able to move on with your life.

Maybe you're like, finally no more angst! A ray of sunshine has broken through the clouds of pain and romantic suffering!

I'm somewhere in the middle.

Life is getting hard and for some reason, this thing, that requires absolutely no commitment, has added some stress to my life. Even though I haven't been updating as much, I have actually been writing a ton. But I can't finish what I start and that's infuriating for the perfectionist in me.

Also, this has gone on for over a year! A year of writing and ideas and over four dozen stories of our boys falling in love! And my writing style has grown so much! Just go back and look at some of my earlier stuff. It's not very good. And I have beat this ship to a pulp, then juiced the pulp, until there's pulpy pulp. I don't want my writing to be degraded to crap because I've tried to juice the pulpy pulp.

Okay.

Focusing again.

If this upsets you, I'm sorry (I love you all for making it this far, don't kill me), but the good news is, if I happen to get a crazy idea that can only apply to Malec and I find the time to write it to the level I want it to be at, then I'll probably publish it. That's the nice thing about the "Completed" button. There's no real commitment. That's why this isn't a funeral service: there is no permanence in this, like there is in the finality of death. This is more like a coma, where revival is a possibility, with the odds depending on various factors that may or may not come into play.

Morbid...

As for other things, if you've read The Song of Achilles, I have Patrochilles one-shots. If you've read The Raven Cycle series, Adam and Ronan are my babies and I believe that I can channel Gansey and I have fic for them. I don't plan on giving up on Shadowhunters fanfic completely; we'll see what the future brings.

I'm also still an obnoxious blogger on Tumblr and anything I write in the future will probably be posted there as well as here (but I figure most of you will want to remove this from your library). My TMI-only blog is alexanders-sweaters and my new URL is ganseys-mint-plant and that's my primary blog where you can see my face and my thoughts more often. If you happen to follow me on there now, you know I'm not just a horrible blogger and that I love talking to people, and making friends. I love meeting new people and the most exciting part of my day is my internet friends. If you'd like to keep in touch with something other than Tumblr, I also have a Gmail account, specifically for this purpose, just inbox me for that. And if anyone wants me to check out their fics, just let me know. I'm here to help!

I appreciate everyone who ever took time to comment. I really do read every single comment.

But all of you were the reason for this. All of you got Piano Days from a stupid song fic to way too many eclectic one shots. And I thank you so much for this. It was truly something I never imagined happening to me.

I'm going to ask two more things from you:

1\. Comment your favorite Malec fics from Wattpad, AO3, Fanfic.net, Tumblr, wherever so that we can all continue to bask in the glory that is Magnus Bane and Alec Lightwood and see how other writers do our boys. Even if it's your own fic (self-promotion is okay, go on ahead)! Also, because I love a good fanfic.

2\. No matter, who you are, how much you've commented, how much you've liked, how much you've laughed or cried with my fanfics, if you could just write your name in the comments, just so I can see who's come and gone, I'd really appreciate it as sort of a scrapbook to this lovely work.

Anyways.

This isn't goodbye.

Thank you for inspiring me and pushing my writing to new levels.

Anything but Goodbye,

Alex.


End file.
